Dealing with a woman who's gone radio silent during lock down

Randy_91

Space Monkey
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I have a been around the pickup scene on and off for a long time. I don’t date a lot of women but when I do, I have no problems getting them interested in me and sleeping with them. I have a good understanding of being an alpha male, non-needy and how to pass shit tests etc.

However, I am in my early forties now and really just want a steady girlfriend to settle down with.

I have been seeing a woman since December and having sex with her since the second date. I agreed that she could be my girlfriend around February and things seem to go fine for a month then all of a sudden she dumped me out of the blue. Her reasoning was that I never gave her compliments or appreciated the things she did for me and that she didn’t feel that I was all that into her. I seen straight through this and basically told her that what she was saying is very far from the truth and that I was into her but if that’s how she feels then fair enough Ill go my own way. After around 6 days of no contact, she started messaging me again and I managed to turn it around.

Things were then going ok for another month but then this lockdown came into effect end of March and threw a spanner in the works. At first, things were fine, she was still texting me and we even met up outside in a park a couple of time to go for a walk. She would video call me now and again but the conversations were a bit boring. She has an autistic son that is hard to look after so the conversations generally revolved around his antics. I am a software developer and I’m working from home so there really hasn’t been anything exciting happening on my end either.

We are now into the 7th week of the lockdown in the UK and things have really taken a turn for the worst and its kind of thrown me off. As time, as gone on she, has started cutting conversations short, not responding to messages quickly, never texts first and generally seems less interested. I did become a bit complacent and have probably come across as a bit week or needy by messaging her just to check-in etc. It was my birthday around the 20th of April and she did turn up at my door out of the blue with a cake and hand made the card so she was obviously still thinking about me at that point. But since then it has slipped away. Her son goes into respite care once a week and we would normally arrange to go for a walk or something that day. The last time I suggested we do so she agreed but then hit me up with last-minute excuse 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet. She never offered to rearrange or anything so I didn’t ask her again, a week later on the same day I had not heard from her so I messaged her just asking what she was up to. She got back to me about 2 hours later just telling me that she has used the time when her son was away to clean up the yard and pick up garbage from the lane outside. I haven’t heard from her since.

I know its lockdown and she probably doesn’t want to break the rules but what that told me was that she would rather go pick up garbage than spend time with me.

My instincts are telling me that she has either completely lost all interest or she is chatting to another guy. She is literally never off Facebook as I can see when she is active.

I know my only option is to go no contact and wait and see if she gets back to me. But how should I respond if she does? My instincts are to pull her up about it and explain that this kind of behaver is not acceptable if she wants to maintain a relationship with me but then that might just make me look even needier. I would just walk away if she messaged me wanting to break up. And if she never gets back to me should I ever reach out to her again and how would I go about it? The sex was still very passionate right up until the lockdown which makes me think all is not lost but it's looking like we have at least another month of lockdown to go.
 

ieatapples

Space Monkey
space monkey
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all of a sudden she dumped me out of the blue. Her reasoning was that I never gave her compliments or appreciated the things she did for me and that she didn’t feel that I was all that into her.
I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but are you sure you want to try to have a girl with this kind of instability for a long term partner? Seems like a bit of a red flag to me.

I think you want to have another shot at this girl the your best bet is no contact and hitting up other women. If she gets back in touch, be aloof and don't start bringing up the past stuff. Don't let her know it even so much as made you scratch a hair on your head! I would suggest you txt for a short bit, then cool off and reach out again later with a "hey it's been a while, fancy hanging out" and guage from there.
 

DML

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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If you only talk about her son I understand why she lose interest. You are too much provider. Mix it up, talk about the two of you and move towards more sexual topics. Other than that, push for a meet up where you really can spice things up. I don't know the rules where you are from regarding corona but I'm pretty sure you are allowed to see your girlfriend? I wrote about how I revive dead numbers. It's more or less the same process you have to do:
Although, if you can then get her on the phone it would be prefered. It's easier to remove objections, which she might have because of corona.
 

FunGuy

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Shes not into you at all dude. Focus on doing other things to keep yourself busy until the quarantine is over.
 

Fluxcapacitor

Cro-Magnon Man
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@DML dude! In the UK it's still rather restricted at the moment, a few weeks ago they let you meet up with 1 person you don't live with (one at a time), as long as it's outdoors and you keep 2 meters apart. Considering she has an autistic kid who's most possibly considered high risk she's probably following these rules. Most girls tend to be sticking to them.

Pushing to meet up when she's slow at replying or radio silent is uncalibrated, looks desperate and it's chasing and needy.

@FunGuy not necessarily dude! With the stress of the lockdown and an autistic kid this could be a big drama storm or a huge mood swing. There's articles on handling drama and mood swings, on serious moods girls response times vary to normal and can stop altogether. This is where you act unfazed, non emotional, non needy and they'll engage when/if they're interested.

@Randy_91 dude! You've got to wait while she's like this. Don't reach out, that's on her you've done all you can. You cant really turn girls around by text, it's words on a screen. Trying to use her desire and emotions won't work because she can choose when to respond, construct messages, get back llots of shit dude.

The issue here (similar to what I'm dealing with) is if she's depressed when she gets in touch you need to be normal and unaffected. This will be attractive rather than being emotional and hurt by her behaviour.

If she's not depressed and she's acting up because she's lost attraction, you have to go no contact, show that you don't need her and meet other girls. This will be good for you and can work on preselection/social proof if she sees you with them.

You run a risk that she kicks off that you don't care for her. This is a shit test, you messaged her and she ignored it. She doesn't deserve more of your time and effort at the moment. She decided to pick up shit rather than meet you dude! (Meeting might be impossible)

Another issue with not being able to meet and talking for 2 month is its not good for seduction. You're either going to fuck up, she's going to get to much attention without you getting physical with her or she's going to backward rationalise that you're not dominant/ sexy enough to make sex happen, there's a problem or you would have fucked without considering it's impossible due to her behaviour. She won't acknowledge that.

Keep radio silent yourself and wait for her to get in touch dude
 

DML

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Late answer - I've been busy. @Fluxcapacitor If you read the post I linked, you would understand the texting process I adviced him to use when pushing for a date. aka. calibrating after her reaction to his texts. That's neither uncalibrated, needy nor chasing.
 

Fluxcapacitor

Cro-Magnon Man
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@DML dude! I'm familiar with your post you linked I read and liked it when you first uploaded it. My thought process was she's gone silent on @Randy_91 or taking a while to reply, following your guide it'll be difficult to build a yes ladder.

Offer something of value but it takes a while for a response if he gets one. If she does respond it'll most likely be logical and questions, so you try to be positive, playful, flirty and reframe and judging by the emotional and distant behaviour shown she either stops talking or takes an age to reply at which point you'd struggle to gain positive momentum for the meet up. Pushing to meet could be seen as chasing behaviour as she currently wants space. Granted this is a bad scenario, she might be positive and receptive at which case go for it!

My biggest thought on this (also being in the UK) is the meeting restrictions and I know a lot of people following them to the letter. With her having a kid that's possibly high risk makes the chances of meeting unlikely and pushing for a meet seem un empathetic to her situation and coming off socially clueless.

Judging from the former break up they had she shows tendencies for big mood swings. A serious mood can alter her response rates and even stop them altogether as we've seen here. This is difficult to deal with over text, it's something that's best dealt with in person.

Sending something of value as you suggest is a good ice breaker to test the waters, I'd just be tempted to let them come back to you after doing all the provider shit. (The advice for dealing with a mood has the last line saying nice guys eat your heart out, he's already done that. I wouldn't invest more). Just my thoughts on this situation dude! Your text guide for it kicks ass and is a great blue print dude!
 

Randy_91

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@Fluxcapacitor Thanks for the reply I am in Scotland so we are still in full lockdown until the 28th. She ended up breaking up with me and here is what happened now that I have had time to think it through with a clear head. I got a message from her at some point after my original post on here just kind of asking how I was doing etc. I replied then said in a joking manner why don't you grab a bottle of wine and come over this weekend. She responded in a negative sort of cheeky way using the excuse of its no wonder this is going on so long if people keep breaking the rules and that she didn't want to take any risks as her gran might be going into hospital bla bla. I was ok cool see ya later. I then never contacted her again and went no contact. Got a text from her last night after about 8 days with her saying in a very nonchalant way.

"Hey sorry iv not been in touch lately this is a weird situation and it's not going to get much better any time soon. So iv been thinking I have kinda got used to being on my own again and I have decided to just concentrate on myself and the kids so I'm just going to call it day with things between us. It's nothing personal I wish you all the best."

I responded with "ok no worries Mrs, I realised that relationship was dead a while ago. Funny how things can do a 180 like that. All the best, no hard feelings" And left it like that. She replied with I'm sure you'll meet someone who can't do a 180 as easy as I can. I just never said anything more.


When the relationship first started this girl couldn't get enough of me. She was texting me every night and was asking things like "I would really like to know where I stand with you cause I really care about you bla bla" "Who am I kidding You'll probably run a mile when you meet my son." She would turn up at my place when I had arranged to meet her and bring me little gifts and really go out of her way to please me. It's only after weeks of this and the first time she dumped me that I kind of softened my approach and look what happened she did a complete 180 turn on me.

You hit the nail on the head when you talked about not being able to meet and just texting for 2 months is not good for seduction. That is exactly what has happened. It came across as week and needy even though there was not much I could have done about it without us breaking the law. And rationally she knows this but as far as her feelings go it was still a display of beta behaviour and it turned her off. It came across like over persuing and she reacted instinctively.

This is all prime example of how female attraction really works. It does not matter how much they loved you or wanted you in the past, as soon as you stop displaying the alpha qualities that attracted her in the first place you're done. It is completely based on how they are feeling at that moment and there is nothing you can do about it. All women behave like this, it's as certain as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west.
 

Fluxcapacitor

Cro-Magnon Man
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@Randy_91 dude! I'm not a big fan of saying you realised it was dead a while ago even though you did realise, it has a sub context of expected failure to me and can be miss interpreted as bitter through text but I don't think that matters much to be fair.

I'm not sure what you want here but you didn't play it to bad and after this blows over if you maintain the no contact rule for now she might even turn 180 again. Not reaching out to her and showing that you're fine on your own is attractive but I never give anyone a second chance. I'll take them back as a lover but never anything more.

It's a difficult time at the moment and I find girls particularly aren't coping very well. Trying to maintain a relationship when they're stressed isn't going to work, it's unnecessary stress and when you can't fuck them at all they're not submitting regularly so maintaining desire and attraction is so difficult. You won't be the only fatality of it, slimjim suffered the same fate dude
 

Randy_91

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@Fluxcapacitor I hear you and not really wanting anything just thought I'd write a follow up to explain what happened.

Its actually quite funny reading slimjims post again. I was also with her on the night the lockdown was announced and we had a really good night. She was very passionate while we fucked more so than normal as if to show me her feelings.

In hindsight what I should have done was call it off as soon as it was clear she wasn't going to break the rules and keep fucking me. I should have just said something along the lines of "get back in touch after this is all over and we can take it from there". TBH I don't think she will do another 180 shes had over 8 weeks now to get to used to not seeing me. And it will be another two or 3 months before any real semblance of normality returns and I can take a girl out etc. If she does come crawling back out of the woodwork and contacts me Ill play it cool and make her work to win me back. I have already started working on new girls from online dating although there is not much i can do to move things forward in these current circumstances.
 
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ieatapples

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@Randy_91You won't be the only fatality of it, slimjim suffered the same fate dude
As did I @Randy_91

You're not alone in this! I had a great thing going with a girl I'd met just before lockdown and it's gone the perfect pear shape. We really can't do anything with distance and texting, it's an attraction killer - and yet women still insist on it as a means to communicate at this time!

I'm also in Scotland (shout out to you!) and I'm unfortunately located in a smaller city where the choice of women is either students (who are all gone for the summer) or the washed up. All my options exist long distance and I've never been more blue balled in my life. About 3 in 4 girls, whom are interested in me, refuse to meet for all the lockdown reasons and refuse to see statistical risks - but they'll happily keep texting! It's their perfect validation. And make no mistake, as soon as lockdown ends, I will not be the first person they try to hook up with. Men really need go into hibernation mode right now or be completely upfront with what we want and demand before engaging any further with a girl.

Anyway, that's just my rambling and I hope it helps you move forward.
 

Randy_91

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As did I @Randy_91

You're not alone in this! I had a great thing going with a girl I'd met just before lockdown and it's gone the perfect pear shape. We really can't do anything with distance and texting, it's an attraction killer - and yet women still insist on it as a means to communicate at this time!

I'm also in Scotland (shout out to you!) and I'm unfortunately located in a smaller city where the choice of women is either students (who are all gone for the summer) or the washed up. All my options exist long distance and I've never been more blue balled in my life. About 3 in 4 girls, whom are interested in me, refuse to meet for all the lockdown reasons and refuse to see statistical risks - but they'll happily keep texting! It's their perfect validation. And make no mistake, as soon as lockdown ends, I will not be the first person they try to hook up with. Men really need go into hibernation mode right now or be completely upfront with what we want and demand before engaging any further with a girl.

Anyway, that's just my rambling and I hope it helps you move forward.
I'm in a smaller city also mate, one of the few good things about this chick was that she was local to me. Only lives a couple of miles away so it was handy. I know what you mean about being washed up. It's all over the hill single mothers that are on online dating in my local town or younger hot chicks that are just after validation. Like I said i should have just called it off at the start of this shit.

Id PM you mate so find out where you are but there doesn't seem to be an option on this.
 

Fluxcapacitor

Cro-Magnon Man
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@ieatapples dude! With the radio silence this girl wasn't even insisting on texting. My fuck buddies have went radio silent so it's not uncommon at the moment.

I think @Teevster hit the nail on the head in a post in the general forum when he said that "girls sex drives are below 0" which means they have no real interest in a lover or even a provider due to the stress of the lockdown for them.

This means maintaining a boy/girl relationship isn't a priority to them, you're out of sight and out of mind and there's nothing you can do about it with the restrictions in place. Any other shit going on is a distraction and if you keep talking to them you're in the same boat as any other orbiter. The difference is the intimacy, physicality - fucking them. If you're not fucking they're not feeling connected.

I don't know how to handle this situation, I originally advised not reaching out and let them come to you when they're ready, but if it goes a month or more of silence you'd possibly have to reach out to the girls because they're typically more reserved on making moves. I'm conflicted myself on this.

@Randy_91 dude you're not yet ranked high enough to DM you need to be a space monkey. That's 10 posts minimum dude
 

Randy_91

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The trouble is once this is all over you will still be in the beta orbiter boat and it will probably be very difficult to get out of it. I think if it goes beyond two months of radio silence it's probably game over and her interest has dropped to near zero. At that point causally reaching out cant really do any harm. It would almost be like starting over again. Just don't be beta in any way.
 
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