Dealing with boastful/fake people

[Estate]

Guys,
This came up in another thread recently, it's also something that dominated my Friday night and I wanted to ask you guys.

Normally in a group or when meeting people, I try to be friendly and chat a little to everyone. But recently through work and other things I just find the idea of "networking" and "boasting" just seems such a big thing in the city. Even when people step out to a casual environment, they won't shut it off.

Some things from last night meeting a new group:
- One guy would only talk to me about how good he was with women. Yet would not approach a woman. This is VERY common with guys, "I banged this girl bro..." but you never see them talk to girls...
- Another boasted how could/does cheat on his girlfriend ALL the time, he's so good at getting women. When pointed out a hot girl to me, I invited him to approach her, to which he chickened out "But I have a girlfriend!"
- Another asked me and another guy to get a picture with them, we smiled and as the picture was taken he held up a fist full of money. Then as he got some attention, he ripped up the money as if it was nothing. Apparently he brings fake bills out to appear richer than he is.
- Another told me 7 times in 2 minutes how much his apartment cost (which was a lot but hard to believe he actually earns that much, he works a position below me)... just so I'd know how much money he has.
- It's really common that guys will ask something like "So what do you do?" and when you reply, give a snide smirk to make you feel less than them.

It's weird, it's almost like these guys learn a lot of GirlChase-type material but it's mis-interpreted. They take the "fundamentals" too far and don't understand it.
When being alpha or dominanat, it's ends up like a pissing contest as they insist everyone must feel beneath them. I find it difficult to get along with.

I just have a low tolerance for BS. I was always introverted before I begun this. While I now enjoy meeting and talking to people, I only enjoy it when it's someone nice or who I feel good about. When I can tell someone is BSing me, It makes me weary and I don't like to talk to or deal with them.

 

[Richard]

Estate,

I'm in the same boat as you with regards to boastful and fake people because that's how my dad is - always changing up his story to make himself look better in whatever situation he's in. Really fucking irritates me...

I digress though. Boastful people, when they talk, are interested in nothing other than themselves - so even if you attempt to knock them down a few pegs it feeds into their mindless yapping, or draws attention to them from others (something else they want). If you're like me, Estate, then you'd walk away from these boasters feeling agitated because you know that they've got no gull despite their big talk and you'd like to expose that to everyone but simply can't.

What I've found works is standing around but averting your attention elsewhere (if it's a one to one conversation) - just looking away, or picking up your phone and shooting a text - it communicates that you don't care about whatever they're bragging about and it usually gets them to stop talking about themselves which allows you to initiate a new conversation towards something more meaningful.

In group situations - I tend to just walk away from the arrogance because I'm at a loss for what to do as well.

-Richard

 

[trashKENNUT]

Boastful people are not so bad people.

There's another group of people, and that is people whom you think are friends and cool but then take over your spot when you not expecting them.

That is worse.

Zac

 

[Verisimilitude]

I know a guy just like this. He constantly shows off how much his car is worth and how big his house is. To top it all off, he's never wrong (in his mind anyways). Trying to be in a group with him is just so frustrating because he'll never admit that he's wrong. I think a good solution is to just walk away, but I'm sure there's a better way too.

 

[Estate]

Richard and others...

Well, glad to know it's not just me then
I absolutely agree that when someone boasts too much, I tend to sort of "zone out" or divert my attention. Hope they get the message (usually not). That however works when it's one person in a group.

Lately I'm running into this more and more. The majority of groups I meet seem like this.

It's all about trying to see above people, be it in talking down to someone as if they are your superior, constantly talking about the women they have in their life (but never seeing them with any women), talking about the big things they own (which mostly they turn out not to), talking up their connections, etc...
It's just so prevailant as you try to move "up", it's like a small dick measuring contest between them all.

The funny thing is I'm just more understated, GC has thought me to meet women much more easily, but I rarely talk about it or "show it off" to guys, I consider it my private life and keep it to myself, part of the reason I don't tend to even post FR's.

I'm wondering if these guys enjoy it though, I can't wait to get away from these people but I feel like the odd one out sometimes in a group by not wanting to engage in it. I find if conversation doesn't flow and makes me weary, I can't keep going with it. Essentially these guys are constantly trying to "qualify" me and others around them, but again, they take the whole idea of "qualifying" wrong, they are essentially "negging" everyone as even if you ever manage to qualify yourself to their requests, they just up the ante again to show you don't measure up.
But I'm starting to almost feel like you "have" to do this nowadays.

 

[Richard]

I find if conversation doesn't flow and makes me weary

Definitely a quality of us introverts - it's a phenomenal intuitive skill though because it makes it really easy to weed out the people who fit "you" and the people who don't and it sounds like the people around you "don't."

I'm wondering if these guys enjoy it though, I can't wait to get away from these people but I feel like the odd one out sometimes in a group by not wanting to engage in it. I find if conversation doesn't flow and makes me weary, I can't keep going with it. Essentially these guys are constantly trying to "qualify" me and others around them, but again, they take the whole idea of "qualifying" wrong, they are essentially "negging" everyone as even if you ever manage to qualify yourself to their requests, they just up the ante again to show you don't measure up.
But I'm starting to almost feel like you "have" to do this nowadays.

Situations like this are the hardest to deal with - from the few times I've been around people like this it ran like this. I saw their constant qualifying and negging as their own weakness because the truly great and powerful men are the easiest to talk to (they got to be so great and respected by knowing how to talk to people at their core as you know) but boastful guys can do nothing except talk their way into power which you see but others don't... so it becomes a matter of your feelings vs. their boasting vs. people's judgement...

If you walk away then you appear to be weaker - making them feel better about themselves, and possibly hurting other opportunities you have to make good connections.

Though - if I was single I'd ditch them (excusing myself from that group) to actually approach some of the hotter women in the room, and regardless of my status I'd approach the highest value person in the room (if you know who he/she is, or they are) and talk to them then head back to the original group afterwards -then they can't neg you down or qualify you because you'll have done what they can't do.

I'm curious to see what other advanced members can say about this,

-Richard

 

[trashKENNUT]

Estate,

I been in situations in my National service where if you enter as a new place, No matter what you do, you never seem to measure up. Who is this group of people, and why are you feeling responsible to them?

The thing is, if you are feeling responsible to them because of maybe long term work, network or contract and all that crap, Just play it along. Smile, At most just be silent.

Most people are weak minded, That's why they are there. Most people don't know themselves, That's why they do those things too much. You have to learn and see how to handle this kind of shit (politics) if you want to mix in the upper hierarchy (if they are, IF not, Don't give a fuck about them). You see this in the modelling industry with gay guys, Some are cool, some not so. Eventually, people let loose of you, and for me, people like me afterawhile. The problem is when you are put in a pedestal later on, and this are people who put you there are people you don't know anything of, or you just meet.

Chase said something like this, some time ago "The higher you go, the more devious things can be." which means here are the backstabbing, backbiting and subtle attacks and changing directions for personal interest.

Zac

 

[Drck]

" One guy would only talk to me about how good he was with women. Yet would not approach a woman. This is VERY common with guys, "I banged this girl bro..." but you never see them talk to girls..."

IMO this one is actually easy to explain. You go to a place where there is 100 women. When you approach say all 100 girls you'll find out that that only 30 of them are somehow interested. Out of these 30, only 10 would go out with you because they do have high interest. 20 would reject you because you approached them in some unusual way (you show too much effort), and out of these 10 only 5 would sleep with you.

So your overall success is very low, 5/100 is 5%, you have lots of rejections, lots of approaches, lots of effort. You think you are not successful with so many rejections.

Now, you stop approaching, you are just there (meaning you dont sit home but are around those 100 women). 80% of those women are "gone" right away because they are not really interested, and you are left with 20 that have some interest. By having some experience, you can recognize quite high interest. For example, she approaches you when you show that you are interested. By knowing some signs, how they interact with you, what they say and do, you can eliminate half of them. You simply know that you would need a lot of effort to seduce them, and you "cut them off" quickly. If she is very very interested, she will actually approach you. So you are "left" with 10 women, out of them 5 approached you and you approached the other 5 in some way. Now it depends on your "skills". You dont really need too much skills because they are quite interested in you, thus quite forgiving. You can screw up a lot, but because she is interested she will forgive a lot.

You probably won't nail all 10 of them, but you might get 5. Your overall success is very high, say you also sleep with 5 woman (not because you are great seducer but because you learn to eliminate quickly those that are not interested). Your success is 5/10 or 50%. You think you have very high success rate.

At the end, both of you interacted with 100 women, and both of you slept with 5. The difference is that you are not exerting effort, you just wait till you meet those who are really interested.

So, when you point finger at random hotty and tell your friend: go ahead and seduce her, Im actually quite sceptical that anyone can. It is doable, but only if she is really interested....

 

[Smith]

IMO this one is actually easy to explain. You go to a place where there is 100 women. When you approach say all 100 girls you'll find out that that only 30 of them are somehow interested. Out of these 30, only 10 would go out with you because they do have high interest. 20 would reject you because you approached them in some unusual way (you show too much effort), and out of these 10 only 5 would sleep with you.

So your overall success is very low, 5/100 is 5%, you have lots of rejections, lots of approaches, lots of effort. You think you are not successful with so many rejections.

Now, you stop approaching, you are just there (meaning you dont sit home but are around those 100 women). 80% of those women are "gone" right away because they are not really interested, and you are left with 20 that have some interest. By having some experience, you can recognize quite high interest. For example, she approaches you when you show that you are interested. By knowing some signs, how they interact with you, what they say and do, you can eliminate half of them. You simply know that you would need a lot of effort to seduce them, and you "cut them off" quickly. If she is very very interested, she will actually approach you. So you are "left" with 10 women, out of them 5 approached you and you approached the other 5 in some way. Now it depends on your "skills". You dont really need too much skills because they are quite interested in you, thus quite forgiving. You can screw up a lot, but because she is interested she will forgive a lot.

You probably won't nail all 10 of them, but you might get 5. Your overall success is very high, say you also sleep with 5 woman (not because you are great seducer but because you learn to eliminate quickly those that are not interested). Your success is 5/10 or 50%. You think you have very high success rate.

There is a lot of assumptions with this scenario. You're assuming you and your friend are at the same level, same experience, has the same fundamentals and all the 100 women are equally cute. But in a real world setting, this is not the case. The guy who doesn't approach women won't have as MANY success as the guy who does approach simply because well he's not meeting new women. Their percentage of success might be the same, but their actual number will be different and that's what matters.

One guy would only talk to me about how good he was with women. Yet would not approach a woman. This is VERY common with guys, "I banged this girl bro..." but you never see them talk to girls...

I think this has more or less to do with the concept of old money and new money. The guy who just has new recent success will brag about it while the guy who has done it many times before will just lay back and chill.

Smith

 

[Drck]

Of course the real world is different. Everything is just relative. By increasing fundamentals you also increase number of girls that are interested in you, that approach you. By learning to cut off of girls early you are saving lots of time, and this time can be focused on another girls.

Girl might like you at first. But then she sees that you approached 3 other girls, so she thinks you are on hunt, you are chasing. She wont even give you a chance. But if she sees that 3 girls approached you, the story might be quite different.

When you approach 100 girls and you get say 30 numbers, now you have to setup 30 dates to find out which ones are really interested. But not all 30 are interested enough in you, say only 10, the rest go out with you only fir fun. So you have just wasted 20 dates, a lot of time that could have been used differently. On the other hand, if you see 20 potentially interested girls, and you learn to cut off half of them right away because the interest is nit so high, you are left with 10. Now, out of these 10 you'll setup a date only with those who approached you. You basically saved another 5 dates, but now you go out only with 5 girls who already have high interest.

Also, when you are approaching, you are giving her higher value than you have. You are the chaser, no matter what you think of it, and unless you can show some dominance your frame of a chaser will tell her that you are the one with lesser value.

I like analogies, so think of it this way. You have a great Product X, but you have no clue how to sell it. So you go on the street and start asking people, you knock in people's door and ask them to let you in so you can present your Product X. Many of those people will reject you right away, just for the fact that you aporoached them. You seem too needy, and you don't even get to show them your Product X, you have only minimal responses, many people let you in, let you present your Product X, but will "think about it". Some may of course buy it, after all it is a great Product.

Now you get smarter. You rent a little store on a busy street, and you put your Product X right in the window so everyone can see it. Right away you cut off all the people who are not interested, they will simply walk by and don't bother to stop. Only those who have interest will open the door and talk to you about your Product X. Out of those, the likelyhood that they will buy it is much greater, they saw it in the window and now they are in to find out even more.

 

[Smith]

Also, when you are approaching, you are giving her higher value than you have. You are the chaser, no matter what you think of it, and unless you can show some dominance your frame of a chaser will tell her that you are the one with lesser value.

Complimenting a girl, i.e. being direct, is you offering value to her. and if you're doing deep diving and building emotional connection all that stuff, that's also you providing value as well. I don't see how it's in anyway makes you the chaser or the guy with less value automatically, unless you come across as needy and creepy then yea. Anyway, I think we're a bit off the topic. Otherwise, I get your analogies. I guess for advanced guys like Chase, it would be more efficient for them that way to screen out girls since they're so busy.

Cheers
Smith

 

[Estate]

No man,
I don't think you're getting what I mean... I don't mean he's so good with women he doesn't hae to approach... I mean that he's full of shit.

Put it this way... if someone has to tell you constantly about how they did something or have something or are so great at something... usually the opposite is true. The guy I'm talking about here, I just met on Friday, but he was scared stiff of approaching agirl but kept telling me about all these girls he "banged".
His friend who I know for about 6 months is much the same and is beginning to piss me and other friends off. He constantly talks about the girls he's fucked, I mean, its ALL he talks about, yet he NEVER approaches a girl, I'm not sure I've even seen him talk to one, has zero game... he even told us he fucked a female friend of ours which I know for a fact is untrue.

The point is... I'm not talking about guys who are so good they have nothing to prove. I'm talking about people who will literally look you dead in the eye and tell you the biggest load of crap you've ever heard without batting an eyelid.

 

[Chase]

Hey fellas,

I'm not 100% sure what the objective you're trying to achieve here is, so it's hard to know exactly the right angle to take weighing in - e.g., are you competing with these guys for a girl, or social prestige, or...?

I *think* it's this:

I just have a low tolerance for BS. I was always introverted before I begun this. While I now enjoy meeting and talking to people, I only enjoy it when it's someone nice or who I feel good about. When I can tell someone is BSing me, It makes me weary and I don't like to talk to or deal with them.

... in other words, you're feeling socially dominated by their showboating, and it drains your energy and makes you feel crappy, and you would rather feel NOT crappy. That hit at the core problem?

If that's the case, you'll be heartened to know that there is a very simple way of dealing with boasters that's incredibly fun along with being incredibly simple, and it's this: act as deliberately and obviously bored with them as you possibly can.

The reason this works is because they are actively working very hard to try and increase their prestige by showing off. When you act nonplussed, depending on how you do it, they will either feel a.) that they have to work MUCH HARDER to impress you, therefore you must be far awesomer than all the regular masses of ordinary people who bow down and pay homage to them at the first hint of brilliance, or b.) that you are making fun of them, and then they get pissy and confrontational and, if you continue to hand them defeats, eventually go slink off to lick their wounds, feeling like they've been humiliated and exposed.

I personally go the former route, because I prefer allies to enemies and because I get a quiet kick out of having people who are used to having others stand around and marvel at them get a panicky look in their eyes, and then start breaking out bigger and bigger stories or displays of extravagance in attempts to wow me. The one danger of this is if you let someone like this too close to you... they will get overly extravagant as they attempt to wrap you up into their cadre of admirers (the more they feel you know of their "accomplishments" without being wowed, the more important it becomes to them to win you over, so long as you don't push them into auto-rejection by being a dick or dismissive), and sometimes this can be destructive if you allow yourself to go along with it and get pulled into some cockamamie scheme. These guys usually have SOME bright-sounding idea that they're convinced is going to make a lot of money or get a lot of girls or something along those lines that never works out nearly as well as it's supposed to (frequently, the reverse occurs).

The other route is just being more biting in your boredness if you like. That's things like doing the big fake yawn, or chiming in with a dismissal like, "Cool story, Ben," and then immediately changing the subject to something else, like, "Hey, so is everyone ready to head over to X bar and mack some hunnies?"

That'll make you enemies quite quick, so be prepared for it to get worse rather than better - you've just made your way into this guy's crosshairs by humiliating him publicly. He'll now try to return the favor, which isn't going to do anything but make him look silly if you're socially deft, but if you're the type who still gets a little unsure socially, guys like this can sometimes find an angle they can use to make you look silly, because they DO tend to be good at dealing with haters (BS is their OS, and haters come with the territory... they know how to make haters look foolish).

If socially savvy, they may actually employ truce-making tech like what I've talked about on here before - e.g., clear the air with a, "Hey, look, I know there's some tension between us but I want to let you know I have no hard feelings toward you, so there's no reason for you to be hostile with me," type of deal, that will be very hard for you to remain unaffected in the face of if you aren't used to dealing with it. It's a legitimate "I'm being the bigger man here" technique that positions the guy as way cooler than you and demands you either go more meta than he is or submit to not look like a goober. Not having to deal with this is another reason why I avoid insulting others even if they're a little slimy. The good ones will call you on it and force you to step it up or pack it in.

When being alpha or dominanat, it's ends up like a pissing contest as they insist everyone must feel beneath them. I find it difficult to get along with.

What it actually is is deep insecurity. These are universally guys who have decided that they as men are not good enough, so they need to make up a bunch of crap that makes others stand in awe - that's the only way they'll meet quality people and gain the social recognition they crave.

Interestingly, this is also what will make them increasingly view you as a very high status person whose favor they must win over (while never coming across as anything other than an authority figure, of course) when you act nonplussed in the, "Hmm, that's interesting," way that isn't insulting but is rather the "man of the world who's seen it a hundred times already" variety.

When you're unfazed by their showboating, they get an insecurity hit that says, "Wow... this guy must be even MORE impressive than I am PRETENDING to be. I've got to step it up, both to get on his good side and to not look like I'm only the second most powerful guy in this group."

After that, they will often want to be your new best friend... at least until they can win your admiration, anyway. If they can pull that off, then you lose your luster for them and it's onto the next person who isn't yet sufficiently impressed.

Chase

 

[Estate]

Chase,
Good stuff, I think you got the point of where I was going with this but I guess there's 2 parts...


1. Dealing with them.
Consciously or not, I think I do what you suggest. I generally don't feed into it, if I'm not interested in it. I'll switch subjects, Just give off an "unimpressed" or "unfazed" look or attitude or in some way just divert from that track of conversation. If they persist, I will usually just go talk to someone else.
Now, this "works" in the sense that, you just don't deal with them... however, the lasting reaction is they will not want to speak with me again, as I not feed into the chorus of "WOW Dude, you're awesome!".
So while it "works" to get yourself out of the situation, it generally means you just cannot connect in any way with these types of people.

It really does come from a pretty big insecurity. Basically they are constantly trying to show everyone what they have, what they can do, etc.. etc...
If it was even half true, I could maybe be ok with it, but when someone is BSing me... I'm just not into that game.

2. Actually BEING one of them.
Now, why would I want that you ask? Aren't the lousy people to be around? Well... yeah, kind of...
But when I settled in the city, I met new friends. But you meet regular people through sports, meetups, all that stuff. That's good, but I found it limiting. You tend to meet a lot of guys who are good guys but tend to be others who "need friends too". As I said, good guys but they become very needy. It's difficult to meet girls around them, they're fun to go to the sports bar with but don't do much else... you just find yourself "carrying" them a lot.
I made a conscious effort to expand my circles... through work, business, networking, going to better or more upscale places instead of hanging around five bars (only full of college kids in Boston). Generally just branching out and trying to "move up".
Now, while I'm meeting a lot of new people... I just find the majority are these "boasters". They want validation from you to let you "in" to their scene or network or club or whatever they perceive it to be.

However, I find it odd.... they focus on grade of profession and through that money, status, job titles, etc, etc, etc... Quite a lot are not even "above" me in terms of qualifications or career stage, salary, etc... and I really don't care. I keep these things private, but they want to compare and contrast with me and give the impression they are high-status, when they are really not.

Maybe it's a big city thing... but I find everywhere has a "scene".

It goes for friends and for women.

For example... if you can meet drunk college girls at a dive bar easily... but I don't want to continue to do this.
I can go to more upscale places but you feel like you need to constantly promote and exsude some sort of value to the people around or they do not want to know.

By not engaging in it, you escape it, but you are still "outside"... you can't really connect with any groups, networks, etc because you actively don't engage. You HAVE to engage, but it's not fun. Am I missing something about this type of social scene?

BTW, jus to be clear. I think a lot of PU seems to focus of early-20's, guys in college town, party bars, young women, etc...
I'm not really into that. I'm about to hit my 30's, working professional, generally mixing with a different "crowd" and find this sort of scene different. I've avoided it using the techniques Chase has outlined for some time but feel I need to not avoid it anymore to move forward.

 

[Zoro]

Here's another alternative and what I do.

When someone is bragging or telling me how awesome their life is, rather than be put off by it, I let them talk about it. People love to talk about themselves, so I just let them do it and I steer it in a direction that I am interested in.

Let's say they have a HUGE house and love talking about it, I'd say "so you must have some cool parties, huh!" (because I'm interested in hearing about cool parties.) Most of the time though, when I build them up since they have such a big ego with no substance they can't maintain it. For instance lets say he says "Oh, yeah I have some crazy parties!" Then I say got any cool stories? And keep deep diving until they crumble themselves realizing what they have isn't the most important to have, or you are on a new more interesting topic. It's much more enjoyable because both people involved still have fun and keeps up positive energy.

If you know anything about Wing Chun, this is a similar approach to the martial art. Instead of combating or resisting the direction of the attack (or conversation) you lead it in the direction it's going in a way that helps you, like dodging the attack and pulling the arm along (or deep diving the topic to find a new more interesting one!

Hope you find this helpful

-J

 

[Franco]

Estate,

Admittedly, I did not read through this entire thread, but I've heard this come up before from your end. Since most of your questions have been addressed, I just wanted to point out the fact that I have heard this is very common on the east coast (especially places like Boston or NYC). Everyone there is about status and money (which I guess makes a little sense given that it's the home of the stock market and largest banks), but it's almost a way of life there. I have a friend who went to school at Columbia there and said that everyone is this way, which actually suits him because he's kind of that way as well (although we get along because he has a quirky sense of humor in between his showboating).

Anyway, I just wanted to mention that this is very much a turn-off to people in places like San Diego on the west coast. People here actually have a lot of money as well, but everyone here is VERY laid-back and rarely talks about it. They just kind of sit back and enjoy the environment and the people. The people here are extremely friendly and warm and would rather talk about what their interests and hobbies are and what cool concert they went to recently rather than talk about their jobs or financial standing. If you're thinking about vacationing at some point, I would recommend visiting San Diego and see if you prefer the vibe of the people here.

There's also an abundance of weed here... so maybe that's what keeps people so mellow and carefree? =)

- Franco

 

[Chase]

For example... if you can meet drunk college girls at a dive bar easily... but I don't want to continue to do this.
I can go to more upscale places but you feel like you need to constantly promote and exsude some sort of value to the people around or they do not want to know.

By not engaging in it, you escape it, but you are still "outside"... you can't really connect with any groups, networks, etc because you actively don't engage. You HAVE to engage, but it's not fun. Am I missing something about this type of social scene?

BTW, jus to be clear. I think a lot of PU seems to focus of early-20's, guys in college town, party bars, young women, etc...
I'm not really into that. I'm about to hit my 30's, working professional, generally mixing with a different "crowd" and find this sort of scene different. I've avoided it using the techniques Chase has outlined for some time but feel I need to not avoid it anymore to move forward.

Okay, I see what the main issue is. You're in a town where everyone's trying to one up you with their careers.

The way around this is by implying that you are superior to them, usually by displaying that you do less work than them and don't need to do work they do and/or displaying that you are far more in control of your life and schedule. e.g., when I was working a 9-to-5 and I'd meet people who were boasting about what late hours they worked, I'd chime in with something like, "Wow, that's really impressive. I know me personally, whenever the boss asks me to stay late I just tell them they should've gotten it to me earlier but to send it to my inbox and I'll make sure to work on it first thing. So kudos to you for having the patience to hang around and work after hours on stuff like that." That's a subtle way of saying, "You work late because your boss forces you to sacrifice your personal time," and then they struggle to rescind the thing they were just boasting so hard about.

As a business owner these days, I get to have even more fun with it... when people talk about working, I just say, "Oh, wow, that's really impressive. You're really killing it with your career," until they ask what I do and I say, "Oh, I quit working years ago. I just didn't feel motivated sitting in a cubicle for 2,000 hours a year. I don't think I'll ever have another job again... it's just too soul-draining." Then they ask what you do for money and you say, "Oh, I have some properties online... I don't really have to work," and they feel completely tooled. There they are stuck in one place being wage-slaves, chained to their 9-to-5s, and there's you traveling wherever he feels like in the world with as much money as he needs, not having to work. Of course, I DO work, much harder than most 9-to-5ers do (I know; I used to be one)... but much of it's fun/creative, and I can do it whatever time of the day I want, and schedule my week however I like, so that makes it much more like play and less like work.

But generally, replying with things like, "Wow, I admire your commitment. I can't stay later because I have to get to the gym by 7 o'clock, but I'll bet your boss loves having you on staff. Does everyone stay late at your company, or just you?" and then if they say just them, you say, "Well, you must get mad points for commitment," and if they say everyone, you say, "Oh, so it's like a race to prove who's the most dedicated employee, huh? They do that in Japan too... guys get to work early in the morning and don't leave until midnight, because leaving any earlier makes you look like you aren't committed, and then there go your promotions. Terrible. I feel lucky to work at a place where they just look at your performance, not the time you put in."

That's another one you can use a lot: hinting that you're extremely efficient with your time, and get more done in a few hours of work than most people do all day. Then talk about how crazy it is that most people compete on looking busy instead of on pure output and results.

Guys who are showboats are all about appearances, and competing by looking busy and important is their bread and butter. As soon as you shift the attention to results and outcomes, they deflate like a popped balloon and start backpedaling. You win, and can now talk about more interesting things in the group.

Chase

 

[ashutosh]

Relieved seeing this post on the board because this is the thing that has been bugging me from last 1 year or so. And i believe Chase really nailed it on this one.
Now im basically an introvert and i really feel that being a low key guy whose actions speak up for himself is the way to go.
Im 18 and reside in India. But since last 2-3 years or so the trend of being alpha and boastful is really filling up our culture as people are getting more and more influenced by various forms of entertainment.
And the end result of all this is that number of boastful and so called alpha guys is increasing . This has resulted in even my majority friends becoming such kind of guys and what happens is that sometimes almost every guy in the group is trying to socially polish each other. Everybody feels like they are the man although what they have is an illusion.
As im a naturally quite guy im the odd one out,i start to feel like crap even though i know that its not the case. I even feel like its more productive to go to a gym or read some books than to go out with friends.
So what to do in such scenarios where almost majority of your friends are like this. How do u handle it? Do you basically cut contact with them ?These are the people that have been with you in school since childhood. Or there is some other way?