Re: Dealing with bullies, sadists, and guys that just want to make your life hel
Kenshin,
Apologies for mistaking your race. I did read your previous post that related to this one, but I was careless to have responded without checking again in order that all my facts would be in order.
From what I can tell, the culture of your environment is completely different from my own. I'm not white either, but I do understand that "we need to stick together" mentality. The easiest advice is to research and discover where in your country are people more educated. I may be biased, but I doubt people with "Class" would be pulling off behavior like punching or kicking someone or pulling hair. That seems like behavior of individuals with low levels of empathy, low emotional intelligence. Have you tried living or spending some time in another area of the country or out of your country? You said you had gotten away from all of it, despite having come back for a gf.
You ask, "In that circumstance, how do I deal with them? So the question is really, how do you deal with bad people who want to make your life miserable? People who hate the fact that you are happy in life and they aren't."
What I do in order. If the preceding step fails, I move to the next one.
1. Seek diplomacy. Speak to them as an equal and expressing understanding and create a TEAM situation where you aren't against each other but are on the same team. I force the other party to engage me in rhetoric, where I want diplomacy to be achieved first. I force them to introspect and engage their fears. If they make jokes despite me taking them seriously, I call them out on it. They say, "What are you gay?" You say, "Are you scared of me?" "What no, why would I be scared of you?" "Then answer me questions without acting like an 8 year old boy. Why did you come over here and *insert whatever they did*. Was it for attention? Are you frustrated? Do you want me to help you? You aren't mad at me, you want me to help you and the only way you can get my attention is by acting the way that you did. I don't appreciate that and I expect better from a man your age." You force the other party to engage you and do NOT allow them to divert the conversation to something else. Constantly bring the focus of the discussion to the heart of the problem: what you believe is the reason for their behavior. Be logical, objective, methodical. You are slowly breaking down the other party on a mental level. Why would they hit you? When they resort to physical aggression....
2. Call higher authority
If you know these guys do this all the time, as soon as you see them, skip steps 1 and 2 and go straight to calling the cops. If you aren't experienced in handling and defusing high intensity situations, then I suggest going straight to the cops. I'm pretty good at breaking down bullies. They key is to show no fear, identify problems, plan to neutralize them, understand my escape route, and most important: make it clear to them that you know their game and you don't like to play by the rules. You're going to drop the whole fucking temple on their heads. If they don't realize that they lost from the onset, then they end up looking like the laughing stock and I'm the hero. I can't remember the last time someone's ever tried to pick a fight from me. I usually have people doing the dirty work for me because it is understanding your environment and how to use your tools and the tools around you to your advantage.
Situation: Outnumbered
1. Me and my girlfriend being harassed by a group of 3-5 guys
2. What are my primary objectives? Answer: safety of me and my girlfriend.
Plan? Can I physically take them on? No.
Are there people around, bigger males, women who can help me by serving as distractions? Yes.
Plan of action: draw everyone's attention to me.
How? Make as much noise as possible by speaking really loud, calling people over to get these guys away form you, even going to absurd lengths like yelling that he is going to kill you.
Is it an even fight? Yes.
Are they attempting to run away? No.
Are they distracted? Yes.
How do I neutralize fight without any casualties? Create space by keeping blockers in front of you, call the cops and let them know about the situation and your location. Indicate to your team and their team that backup from a higher power is coming to aid you.
At that point, those guys know they can't get to you so they are going to walk away or wait for you when you're alone to ambush you, which is why it is important to have the cops around so you can get to your car or whatever safely for a clean getaway....
If you don't know how to neutralize a situation or your attempts at doing so aren't working, create distance and/or call in aid from someone(s) who can do it for you.
Most of the time, people who are angry just want to vent out their anger, it helps if you can just listen to what frustrates them and indicate that you understand and want to help. They aren't bad people, they are just frustrated because they want what you want but don't know how to achieve the life that you live. You don't even need to solve the problem, you just need to get them on a level where their primary objective is not to injure you or your reputation.
Read psychology books and sociology books. Understand the minds of other individuals. What drives them to do what they do, what makes them tick.
In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.
- Ender Wiggins,
Ender's Game
Diplomacy first overall things. If diplomacy cannot be achieved, obliterating the target is the next step. If you can't kill them, get the next best thing, higher authority, moving away.
It seems to be that you are either letting these people step on you or you are constantly immersing yourself in situations where this happens... where can you go to get away from this life and/or how can you improve yourself to live a life free from such things?
Hope this helps Kenshin. I really feel for you man.
