Dealing with Snowballs (Unresolved Female Anger)


Dec 3, 2019
I'll open by saying I've read Chase's article on beating women at their blame game, and it is excellent.

My situation relates to times that anger stems from an unresolved issue. Issues that are ignored early on and build over time.


I have a housemate I got along with pretty well at college. Hot, fuckbuddy type deal. Once things cooled off in the first couple months we drew back from sex to occasional drunken make outs. As we both started seeing other people I guess she little resistant to roommate sex. I'd not pushed too hard for it though, I'd been seeing other girls so it wasn't a big deal for me.

Anyway, this girl had her moody days, where she'd become argumentative, or even start to refuse everything in conversation (stories, suggestions etc) for seemingly no reason. I had noticed it happened more since we'd stopped sleeping together, but going back wasn't an option so I'd just come to accept them. A couple weeks back she was testing my frame more than usual on a trip back from the laundromat, and on this particular occasion it was a slog to deal with. I couldn't feel a way out. I'd experienced testing before but I guess this girl was some kind of monster mood because she wasn't pulling any stops. So, once home - a friend called and I saw an out. I asked if she could pick up the washing later herself while I headed out. She agreed (mind you this was only an extra 10 minute walk for her).

The following days she appears to act colder and colder. Even angry around the house. I decide to ignore it for then as I'd had exams to think about and I'd seen her in bad moods before.

A week later I find time to question her. She first pretends nothing's wrong, but I break through and she says she's upset about the washing incident. Fine. I try to pace with her and have a chat but it's cut short as she walks out angrily. From then on it's awkward after awkward encounter. I asked her whats wrong a couple times. Cold aloofness. I try to break through a couple more times over the week. Icy aloofness. At one point she got sulky for using her cutlery and insisted I buy her another one.

Most recently I bumped into her at the bar, tried chatting as if nothing was wrong and she scoffed at me for being "annoying". I could have capitalized on her emotion, but was drunk so I didn't trust my ability to resolve it. I walked away wordlessly.

There's been no contact since. I've switched rapidly between non-interest to reconciliatory over the last couple weeks - something that likely didn't help. But man, what a learning experience.

What's my move here girlschase. We really did get along well, but now I only care about the awkwardness. I don't think it's going away by itself.

TLDR: Girl got angry over small thing. Started snowballing. Need to stop it before it ruins the year.
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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Oct 18, 2018
How about simply telling her to cut the shit? You don't have to repair what others break down. If I am interpreting this right, you allow her to trample over you by allowing her to act passive agressive.