- Joined
- Jul 20, 2015
- Messages
- 1,532
The Backstory
I am at a small local bar and It's packed. I am having a difficult time maintaining my social momentum through the night. I build it up, then lose it. Build it up, then lose it...repeat. This story begins when I am trying to regain my social momentum.
I see a girl walking by me. She is quite cute, but looks like she could pass as 16-17. I go up to her and joke around that I'm a bouncer and ask her for her ID (NOTE: This is a frame that presents me as an authority figure, and her as a person with no control, especially in this environment. This could explain her behaviour towards me later in the night - maybe she was trying to regain some control our relationship) . I thought she would laugh and take it as a joke, but she really does not like it and blows me off. This will come to bite me in the ass later in the night.
Angela Meets backstory
I head out to the patio and open a group of 2 girls who are sitting at a picnic table. They immediately start questioning me about how old I am and ask me for my ID. I do not submit to their compliance request. I start giving them annoyed looks and eye rolls and make it seem like it was stupid and socially uncalibrated for them to even ask. I take a seat at the picnic table across from them and start chatting with them. One of them seems to be into me. I'll call her Angela. I banter with them for a little bit, then I tell Angela to put her number in my phone. She is excited about it.
Later, I'm texting Angela:
I realize that in order to get Angela to come home with me, I need to build comfort and rapport with her. I go back to the patio to see her. Angela and her friend are having a deep conversation and they seem annoyed that I showed up and interrupted. I chat with them for 30 seconds then leave. I'm unsure of how to pull this off. Since Angela's friends are sleeping at her place, I need to somehow invite myself over to Angela's place. I go and consult with my friend about it. He recommends I ask if she's having an after party.
Building Rapport and Comfort
Later after I talk with my friend for advice, I go back to the patio to see Angela. They are still having a deep conversation and complain that I'm interrupting, but I get past the initial objections to my presence. I sit across from them again and at first the three of us are talking, but then I manage to shut out her friend and get into a conversation with just Angela (NOTE: I am occasionally glancing at Angela's friend - she has an incredulous look on her face, like she can't believe what's happening right now) . Angela is stating she gets high marks in school - a clear attempt to impress me. I make sure to qualify her on this. The conversation continues and things are going good, she's holding eye contact with me and giving me her undivided attention.
A Weak Storm Rolls In
Then, the young looking girl from earlier and another girl come up to the picnic table and see me sitting there. They are Angela's friends, and the young looking girl (Cockblock) starts complaining that she doesn't like me and asks me to leave in a very weak, submissive way. (Note: I eventually found out that Angela and her friend asked me for my ID initially because I asked Cockblock for her ID earlier. I guess she complained to them). I don't leave because I'm not intimidated. Angela doesn't want me to leave either. It's Angela and I vs. Cockblock basically. Angela asks me to slide over to make room for her friends. I do and Cockblock slides into the picnic table right beside me. Cockblock starts resting her head on my shoulder! WHAT? This is weird. I put my arm around her and she does not resist. She is telling me that I treated her terribly and that if I want to talk to girls, I should not do things like that. She's saying it in a desperate, submissive way. I just reply, "cool." She's trying to frame me as a shitty person who scares off girls yet here I am talking to Angela who clearly likes me. Yet here I am, with my arm around her. Her frame just doesn't make sense and everyone else knows it. I had no clue how to respond to the Cockblock. It seemed like she was seeking my approval of her...
Angela and I keep talking. As we are getting deeper into conversation, she starts explaining her passions in long detail. It's 1:30AM, I'm stone cold sober, and the stuff she is talking about is REALLY boring to me. She gets onto her longest tangent yet. I zone out and don't hear what she says. Then when the time comes for me to reply, I am like a deer in the headlights, and ask a half-assed question that shows I wasn't listening. She immediately gets testy and annoyed for a little bit, but I pull myself together and she eventually goes back to being nice.
Then, I called her a brat to tease her. We got into a frame battle over it. She got quite spunky and fiery and started qualifying herself to me about why she is not a brat. She was talking about how she pays for all her schooling and still has money to go on trips oversea. Then she practically ordered me to qualify myself: "Do you make enough money to do that?" She says. I gave her an eye roll and said something like, "I have a job, yes." in an amused way. A better way to handle this situation would have been to say something like, "you don't have to prove yourself to me. i was teasing you for fun!" i have to be careful about teasing women, sometimes i say the wrong thing in the wrong moment.
ANYWAYS after this rocky shit, Angela and I are finally hitting some meaty topics that we both are quite interested in and REALLY connecting over. She is flipping her hair like mad and holding STRONG eye contact - she is practically staring at me for extended periods of time. Then, Cockblock starts derailing mine and Angela's conversation by butting in with some weird comments. She's acting desperate again. I look at Angela with an inquisitive face and Angela looks at me like, "I don't know!" I put my arm around Cockblock again. Angela is winking at her cockblocking friend repeatedly in a not very subtle way through this resistance. LMFAOOO....I guess it meant "hey silly get the hint, I'm okay with talking to him."
A Missed Escalation Window
Then Angela says:
I knew this meant something, but I wasn't sure what to do.
Then, after Angela realizes I am not going to take her up on her offer to go to the bathroom, she starts asking all her friends if they need to go to the bathroom. They reply that yes, they do. As they are getting up to go to the bathroom, Angela says:
I still wasn't sure what to do.. I actually followed them to the bathroom, and waited outside it while they were in it. When they get out, Angela's in the corner and her friends are making a protective circle around her. It's clearly the group against me. The cockblocking friend engages me and starts complaining some more about how I treated her earlier.
I end up locked in against the wall, and I'm slumped. The cockblock is in front of me and because I am slumped she is taller than me. She starts complaining in a submissive, desperate way how she WANTS me to stand up straighter so I can be taller and puts her hands on both sides of my chest and tries straightening me out weakly. She attempts this twice. I stay slumped, lol. Then she won't break eye contact with me and says:
Tension is in the air and I'm lost as to what to do..
I left.
I would love to hear your feedback on this situation. I know I made a few mistakes and could have pulled Angela. However I am especially curious about the behaviour of Cockblock. Why was she acting desperate and submissive, and why was she laying her head on me? What was the subtext of all this? Help me tie all this together.
I am at a small local bar and It's packed. I am having a difficult time maintaining my social momentum through the night. I build it up, then lose it. Build it up, then lose it...repeat. This story begins when I am trying to regain my social momentum.
I see a girl walking by me. She is quite cute, but looks like she could pass as 16-17. I go up to her and joke around that I'm a bouncer and ask her for her ID (NOTE: This is a frame that presents me as an authority figure, and her as a person with no control, especially in this environment. This could explain her behaviour towards me later in the night - maybe she was trying to regain some control our relationship) . I thought she would laugh and take it as a joke, but she really does not like it and blows me off. This will come to bite me in the ass later in the night.
Angela Meets backstory
I head out to the patio and open a group of 2 girls who are sitting at a picnic table. They immediately start questioning me about how old I am and ask me for my ID. I do not submit to their compliance request. I start giving them annoyed looks and eye rolls and make it seem like it was stupid and socially uncalibrated for them to even ask. I take a seat at the picnic table across from them and start chatting with them. One of them seems to be into me. I'll call her Angela. I banter with them for a little bit, then I tell Angela to put her number in my phone. She is excited about it.
Later, I'm texting Angela:
backstory: are you gonna be leaving soon?
Angela: not sure honestly
backstory: depends on mom
Angela: exactly
Angela: sitting in the same spot (a hint to come back and talk to her, I believe)
backstory: ohhh ok. im just about ready to get out of here.
Angela: gotcha
backstory: come with me?
Angela: my friends are staying over tonight
I realize that in order to get Angela to come home with me, I need to build comfort and rapport with her. I go back to the patio to see her. Angela and her friend are having a deep conversation and they seem annoyed that I showed up and interrupted. I chat with them for 30 seconds then leave. I'm unsure of how to pull this off. Since Angela's friends are sleeping at her place, I need to somehow invite myself over to Angela's place. I go and consult with my friend about it. He recommends I ask if she's having an after party.
Building Rapport and Comfort
Later after I talk with my friend for advice, I go back to the patio to see Angela. They are still having a deep conversation and complain that I'm interrupting, but I get past the initial objections to my presence. I sit across from them again and at first the three of us are talking, but then I manage to shut out her friend and get into a conversation with just Angela (NOTE: I am occasionally glancing at Angela's friend - she has an incredulous look on her face, like she can't believe what's happening right now) . Angela is stating she gets high marks in school - a clear attempt to impress me. I make sure to qualify her on this. The conversation continues and things are going good, she's holding eye contact with me and giving me her undivided attention.
A Weak Storm Rolls In
Then, the young looking girl from earlier and another girl come up to the picnic table and see me sitting there. They are Angela's friends, and the young looking girl (Cockblock) starts complaining that she doesn't like me and asks me to leave in a very weak, submissive way. (Note: I eventually found out that Angela and her friend asked me for my ID initially because I asked Cockblock for her ID earlier. I guess she complained to them). I don't leave because I'm not intimidated. Angela doesn't want me to leave either. It's Angela and I vs. Cockblock basically. Angela asks me to slide over to make room for her friends. I do and Cockblock slides into the picnic table right beside me. Cockblock starts resting her head on my shoulder! WHAT? This is weird. I put my arm around her and she does not resist. She is telling me that I treated her terribly and that if I want to talk to girls, I should not do things like that. She's saying it in a desperate, submissive way. I just reply, "cool." She's trying to frame me as a shitty person who scares off girls yet here I am talking to Angela who clearly likes me. Yet here I am, with my arm around her. Her frame just doesn't make sense and everyone else knows it. I had no clue how to respond to the Cockblock. It seemed like she was seeking my approval of her...
Angela and I keep talking. As we are getting deeper into conversation, she starts explaining her passions in long detail. It's 1:30AM, I'm stone cold sober, and the stuff she is talking about is REALLY boring to me. She gets onto her longest tangent yet. I zone out and don't hear what she says. Then when the time comes for me to reply, I am like a deer in the headlights, and ask a half-assed question that shows I wasn't listening. She immediately gets testy and annoyed for a little bit, but I pull myself together and she eventually goes back to being nice.
Then, I called her a brat to tease her. We got into a frame battle over it. She got quite spunky and fiery and started qualifying herself to me about why she is not a brat. She was talking about how she pays for all her schooling and still has money to go on trips oversea. Then she practically ordered me to qualify myself: "Do you make enough money to do that?" She says. I gave her an eye roll and said something like, "I have a job, yes." in an amused way. A better way to handle this situation would have been to say something like, "you don't have to prove yourself to me.
i was teasing you for fun!" i have to be careful about teasing women, sometimes i say the wrong thing in the wrong moment. ANYWAYS after this rocky shit, Angela and I are finally hitting some meaty topics that we both are quite interested in and REALLY connecting over. She is flipping her hair like mad and holding STRONG eye contact - she is practically staring at me for extended periods of time. Then, Cockblock starts derailing mine and Angela's conversation by butting in with some weird comments. She's acting desperate again. I look at Angela with an inquisitive face and Angela looks at me like, "I don't know!" I put my arm around Cockblock again. Angela is winking at her cockblocking friend repeatedly in a not very subtle way through this resistance. LMFAOOO....I guess it meant "hey silly get the hint, I'm okay with talking to him."
A Missed Escalation Window
Then Angela says:
I knew this meant something, but I wasn't sure what to do.
Then, after Angela realizes I am not going to take her up on her offer to go to the bathroom, she starts asking all her friends if they need to go to the bathroom. They reply that yes, they do. As they are getting up to go to the bathroom, Angela says:
I still wasn't sure what to do.. I actually followed them to the bathroom, and waited outside it while they were in it. When they get out, Angela's in the corner and her friends are making a protective circle around her. It's clearly the group against me. The cockblocking friend engages me and starts complaining some more about how I treated her earlier.
I end up locked in against the wall, and I'm slumped. The cockblock is in front of me and because I am slumped she is taller than me. She starts complaining in a submissive, desperate way how she WANTS me to stand up straighter so I can be taller and puts her hands on both sides of my chest and tries straightening me out weakly. She attempts this twice. I stay slumped, lol. Then she won't break eye contact with me and says:
Tension is in the air and I'm lost as to what to do..
I left.
I would love to hear your feedback on this situation. I know I made a few mistakes and could have pulled Angela. However I am especially curious about the behaviour of Cockblock. Why was she acting desperate and submissive, and why was she laying her head on me? What was the subtext of all this? Help me tie all this together.
