Diary of a 3inch Hotdog Salesman

[HoofHearted]

Hello future friends,

One area about my life in which I'm disatisfied is the ladies. Now, it has been a long time since I've focused on this problem but I figured it's hightime.

Usually if I shake the tree hard enough I can find some kind of a lady that likes me, and that I like somewhat good enough. But this is my year, where I find ladies I'm super excited about. In other words, I'm trying to shift the target more from 'what can I get' versus 'what do I want.'

I'm no spring chicken, in my thirties, a bit fat but working on it. I would like be like one of those classier dudes in old movies, suave and going after what they want. In reality, I'm kind of an asshole and look like Shrek.

Diary #1

Because I supremely believe in quality sleep (seriously), and because I think it's super interesting, I've been trying to meet girls during the day using what you would call cold approach. I'm currently travelling and in one of the world's major party cities.

I started the morning by walking to a major shopping area. It was Saturday morning and the sun was shining. This was utterly demoralizing, since that wasn't even one woman I liked in the whole time I was out-- because there weren't any! It was mostly people's moms (small indoor shopping mall and Target).

So I chose poorly, had breakfast and left. The area had been better earlier in the week when I had gone shopping for a toothbrush, that's why I picked it.

Then I tried the bookstore. I talked to a skinny yoga-looking chick as she was walking in. I got the door for her, and she was delighted upon meeting such a goddamned gentleman such as me, and I remarked about how hot the day was and that we needed to get inside. She laughed and strode in and poof was gone. In hindsight, this seems to be the logical conclusion of opening a door. Next time I'll have her open the door for me, that way we can make conversation.

The bookstore wasn't like the bookstore back where I came from. In short, it was lame in there and that little coffee shop had burnt some food so it smelled bad. But it's books, and I'm into that. But on this lovely afternoon, there were no ladies in there unfortunately. There was a super cute barista busy making drinks, but I don't usually bother with the staff. Since she was the only attractive young lady in there, she had a lot of attention on her from all the thirsty old dudes, and me, a thirsty old dude in training. I love books, so I also sat down and read for about an hour.

I used google to find another, proper shopping mall and I headed over there. No young people there, the mall was clearly past its heyday and smelled like mildew. I checked out its empty spaces for about 30mins then got out of there.

It was now mid-afternoon and getting pretty hot and I needed a nap, and maybe to do other stuff for a while. But! I was not to be defeated. I was so determined to explore this desire of mine, that I decided to go out at night, which is not something I generally like to do. But there's a lot of novelty in doing that in a new city, and when you don't usually do it. Nothing really came of this, though it was interesting and had some positive moments. It lead to some thoughts I just needed to have. A lot of the time I was too scared to do much.

-- An implicit thought kind of emerged from the shadows of my mind. I opened a girl who bounced in front of me by commenting that she had quite the spring in her step. She seemed at least okay with talking to me, or maybe a bit better. But my follow-up remark was perhaps overly dismissive. She said she was 'on a mission' and I just kinda laughed and, since she was bouncing toward the bar, I cheers'd her and just kinda said 'Oh. Well, get lit!' but it was kinda in a 'goodbye' tone. She frowned and went away and I think she died because because she never came back to complete her mission. SO the thought I had was just to remember how fluid things are, how even a single, vague 'harmless' interaction can shift a situation one way or the other. In this case, I kinda thought because she opened so nicely it was all smooth sailing from there. WRONG keep paying attention, keep being aware of what you're doing.

-- I ended up at a trendier, smaller little bar. I ended up behind a group of six girls, like really close behind them at the bar. I was chilling and watching tv. They were really pretty and I should've tried to sell them a hotdog, or at least said hello. I was feeling super self conscious because I am just huge behind them, none of them even reaching chest level. Frankly, I felt like some kind of monster just standing there creepin' on some ladies, so I guess my mind had to rule it out to avoid self implosion. To be clear, I wasn't fixated on them, but they were differently interested to me. I just kinda made a little more space and tried to focus more on the vibe of the place, watching a little tv, and checking out other parts of the bar I could see.

But when I made the space, other guys started filling it! And talking to the girls. The first guy went in and they actually chewed him up a bit. After a few minutes he backed away and I said "Young man, what happened? It looked like she liked you..."

That made him laugh. I told him I was proud of him, and that I wish I could do it, and to keep fighting the good fight. I didn't think those ladies were out for that reason though. This guy kinda became my buddy for 15mins or so, and we joked around. It was kinda fun to make a pal, but I'm not trying to meet my bromances at night, and I have a pretty easy time making male friends since I am naturally gregarious. Two other guys stepped forward to talk to those girls too, but the girls sent them packin'. These guys were pretty good lookin, and one was only two or three inches shorter than me though much more slender. I chummed around with them for a few minutes once they moved away from the girls.

In hindsight, I regret not rolling the dice, too. I mean, four other guys did, it actually was great fun watching them approach. Why can't Papa have a turn?

-- The last thing I realized is, I was out for bad reasons. Yes, I am perpetually lowkey DTF, but this night I was quite tired and frankly the reality of sex wasn't on my mind (though I'd certainly take the option!). I also didn't want to collect phone numbers, I'm finna fly out this bitch. I realized, apart from a low level of curiosity, I was out to reacclimate myself to pursuing ladies, which is an okay reason, but also... I felt some kinda void, like I wanted something cool to happen to me, needed it. Like maybe needed a superhot chick to magically stumble into my evening/life, heal all the boredom and maybe loneliness I was experiencing, blahblahblah. It felt like a consumptive reason. A 'leeching' feeling. I need to examine this, since I firmly believe in constructing these desired emotions and experiences for myself, versus trying to extract them from other people and the environment.

I do think I need to go out again soon, hopefully during the day, but I want to get my mind right about it, and check what my intentions are for these ladies. I'm at a point in my life where I need to reflect on this. But I think I'm addicted to the adrenaline of the approach, I loved my mini-tries, and I loved watching those boys do it, even when they failed, and I want to try and fail, too. I think it's bad ass and that a lot of good can come from it!!!

 

[HoofHearted]

Well I haven'r managed to get back out there yet.

It turns out, I am a rather busy guy during the start of the week. I never really noticed. Maybe I'll map out what time actually looks like to me.

But I'm still very interested. I've kinda dialed up my assholery throughout the week as I go about my things. For example, a cute blonde and I nearly walked into each other while I was sipping my diet coke. Instead of just grunting, I was able to shoot some shit. "I think I would've won that one. You got the heart but not the size, kid."

Handfuls of interactions like these, just generally being more vocal/sociable. Hail mary for an interaction maybe? Nothing has stuck so far. I guess my mentality is the day would be much more efficient if we all just shut the fuck up and move through it, but I guess I'm laying some flavor down now. Not sure if this is good for anything but entertaining me.

I need to get out there and approach for reals in a non-professional environment. Maybe a little on Thursday? That's Friday, Jr. after all. Let's really talk to some women, and sell some hotdogs!

 

[HoofHearted]

Well lads desire overtook me and it could not wait. I went out tonight.

WHERE

Downtown area. I looked on the internet and found an upscale cocktail hour for singles event. Oh what the hay! It could be interesting.

ATTIRE

It had a bunch of pictures of fine women in lil black dresses and men in suit and jacket. Hoofy don't have these things, I'm traveling. What I do have is woven Nike gym pants that are slightly too small (I need tall sizes and these are regular, so they fit like capri's). Whatever, my leg hair is cute. I have a tee shirt and a striped blue shirt from J. Crew that's kinda wrinkly. Into the dryer you go. Lastly the footwear. Reasoning-- black is going to be the most formal, and my Crocs are black, so I go with Crocs and black Lululemon socks. I have long hair, it's so goddamn frizzy. I slick it down and tie it back in a ball.

I look like a gay pirate. Whatever, this entire enterprise only works beause I am recently accepting my deficiencies. This is the best I can do for 'black tie.'

Shiver me timbers, let's go sell some hotdogs!


ARRIVAL

I got to this place, it's an outdoor bar near some water. There are a few women here! But nobody is dressed like they said to be dressed on the internet, and definitely not like the pictures. Anyways, I try not to think or scan too much, I find a cute lil chick and crowd up to the bar next to her to order immediately.

Didn't notice she was sitting next to her husband!

I order up a happy hour cocktail, something that looks the least... effeminate. It gets served in a tall effeminate glass, can't win them all, yarr mateys.

Proceed to slosh cocktail around and spill it places, make cute girl laugh, I joke that we're sharing it since I spill on her a bit, and she laughs.

There are three girls opposite the corner, so I take the seat one away from them. Now the husband is on my right, a random old guy on my left, and three girls beyond him. One is super cute, would love to get over there! One is average, would do it, wouldn't write bout her, and the third... well, I'm gonna need a bigger hotdog, that is a large girl.

I start talking to the old guy, figuring I can make my way eastward toward tiddies. And who knows, maybe he's cool and also likes tiddies. But old guy doesn't really know how to talk, I think he's too aware of the blonde. I start talking to the young husband on my right, and we become pals. I have no problem bonding with men, I have a lot of what they value in terms of friendship characteristics. I encourage you all to celebrate and nurture male friendship, it's an important aspect of being a man and life.

But back to vagina. At this point I am just being sociable and bringing good energy. It's doing the scene some good and I'm bringing the vibes. Old guy gets up to leave but some old lady almost instantly takes his place. Whatever, I'm vibin', I start talking to her. She is pleasant but strange, talks about natural healing and conspiracy theories. She's also Canadian, which is weird, Canadians generally speaking are like the weird cousins you never want to visit. I do my best to shine good vibes at her and listen attentively, for life is love and love is life. But eventually even I run out of patience. Lady, get the fuck out of the way! I will fuck my way through you if I have to!

Then I remember I don't have enough cardio to on a fuck spree, too old and fat

Now I blow it. At that moment, I see no way of easily getting to this trio of women that average out to a collective 4. I really thought that blonde wanted to talk to me! Now I'll never know. In hindsight, there are a million ways to get over there easily. I could've gone and looked at something, talked to a guy standing beyond them, whatever. Zero creativity on my part. I know how to move around, but at the time I felt stuck be more ware next time.


MOVING ALONG, WALKING AROUND-- 2 GIRLS

I nope out and say I'm gonna keep checking out the area, since I'm out of town. I am a very sweet man so I say take care dear, have fun. Then I hit the nearby street downtown.

I am almost instantly rewarded. There are two girls, one of them particularly fine and dark haired, walking the street. They look like some of them rich white girls because it's such an affluent, trendy area. I surge infront of them. My claws are primed, baby! Time to pounce.

Beyond them is a homeless blackguy yelling in the entry of a parking garage. Just random yelling noises? Crazy downtown stuff.

I use him as an excuse to swivel my head and look. The girl I'm looking at looks like she's 20 years old, beautiful skin, green eyes, dark hair and pressed up boobs. Time to move some product baby!!!

"Lot of yelling going on back there," I say about the homeless man with amusement.
"Yeah, that's just what black people do," she says in a dead, xanax voice.

????

The abrupt racism completely throws me. In hindsight, I should've executed the Nazi Salute Routine or even the Racial Purity Handshake as denoted in the forum FAQ.

But Hoofy loves all people, rich white bitches notwithstanding. (Btw I'm a white guy). I want nothing further to do with this person. Feel super bad because it don't divert my penis much though. Maybe up my skills so I can come back and give her the dick of love and truth. I don't really think she was racist, I think she was just young and dumb.

I have confused boner, not sure what to do, run away.


SMOKER GIRL BY THE WATERFRONT

As I'm walking by a waterfront there's a girl sitting far away on a couch. I kinda stroll a little closer, she looks kinda young and cute!

We lock eyes. She smiles. It's go time baby.

I flutter my eyes and shoot her some flavor. She laughs and says, "Well, what?"

I cross even closer and realize my horrible mistake. This girl is not cute, she looks like shes been smoking for 20yrs.

"Haha," I laugh, one foot out. "You just chillin' here all alone?"
"Yea!" she laughs. "My husband sometimes just comes by and does a loop by me."

I wish that man a long and healthy loop. I bid the fair lady farewell.


THE END AND TAKEAWAYS

I spend another 60mins or so beyond this looking for more girls. I find exactly zero.

1. I bitterly regret not opening the trio.
2. Perhaps Weds evening is not a great time to go out.
3. There's still a lot of good stuff in me from younger years. I used to be magical. I still have some of the sparkle magic. I'm still a pretty princess.
4. I simply have to find more quantities of women. This has been tough and ruining me. I am birddoggin pretty hard and coming up empty, I was out for 3hrs and only did like 3 approaches because that's all I could really find.

Since I didn't get a foursome with three models and no condoms as per forum policy, I went home and committed suicide.

 

[HoofHearted]

Well I haven't been cold approaching like i want to, due to social activities, usually at night.

I am meeting new women who are interested in me, but it don't feel like it counts, seeing as i want to cold approach during the day.

I've booked myself time for daytime cold approach tomorrow, and am excited, provided i dont side quest and spend the day doing social circle stuff with people i already know, or new people approaching the circle (we have draw).

Looking at youtube videos that you guys showed me has yet to show me my vision of what i want to do.

Thats all i can think to say. I think i am winding down my journal and my time on this board, has not proved too useful, although some of the exchanges have been pleasant. Maybe back to lurking, or only using when searching a question.

 

[HoofHearted]

Had a bit of an interaction last night, that I've been thinkin bout. I know its not daytime cold approach but still.

Went out to a new venue. Whatever. Didn't really know anybody there, 1 or 2. But I as a person have a lot of presence and boldness, and there's a somewhat chance that i kinda... take over a space? Hard to describe. But often times, when i'm in a spot, others are highly aware of me and seek my attention/presence. Happens more often/more strongly in venues where I am known.

So that's what happened here. Eventually a little chick makes her way to me-- or rather, I finally get to her after interacting with several people. I am all good vibes with her. She's very clearly the most beautiful girl in the spot. We start hanging out, chatting, whatever. We dance a little and she is loving it, laughing, she brings up some light sex talk,kinda melting like clay in my hands.

Now I've been here before but am a bit rusty. Or maybe i was never really that good? I dont remember. But i know i ought to get her number. But i'm hesistant? While i do have a pile of wins in my life, honestly the pile of Ls is muuuuuchhh bigger but that part never gets talked about. All this boldness, poise and confidence had a price. And for some reason, looking at her, the sense memory of failing so goddamn much hits me pretty hard.

But as I'm dancing with her she just looks too good, her eyes glazed and face flushed, a strand of hair lying across her forehead. She looks like how some of the women i've fucked look after sex. We've been hanging for like 45mins or so, and we sometimes drift apart but she keeps finding a reason to come back to the corner i'm chillin' in.

So I go for it. I ask for her number. But she declines! She says she's working on herself, trying to fix her mind, so she doesn't plough into other people. I tell her I'm due to get ploughed and she cracks up laughing. But it's just a throwaway line, I'm in no way going to pressure this young woman. I pat her back and tell her not to worry about it, and that I hope she feels better. Then I set her on her way, diverting my attention elsewhere. But she keeps coming back to me, until she drops by to say goodbye a little while later.

In meditating on this experience, I realized I've kinda had it somewhat often. Her reason may be actual, or it may be a considerate let down of me, but either way no going forward and I've seen this before. There are other options in the venue and they went well but this situation is one i want to troubleshoot. I went for the number probably 90mins after meeting her.

I'll tuck it away as a data point for now I guess. I can't help but think something is up with how these situations are running for me. Maybe I'm offering too much? But how I am in these spaces is just so natural to me, and I offer whatever I am (good vibes, positive energy) to the group, not just targeted to one person. Maybe these young women have never been so much interested in me as they are in the social experience I can offer? It's so hard to tell.

 

[HoofHearted]

Welp these weekend was a good run of bad luck.

Again, I failed to find women to approach. But as a plus, I was much more social during the day time.

Also I had 3 or 4 other leads (!) with women go cold. I can't remember the last time things turned so poorly so quickly. This just sucks but I'm taking the opportunity to embrace the suckiness.

Also asking myself what about me might turn a woman away. Hypothetically, if it weren't all bad luck, what would be hurting?

And the only glaring hole i think that is NOT behavioral is my physique, which is piss poor right now. Is it so poor as to be holding me back this much?

Healthy cooking about 50percent of the time. Weight lifting regularly. I am now committed to running.

Let the failures shape me into something finer. Trial by fire!!!

 

[HoofHearted]

I cleared my plate today to go take a look around.

An idea came to me to investigate the lunch hour. Historically during weekdays I only go out in the evenings.

This all takes effort on my part, and time, which frankly needs to be reduced. What the fuck.

In the 2hrs i was out, there were two real approach opportunities. I also saw an honest to goodness 9 walking the street while I was scouting/parking, but i couldnt very well hop out of the car at the red light. Also, yelling out the car window reminds me of that song No Scrubs and i already know she don't want no scrubs.

Downtown there were a number of women, but always a block or two ahead, or across the street. Wtf, are they planning this? Maybe i should start jogging up to them, full send.

I explored nooks and crannies, and i interacted and had conversations with NSPs (nonsexy persons), and the vibe was good.

Then I went on a long stretch of not seeing anybody and going internal. Uh oh.

I wanted to see what a department store was like during the day. There were some people in there. I went to make a purchase and saw an okay looking girl in an aisle. I decided to saunter by but she gave me nothing. I still shouldve said something but had gone too internal from being by myself for so long since the last conversation.

As I was checking out, a girl darted infront of me to grab a basket! And i felt like this girl wanted me to talk to her! It was just too fast, and i was on my back foot in a heavy, thinky mood. This has happened several times.

It seems part of cold approach is just being ready to pounce when opportunity presents itself.

Things i am thinkng about

1. The time and effort for this vs return is brutal. Compared to going out at night, where i am certain to find at least one good lead. If this experiment is to continue, time and effort MUST be streamlined. I got home today and felt a little bad thinking of other ways i could use that time.

2. My last approach was last Friday and it was a failure. I'm thinking of cheating and just nabbing a quick win elsewhere. I'll go to cocktail hour tomorrow, as well as follow up one of my leads, one of my last remaining leads i simply must get more going. maybe a return to going out at night

3. It has been very sparse for actual number of girls. But I can't blame all that. I know in my heart during the last two or three weeks opportunity has laid before me, often at unexpected times, and i was too slow to seize it. No wonder opportunity doesn't come my way more often, i keep rejecting it and hurting its feelings. I am going to practice being more ready, and not going cold/internal/antisocial during lulls when i'm out.

come to papa lady luck, i promise to take better care of you.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Had a bit of an interaction last night, that I've been thinkin bout. I know its not daytime cold approach but still.

Went out to a new venue. Whatever. Didn't really know anybody there, 1 or 2. But I as a person have a lot of presence and boldness, and there's a somewhat chance that i kinda... take over a space? Hard to describe. But often times, when i'm in a spot, others are highly aware of me and seek my attention/presence. Happens more often/more strongly in venues where I am known.

So that's what happened here. Eventually a little chick makes her way to me-- or rather, I finally get to her after interacting with several people. I am all good vibes with her. She's very clearly the most beautiful girl in the spot. We start hanging out, chatting, whatever. We dance a little and she is loving it, laughing, she brings up some light sex talk,kinda melting like clay in my hands.

Now I've been here before but am a bit rusty. Or maybe i was never really that good? I dont remember. But i know i ought to get her number. But i'm hesistant? While i do have a pile of wins in my life, honestly the pile of Ls is muuuuuchhh bigger but that part never gets talked about. All this boldness, poise and confidence had a price. And for some reason, looking at her, the sense memory of failing so goddamn much hits me pretty hard.

But as I'm dancing with her she just looks too good, her eyes glazed and face flushed, a strand of hair lying across her forehead. She looks like how some of the women i've fucked look after sex. We've been hanging for like 45mins or so, and we sometimes drift apart but she keeps finding a reason to come back to the corner i'm chillin' in.

So I go for it. I ask for her number. But she declines! She says she's working on herself, trying to fix her mind, so she doesn't plough into other people. I tell her I'm due to get ploughed and she cracks up laughing. But it's just a throwaway line, I'm in no way going to pressure this young woman. I pat her back and tell her not to worry about it, and that I hope she feels better. Then I set her on her way, diverting my attention elsewhere. But she keeps coming back to me, until she drops by to say goodbye a little while later.

In meditating on this experience, I realized I've kinda had it somewhat often. Her reason may be actual, or it may be a considerate let down of me, but either way no going forward and I've seen this before. There are other options in the venue and they went well but this situation is one i want to troubleshoot. I went for the number probably 90mins after meeting her.

I'll tuck it away as a data point for now I guess. I can't help but think something is up with how these situations are running for me. Maybe I'm offering too much? But how I am in these spaces is just so natural to me, and I offer whatever I am (good vibes, positive energy) to the group, not just targeted to one person. Maybe these young women have never been so much interested in me as they are in the social experience I can offer? It's so hard to tell.

I think you could’ve kept pushing for her to put investment in you,. But you’d have to do it in playful way. I’m reading king of college by hector and there are so many times where the girl is on the fence and he still manages to fuck the brains out of her. He uses a combination of escalating touch and deep diving with the girl, that’s what I’ve observed from the book at least. I’m no expert and I don’t know exactly what the situation was with you and her but that’s what I think.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

I think you could’ve kept pushing for her to put investment in you,. But you’d have to do it in playful way. I’m reading king of college by hector and there are so many times where the girl is on the fence and he still manages to fuck the brains out of her. He uses a combination of escalating touch and deep diving with the girl, that’s what I’ve observed from the book at least. I’m no expert and I don’t know exactly what the situation was with you and her but that’s what I think.

I’m commenting on your Saturday post

 

[HoofHearted]

I think that's good insight, thanks.

I see now that ive had such a basic, flawed mental model. I always intutively knew women needed to feel something, but what that 'something' is i realize now i've been very wrong about. I'm so used to dumping positivity, good vibes and laughter.

But I don't think this is best. I am now aiming for other emotions in women, like sexiness and curiosity and submissiveness etc

I changed it up last night, and had women asking me if I was single. I think i really, really needed to learn this, god i'm dumb.

Gonna keep applying. I really hate going out at night, but during the day is just impossible, still trying, i haven't cracked that nut yet. can't wait to nut all over daygame.

I went out at lunch again. Same story as last time. No fish.

Think i'll go out tonight, it's where I'm actually meeting women and it is sooooooo much easier.

 

[HoofHearted]

I haven't been prowling since last week. I had an intensely active and social weekend.

Several new prospects.

Just dropping by to say that this process has changed me. It's so curious. My cold approach hunting has been expensive (time and money) and utter, demoralizing failures. But trying to solve it has set other areas of my life on fire. Something is going very right here.

In looking at why I was failing at cold approach, I had to look at what I was doing and why turning up empty handed felt so bad. One poster here, Will V, has been particularly helpful.

I've had to adapt more holistically. I've had to add missing pieces to the picture. Still don't have all the answers, but I have better answers.

- your life around the cold approach affects the cold approach itself

- the active seeking of women needed reflection. beautiful women are comparatively rare. at night you can see many, but during the day you might have more difficulty. Rather than 'stream' it to me presents as 'opportunity' and it has often caught me on the back foot. in other words, its important in life to be present and engaged.

- momentum and state are paramount, as i've learned. i had so many pieces in place, but am deeply introverted and have been living a solitary life for a while. i recently re-engaged the world, and its very clear i needed it. as i mentioned, i'm presently on fire and getting even hotter. the myth of the solitary man is devastating, and would have crippled my potential. my social life is getting absurd rn-- and consequently, approaching strangers feels simple and natural.

- with women, i am running familiar loops. i am 'rusty', but i remember all this, like a whisper in the back of mind. i've seen this shit before, and i know what to do in so many situations... it's just a matter of remembering. its all coming back to me!

 

[HoofHearted]

Update:

I have missed a few opportunities that probably should've happened.

It pretty much nuked my desire to cold approach... because I believe they failed due to being physically out of shape.

I have lost almost 10lbs since last month, though. I need to drop another 20-30lbs.

On the one hand, my desire to cold approach is at an all time low, since I believe I will just keep failing (which isn't necessarily true, although being out of shape hurts the numbers).

On the other hand, my desire for fitness and training is through the roof. I have been really hitting it lately, and these failures with women are a source of fuel that let me take it to the next level in terms of training, exercise and diet.

So thank you cold approach, i guess. It's been sucking lately but gonna force myself back into the grinder

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Update:

I have missed a few opportunities that probably should've happened.

It pretty much nuked my desire to cold approach... because I believe they failed due to being physically out of shape.

I have lost almost 10lbs since last month, though. I need to drop another 20-30lbs.

On the one hand, my desire to cold approach is at an all time low, since I believe I will just keep failing (which isn't necessarily true, although being out of shape hurts the numbers).

On the other hand, my desire for fitness and training is through the roof. I have been really hitting it lately, and these failures with women are a source of fuel that let me take it to the next level in terms of training, exercise and diet.

So thank you cold approach, i guess. It's been sucking lately but gonna force myself back into the grinder

Remember to keep cold approach fun. if your not having fun, something is wrong.

Also could you go into a little bit more depth about the relationship between being out of shape and not approaching?

I don’t quite understand it.

Happy to help and give my support!

 

[HoofHearted]

My man, thanks for your response.

Remember to keep cold approach fun. if your not having fun, something is wrong.

Is it fun for you? I think there's a LOT about cold approach that isn't fun.

1. Sinking time and effort yet not finding any women to approach.
2. The inevitable sea of rejection (although this isn't too bad in cold approach)
3. Going out with such flawed fundamentals as to feel like running a 5k with one leg.

Number one above is the most brutal. What I have learned about this is, you cannot go out into the world with purely a hunting mindset. Yes you have to be ready, but if you're out solely looking for women, and you find none, you are framed to fail. You literally cannot control whether or not there will be suitable girls in the place you choose to look. The process needs something more. I have expanded this to include a sense of exploration and purpose, but there's more gold in the idea that needs to be dug out, gotta think more on it...

Number two actually doesn't matter so much, since this variety of rejection just doesn't seem to sting-- you don't even know the person, and they don't know you! It's so fast, and there's minimal investment.

It only starts to suck when you get a string of too many, and you start to think that something is wrong.

Number three is just facing one's shortcomings. I'm a little bit too fluffy rn, it's the most glaring hole (BMI of 28), and such a brutal process as cold approach washes over this and will not have it. Cold approach is hard. It finds your weaknesses, hits on them and keeps pounding until you adjust them. If your weaknesses are so foundational as to be slow changing and difficult, it's very tough. The flipside is it certainly provides the emotional energy to change.

Conclusion: sometimes cold approach isn't as 'fun' as it is 'good medicine' for you.

Also could you go into a little bit more depth about the relationship between being out of shape and not approaching?

It just means your percentages go down, 'the game is harder,' etc.

Ime the single biggest contributor to a person's aesthetic is body weight (specifically, percent body fat).

It's hard to continue to go out and try to fly with a wounded wing. But still we soldier on, and things gradually get better... on the bright side the gym is going well, I am slowly but surely getting monstrously strong...

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

My man, thanks for your response.



Is it fun for you? I think there's a LOT about cold approach that isn't fun.

1. Sinking time and effort yet not finding any women to approach.
2. The inevitable sea of rejection (although this isn't too bad in cold approach)
3. Going out with such flawed fundamentals as to feel like running a 5k with one leg.

Number one above is the most brutal. What I have learned about this is, you cannot go out into the world with purely a hunting mindset. Yes you have to be ready, but if you're out solely looking for women, and you find none, you are framed to fail. You literally cannot control whether or not there will be suitable girls in the place you choose to look. The process needs something more. I have expanded this to include a sense of exploration and purpose, but there's more gold in the idea that needs to be dug out, gotta think more on it...

Number two actually doesn't matter so much, since this variety of rejection just doesn't seem to sting-- you don't even know the person, and they don't know you! It's so fast, and there's minimal investment.

It only starts to suck when you get a string of too many, and you start to think that something is wrong.

Number three is just facing one's shortcomings. I'm a little bit too fluffy rn, it's the most glaring hole (BMI of 28), and such a brutal process as cold approach washes over this and will not have it. Cold approach is hard. It finds your weaknesses, hits on them and keeps pounding until you adjust them. If your weaknesses are so foundational as to be slow changing and difficult, it's very tough. The flipside is it certainly provides the emotional energy to change.

Conclusion: sometimes cold approach isn't as 'fun' as it is 'good medicine' for you.



It just means your percentages go down, 'the game is harder,' etc.

Ime the single biggest contributor to a person's aesthetic is body weight (specifically, percent body fat).

It's hard to continue to go out and try to fly with a wounded wing. But still we soldier on, and things gradually get better... on the bright side the gym is going well, I am slowly but surely getting monstrously strong...

Love, and to a larger degree, life is all about mindset.

From reading your reply, it sounds like you have a negative mindset. I think a lot your reasons you perceive as valid reasons because of your mindset. Someone who has a more positive mindset on the other hand might view these reasons as minor hurdles that can be overcome with hardwork and optimism.

Now let me get into the reasons:

Your weight requires a long term solution to be solved so there is no point in worrying about it when you approach. Weight will have its effect on your cold approach results. That effect is out of your control for the time being and therefore should not be worried about. All you can do is start dieting and put all thoughts of your weight OUT OF YOUR HEAD when your approaching. These negative beliefs about your weight are probably seeping into your game.

To let you know, I am currently overweight, my BMI is basically the same 27. I have a dieting coach and I am changing my eating habits. These things have not made me think for a second that being overweight effects my game. It could be effecting my game I don’t know. But I don’t let myself believe that garbage.

Hoof you are a catch, and I don’t want you believing any negative nonsense about yourself.

Now about not finding any women when out to approach. I have never had this problem. There are two possibilities: you are pickier with your women or where you go to game doesn’t have that much foot traffic.

if your picky with your women, maybe you are holding onto subjective beliefs that restrict you (has to be a virgin, only blonde chicks, cant be younger than 25). If that’s the case I would suggest being more open minded, simply be mindful of whether you feel something when you look at them or not. It’s kinda funny I have this rule: if I wouldn’t mind them giving me head, then go up and talk to them. Maybe try that

if it’s a foot traffic thing, then simply go to a more crowded spot. I go to the mall, it’s a lot of fun.

As far rejections go, don’t take it personally. I always think about what it would be like to be them and have a random guy go up to me. I know that if I was in there situation, I would have no problem rejecting a guy. Because I can understand myself doing this, I can completely understand them doing it to me. It feels like business almost to me when I approach, I give them a sales pitch and if they say no, I accept that is just business. @Chase made a good point of this in an article: they aren’t rejecting you, they are rejecting your game.

If you are viewing this way of life as “good medicine” you should reevaluate the way you think or consider stopping cold approach.

Personally I have fun approaching because it’s so exciting, it’s like going on a roller coaster that’s really scary. before the ride your freaking out but then after you do it you get this rush of relief and feel good chemicals. I’ll admit some days I get my feelings hurt and it’s not so fun but that’s rare for me.

A big thing that made this whole thing a lot more fun was giving myself the permission to skip a day.

If I’m having a bad day, I know approaching is going to be horrible and may even make my day worse. After talking to who gave me this advice, I only go approach on days I’m feeling up for it.

That doesn’t mean everyday I’ll be feeling great doing it, I still have that discipline to go on that day I’m fearing it a little, it just means that I WONT be having days where I hate it.

Ill end this with one last thing that you can’t deny:

that moment when your out approaching and you see a girl so gorgeous that you get an instant boner and you know for sure that your going to approach her. Then you get to talk to this beautiful stranger while thinking about how your going to fuck her the whole time.

Moments like that are why I approach. And I know if I keep trying, one day I’m going to fuck one of those girls that gives me a boner.

Hope this helps!

 

[HoofHearted]

Thanks for your response dude

There's a ton of wisdom packed in there.

Gonna take a few to reflect on this perspective.

 

[Mr.SocialAcceptableHarem]

Thanks for your response dude

There's a ton of wisdom packed in there.

Gonna take a few to reflect on this perspective.

Happy to help

 

[HoofHearted]

Well after a rather grotesque public makeout session with a 9, my head is just spinning.

Ups and downs, highs and lows, whatever.

But i totally agree my mindset needs shifting. And to some extent I do see it changing to something more positive, over time.

I've decided to be more mindful about it, and maybe help it along. Help myself back to my feet.

At the moment, things are calm and going well. I was a little sick from a cold, but 95percent better today so just kinda in a chill moment.

Some stuff swirling around right now

1. I now know for a fact that I walk away from potential. Negativity and low self esteem are permeating my interactions. In one way, I am looking for signals too much from girls, and when I don't get them, or get something confusing, I bail. I'm going to engage the process more and see what happens-- in the sense of handling objections, pushing forward and rather than following signals from a girl, maybe a little more fucking around and finding out. More asking for compliance. I NEVER wouldve known the last girl would be down to do anything with me, she gave no indication other than letting me go forward and following.

2. Need to be more sexual. I realize i need to prep myself more for the concept of physical intimacy, in a way just 'decide' that i am having sex now and am out for it. It seems so remote. Need to be sexier. An emotional process.

3. Keep feeding momentum. I am really proud of myself for what i've done here, in taking care of myself and getting back out there with people in positive ways. But there are levels. And i'm almost ready for the next step.

 

[HoofHearted]

The last season has been a journey. I've traveled the world, experienced new things, learned new things about myself.

I am currently 40lbs lost. There's still a piece to go (20lbs) and I still look bad, but it's going in the right direction.

I've felt myself somehow become an object of desire for other people, at times. I'm lowkey breaking hearts, but not on purpose. I don't really see what appeal I have atm, but amongst a certain range of women, at times my presence alone seems to overwhelm them. But I'm not sure what this is, I am certainly not an outwardly impressive physical specimen.

Yesterday I went out alone for cocktails. Had a little time before an event. I noticed two young ladies staring at me and I was like damn, I guess that shower I took really is paying off tonight, I must look good. I smiled at them. It turned out, they were just trying to read the drink menu behind me. Oops. We all laughed and I ordered a cocktail. Then they invited with me to sit with them, and the prettiest one pulled up her skirt so I could touch on a cool scar she had on her thigh.

Got everyone's number and headed to my event. They texted me all night but I was busy with other social responsibilities.

Apart from that, not too sure where I am at the moment. I feel like I'm in new territory that I don't understand. I feel I'll be alright. I remember being really attractive in college, and it feels very similar. Actually some of the stunts I'm pulling are unheard of, new heights, topping what a younger me never experienced or had the courage to do.

Younger me was goddamn beautiful and had dreamy eyes and a lot going for him. I'm not his equal in that way. I wonder what I could be, though, and although I am now in my mid-thirties, it sure seems like the world still has space for me. Maybe more space than ever before?

 

[HammerEditor]

2. Need to be more sexual. I realize i need to prep myself more for the concept of physical intimacy, in a way just 'decide' that i am having sex now and am out for it. It seems so remote. Need to be sexier. An emotional process.

I am really struggling with this bro, especially when it comes to being seductive through non-verbals. The best I can currently do is insert sexual frames into the convo with verbal game and vocal tonality. Let me know how this aspect of your game goes.