Did I botch this post-sex texting?

[Hue]

Last Saturday I slept with a girl from my social circle after a music festival we attended. It was my first time meeting her. Her name is Lighter, a 20 y/o college girl. LR here.

I think I fucked up texting because after mostly receptive texts she ghosted me for whatever reason. Could be nothing, or a test, but here you are. Would love some feedback!


So on Sunday I realized I forgot to get her number after fucking her, even though we more or less implicitly agreed we should fuck again the night of (talking about some kinks to try out with eachother that we both like).

I got her number from her friend, at the final day of the music festival, which was no big deal. Lighter was supposed to be at the festival for the final day, but felt too tired and sick and gave it to our other friend. I also recall I playfully said as I walked Lighter out of my house, "See you in X hours!" because it's a weekend long festival. Not a good move because it comes off as too investy, which she may not be ready for. Hell, I didn't really even want to go deeper right that second, but it kinda just came out of my mouth as a joke.

Anyways.

I text her,

Monday

4:08 PM
Me: hey lighter this is hue. forgot to get your # so [girl] gave it to me

5:08 PM (exactly one hour later - potentially gamey
Her: Hey what's up??

6:01 PM
Me: just wanted you to have my # (=
Her: I was about to ask [girl] for yours haha
Me: aw stahp ;P

-- I should note I really didn't want to text, and that was the only reason I texted her --

Tuesday

7:59 AM
Her: Haha how was Sunday??

12:02 PM
Me: it was something... the [AJS;LJA] acts killed it and we had a great time at [a;sdh;l]
Me: how exciting was staying home for you? lol
Her: Good it looked so fun!
Her: I basically slept the whole day and night X)
Me: oh a bit tired were we? ;P

12:38 PM
Her: Just a bit

5:16 PM (I legitimately got super busy)
Me: well once you've spruced up a tad I'd love to see you again ;-*
Me: what's a night you're free before this hectic weekend?
ghost

That last text is what did it, I think. Instead of letting her reply to my return flirty text, I double down on assuming she's still thinking about me sexually and ask when she's free. Just a bit too much. Also, because I didn't reply fast enough, she may have experienced other emotions during those 5 hours that would have made her unresponsive.

So now she either forgot to respond, doesn't know how to respond, or convinced herself that maybe this guy is too much a player, fuckboy, etc. etc. Her good friend was slightly involved in my rapey accusation, but she was at the festival and I totally turned her around from disliking / avoiding me to seemingly being friends with me and being cool with taking Lighter home, food for thought.

What you dudes think?


Hue

 

[Space]

Hue,

[I didn't read your whole LR in detail, I don't come here for stories in general. By the way, texting related link.]

But I think on some level it boils down to this: if you can choose only one superskill which rules the other from being a sex god or being a text god, which one would you choose? I mean, imagine being a text god makes your sex issues magically disappear, and vice versa; which superskill would you choose? Well, maybe work more on that skill?

 

[Michal]

Hello Hue,
I cannot really answer your question, your analysis is similar to what I would say. But I want to mention something that I noticed in my texts and you might ponder on that. I noticedthat that each message has some subtext which can make the girl feel certain way and if the last message you send makes her feel.. inaptly or not favorably for seduction, it usually ends. Unless you send another text couple days later which somewhat shifts the tone again but that depends on what you sent earlier and other factors. I am sure you noticed this too, my point is that the girl might not feel the right emotions to respond to that.. so she does not respond. I had girls respond to me 2 weeks later where I thought I fucked it up, probably because my last text was easy to respond to and conveyed laid back energy and emotions. Here, I think it ties together with your suspicion that she might not think of you sexually in such a strong way anymore, and she will feel a mismatch between your text and her own emotions so she does not respond. But that is just food for thought

 

[Hue]

Space,

I've read Chase's, How To Text a Girl, and it was helpful. Though - and with texting especially - not everything is that black and white, and theories as well as tactics have potential to fail out in social dimensions due to nuance, and unpredictable factors.

To humor you, I would choose the superskill of sex, that's obvious. The sex from our night was pretty damn good, but there's always room for improvement. Sometimes I struggle with texting, because silly mistakes of mine come off in a way I didn't intend them too. And that, ultimately, means less sex (and therefore less improvement) for me, doesn't it?

Side note - do you saturate all your replies with Socratic questioning because you're exemplifying how to get laid or because it's the only method you know in providing feedback?



Michal,

Ya, it seems I didn't strike the iron when it was hot.

I'm thinking I send her a random Youtube video related to something we were doing at my house, getting a reply out of her for rapport and then either seeing if she replies to my question or asking again after a few exchanges.

Will probably send her that this afternoon to test the waters. Hector's shown this to me and had it work under certain contexts.

A mismatch between my text and her emotions is a concise way to describe it, good looks.


Hue

 

[Space]

Hue,

I've read Chase's, How To Text a Girl, and it was helpful. Though - and with texting especially - not everything is that black and white, and theories as well as tactics have potential to fail out in social dimensions due to nuance, and unpredictable factors.

I'm glad you liked it. But speaking of myself, I don't think such as extensive volume on texting would best serve me for the time being.

To humor you, I would choose the superskill of sex, that's obvious. The sex from our night was pretty damn good, but there's always room for improvement. Sometimes I struggle with texting, because silly mistakes of mine come off in a way I didn't intend them too. And that, ultimately, means less sex (and therefore less improvement) for me, doesn't it?

Thank you, Captain Obvious! 8)

But here's a drum I keep pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing (about a truly genuine connection with a girl, not just 'practicing') no one seemed to bite on it yet. In fact, skimming quite a volume of forum content, it does not seem to me this point has any importance here to most at all.

Back to your example if you truly connect with a girl, it should be less of a deal for her if you are not the sex god a given night, than if you get together for the physical exercise only, shouldn't be? Meaning, more responsive text replies. Not to mention in my country we are barbarians: besides texting, we sometimes, sometimes quite often pick up the phone and talk to each other. Sometimes even the youngest generations. Depending on the person. I realized we live in an age where there are no clear cut rules when it comes to distant communication. Every one of my friends use a different chat app, some are old school to call on the phone. There is everything. Make your own rules is new rule it seems.

Side note - do you saturate all your replies with Socratic questioning because you're exemplifying how to get laid or because it's the only method you know in providing feedback?

Thanks for asking! First, I realized there are too many topics here for too few contributors overall. And sometimes I just feel like giving my 2 cents, so to say. Second, I don't touch type, so writing a TL;DR is not something I commonly do. Though learning to touch type is on my list, but in the first place, and not on the second place.

But in the bigger picture of things, I haven't yet figured out how to connect to Chase's material in the first place. Heck, here's Marty, an already would-be paying customer not knowing where to give his money. Things do not seem to be so straightforward to me here, for whatever reason :/