Did I cheat?

[Tramp]

I had sex with a woman and set up the expectation that I was going to be serious with her.

She knew I was leaving the country for a month, and told me I could fool around with the European girls if I wanted but I told her I only wanted her.


However, while overseas, I did have sex with another girl.... And I feel incredibly guilty, like I cheated on her. We aren´t "official" yet, but I feel I cheated because I set up the expectation that I was going to be in a serious relationship with her (which I definitely want to be) but then turned around and had sex with a German girl, since I felt I´d never get the chance to have sex in Europe again (I´m only 18, and have never been outside of the country alone before) and wanted to live it up I guess.

My question is, how do I handle this situation? Do I tell my almost-girlfriend, who I have unprotected sex with? What about STD incubation periods, how do I make sure she doesn´t get anything from me since we are meeting up on Sunday when I come back home to the States.


The sex with the German girl was only 3 minutes max, and I went incredibly slow (and only used sex positions that didn´t make my unprotected skin come in contact with her) and used a condom. The worst sex of my life, but I´m hoping it prevented the transmission of skin-transmissable STDs.... The guilt is still overwhelming though

 

[Tramp]

Thanks for all the help guys...

 

[TheWrangler]

The reason no one has responded to this is because it's really up to you, we can't decide how guilty you feel about this and how much it'll affect your relationship.

So you have to options, don't tell her. But by how panicked your posts sounds, I'm unsure if you could handle getting into this relationship and not telling her.

Your other option is to tell her. Who knows how that goes... probably not well, but depending on how confident you are and if you frame it, maybe it will go better than you expected.

And just to give you another perspective on this situation, you're 18. You have a lot of years in front of you and a lot of new women to meet. This may seem like the end of the world now, but one day you'll look back and laugh, remembering your night of horrible German sex. Chin up, and good luck man!

 

[PinotNoir]

told me I could fool around with the European girls if I wanted but I told her I only wanted her.

This is a bit of a grey area.

Technically speaking, you did tell her that you only wanted her.... and then slept with a woman. So, technically, yes, you cheated, by the definition....

But in my opinion, you didn't really cheat. But, this is my opinion based on the grey area of what she said.

If you feel this guilty though, I'd just tell her. Especially before entering into a relationship, I'd go ahead and tell her.

If you hadn't implied that you only wanted her, then it'd actually be fine not to say anything because you were not official yet and just dating. But, since there was the implication, I think it would be best.

It's perfectly natural to desire making love to a variety of women. Maybe you aren't really ready for a long-term relationship with this girl yet. Maybe you still need to meet and sleep with other women before settling down with her or some other girl. You should spend some time thinking about this, about what you want. Maybe it's too soon, and you need to spend your 20s making love to women. That's perfectly fine. It's also fine if you want to be with only her instead. We can't make this decision for you.