Did I fuck up by "opening up" before getting the lay?

[ocean_eyes]

Saw girl at a bar - she had long LTR with a guy I used to know, years ago - extended social circle type thing.

She recognized me, came on strong, said she never gets out anymore, etc. Really into me. Had fun at the bar, some social proof, just socializing friendly like.

Took her to a park after bar close and it was a more sexual vibe, ending up making out. She started to breath real heavy and then pulled back, getting ASD about "making out with one of her ex's friends," then it was "I need to make sure whoever I'm with can fulfill all my emotional needs too," etc.

I just pulled back & let her talk and said everything's cool. I tried to disqualify myself by saying how I totally get it and we're probably not right for each other, but we can be friends (usually works well for me).

Then she started asking a bunch of questions about me ...and I knew I shouldn't have gone there, but we got into really deep personal conversation, and I ended up talking about my ex and how I relate to her situation with her ex, yada yada.

Basically shared too much about myself...but not in a "hey I'm just going to meet you and spill my guts unnecessarily" way.

She was doing a lot of prodding and prompting so I kinda fooled myself into thinking it was OK even tho my instincts were telling me to just shut up LOL.

Ended on a good note when I dropped her off, I still had the sense to steer the conversation into a lighter spot and flirt with her again. She kissed me and kept my hoodie "so I'd have an excuse to call her again."

I sent her a text 20-30min later: "Hey - didn't expect it but I enjoyed our deep conversation together, blahblahblah... I dont even like deep convos, cause I'm just a hot guy who likes to flirt. Go figure *emoji*" (I feel like this text was a huge fuckup IDK why I have the urge to say shit over text that I should only say in person. With my personality this would've gotten a laugh+fake punch but over text its just lame/weird).

I SHOULD have said "Hey HB, had a nice night. Great catching up. Talk soon "

Anyway, No response. The following day I called her mid afternoon...one ring then straight to voicemail. Then in the evening, feeling all lame, I sent this:

"Sorry if you feel any kind of way. Hope we can be friends but if not it's cool. Just dont want to leave anything on a bad note ✌"


Anyway, there it is. Usually I rebound quick, but still feeling a crushing sense of failure from this one. How do y'all deal with that feeling?

Maybe the main reason I felt so insecure about all this is that I've upped my looks/game recently and have been getting attention from much hotter girls. 2 years ago I would have considered this girl completely "out of my league." So overall this should still be a win for me.

It's still tough for me to not fuck up with the hotter ones! I think my sticking points are: 1.) trying too hard to "use" game, and 2.) sharing too much or letting them pull me into serious conversations.

 

[Skills]

Saw girl at a bar - she had long LTR with a guy I used to know, years ago - extended social circle type thing.

She recognized me, came on strong, said she never gets out anymore, etc. Really into me. Had fun at the bar, some social proof, just socializing friendly like.

Took her to a park after bar close and it was a more sexual vibe, ending up making out. She started to breath real heavy and then pulled back, getting ASD about "making out with one of her ex's friends," then it was "I need to make sure whoever I'm with can fulfill all my emotional needs too," etc.

I just pulled back & let her talk and said everything's cool. I tried to disqualify myself by saying how I totally get it and we're probably not right for each other, but we can be friends (usually works well for me).

Then she started asking a bunch of questions about me ...and I knew I shouldn't have gone there, but we got into really deep personal conversation, and I ended up talking about my ex and how I relate to her situation with her ex, yada yada.

Basically shared too much about myself...but not in a "hey I'm just going to meet you and spill my guts unnecessarily" way.

She was doing a lot of prodding and prompting so I kinda fooled myself into thinking it was OK even tho my instincts were telling me to just shut up LOL.

Ended on a good note when I dropped her off, I still had the sense to steer the conversation into a lighter spot and flirt with her again. She kissed me and kept my hoodie "so I'd have an excuse to call her again."

I sent her a text 20-30min later: "Hey - didn't expect it but I enjoyed our deep conversation together, blahblahblah... I dont even like deep convos, cause I'm just a hot guy who likes to flirt. Go figure *emoji*" (I feel like this text was a huge fuckup IDK why I have the urge to say shit over text that I should only say in person. With my personality this would've gotten a laugh+fake punch but over text its just lame/weird).

I SHOULD have said "Hey HB, had a nice night. Great catching up. Talk soon "

Anyway, No response. The following day I called her mid afternoon...one ring then straight to voicemail. Then in the evening, feeling all lame, I sent this:

"Sorry if you feel any kind of way. Hope we can be friends but if not it's cool. Just dont want to leave anything on a bad note ✌"


Anyway, there it is. Usually I rebound quick, but still feeling a crushing sense of failure from this one. How do y'all deal with that feeling?

Maybe the main reason I felt so insecure about all this is that I've upped my looks/game recently and have been getting attention from much hotter girls. 2 years ago I would have considered this girl completely "out of my league." So overall this should still be a win for me.

It's still tough for me to not fuck up with the hotter ones! I think my sticking points are: 1.) trying too hard to "use" game, and 2.) sharing too much or letting them pull me into serious conversations.

You dont know why she lost interest it could be a million things... if you talk about exes is fine, as long as you dont talk bad about your ex and calibrate as you are talking to her reactions and keep it vague.... what i suspect is that as the day progress you got more and more exited and invested, she notice and put the breaks...

 

[ocean_eyes]

You dont know why she lost interest it could be a million things... if you talk about exes is fine, as long as you dont talk bad about your ex and calibrate as you are talking to her reactions and keep it vague.... what i suspect is that as the day progress you got more and more exited and invested, she notice and put the breaks...

Think this is pretty spot on, Skills. Simple fact that she was hotter than most girls I lay made me too invested already :\ Gotta kill that!

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Maybe

 

[Terms]

You don't even know *if* she had lost interest, this was all within 24 hours. Life your life in days and weeks, not minutes and hours.

In the future, after a great meet, wait for the girl to text the "nice meeting you I had a great time" message, and if she doesn't, don't text her anything that night. Give a girl amazing feelings in person and then vanish into your abundant life.

As for your final text, you never want to fill in the blanks for what things means, much less start apologizing to girls for these mental creations. Try to eliminate this type of thinking and the resultant action taking from your life entirely.

The move here would be to wait to see if she texts first, and if not hit her with "what you up to?" the next night or one night soon after, aiming for an instant meetup. She'll possibly (but less likely) be available, and if not she should tell you when she'll be free and you can set a meet up from there.

 

[Fuck This]

Her need for emotional connection was a higher value than sexual gratification AT THAT MOMENT. Typical for rebound women who want to avoid being hurt again.

You gotta remember she associates you with her Ex and that's just going to make her emotionally all f'ed up. Don't worry about it, and be proud you got her interest before she got in her own head.

 

[Beck Bass]

Hey - didn't expect it but I enjoyed our deep conversation together, blahblahblah... I dont even like deep convos, cause I'm just a hot guy who likes to flirt. Go figure *emoji*"

I don't think this was thaaat bad, but the double texting afterwards shows you're way too invested while she has her doubts, probably, so her decision is more likely to go to naah, since she might feel pressured. The best way to handle would be probably to just chill for a week, and then send her a message proposing to meet up as if nothing happened. Her not answering shouldn't be the end of the world.

2 years ago I would have considered this girl completely "out of my league." So overall this should still be a win for me.

Yeah it was a win, it's normal to get excited over a girl you really liked and make mistakes like that, with time you get better, don't worry.

 

[Beck Bass]

You gotta remember she associates you with her Ex and that's just going to make her emotionally all f'ed up. Don't worry about it, and be proud you got her interest before she got in her own head.

Yeah, who knows what went into her head, dunno how affected she is by her ex, but you did good @youngjd. I think with girls with ex and shit you ough to try and make them forget, act like it's no big deal, like they have this way sexier guy in front of them and maybe they can get with him, if they behave lol

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Anyway, there it is. Usually I rebound quick, but still feeling a crushing sense of failure from this one. How do y'all deal with that feeling?

I would recommend reading John Maxwell book Sometimes You Win,Sometimes You Lose Learn where u keep beating yourself up .It can help in letting go of situations in the past that you no longer have control over.An open mind, teachability and humility is all you need to kickstart such a journey.Hey man,uve got this,it's the present enjoy every moment of it,savor all it's essence.Do u have a problem right NOW?This very Moment?Of course not .Do not get entrenched in the past or the future.Do all you can this very moment whether it's setting a goal to stop feeling insecure simply by observing the feeling itself u don't judge it u don't let it get to you u just observe no "name-labelling" any situation whether good or bad .You don't let any moment define You.Most people tend to label situations and there identity ends up being based on the labels.Happiness is pain.Pain happiness.They are one.

Sorry if you feel any kind of way. Hope we can be friends but if not it's cool. Just dont want to leave anything on a bad note ✌"

Quit stressing it.Im all for leaving things on a good note and stuff .I think the" hope" could have been omitted seems u still dependent on the outcome if u put it in there..ur mood looks forward to u being friends.I tend to think it's far better to be a woman's lover than being her friend not that am anti-friend.If she offers u other non sexual values it's cool if not I don't see a reason why you should be friends.Anyway on the text that u sent and u felt lame about it ,I think u should be sending voice notes for those moments where a text may be misconstrued or it fails to deliver on the tone or feeling that u may be aiming for . Anyway my thoughts Im open for critics

 

[ocean_eyes]

Great replies guys. Already over this one and moving to the next, better to start with a fresh slate IMO.

Will take the lessons I've learned though. Hold my frame - no "serious" conversations - no end of night texts and be busy the following days

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Great replies guys. Already over this one and moving to the next, better to start with a fresh slate IMO.

Will take the lessons I've learned though. Hold my frame - no "serious" conversations - no end of night texts and be busy the following days

Mmh ... finally a rational you.yeah you should keep on moving every single time towards other leads .U easily emanate this aura of abundance and independence when u do.I find the drive towards better promising leads motivating ...infact it helps in avoiding thinking about any single girl at any given moment.cause there are more of them.

When one of your cars breaks down u drive another if you got lots of them.it's not that u can't repair it or worry about it it's just that u have got others in your garage to worry about it bringing much of a down on you