- Joined
- Aug 31, 2017
- Messages
- 307
Hi everyone,
I've read GirlsChase on and off for years and as far as I'm concerned Chase is a guru who has taught me the majority of what I know about attracting woman. This site has been a huge help and if he happens to read this post I want to thank him for everything he's contributed to my life. I was hoping that there would be some articles by Chase on the topic of resistance AFTER you've successfully seduced a girl but I haven't been able to find anything. Please help! Apologies in advance for the long post
Some background about me:
I would consider myself above average with women but not advanced, maybe somewhere in the middle-upper band of intermediate. I'm tall, broad-shouldered and narrow-waisted, white, average looks and in the 99th percentile when it comes to fashion sense and style (at least here in the midwest). I never do cold approach and am very bad at approaching women in general but very good at conversation and very good at escalating physically, and I've developed a particular niche in online dating which I do almost exclusively at this point (tinder, bumble, etc). Since my last serious relationship ended in November 2016 I've had 5 casual relationships that lasted at least a few months, as well as a handful of one night stands. Not saying any of this with the intent of bragging, just to give some context to my experience level and skills and to establish that I'm definitely not a novice. I know there are a great many men with FAR more experience on this forum, and I am hoping some of them can give me some advice
The scenario
I met this girl via Tinder a few weeks ago and followed my typical tinder blueprint; have her meet me at my place, walk to a cool bar, have an amazing conversation and some appetizers, suggest we grab a change of scenery, walk her back to my place, then sleep with her, multiple times. It was one of the better dates I've had and I really connected with this girl on an intellectual level in addition to the sex.
Since then I've seen her three times with deteriorating results from a sexual standpoint:
2nd date I went over to her apartment (I gave her the choice of hosting or having me host) we hooked up two or three times. She kicked me out at like 2 AM because she doesn't sleep well with other people. I say kicked me out because she made it clear I should leave, but I wasn't begging to stay or anything like that.
3rd date was a week ago at her apartment to watch GoT on her bigscreen TV (she has HBO and everything hooked up and I do not). I slept with her immediately, then we had great conversation and watched GoT. When I tried to sleep with her a second time she resisted very strongly because she had work she wanted to get done before tomorrow. I was a bit peeved but I respect someone who is as ambitious and driven as me, so I decided discretion was the better part of valor and left.
4th date was today. She evidently had something trigger her at work today and almost canceled. I convinced her to come over anyway and have some wine and cheer up. That part worked, but as soon as I went to escalated she basically said "nuh-uh, not happening" I decided she needed some more time (and wine) to warm up so we hung out for a while longer and I did my best to be an awesome sexy guy. I went to escalate for a second time and while I felt like she was into it for a split second she through up some walls and made a similar "no sex" type of comment. 3rd attempt I lured her into my room and managed to get her top off and figured I'd try the slow and subtle approach (doing platonic things like watching youtube, but positioned very intimately until she couldn't help but go for it. I started caressing, kissing, etc. Clearly she was onto me because she made up some BS about it getting late and she should leave-- its 7:30 at this point and she's been here for maybe 1.5 hours. I could tell I'd lost the battle at this point, so the best thing I could come up with on the spot was to make her leave on my terms, as opposed to begging her to stay for a platonic date. I don't remember exactly what I said, something along the lines of "well, if you have to go you should probably get going." I wasn't a jerk about it or super awkward but definitely not James Bond level smooth. She could tell I was pissed and gave me some pity kisses, we said our mostly cordial goodbyes, and then she left
So yeah, date four sucked and I've got a bad taste in my mouth right now.
A few possibilities I've considered for why I'm getting blueballed:
a) The sex is bad
I have not yet gotten her to orgasm unfortunately, despite getting her very close but she is exceedingly difficult to get off and knows this. She tells me that it usually takes her a while to get comfortable with a new guy before the magic can happen (I believe this because I've definitely experience it with other girls). I can tell she is enjoying sex when we've had it, and its gotten better every time as we learn each others rhythms better. So, I don't think that I am blowing her mind sexually yet, which is a major letdown for me, but I dont feel like I'm getting an F in that department either. Maybe a solid C+
b) She has lost attraction to me for non-sex reasons
I don't see it. She constantly expresses approval of me, both verbally and physically. She tells me that her friends refer to all her previous men as her "puppies" because they were always following her while she is off being independent, and she admires me for being nothing like that. She is turned on by my confidence and has told me that multiple times. She texts me unsolicited sometimes, for example two days ago she sent me a random kiss emoji in the middle of the afternoon. Before our 3rd date she texted me how much she was looking forward to seeing me two days before we were set to meet
c) She is seeing another guy and that is fucking things up for me
I can't rule this out completely, but I'm not getting that feeling. In my experience you can often tell with a woman when she is seeing another man, and she is being way too connected/expressive/supportive of me for me to feel like there is another relationship stealing the spotlight.
d) There is some baggage that is playing a role in this
This one is a very strong maybe, because she had what sounds like a fucked up childhood. Military kid that moved constantly, and apparently her brother raped her when she was younger and the parent took the brothers side. Yeah, pretty fucked up. I haven't delved super deep into this yet because its clearly a very touchy topic and I don't have the background to authentically relate to it, but I can see how that would mess things up with other guys. Also she was a sugar baby for a while, apparently on the advice of her therapist. I'm totally cool with that, and she was really impressed and attracted that I didn't judge her for it, but clearly she's had some non-normal sexual experience that might be contributing.
e) She is very stubborn, sometimes isn't in the mood, and doesn't give in to seduction when she's made up her mind that she doesn't want sex
This is the conclusion I've come to that seems to best fit the facts. Please let me know if you are seeing something I'm missing. She is very atypical of a woman, very work focused and driven, more logical than emotional (at least for a girl) and values her independence very highly. Has turned down sex very matter of factually, no half-hearted "oh but I shouldn't" kind of resistance. She also has an alpha personality and is used to being the boss. I've been calling the shots thus far, but I think the reason its worked is largely because I've 5 years older and far more experienced then her in most things.
So I've identified what I THINK is the cause, although I definitely want feedback from people on whether they agree with my assessment or not. The part that has me stumped is what the hell I do about it
The concern is twofold;
1) Anytime you try to sleep with a girl and fail you're losing major man points. As Chase points out, if its your first time trying to bed a girl and you fail your chances are practically gone. I've slept with this girl successfully multiple times, but I worry that her saying "No" to me and winning is going to kill the attraction if it keeps happening. Assuming its not too late already
2) I like this girl a lot and could even see this progressing to something more serious over time, something I am definitely ready for at this point with the right girl. But its not going to work for me if she isn't meeting my needs sexually. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm only seeing a girl once a week, that day should be circled on her calendar in red with a note that says "Have lots of sex."
In ~12 or so relationships of various flavors on the casual/serious spectrum I've honestly never encountered being straight up blue balled by a woman I've slept with before. I know how to handle resistance on the initial date, but I'm a bit flummoxed here because if anything I've had the opposite problem in relationships historically -- girls wanting it when I'm not in the mood. And usually that only happens when things get to the point where we are seeing each other multiple times a week
Am I being a pussy? Do I need to double down and go for broke and not give up? I feel like I'm not going to win that fight though, because I was pretty damn forceful the first time she blueballed me-- picked her off the ground, carried her to the bedroom, threw her on the bed, etc-- and she was able to turn me down very matter-of-factly. I'm very dominant in bed which she enjoys, so dont think that I'm not trying to make this sex thing happen. I don't want to push it to the point where it becomes a conflict or rapey, especially given her history. I've also had one or two great casual things end because I was being selfish sexually, or at the very least not being smooth about getting my needs filled when girls were putting up resistance, so I don't want to make that mistake again. But I need sex damnit
Advice?
I've read GirlsChase on and off for years and as far as I'm concerned Chase is a guru who has taught me the majority of what I know about attracting woman. This site has been a huge help and if he happens to read this post I want to thank him for everything he's contributed to my life. I was hoping that there would be some articles by Chase on the topic of resistance AFTER you've successfully seduced a girl but I haven't been able to find anything. Please help! Apologies in advance for the long post
Some background about me:
I would consider myself above average with women but not advanced, maybe somewhere in the middle-upper band of intermediate. I'm tall, broad-shouldered and narrow-waisted, white, average looks and in the 99th percentile when it comes to fashion sense and style (at least here in the midwest). I never do cold approach and am very bad at approaching women in general but very good at conversation and very good at escalating physically, and I've developed a particular niche in online dating which I do almost exclusively at this point (tinder, bumble, etc). Since my last serious relationship ended in November 2016 I've had 5 casual relationships that lasted at least a few months, as well as a handful of one night stands. Not saying any of this with the intent of bragging, just to give some context to my experience level and skills and to establish that I'm definitely not a novice. I know there are a great many men with FAR more experience on this forum, and I am hoping some of them can give me some advice
The scenario
I met this girl via Tinder a few weeks ago and followed my typical tinder blueprint; have her meet me at my place, walk to a cool bar, have an amazing conversation and some appetizers, suggest we grab a change of scenery, walk her back to my place, then sleep with her, multiple times. It was one of the better dates I've had and I really connected with this girl on an intellectual level in addition to the sex.
Since then I've seen her three times with deteriorating results from a sexual standpoint:
2nd date I went over to her apartment (I gave her the choice of hosting or having me host) we hooked up two or three times. She kicked me out at like 2 AM because she doesn't sleep well with other people. I say kicked me out because she made it clear I should leave, but I wasn't begging to stay or anything like that.
3rd date was a week ago at her apartment to watch GoT on her bigscreen TV (she has HBO and everything hooked up and I do not). I slept with her immediately, then we had great conversation and watched GoT. When I tried to sleep with her a second time she resisted very strongly because she had work she wanted to get done before tomorrow. I was a bit peeved but I respect someone who is as ambitious and driven as me, so I decided discretion was the better part of valor and left.
4th date was today. She evidently had something trigger her at work today and almost canceled. I convinced her to come over anyway and have some wine and cheer up. That part worked, but as soon as I went to escalated she basically said "nuh-uh, not happening" I decided she needed some more time (and wine) to warm up so we hung out for a while longer and I did my best to be an awesome sexy guy. I went to escalate for a second time and while I felt like she was into it for a split second she through up some walls and made a similar "no sex" type of comment. 3rd attempt I lured her into my room and managed to get her top off and figured I'd try the slow and subtle approach (doing platonic things like watching youtube, but positioned very intimately until she couldn't help but go for it. I started caressing, kissing, etc. Clearly she was onto me because she made up some BS about it getting late and she should leave-- its 7:30 at this point and she's been here for maybe 1.5 hours. I could tell I'd lost the battle at this point, so the best thing I could come up with on the spot was to make her leave on my terms, as opposed to begging her to stay for a platonic date. I don't remember exactly what I said, something along the lines of "well, if you have to go you should probably get going." I wasn't a jerk about it or super awkward but definitely not James Bond level smooth. She could tell I was pissed and gave me some pity kisses, we said our mostly cordial goodbyes, and then she left
So yeah, date four sucked and I've got a bad taste in my mouth right now.
A few possibilities I've considered for why I'm getting blueballed:
a) The sex is bad
I have not yet gotten her to orgasm unfortunately, despite getting her very close but she is exceedingly difficult to get off and knows this. She tells me that it usually takes her a while to get comfortable with a new guy before the magic can happen (I believe this because I've definitely experience it with other girls). I can tell she is enjoying sex when we've had it, and its gotten better every time as we learn each others rhythms better. So, I don't think that I am blowing her mind sexually yet, which is a major letdown for me, but I dont feel like I'm getting an F in that department either. Maybe a solid C+
b) She has lost attraction to me for non-sex reasons
I don't see it. She constantly expresses approval of me, both verbally and physically. She tells me that her friends refer to all her previous men as her "puppies" because they were always following her while she is off being independent, and she admires me for being nothing like that. She is turned on by my confidence and has told me that multiple times. She texts me unsolicited sometimes, for example two days ago she sent me a random kiss emoji in the middle of the afternoon. Before our 3rd date she texted me how much she was looking forward to seeing me two days before we were set to meet
c) She is seeing another guy and that is fucking things up for me
I can't rule this out completely, but I'm not getting that feeling. In my experience you can often tell with a woman when she is seeing another man, and she is being way too connected/expressive/supportive of me for me to feel like there is another relationship stealing the spotlight.
d) There is some baggage that is playing a role in this
This one is a very strong maybe, because she had what sounds like a fucked up childhood. Military kid that moved constantly, and apparently her brother raped her when she was younger and the parent took the brothers side. Yeah, pretty fucked up. I haven't delved super deep into this yet because its clearly a very touchy topic and I don't have the background to authentically relate to it, but I can see how that would mess things up with other guys. Also she was a sugar baby for a while, apparently on the advice of her therapist. I'm totally cool with that, and she was really impressed and attracted that I didn't judge her for it, but clearly she's had some non-normal sexual experience that might be contributing.
e) She is very stubborn, sometimes isn't in the mood, and doesn't give in to seduction when she's made up her mind that she doesn't want sex
This is the conclusion I've come to that seems to best fit the facts. Please let me know if you are seeing something I'm missing. She is very atypical of a woman, very work focused and driven, more logical than emotional (at least for a girl) and values her independence very highly. Has turned down sex very matter of factually, no half-hearted "oh but I shouldn't" kind of resistance. She also has an alpha personality and is used to being the boss. I've been calling the shots thus far, but I think the reason its worked is largely because I've 5 years older and far more experienced then her in most things.
So I've identified what I THINK is the cause, although I definitely want feedback from people on whether they agree with my assessment or not. The part that has me stumped is what the hell I do about it
The concern is twofold;
1) Anytime you try to sleep with a girl and fail you're losing major man points. As Chase points out, if its your first time trying to bed a girl and you fail your chances are practically gone. I've slept with this girl successfully multiple times, but I worry that her saying "No" to me and winning is going to kill the attraction if it keeps happening. Assuming its not too late already
2) I like this girl a lot and could even see this progressing to something more serious over time, something I am definitely ready for at this point with the right girl. But its not going to work for me if she isn't meeting my needs sexually. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm only seeing a girl once a week, that day should be circled on her calendar in red with a note that says "Have lots of sex."
In ~12 or so relationships of various flavors on the casual/serious spectrum I've honestly never encountered being straight up blue balled by a woman I've slept with before. I know how to handle resistance on the initial date, but I'm a bit flummoxed here because if anything I've had the opposite problem in relationships historically -- girls wanting it when I'm not in the mood. And usually that only happens when things get to the point where we are seeing each other multiple times a week
Am I being a pussy? Do I need to double down and go for broke and not give up? I feel like I'm not going to win that fight though, because I was pretty damn forceful the first time she blueballed me-- picked her off the ground, carried her to the bedroom, threw her on the bed, etc-- and she was able to turn me down very matter-of-factly. I'm very dominant in bed which she enjoys, so dont think that I'm not trying to make this sex thing happen. I don't want to push it to the point where it becomes a conflict or rapey, especially given her history. I've also had one or two great casual things end because I was being selfish sexually, or at the very least not being smooth about getting my needs filled when girls were putting up resistance, so I don't want to make that mistake again. But I need sex damnit
Advice?
