FR Disappointing results after 2 months a milestone and indicator that I need to make bigger changes

[Merchant's-Kin]

20-21 approaches over the span of one day. Friday. Only 9 of them even said anything back. Will talk about the mistakes that I made with 6 of these girls
My stop rate is higer than 9/20 though. I think it's about 70-80% where. The ones who don't say anything stop but then, sometimes I hesitate, or it's not important to them so they just start walking again

Location: On the way while buying lunch
Small alley leading to the pre-Corona most busy road in my dense city
1. Flamboyantly dressed 35-40 year old girl. I side-stop successfully since she's slow on heels. She's going to the bank
I'm in this conversation where I still have the problem of anxiety of talking to girls. I have a tendency to shiver or tremble when I'm anxious. As of now it happens for about half of my approaches. This usually happens on the warm-up approaches but after a day at home, fears start coming back
I stop her and then I release my dominance by starting to walk down the same path, beause we were walking in the same direction.
Whatever was said beyond this is not so useful for learning I gotta get this part right first. I will stop her there and number close there, or set the date right there.


Day game in evening
Location: A circuit of footpaths that I've developed to walk in rounds on outside a mall that people from the neighbouring apartments have to bypass to get groceries (my "difficult" (just me having low skills) location where even during the Corona restriction there would be girls)
2. Older girl who I could tell completely sensed my presence and was deliberately looking in the opposite direction was wearing some kind of shirt with a lot of brands on it so I used one of them to open
I said hi while she was not even looking at me. Neediness again

3. College or pre-college age girl who I decided to just approach as my last at this venue given that I wanted to change location to check out once again the busiest street in the city as a very small number of shops have begun opening again
She's under this impression that she thought she didn't know me? Hmm... I think it was a test when she said "so how do I know u?"
Can build more intrigue from here, first time I ever got the flirty-suspicious frown from a girl on the street through cold approach
Once again, I don't deep deep dive her
Too soon before I ask her whether she wants to drive with me to wherever she's going, she liked me enough to tell me her plans though
Conversation ended quite negatively with me frustrated after persistence
At the end, I just said, "ok, just go" and I stood there and looked down at my phone. Then she hestitated to walk away and but slowly walked away. Some bitterness there from me hmm. It's my job to make her comfortable with it


Day game at night
Back to the pre-Corona busiest street in this city
4. I park somewhere and try to get some parking payment settled and some older girl walks past and I use the parking issue to open.
She's a foreign student and now we talk for about 10 mins though my deep diving fails again. But it's not so needy so that's fine for now
I try to number close 3 times. And she's just saying very monotone that she doesn't want to give her number to strangers.
I'm not making her interested enough in me
Then I say we should drive somewhere to eat the food she bought and that fails

5. I stop this Chinese girl who's buying a lot of groceries try to ask her questions for the period of a minute.
So one problem is me asking too many questions. I'll find the way around this.
At the end it feels like I'm chasing so she starts walking off.

6. I open this German girl who's born in my city but works in England.
I'm really not getting her to invest in the conversation. And I try to set a date 3 times or more as well. But that doesn't work

Actuallly the problem is quite clear already. Won't write any more.

Problems:
An inner neediness that is displayed my interaction through many ways. That's where I am after 2 months. Good to write this report to remind myself that this is not working out for me and that I need to take more thought-through and bigger steps to improving my game.

Now I realise that this is hugely disappointing. A pat for myself on the back. Time to get better at this.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Merchant's-Kin dude! I wouldn't have wasted my time on number 2, that was always going to be a difficult one.

Number 3 was a shit test and you didn't handle the whole thing well. You didn't lead and this left her confused and then telling her to go wasn't great. Offering to drive where she's going without checking is way too forward, if you want to do that you get her plans and then say you're going that way if she wants to jump in. She needs enough comfort to make this happen and it seems rushed dude.

Number 4 trying to get her into your car when she won't give you her number was a bad move. You never got small compliance and tried asking for more.... it's pushy and socially clueless behaviour. It'll show inexperience and a lack of being smooth which isn't a turn on.

 

[Mondo]

A lot of guys can get too caught up in the tactics and process of picking up and forget that this is socializing and building a relationship with someone.

You’re doing right by getting out there and getting experience, but let your curiosity come out here. Try to soak up the experience of meeting people and getting to know them, seeing what makes them tick. Not to mention feeling your own feelings, and processing and managing them, there can be a ton when you’re new to daygame.

When you can really see and feel and notice people and yourself in this way, you’ll start building the foundation for intuition and having a good vibe.

It’s a marathon not a sprint, you’ll learn little bit little. So yes, keep going out there and trying things, but don’t let the process cloud your presence in the moment.

and don’t underestimate yourself, if you meet someone and you start hitting it off, you can think about what you should do next, but don’t think of it as a logical process. It’s a guide, not a rule.

Experience and reflection combined with getting advice here will help you know what you can do better next time, but you have to make your own decisions out there and they are best made when you are paying attention to yourself and her and feeling grounded in the moment, not when you’re over thinking about what you “should” do next.

Doing this can help you shake off some of that neediness and uncalibrated things you were struggling with. If you’re out and enjoying yourself you’ll come across better, and if you’re paying attention to yourself and her, you’ll be more calibrated or at least building the foundations for it.

Btw, if you can have some sort of purpose when you go out to daygame, like studying at a cafe, or getting lunch, or exercising, or something besides daygame, I’ve found it to be very helpful for my state of mind. It puts me in a more relatable mood, gives you a strong psychological purpose for being there, and can give you a break when you’re maxed out.

Good luck, and don’t forget a lot of us started where you are. I remember when I would approach a girl shaking and mumbling.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Thanks for the advice again @Fluxcapacitor !

Yea ok good reference points to collect then. I'm gonna have to change my learning then. Long way to go will keep running

Cheers haha

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

A lot of guys can get too caught up in the tactics and process of picking up and forget that this is socializing and building a relationship with someone.

You’re doing right by getting out there and getting experience, but let your curiosity come out here. Try to soak up the experience of meeting people and getting to know them, seeing what makes them tick. Not to mention feeling your own feelings, and processing and managing them, there can be a ton when you’re new to daygame.

When you can really see and feel and notice people and yourself in this way, you’ll start building the foundation for intuition and having a good vibe.

It’s a marathon not a sprint, you’ll learn little bit little. So yes, keep going out there and trying things, but don’t let the process cloud your presence in the moment.

and don’t underestimate yourself, if you meet someone and you start hitting it off, you can think about what you should do next, but don’t think of it as a logical process. It’s a guide, not a rule.

Experience and reflection combined with getting advice here will help you know what you can do better next time, but you have to make your own decisions out there and they are best made when you are paying attention to yourself and her and feeling grounded in the moment, not when you’re over thinking about what you “should” do next.

Doing this can help you shake off some of that neediness and uncalibrated things you were struggling with. If you’re out and enjoying yourself you’ll come across better, and if you’re paying attention to yourself and her, you’ll be more calibrated or at least building the foundations for it.

Good luck, and don’t forget a lot of us started where you are. I remember when I would approach a girl shaking and mumbling.

Thanks for reading @Mondo!

yea maybe I have to be enjoying the process more. Will be good to start getting some fun out of it as well

Maybe I'm using the logic and the tactics to run away from some fears I have. Might be something I really need to take note of

 

[Mondo]

Maybe I'm using the logic and the tactics to run away from some fears I have. Might be something I really need to take note of

I actually had this thought, but didn’t want to poke that until you did! Yeah, I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I’m the same way, trying to eat the fucking mammoth in one day.

Feeling those fears and getting to know them will make you stronger and guide you to your path of progress, not to mention help your game by getting you more aware of subtleties (women basically communicate in subtleties). I recommend some mediation for The plethora of benefits, including addressing your fears and calibration.

You cAn keep going out and learning a process, but think of it as a tool you can pick up and let go of on your work bench. Your main tool is yourself, sharpen that my lad and you will slay.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Mondo dude! I don't think @Merchant's-Kin is using the logic and tactics to run away from fear here, the examples don't demonstrate any use of these and more an unfocused approach which happens when people start. He moves his goal posts can I have your number? Oh she won't give me her number, we should go for a drive! Asking for more compliance after she didn't comply... there's no tactic or logic to this...

This is unfocused and more he's aware to number close, he's aware to move, he's wanting to move the interaction forward but he's shooting random ideas. This is painting by numbers but not in numerical order, oh all the 2s are blue and the 4s are green, I missed number 3...but that's yellow. I don't have yellow but I'll fill it in with the purple I've got left over. That'll look good right? No, no it won't

There's a few fixes to this, you become focused on something is the goal an instant date, a date or a number close. (Anyone savvy here will organise the date and then number close, otherwise you're texting to arrange a date which can be done but usually better odds doing it the other way) having a clear goal in mind of I want her number and to see her again this week allows you to lead the conversation where you want it. "I have to run but you seem cool, we should go for a drink sometime when are you free? Thursday? That's cool, I'll see you at 7 at that place, I'll grab your number " very natural because that was your goal.

This will improve calibration, especially with more experience and references. The other fix to being unfocused is starting big and working back. We should go on a drive right now! Oh you're not up for that? Maybe we can grab a drink? Umm you're not ready for that, but giving me your number doesn't sound so bad now. The issue with this 'negotiation' style is you build negative compliance shes used to saying no not saying yes.

To much pressure? Maybe. Trying to get the mammoth in one day? We all want that prize. Building confidence along the way with small achievable goals is often overlooked. I just want to introduce myself, I just want a conversation, I just want her number, I just want a date, I just want a kiss...

You will be more focused and less likely to be throwing too much shit at the wall to see what sticks dude

 

[Mondo]

@Mondo dude! I don't think @Merchant's-Kin is using the logic and tactics to run away from fear here, the examples don't demonstrate any use of these

Maybe I should have suggested that as food for thought for him, instead of sOme sort of diagnosis.

But I recognized some things from what he said from my own experiences and what I recommended him was what helped me.

and I agree with you, he’s hungry and putting in the effort. Celebrating the small wins are important.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Mondo dude! From your post I got a vibe it was from your experience and I thought it was a great post with good advice that I could see related very well with him. I don't disagree with your observations and recommendations I just thought his approach was less tactic driven and more throwing ideas at the wall to see what worked.

My advice above was to make him aware of lack of direction, no tactics and just putting him self out there. That's the first step dude

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

@Mondo dude! I don't think @Merchant's-Kin is using the logic and tactics to run away from fear here, the examples don't demonstrate any use of these and more an unfocused approach which happens when people start. He moves his goal posts can I have your number? Oh she won't give me her number, we should go for a drive! Asking for more compliance after she didn't comply... there's no tactic or logic to this...

This is unfocused and more he's aware to number close, he's aware to move, he's wanting to move the interaction forward but he's shooting random ideas. This is painting by numbers but not in numerical order, oh all the 2s are blue and the 4s are green, I missed number 3...but that's yellow. I don't have yellow but I'll fill it in with the purple I've got left over. That'll look good right? No, no it won't

There's a few fixes to this, you become focused on something is the goal an instant date, a date or a number close. (Anyone savvy here will organise the date and then number close, otherwise you're texting to arrange a date which can be done but usually better odds doing it the other way) having a clear goal in mind of I want her number and to see her again this week allows you to lead the conversation where you want it. "I have to run but you seem cool, we should go for a drink sometime when are you free? Thursday? That's cool, I'll see you at 7 at that place, I'll grab your number " very natural because that was your goal.

This will improve calibration, especially with more experience and references. The other fix to being unfocused is starting big and working back. We should go on a drive right now! Oh you're not up for that? Maybe we can grab a drink? Umm you're not ready for that, but giving me your number doesn't sound so bad now. The issue with this 'negotiation' style is you build negative compliance shes used to saying no not saying yes.

To much pressure? Maybe. Trying to get the mammoth in one day? We all want that prize. Building confidence along the way with small achievable goals is often overlooked. I just want to introduce myself, I just want a conversation, I just want her number, I just want a date, I just want a kiss...

You will be more focused and less likely to be throwing too much shit at the wall to see what sticks dude

Yea ok that sounds like a very good idea to focus only on one thing! What's been happening in the report is that I'm just doing approaches to get Approach Anxiety out and keep up approaching about 3 times a week while one the rest of the days while I don't approach I'll go study some products to learn from experts

I'll create some good method to get conversation down first before I think about number closing. For today I tried just opening situationally and I find that it's more fun but I don't know how successful it is

Thanks for the advice @Fluxcapacitor and @Mondo !

 

[ElderPrice]

My man, this reads like you have 10,000 thoughts running through your mind. Try a few outings where you only actively focus on 2-3 things max. Maybe that will help reduce some anxiety.

Also, your strong suit seems to be closing. Kudos! On your next couple FRs, I think it would be helpful to really flesh out your openers and conversations. As in, try reproducing them word-for-word for us.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

My man, this reads like you have 10,000 thoughts running through your mind. Try a few outings where you only actively focus on 2-3 things max. Maybe that will help reduce some anxiety.

Also, your strong suit seems to be closing. Kudos! On your next couple FRs, I think it would be helpful to really flesh out your openers and conversations. As in, try reproducing them word-for-word for us.

Thanks for the advice EP!

Alright I'll write field reports more regularly and see if that helps. I'll need to get used to remembering my conversations in that case.

Will keep working on it