Disqualifying myself as a boyfriend - how to do it?

[Desert Eagle]

Hey fellas,

For a while now I've been actively trying to keep myself out of boyfriend territory when I talk with girls. It seems that every time, in my limited experience, that I think a have a girl ready to go to bed, the fact that I am not boyfriend material is her reasoning for not sleeping with me.

I remember an old girl that, in the middle of us making out and getting ready to sleep together, asked me something about relationships. I believe the question was, "Do you want a girlfriend?" I answered "Probably not". She promptly stopped all further escalation and walked out of the door, never to be seen again. She wasn't angry, but as soon as I let it loose that I wasn't boyfriend material she wanted to go.

Ever since then I've tried disqualifying myself as a boyfriend not by saying I didn't want a relationship, but by displaying qualities opposite of those that girls would want in a boyfriend. Things like trying to paint myself as an unloyal guy, erratic, busy, and further unattainable for a relationship. I never try to prove my merit with others, instead shrugging off compliments that paint me as a boyfriend (smart, nice, loyal, rich) and accepting being called an asshole.

Alas, because of not moving fast enough, another girl ended up finding a guy. Except this guy displays ideal boyfriend traits. He's rich, smart, nice, loyal, etc. Yet fast intimacy happened, within days of meeting and going on a long, drawn out date. This seems to be common at college; the ideal boyfriend candidates end up with multiple girls chasing them and their pick of the litter.

I'm just wondering how in the hell I disqualify myself as a boyfriend. Should I display qualities of a boyfriend, yet appear to be otherwise unattainable? Or should I not show those qualities, and end up having lower value than others as a lover because I probably won't commit to anything? It's boggling my mind.

 

[ray_zorse]

In Chase's ebook the advice given is that as a new guy you probably have enough problems without handicapping yourself with boyfriend disqualifiers.

I haven't really found it to be an issue, I just be myself and if they want to target a r/ship with me it's their concern. However you should try to get better at deflecting questions cos by answering on her terms you submit to her frame. You could have just laughed and said "sizing me up for a relationship already?"... check out the recent thread on facial expressions and the clip of Brad Pitt... useful for shit tests.

cheers, Ray

 

[Desert Eagle]

In Chase's ebook the advice given is that as a new guy you probably have enough problems without handicapping yourself with boyfriend disqualifiers.

I haven't really found it to be an issue, I just be myself and if they want to target a r/ship with me it's their concern. However you should try to get better at deflecting questions cos by answering on her terms you submit to her frame. You could have just laughed and said "sizing me up for a relationship already?"... check out the recent thread on facial expressions and the clip of Brad Pitt... useful for shit tests.

cheers, Ray

Yeah, I think that's probably true that I shouldn't handicap myself. I feel the need to accelerate everything to top-tier game when I need to keep in mind I'm still a beginner.

Also true that I shouldn't have given her a direct answer. If I remember correctly I deflected the question at first, then she asked again like she really wanted to know so I answered. Might have kept her in the room if I just stayed indirect/mysterious.

Thanks for all the help Ray.

 

[pickupq123]

Gah, this is the same exact problem I'm dealing with right now.

To make matter worse, this sometimes happens to me on Tinder dates, even after telling the girl through Tinder 'I'm looking to meet new people and have fun. Def. not looking for anything serious'

I think I give off huge BF vibes over ice cream/drinks, but not sure what I'm saying/doing that's doing it. I'll let you know if I make any progress, and let me know if you have success with disqualifying yourself in recent dates.

 

[ray_zorse]

I think what would help here is just getting better at refusing compliance (including deflecting questions and laughing off attempts to qualify you) as well as not submitting to any of her frames, and building compliance and leading/dominance generally. Because one of the key things she looks for in a boyfriend is that she is (at least partially) in control. If you can get past that you should be pretty much disqualified.
cheers, Ray

 

[pickupq123]

I think what would help here is just getting better at refusing compliance (including deflecting questions and laughing off attempts to qualify you) as well as not submitting to any of her frames, and building compliance and leading/dominance generally. Because one of the key things she looks for in a boyfriend is that she is (at least partially) in control. If you can get past that you should be pretty much disqualified.
cheers, Ray

Yeah. It would be so helpful if I could record these dates and pass them on to you all to analyze, but pretty hard to pull that off. I even told the girl mid-date, "I like girls with a bit of sexual freedom." and went on about how society deems a girl has to be innocent when they first meet, they can't be sexual, etc, and how I think that's all BS. But she sort of questioned me further with this, saying "what do I mean". I sort of felt like I was then digging myself in a hole after saying these things, but I've read here and maybe elsewhere, that if you let a girl know they think they should be innocent, then they will act up to your image.

So frustrating! But alas, I might take a month or two off of dating and go back to reading up on some articles. I've been in the dating scene for almost 6-7 months now. These plateaus are the tough ones to break through.

 

[bassman]

I think Ray is right on this one. Who gives a fuck about disqualifying yourself (unless it actually works for you). You should use what works. I get looked at as potential boyfriend material all the time and that's because I am and I fucking know it. I just use it to my advantage. And maybe you are saying to yourself "oh wait! I wouldn't want to lead the girl on!, that's terrible!!". Do you think she worries about shit like that when she's got several different guys she's trying to decide on?! No, she doesn't because she isn't thinking about it that way. She just doesn't worry about shit like that. You shouldn't either. She's living in the moment as well as you should be.

Is it my fault that she thinks I'll make a great boyfriend and falls for me, just to become needy push me away?

All I do is have a great, fun time hanging out with her and IF SHE IS INTO ME I usually don't act too aloof. I act like I am I to her too because really I am.

Here is a recent example of mine:

Met this girl a while back, hung out with her a couple times. I could tell she was into me, but she said she was seeing a guy and I had other shit going on at that time so I didn't pursue her. Fast forward to last weekend, I see her at the bar by herself. I go talk to her and ask if she wants to come play some pool at my house and drink after the bar closes. She says ok. We end up in bed together and I fuck her brains out. Next morning I wake up to her cuddling all over me. I fuck her again. She says she feels bad for the other guy she is seeing.

Then I get texts like this:

Me: I truly have an awesome time hanging out with you. Hope you have a great day (her name)

Her: U made me craaaazy lol!!! I can't stop thinking

Me: You'll be just fine

Her: Your terrible and I love it!

Me: Haha!

(Later that day...)

Me: Did you make it through the day without your head exploding?

Her: Gollleeee not really!!! Still at work haha
How r u???

Me: I'm good! I'm going to a comedy show right now

Her: Ohh awesome!!! Dangit wish I could go

Me: You working late tonight?

Her: Mmmm I should be off relatively soon I think!?!

Me: I'd imagine u are probably burnt out lol!

Her: Lol- that might be somewhat of an under statement lol!! How are you doing it?!?!

Me: I believe most of my organs have hardened haha!!

Me: Well, I hope you have a good relaxing night. Let's hang out again soon

Her: Ohh well thank you I hope u do too!! Well and that yours is fun too lol- and we better!!

Me: Just relax

(Next day..)

Me: Did you get some good sleep in last night?

Her: Holy shit dude I slept for sooooo long lol!!!

Me: Did I wear you out?

Her: YES!!!!!

Me: I promise I won't do it again hehe

Her: Ohhhh wait what?!?! Hahaha no no- now I just know what to expect dam!!! Lol


I ended up pounding her again that night. And she is falling for me hard. This how a lot of my interactions go. If she gets too needy or try's too hard to pull me into a relationship I just next her (unless I think she would make an good gf, which is rare).

Don't worry about the boyfriend/disqualifying shit for now. Just do what works.

 

[Eternity]

Kino her ASAP.