Disqualifying myself from the friend zone verbally, issues?

[Paulie Walnuts]

So as I've mentioned before I have a rule about not doing the platonic friend zone with women. However I think this may be shooting myself in the foot, since I'm completely upfront about said rule.

I was talking to this REALLY hot blonde on Okcupid today, (who is hot as hell, raves and has prime rave booty, and fucking loves the Fallout series just like me!) However as we were talking (probably 6-7 messages back and forth), I may have shot myself in the foot, fucked up on Spezz plus... well judge for yourselves.

Me: So you're a smokin hot blonde (my type) who loves EDM (assumed since you rave), AND you like fallout (which I'm obsessive and read the wiki of), psh there's no way, you don't exist .

Her: Contrary to popular belief, I do exist! , Hahaha thanks so much for your kind words and I must say you're my type as well because I'm a sucker for brown eyes! Nice to meet you, I'm Brooke!

Me: I know I'm just teasin ya Brooke , my names "S" it's a pleasure. Who'd you side with in FO4? Haha one of the reasons my best mate and I are so tight is our love of the game (plus running clubs and raves together).

Her: I have had such a hard time picking a side that I haven't done it yet! I was so mad I couldn't be a pacifist route. Well, screw the brotherhood of steel after what they did to paladin danse. But it's so hard choosing between the institute and railroad. I think that the institute could do so much good for humanity under the right leadership but I didn't want to kill Desdemona
Which side did you pick?!
And that's dope!! What kind of raves and clubs do you run? Where are they? Let's party sometime!

Me: I ended up picking the institute haha the whole point was me finding my son, but I felt bad betraying the brotherhood :/, fucking love thoe guys and their power armor. I used to run fusion friedays and saturdays and the volume sometimes, yacht parties with dubalicious and Dante's in the u district. Thing is I don't do that anymore haha, I"m down to go to parties but tbh if I'm interesteed in a girl I prefer to get to know her one on one before I hang around in groups with her!

The I fucked up because I saw she hadn't replied in like 12 hours and had been online (I know it's a spezz violation, I fucked up)

12 hours later: Me: Would you like to grab coffee with me? I really do think you're gorgeous and sound pretty amazing

1 hour later: Her: I'd love to get coffee sometime! I don't mind meeting one on one either, I prefer it also. When are you free?

I'm somewhat new to Seattle but I've heard of all of those clubs and events! That's dope! I'd love to talk to you about that!
I loved the brotherhood too, especially after fallout 3 but they backstabbed on of their best paladins :/ That made me sad haha.

The next day (today) : Me: Haha just don't pick my brain to hard on the event stuff or I'll think you're only interested in platonic friendship and not dating me

I'm actually free around 7 30 tomorrow , does that work for you? And what's your number for easier coordination?

No response yet, not really paying attention to it though (even though she is for damn sure my type haha), I'm just worried about burning possibly good interactions by being a dickhead.


Thoughts on this: This is kind of becoming a sticking point for me, avoiding the friend zone by being ridiculously upfront, however I think because I'm so vocal about it I may be shooting myself in the foot. This isn't the first time I've been so upfront about it at the start of an interaction, I know we're all about avoiding the friend zone anyway but because I'm doing it verbally could I be ruining interactions that could have been something? Basically I do this for cold approach/social circle/online pulls, everybody and their mother knows "trackrunner12" does not do the friend zone ever, but I think I could even be coming off as needy/desperate by being so upfront about it. Who knows, I'm thinking maybe in the future I should try disqualifying myself nonverbally by being a sexy man, not saying anything about this (especially if they've already said they're interested) then if it DOES happen, just use a chase line and say: "I'm hitting the dating scene pretty hard right now, so I won't have time for any new platonic female friends :/"

 

[Franco]

trackrunner,

The problem with trying to verbally dismiss yourself from a role in a girl's life is that you immediately make her concerned with what happens if she wants to place you in that role. You have to remember that girls don't think in terms of, "I see a guy and I ONLY want to fuck him" or "I see a guy and I ONLY want to be friends with him." They make their judgments over a period of time of interacting with you, and it's based on how they feel about you emotionally.

So if you say to a girl that you're "not interested in being friends" before she's decided whether or not she wants to sleep with you or date you, that will begin to make her worry. "What if we go on a date and I don't really want to date him? What if I end up not liking him? Is he going to get mad at me and think I'm trying to friend zone him when he mentioned he doesn't want a friend? Why does he not like having female friends?"

In other words, you're creating this whole host of problems that put a ton of pressure on her before you've even met up with her! It's a similar concept to taking a girl on a fancy date before she knows you well enough -- you put all of this pressure on her to live up to your expectations, and she usually doesn't want to deal with that because of the possible consequences if things don't go well. She wants to feel like there's very little pressure involved on her end; you want to make things easy for her.

A man with true abundance and social prowess doesn't feel the need to verbally place people into roles in his life. He simply approaches a situation with little-to-no serious expectations while keeping his own agenda in mind; if he feels like a situation does not meet his needs, he simply gracefully exits and moves on to fulfill his agenda somewhere else. No harm, no foul.

By explicitly setting your agenda early with these women, you're not allowing them to develop their own agenda for you, and you put pressure on them by making them feel like you'll be upset or disappointed if they don't meet the criteria. This will cause a lot of women to flake on you when they would have otherwise just "gone with the flow" and seen where things ended up. A good seducer always makes a seduction seem like it was two people with a good connection just "going with the flow"... and before they knew it, they both ended up naked between the sheets.

Hope this helps a bit!

- Franco

 

[Thedoctor]

T.R.,

You already answered your own question. Displaying yourself as a lover (or mysterious or high value or anything really) is something you do non verbally. The way you said it comes across as "Girls tend to friend zone me. And that's not what I want."

I haven't dabbled too much with online dating, but especially from the start, it's fairly obvious no one is just looking for friendship. You should only really be concerned about being friend zoned if she is doing things that seem like she's friend zoning you. But you're current approach is coming off as insecure.

She agreed to a meet up, so set up a time and date. That's it. Done. No need to go into a list of your expectations/objections of her or the date.

If she asks when you're free, set up the date.

And I see Franco just replied to you as I'm writing this. I'm sure his response is more detailed than mine, but it never hurts hearing things put into different words.
-John

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Having an "AHA" moment right now, I think just that little phrase "I don't do the friend zone with women" could have destroyed quite a few interactions that were quite possible. Thanks for the help guys, you're totally right and now that I can see it from their point of view it makes so much more sense.

That girl actually did reply, I have another date I have to leave for in a few minutes so I won't post the exact message but she didn't address what I said about the platonic friend zone thing at all lol, just said she has to write a paper tomorrow and is busy but would like to see me after (and mentioned she was busy but wanted to hit me back so I didn't think she forgot about me), that sounds like from her point of view you guys are right I already came off as really insecure.

Ah well, will try to sched a date with her (after grabbing the number) and if she bites, great! If not it's a valuable lesson learned!

Thanks for the advice guys, everytime I post about interactions here and get your advice I learn a little bit more!