A
Anonymous
Guest
Hey guys,
Point of confusion I’m having with women here that could really use some outside perspectives.
When I think back on almost all of the girls I have had in a regular sexual relationship, they often seem to end the same way.
It’s different for each girl. For some it’s after a couple of weeks, some a couple of months or nearly a year.
What happens is that one day, ALWAYS right after having sex, there’s a “moment” where it’s like I can hear a gear clunking in to place in their head or something. They go still for half a second, get a bit of a faraway look in their eyes, and their vibe suddenly goes noticeably distant and aloof. They’ll sleep with you again exactly one more time before they leave, as if they’re giving themselves a “final hurrah”, and then the next time I text them they’ll be really evasive or if I see them in person they’ll be really vague about spending some more time together. It doesn’t matter how good the “time before the moment” was or how the “last time” was sexually (either/or can be good/bad, it’s not consistent), or how you play the next contact with them, something has changed and it’s already too late.
Once a girl goes past this point, she’ll always be very friendly and happy to see you around but never keen to spend time with you one on one. If she sees you talking to other girls her tendency to get a bit agitated or jealous will plummet to near zero. It’s like she’s decided to close the chapter of you in her life. She’ll eternally be comfortable with the idea that you’re good at talking to girls and giving them a good time, and look on benevolently or approvingly if she sees you making friends of hers laugh or flirt with you.
Every time a girl starts acting suddenly disinterested with me, I think back and can always remember one of “these moments" and pinpoint the exact moment where the transition happened, but not why.
Of course I haven’t tried any of this whiny “what’s wrong?” type stuff or asked them what it is, as they’re not going to tell me what the problem is or how I can fix it assuming they’re even they’re self-aware enough to know what it is of it.
I’m always careful to set expectations with women as we’re getting to know each other so they know I’m not really boyfriend material yada yada. I’m getting better at this over time, although I have noticed that perhaps I’m a little too forceful about this as girls that I stop seeing is usually not after they make an attempt to try win me over to be their boyfriend but rather they just go quiet as described above. Maybe I need to leave more room for ambiguity and give them room to chase me for something more in a relationship.
My thoughts are in the direction that perhaps it’s a stalling of relationship progress (for them) that eventually causes them to give up. The problem with this is that Chase is absolutely right to advise that for around 3 months (90 days) after getting together with a girl you generally want to keep things very basic so they only have simple things like company and sex to tie to you. “the moment” sometimes happens before that 90 days even expires, sometimes not.
It also possibly is related to possibly failing some kind of subtle “test”. While not totally consistent, at least some of these “moments” do seem to be directly or indirectly preceded (either that day, or the last time I saw them) with a request they make of you or a calculated statement they make that I can tell they’re judging my response to. I wish I could give more information on this, but it’s not consistent enough for me to have spotted a pattern but it is an impression I have.
Does anyone know this “moment”? Can anyone explain why it happens, or what is most likely to trigger it? What can be done to avoid, or even delay, the arrival of this “moment”?
Cheers
Point of confusion I’m having with women here that could really use some outside perspectives.
When I think back on almost all of the girls I have had in a regular sexual relationship, they often seem to end the same way.
It’s different for each girl. For some it’s after a couple of weeks, some a couple of months or nearly a year.
What happens is that one day, ALWAYS right after having sex, there’s a “moment” where it’s like I can hear a gear clunking in to place in their head or something. They go still for half a second, get a bit of a faraway look in their eyes, and their vibe suddenly goes noticeably distant and aloof. They’ll sleep with you again exactly one more time before they leave, as if they’re giving themselves a “final hurrah”, and then the next time I text them they’ll be really evasive or if I see them in person they’ll be really vague about spending some more time together. It doesn’t matter how good the “time before the moment” was or how the “last time” was sexually (either/or can be good/bad, it’s not consistent), or how you play the next contact with them, something has changed and it’s already too late.
Once a girl goes past this point, she’ll always be very friendly and happy to see you around but never keen to spend time with you one on one. If she sees you talking to other girls her tendency to get a bit agitated or jealous will plummet to near zero. It’s like she’s decided to close the chapter of you in her life. She’ll eternally be comfortable with the idea that you’re good at talking to girls and giving them a good time, and look on benevolently or approvingly if she sees you making friends of hers laugh or flirt with you.
Every time a girl starts acting suddenly disinterested with me, I think back and can always remember one of “these moments" and pinpoint the exact moment where the transition happened, but not why.
Of course I haven’t tried any of this whiny “what’s wrong?” type stuff or asked them what it is, as they’re not going to tell me what the problem is or how I can fix it assuming they’re even they’re self-aware enough to know what it is of it.
I’m always careful to set expectations with women as we’re getting to know each other so they know I’m not really boyfriend material yada yada. I’m getting better at this over time, although I have noticed that perhaps I’m a little too forceful about this as girls that I stop seeing is usually not after they make an attempt to try win me over to be their boyfriend but rather they just go quiet as described above. Maybe I need to leave more room for ambiguity and give them room to chase me for something more in a relationship.
My thoughts are in the direction that perhaps it’s a stalling of relationship progress (for them) that eventually causes them to give up. The problem with this is that Chase is absolutely right to advise that for around 3 months (90 days) after getting together with a girl you generally want to keep things very basic so they only have simple things like company and sex to tie to you. “the moment” sometimes happens before that 90 days even expires, sometimes not.
It also possibly is related to possibly failing some kind of subtle “test”. While not totally consistent, at least some of these “moments” do seem to be directly or indirectly preceded (either that day, or the last time I saw them) with a request they make of you or a calculated statement they make that I can tell they’re judging my response to. I wish I could give more information on this, but it’s not consistent enough for me to have spotted a pattern but it is an impression I have.
Does anyone know this “moment”? Can anyone explain why it happens, or what is most likely to trigger it? What can be done to avoid, or even delay, the arrival of this “moment”?
Cheers
