Do I have to hide my intellect to be accepted by the cool crowd?

[lenny26]

Hi everybody. I'm a bit of a loner, and my aim is to go out more, make new friends, and I really want to run with the cool crowd. The popular guys and hot chicks. But here's the thing. I'm very intellectual and I don't really have an interest in drinking, smoking weed, sports, etc. I just like being around cool people, going to parties, having group fun in general, and I do love SEX. I am a nerd by nature but I love a good rough fuck with a very hot girl. I want to have the best of women. My question is, do I have to hide my intellect in order to be accepted by the cool crowd? Do I have to dumb myself down? In other words, do I have to pretend to be like those Jersey Shore meatheads in order to be accepted?

 

[Nightlife]

Dumb yourself down, yes. Jersey shore meathead, no. In fact such people are not part of the "cool crowd" anymore, and never really were except in that single social context. But yes, the "cool crowd" are typically people that are at about 100 IQ or lower. Most of them don't have intellectual interests outside of pop culture, even those that read will read pop culture books and stuff. This is fine btw, it's not a knock on them, they're not "lesser" than anyone, but it is what it is. There are the rare exceptions, the occasional intellectual that can float between worlds and make it in the cool scene, but these are people that have faced what you're trying to face and deliberately dumbed themselves down.

The problem is if you start talking too intellectual, people just aren't going to be able to pick up on the conceptual layers present in what you're saying. Even if what you are saying is relevant, it will seem "weird" to them because they haven't followed the seemingly obvious train of logic that you've followed in your mind to be able to see how what you're saying relates to the discussion. Anytime you have a thought to say something, ask yourself "will these people actually understand what I'm saying?" You're not going to be talking astrophysics with anyone in a club or bar. Remember, in these situations, too much abstraction = social death.

 

[lenny26]

Dumb yourself down, yes. Jersey shore meathead, no. In fact such people are not part of the "cool crowd" anymore, and never really were except in that single social context. But yes, the "cool crowd" are typically people that are at about 100 IQ or lower. Most of them don't have intellectual interests outside of pop culture, even those that read will read pop culture books and stuff. This is fine btw, it's not a knock on them, they're not "lesser" than anyone, but it is what it is. There are the rare exceptions, the occasional intellectual that can float between worlds and make it in the cool scene, but these are people that have faced what you're trying to face and deliberately dumbed themselves down.

The problem is if you start talking too intellectual, people just aren't going to be able to pick up on the conceptual layers present in what you're saying. Even if what you are saying is relevant, it will seem "weird" to them because they haven't followed the seemingly obvious train of logic that you've followed in your mind to be able to see how what you're saying relates to the discussion. Anytime you have a thought to say something, ask yourself "will these people actually understand what I'm saying?" You're not going to be talking astrophysics with anyone in a club or bar. Remember, in these situations, too much abstraction = social death.

Right on. Should I also hide the lame things about me? Such as the fact that I haven't had sex in a couple years? I'm afraid it also might mean social death.

Also, should I pretend to like the same things they like? It might be tricky. For example, I really don't want to lie and say that I drink, because then they'll ask me to drink with them.

What else should I talk to these 100 IQ folks about? My guess is that I should make jokes, tell anecdotes, hmm that's about it.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Hold on... it depends on what you mean by 'intellectual' and what values said 'cool crowd' have.

For example, going back to the Jersey Shore example then you need to like what they like and come off like them. Same with any other group. If someone from the 'cool crowd' tries to hang out with some nerds the nerds are going to reject them. They're too unalike and from different worlds.

So it's not necessarily about dumbing yourself down. It's about appealing to the group you want to be a part of. If that group loves anime then at least enjoying anime is kind of a requirement. If the group you want to join can't go a weekend outside of the stripclub then you're probably going to need to hit up a stripclub with them.

Or maybe your idea of a cool crowd are art intellectuals who enjoy going to art exhibits and drinking fine wine at a vinyard.

___

So forget about dumbing yourself down, you don't have to. Hector is a great example of this, especially if you've read his King of College book. It's clear that Hector likes philosophy and would (if I recall correctly, someone correct me if I'm wrong as it's been a while since I've read any of his stuff) regularly start talking about philosophy sometimes. Yet he was also a popular guy in a frat.

Does that sound like a combination you would assume right off the bat? Philosophy and frat?


___

So again, it's not about dumbing yourself down, it's about enjoying what that group enjoys. Or at least be willing to talk about it.

Here's an example, I was a well-liked and respected guy within some heavily religious groups. I am not religious and even told them that God and I had a bit of a falling out in my childhood. But I still participated in that sub-culture, I still regularly joined in conversations about things they were talking about and brought what I wanted to say within that context.

Pain was a discussion once that I was able to talk about quite easily, as an example. Another was people and psychology.

You can be who you want to be and even talk about some of the things that you're passionate about. You just have to remember:
1) it has to be something you're passionate about and you have to bring that energy out so that other people can feel it
2) you have to already be somewhat known in the crowd
3) DON'T OVERDO IT --> very easy to do
4) do your best to bring everything back to whatever they're already talking about or interested in (once you get the hang of doing this it's quite easy, just look for things that what you want to talk about have in common with what they're talking about)


___

So I guess what I'm trying to say is this: people like people who are like themselves. Birds of a feather flock together. If you can bring out aspects of yourself that match the group you want to join (or cultivate those likes/interests) then you'll naturally be able to float into those groups.

And one other thing, don't try to stereotype the group you want to join or dismiss them as beneath you. That slight dismissal is going to shine through and you will get rejected if people pick up on it. People, naturally, don't like to be rejected.

As an example: God and I do not get along. But I never once thought of any of the religious people as beneath me and I even tried to understand them a bit better. I even came to somewhat envy their faith because I've seen the turnarounds it can make in someone's life.

Right on. Should I also hide the lame things about me? Such as the fact that I haven't had sex in a couple years? I'm afraid it also might mean social death.

Also, should I pretend to like the same things they like? It might be tricky. For example, I really don't want to lie and say that I drink, because then they'll ask me to drink with them.

What else should I talk to these 100 IQ folks about? My guess is that I should make jokes, tell anecdotes, hmm that's about it.

You should always strive to put your best foot forward. It's not about hiding aspects of yourself, it's just about bringing out the best of yourself.

Here's an example; never have I ever been rejected for talking about my Yu-Gi-Oh card collection with women. Literally not once. But then again I don't go around talking about my cards with every chick I see. Personally I call it my 'dork collection' and women actually think it's awesome. Because by the time I show them that part of me they're already hooked and now they're just getting to see more of me.

Make sense?

As for not having sex in a couple of years it depends on how you frame it, first off. Second off, it's not really anyone's business and most people don't care past high school. If it does get brought up you can be honest as long as you're not ashamed by it.

In fact, if it does get brought up (not by you because then it will look tryhard) you'll look extra strong if people try to shame you for it and you just brush it off.
"What!? You here this, this poor schmuck hasn't had sex in years! Lmao"
"Not sure why that's funny... but okay there guy." --> make sure to say it through a mixture of genuine confusion and like you're talking down to them.


As for liking what they like, that's non-negotiable. Don't pretend. If you don't actually like it then you have to be curious about it. If you pretend then people are going to reject you because you're the outsider at that point.


You don't have to lie about not drinking. Other than when I was like... maybe 13 or so, I've never been made fun off for not drinking. Or at least nothing comes to mind. It's gotten brought up a shit ton for sure, but I just answer it matter of factly because it's not something to be ashamed of. I don't like the taste and therefore I don't drink.

I don't look down on anyone that drinks or anything like that. That's just how it is.



____


Lastly about your comment on the 100IQ folks. You talk about whatever they enjoy talking about. Not every person with a certain IQ is going to like the same thing.

Just like not everyone with a genius IQ is going to like the same thing. I've talked to actual geniuses and they're just like everybody else, they have their likes and their dislikes. An exgf was one of these people who came from a family of extreme music lovers. Everybody played an instrument.

Then there are other people who are into physics. Some are into psychology, some are into chess, some are into this and others into that.

At the end of the day though, people are people. We like what we like.


My suggestion is forget about the 'cool crowd' because I can already tell that you kind of look down on them. They're going to reject you because if I can pick it up through text then they're going to pick it up in person.

Instead of focusing on the cool crowd, focus on a crowd that will bring you women that you'll have some common interests in with the group itself (or if you're like me, develop a passion for people instead and approach them with that mindset). For example, some chicks want to climb the corporate ladder, and some of them are hot. Some of them are ugly.

Some chicks are passionate about photography and modeling, some of them are really hot and some of them are ugly.

Then there are gym chicks, sports chicks, so on and so on. Just figure out what you're interested in that hot chicks are interested in and focus on that group. Not only will you enjoy being around those kinds of people more (aside from sex) but you'll enjoy your life more. And you'll be able to be closer to the real you.

Though the 'real you' isn't actually what you think it is anyways. But that's a whole other discussion.

 

[Will_V]

Hi everybody. I'm a bit of a loner, and my aim is to go out more, make new friends, and I really want to run with the cool crowd. The popular guys and hot chicks. But here's the thing. I'm very intellectual and I don't really have an interest in drinking, smoking weed, sports, etc. I just like being around cool people, going to parties, having group fun in general, and I do love SEX. I am a nerd by nature but I love a good rough fuck with a very hot girl. I want to have the best of women. My question is, do I have to hide my intellect in order to be accepted by the cool crowd? Do I have to dumb myself down? In other words, do I have to pretend to be like those Jersey Shore meatheads in order to be accepted?

I think you're looking at things the wrong way. Are you going to pretend to be an entirely different person to 'get along' with the 'cool crowd'? I can't imagine anything more soul destroying or unlikely to succeed.

What I think you can do, as Regal Tiger said, is to learn to participate. Learn to read people and let your understanding of them guide your interactions with them. Find common ground, and find out what you actually like about them or what interests you about them, and how you can relate to that. Don't force your own topics or unwanted opinions when you can see that they don't care or agree.

But the ability to talk to different kinds of people and relate to them (including women) is not at all a question of pretending to be someone you're not, and most people are not stupid enough to be deceived by it.

 

[PalmaSailor]

This is a common problem, I have an IQ of 156 and most people don’t get anything I say.

so I wouldn’t say dumb yourself down, but I would say don’t rub anyone’s nose in it.

 

[DarkKnight]

How can you be a great player as you mentioned in the chat, but wonder something so basic? There is nothing wrong with being intelligent but you must not try to be tryhard.. I know more than one guy tries to come with super "impressive" intellectual talk but it just alienates people, because it's presented in a tryhard unrelatable way.. You don't have to pretend to be Jersey Shore meathead lol, but you have to be calibrated towards your crowd. Intellectual woo woo is not always that intelligent.

This is a common problem, I have an IQ of 156 and most people don’t get anything I say.

so I wouldn’t say dumb yourself down, but I would say don’t rub anyone’s nose in it.

I have an IQ of 837293, just saying.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I have an IQ of 837293, just saying.

If we're comparing IQ's then I have you both beat, mine's 1. Because I'm number 1

 

[lenny26]

How can you be a great player as you mentioned in the chat, but wonder something so basic? There is nothing wrong with being intelligent but you must not try to be tryhard.. I know more than one guy tries to come with super "impressive" intellectual talk but it just alienates people, because it's presented in a tryhard unrelatable way.. You don't have to pretend to be Jersey Shore meathead lol, but you have to be calibrated towards your crowd. Intellectual woo woo is not always that intelligent.




I have an IQ of 837293, just saying.

Well mine was 126 at age 15 and I didn't test it since. But I made a major change in lifestyle recently, and that's why I started moving away from drugs, vices, etc. (towards a serious religious lifestyle) and I feel a little alienated from the "cool crowd" as a result. I spoke to some people from that crowd recently and couldn't relate. But I know what you mean. Everything will be fine.

It is draining though, to dumb myself down even if I do it successfully. But I think I just got to be friends with both kinds of people to balance out those feelings.

I don't particularly like being around nerds all the time either because their lack of assertiveness, and "goody two shoes" type of mentality can get boring.

I like what "Nightlife" said the best: "the occasional intellectual that can float between worlds and make it in the cool scene". I've done that before, but haven't done it in a while so I tend to forget sometimes what it's like. In the army for example I was one of the few people with an asvab score above 90 in the platoon but also the most popular kid in the company. It was because I was from a very exotic background that everyone wanted to know about, and I happened to be a good rapper (basically forced to perform in front of the whole company) which made me popular amongst just about every single one of them. I feel it's about give and take. Got to "give" and not only "take". Can't just walk up to some cool kids and ask for weed, girls, etc. I got to have something they admire in me, that entertains them or excites them.

I look up to people like Puff Daddy, Dr. Dre, etc. Someone who everyone can tell has a big brain but is also COOL - good sense of humor (even raunchy), likes a nice party and a NICE FUCK. I believe that's an ideal individual. Kevin Gates also a good example. Very cool, very hood, very sexual, very funny, BUT also serious about Islam.

 

[Will_V]

If it's draining to be around people you like, you're doing something wrong.

Intellect is not the same as lack of attention control or habitual overthinking. Someone who is highly intelligent can enjoy meditation, a massage, good food, flirting, sex, exercise/sports, fighting/aggression and all kinds of other things which don't require and aren't assisted by intellectual thinking.

Mental drain is far more likely caused by tension - either fear, of not being liked/accepted, or of being 'revealed' as an 'impostor', or the suppression of annoyance, disgust or anger at oneself or other people.

I don't get mentally drained by spending time with a woman, even though it's very uncommon that her conversation is intellectually stimulating. Because I'm there enjoying what I do like about her, the way she moves, her voice, the way she feels, her abrupt, spontaneous emotions and the way they react to mine. I'm not suppressing myself during that, in fact it's reinvigorating and relaxing. There is no tension, things are exactly as they should be.

In the same way, I believe it's possible to simply enjoy spending time with anyone with a good personality, whose presence is enjoyable for some reason (which I hope is the case here). If they are that unpleasant to be around, I'd question if it's a good idea to be there in the first place. Because if there is one thing most people understand very well, regardless of intelligence, it's the difference between genuine and concocted interest.

So if you're holding the dam walls back, I think the problem is attention control and cognitive dissonance, not intellect, and it's not too hard to fix.

 

[Rakehell]

Hey Lenny, I noticed in your other thread you wanted my opinion on this topic.

I don’t wanna overload you with information as everyone else seems to have hit the nail on the head with their explanations so i’ll keep it brief.

It completely and ultimately depends on the crowd you’re trying to mesh with.
There is a term called “fitting in”, that’s thrown around during everyone’s school years. Essentially you mesh with people you have things in common with. If you want to fit in with these cool people you may have to take on some of their interests just to get your foot in the door with them.

I’m the type of guy who can hang out with anyone. This is because I have a good grasp of what certain people like to talk about. So yes in a way you will have to dumb yourself down to hang out with these groups, but that doesn’t mean to drop your intellect all together. It just means choose your topics wisely depending on who you hang around. For instance it’d be cool if you could add to an intellectual conversation amongst other intellectuals. And yes there are cool people among all types of social circles. So you aren’t making yourself dumb per say, you’re just making yourself more relate able to the people you want to talk to. If you play the banjo and you’re hanging out with a bunch of piano players, you dont wanna talk about playing the banjo because they wont be able to relate.

 

[lenny26]

If it's draining to be around people you like, you're doing something wrong.

Intellect is not the same as lack of attention control or habitual overthinking. Someone who is highly intelligent can enjoy meditation, a massage, good food, flirting, sex, exercise/sports, fighting/aggression and all kinds of other things which don't require and aren't assisted by intellectual thinking.

Mental drain is far more likely caused by tension - either fear, of not being liked/accepted, or of being 'revealed' as an 'impostor', or the suppression of annoyance, disgust or anger at oneself or other people.

I don't get mentally drained by spending time with a woman, even though it's very uncommon that her conversation is intellectually stimulating. Because I'm there enjoying what I do like about her, the way she moves, her voice, the way she feels, her abrupt, spontaneous emotions and the way they react to mine. I'm not suppressing myself during that, in fact it's reinvigorating and relaxing. There is no tension, things are exactly as they should be.

In the same way, I believe it's possible to simply enjoy spending time with anyone with a good personality, whose presence is enjoyable for some reason (which I hope is the case here). If they are that unpleasant to be around, I'd question if it's a good idea to be there in the first place. Because if there is one thing most people understand very well, regardless of intelligence, it's the difference between genuine and concocted interest.

So if you're holding the dam walls back, I think the problem is attention control and cognitive dissonance, not intellect, and it's not too hard to fix.

Will, thanks a lot. I see what you are saying. I think my drain comes from "the suppression of annoyance, disgust at other people". I often times start judging someone's appearance as soon as I see them. I personally don't like beards or tattoos or stupid clothing ("stupid clothing" in my subjective opinion). It does annoy me. At work, a bearded, man-bunned, very tattooed guy tried to be my friend and I moved away from him every time he walked up to me trying to be friendly to me. I tend to dislike being around those people who are of lower intellect or seem to be "less" than me. Some of them may be, some of them may not be. But the point is to respect all people. But I like what you wrote. A guy's got to see the interesting things in every thing and interesting qualities in every one. You can't only observe and interact with people of high intellect, you got to respect and associate with all of God's children. They do have something interesting about them even if it's not as complex. And this is how to get my foot in the door with these people. They compliment each other, don't they? Yes, I know they do so I've got to just observe how they treat each other and start treating them the same way. Treat them like I'm a brother in their cool kids clique. My intellect can be used to my advantage, I have the possibility of becoming very popular because I've got the ability to say original and unique things to these guys and treat them with uncommon respect and honor. I think I understand you.

We all got our destinies in this world. Some of us like me are meant to walk the intellectual, deep thinking path and others are meant to be things like NFL football players. They still live life, learn life lessons, learn things, start families, accomplish big things, do significant and important things in their lives. So there is a worth to everyone. Everyone means something - at the end of the day this inquisitiveness and genuine friendliness (and spreading humor) is what drives me to be apart of the crowd. Drives me to be apart of the cool crowd as well as any crowd really - nerd or jock. I'm a man of the people, like a good president. But I can't make myself the measure of all things. Everyone's got their own quirks, own upbringings and their own challenges in life. That's why the guy Aaron Marino said not to judge other dudes by their political beliefs. Always be above that shit, always respect everybody. There's no need to argue, no need to focus on the differences between you and other dudes (and certainly not pass judgement on these differences) nothing good comes out of escalated conflict. De-escalate by finding things in common. Man, I love this shit. Got me really thinking now.

 

[Will_V]

Will, thanks a lot. I see what you are saying. I think my drain comes from "the suppression of annoyance, disgust at other people". I often times start judging someone's appearance as soon as I see them. I personally don't like beards or tattoos or stupid clothing ("stupid clothing" in my subjective opinion). It does annoy me. At work, a bearded, man-bunned, very tattooed guy tried to be my friend and I moved away from him every time he walked up to me trying to be friendly to me. I tend to dislike being around those people who are of lower intellect or seem to be "less" than me. Some of them may be, some of them may not be. But the point is to respect all people. But I like what you wrote. A guy's got to see the interesting things in every thing and interesting qualities in every one. You can't only observe and interact with people of high intellect, you got to respect and associate with all of God's children. They do have something interesting about them even if it's not as complex. And this is how to get my foot in the door with these people. They compliment each other, don't they? Yes, I know they do so I've got to just observe how they treat each other and start treating them the same way. Treat them like I'm a brother in their cool kids clique. My intellect can be used to my advantage, I have the possibility of becoming very popular because I've got the ability to say original and unique things to these guys and treat them with uncommon respect and honor. I think I understand you.

We all got our destinies in this world. Some of us like me are meant to walk the intellectual, deep thinking path and others are meant to be things like NFL football players. They still live life, learn life lessons, learn things, start families, accomplish big things, do significant and important things in their lives. So there is a worth to everyone. Everyone means something - at the end of the day this inquisitiveness and genuine friendliness (and spreading humor) is what drives me to be apart of the crowd. Drives me to be apart of the cool crowd as well as any crowd really - nerd or jock. I'm a man of the people, like a good president. But I can't make myself the measure of all things. Everyone's got their own quirks, own upbringings and their own challenges in life. That's why the guy Aaron Marino said not to judge other dudes by their political beliefs. Always be above that shit, always respect everybody. There's no need to argue, no need to focus on the differences between you and other dudes (and certainly not pass judgement on these differences) nothing good comes out of escalated conflict. De-escalate by finding things in common. Man, I love this shit. Got me really thinking now.

One of the most enlightening things I discovered about the social arts is that being at ease with yourself is incredibly valuable to all kinds of people from different backgrounds. And I don't mean just generally relaxed, though that's good too, but completely comfortable with yourself and the world around you at a very deep level.

When you work on yourself consistently with meditation, breathing, posture, and being present (i.e. not thinking about anything except what is happening right now, and sort of observing everything with deep attention while being very unreactive) it's incredible what it can bring out of people in your presence. When I've got things dialled in, it's common for women to stare at me with this sort of unabashed curiosity, like I'm performing some kind of magic trick and they are trying to understand how it works, and veer toward me when walking past. I can often hold eye contact for several seconds without them looking away or feeling negative pressure. Guys I haven't met will relax and open up their body language as well. And conversation and deep diving almost seems to happen by itself.

The reason I believe is that not only are emotions contagious, but also tension is a universal signal that something 'isn't right' and may soon change in unpredictable ways. When someone is completely at ease, people unconsciously feel safe and comfortable - and also validated, since they expect that someone wouldn't be so at ease around them unless they too were somehow doing the 'right thing'.

And conversely, when you are tense, people see you as a warning sign that there is danger about, or that either you or they are not in the right lane, none of which is a pleasant thought.

Just some thoughts

 

[PalmaSailor]

How can you be a great player as you mentioned in the chat, but wonder something so basic? There is nothing wrong with being intelligent but you must not try to be tryhard.. I know more than one guy tries to come with super "impressive" intellectual talk but it just alienates people, because it's presented in a tryhard unrelatable way.. You don't have to pretend to be Jersey Shore meathead lol, but you have to be calibrated towards your crowd. Intellectual woo woo is not always that intelligent.




I have an IQ of 837293, just saying.

Well you don’t get it.

Over a certain level you see patterns of behaviour that others don’t, and you process data faster.

This leads to a lot things happening. One major one is sense of humour. Often, absolutely no one else joins the dots in a situation, and no one gets your joke. They just don’t see it.

You should never actually be coming out with “super impressive intellectual talk”, that’s just being a dick, and won’t work. It’s the wrong mental point of origin, and doesn’t fit in seduction anyway.

The subject of intelligence shouldn’t even arise in most situations in life. I’ve been a member of Mensa since school, and when I worked for other people I failed to get jobs when I mentioned it at interview. People were intimidated and didn’t employ me. It something you should keep your mouth shut about.

Im only mentioning it here because of the OP

 

[Toby2030]

I haven't read every single reply people above me have written, so some of it might be the same thing. The problem you are having is that you communicate in logic and not in emotions. People respond generally better to someone who can engage their emotions + someone who talks in terms of them. When you are talking with people right now in your life, try to move every single conversation you are having towards more fun and engaging topics, and talk in terms of the other person's interests.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 1: The Problem with Intellectuals

Girls seem to go for dumb guys a lot more than they do smart, intelligent guys. Why don’t girls want to date intelligent guys, though? The seduction community is rife with smart guys, guys who know a lot about history, science, philosophy, and other disciplines that have a high intelligence...

www.girlschase.com

Hector's series helps a lot about what you're taking about.

 

[Beck Bass]

I'm very intellectual and I don't really have an interest in drinking, smoking weed, sports, etc. I just like being around cool people, going to parties, having group fun in general, and I do love SEX. I am a nerd by nature but I love a good rough fuck with a very hot girl. I want to have the best of women. My question is, do I have to hide my intellect in order to be accepted by the cool crowd? Do I have to dumb myself down?

You gotta realize social interactions are all about value; if those "meatheads" you talk about get results with women, chances are they got something they value (in their case, I would guess their bodies, since it's the only thing they care about lol, but yes, it's very important, specially to younger girls, that you have an attractive body, and maybe their aggression/lack of hesitation when interacting with them - maybe even bluntness, in a sense, they don't care because they are dumb, but girls feel like they don't care 'cause they are not scared/are confident lol, go figure).
Intellectuals many times have trouble communicating with most other people, that aren't quite as versed in the things they enjoy, and again they gotta realize there's a time and place to be "intellectual" with communication; if the way you talk to women don't get you what you want, maybe it's not that smart of a way to talk, right?

Women converse in a very emotional/instinctual way, and often relate to simpler comunication. Saying you're an intellectual already kinda suggests that you wanna show that off, be it to impress girls or just for your "intelligent human pride", and when talking to women, sucessful conversation mostly entails relating to the girl, so she does most of the talking, not you, trying to impress her (which of course is bad, high value guys won't be trying to show all the time to women how cool they are, because they already know).
So my biggest advice to you is: shut up, be chill, try making friends with the "cool kids" by maybe offering them something of value (what that maybe be, I don't fucking know, it depends too much on context, but often I would say it's not even material or some kind of favor, though those can help, but just saying something cool and simple in the right context can help you get some "cool" friends). And when you're in there, try enjoying the moment with them, and being openminded, instead of having this smug of "I'm an intellectual and I'm better than they are", which is of course, never going to work out. I remember being very much the nerdy kid, but some cute girls in class had crushes on me because, well, I guess I was naturally attractive, also I didn't seem to give much of a fuck, because I only cared about studying lol, so sometimes I had opportunities to be with the cool kids, if only I had been a bit more relatable and less of a smug little nerd I bet I would have had some fun with some of those cool girls, but I was too caught up on my own bullshit back then lol

Good luck sir, it's deff doable and you don't need to "degrade" yourself on that level, but I would also advice you to not try too hard and force it too much, the cool kids today probably won't be the cool kids next year, or in three years, you know what I mean? Also none likes tryhards hehe

 

[lenny 26]

Though the 'real you' isn't actually what you think it is anyways. But that's a whole other discussion.

Thanks for the reply, it was great! Can you tell me more about this "real you" thing, please?

 

[lenny 26]

You gotta realize social interactions are all about value; if those "meatheads" you talk about get results with women, chances are they got something they value (in their case, I would guess their bodies, since it's the only thing they care about lol, but yes, it's very important, specially to younger girls, that you have an attractive body, and maybe their aggression/lack of hesitation when interacting with them - maybe even bluntness, in a sense, they don't care because they are dumb, but girls feel like they don't care 'cause they are not scared/are confident lol, go figure).
Intellectuals many times have trouble communicating with most other people, that aren't quite as versed in the things they enjoy, and again they gotta realize there's a time and place to be "intellectual" with communication; if the way you talk to women don't get you what you want, maybe it's not that smart of a way to talk, right?

Women converse in a very emotional/instinctual way, and often relate to simpler comunication. Saying you're an intellectual already kinda suggests that you wanna show that off, be it to impress girls or just for your "intelligent human pride", and when talking to women, sucessful conversation mostly entails relating to the girl, so she does most of the talking, not you, trying to impress her (which of course is bad, high value guys won't be trying to show all the time to women how cool they are, because they already know).
So my biggest advice to you is: shut up, be chill, try making friends with the "cool kids" by maybe offering them something of value (what that maybe be, I don't fucking know, it depends too much on context, but often I would say it's not even material or some kind of favor, though those can help, but just saying something cool and simple in the right context can help you get some "cool" friends). And when you're in there, try enjoying the moment with them, and being openminded, instead of having this smug of "I'm an intellectual and I'm better than they are", which is of course, never going to work out. I remember being very much the nerdy kid, but some cute girls in class had crushes on me because, well, I guess I was naturally attractive, also I didn't seem to give much of a fuck, because I only cared about studying lol, so sometimes I had opportunities to be with the cool kids, if only I had been a bit more relatable and less of a smug little nerd I bet I would have had some fun with some of those cool girls, but I was too caught up on my own bullshit back then lol

Good luck sir, it's deff doable and you don't need to "degrade" yourself on that level, but I would also advice you to not try too hard and force it too much, the cool kids today probably won't be the cool kids next year, or in three years, you know what I mean? Also none likes tryhards hehe

Right on, man. I totally got it.

I was kind of like you. I was born significantly more intelligent than others AND my father never allowed me to have any friends. He was not asian but very much an “asian father”. He said all the other kids were degenerates and they’d only derail me from my path to becoming a white collar big shot.

As so, I grew up in the same town, in the same high school as all the other kids but I was totally outside of their cliques and I was bred to be a whole different animal. I sat alone at lunch, every time. Had no understanding of "their world" because all I did was sit in my own bubble. NOT a good experience in the long run, though I was smug at first just like you and thought everything would be fine with this arrangement. WRONG! It only served to bring me massive amounts of pain when as an adult (around age 24) I began seriously desiring a woman and kept running into very frustrating brick walls when I interacted with them. I felt like I was drowning in a world that I didn't understand.

That’s why there’s a pretty big gap in between me and “these people”. (I'm talking about both the average crowd and the cool crowd.)

It’s been a pain in the ass to interact smoothly with these people. Certainly haven’t been able to make friends with any of them, YET. I just don’t understand them as well as I probably should. I am unfamiliar with them on a close level. Plus we have totally different fucking hobbies.

It seems they're not interested in the things I'm interested in, but if I make my interests sound very simple, then they might be open to talking about topics that I bring up. It's good that Hector was a philosophy nerd, this is somewhat the type of nerd that I am. And you know, that type of stuff is useful to everybody no matter what clique they're apart of. I'm big on spirituality to be exact and the philosophy that comes along with it. Hey I can introduce this stuff very slowly, if I can see that they are feeling me.

So although my intellect has allowed me to analyze the instagrams, twitters, etc. that belong to the cool crowd people, and thus I got an idea of what kind of people I will be dealing with when I go out into the world, it’s not good enough. I really want to face to face interact with them so I can get to know them better.

It’s hard, man. It’s like they and I are two different breeds. Then there’s the struggle of trying not to appear strange.

But I’m not going to give up.

My plan: I will find some “average” people who can at least do some lightweight intellectual discussion.

I’ll speak to them but I’ll say everything simplified just like you guys have been telling me.

Got a question, though. What do you guys think about associating with the early 20s crowd as a guy who's in his late 20s? Is it a no-no?

 

[Regal Tiger]

Thanks for the reply, it was great! Can you tell me more about this "real you" thing, please?

For sure.

Chase had a great article on it that I'll link and then I'll give my general thoughts as well. https://www.girlschase.com/content/stop-being-so-judgmental-its-all-actor-observer-bias

Basically, you act different when you're around different people. I can only give myself as specific examples but here goes to give you the general idea:

1) When in groups I'm either the silent guy or the witty guy making jokes. Sometimes I can be the entertaining guy but not usually.

2) Around my family, whom I was the black sheep I mostly am just quiet. Rarely speaking unless absolutely necessary.

3) Around people I want to bring into my life (not just women) I shift gears into much more of a leader. Guiding the conversation where I want it to go, mostly approaching people with a desire to understand them. Chase's "smooth style" is a good way to put it and more or less where I try to be:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-flavors-sexy-brooding-smooth-and-talkative-vibes

4) While I'm at work (because there aren't any women whom I want to sleep with) I allow my extremely childlike part of myself to take over. Think, high energy and looking at everything from a perspective of how to make this fun.

5) If I'm doing ballroom/swing dancing then I'll lean on being a silent authority figure (mixed in with the same smooth aspect from above). If there's a woman I want I'll mostly stick to this and really drill down hard on having her carry the conversation

6) Then there's the extremely nerdy side of me, some of which I show here because I love this stuff

Which is the 'real' me? If someone from group 4 saw me in group 5, or even group 2 then they'd think I was schizophrenic or something. But they're all me. Just different aspects of me. And the same is true of you.

_____

But those are just some examples of different scenarios I can think of. Here's another example:

If you're feeling happy then you act differently than when you're sad. Which one can you say is the real you? The same can be said when you're interacting with someone you see as both above you as well as beneath you.

For me, if I see someone as beneath me then I don't want to interact with them at all. I dismiss most of what they say and only half listen when I'm not literally turning my back on them mid conversation. But, if there's a woman I want to get to know better then I'm not going to do any of that. It would be horrible for getting to know someone!


______


You also mentioned spirituality and philosophy; for sure if you can bring something back to someone's life then you'll get much better feedback from people.

As an example, I tend to be long-winded, over explain everything and go off on somewhat related tangents because there's a lot rattling in my head. This is a bit of a challenge for me sometimes on these forums where it's not face-to-face. But, this last paragraph you're not nearly as interested in because it's about me instead of you and your question lol