- Mar 16, 2015
For sure.Thanks for the reply, it was great! Can you tell me more about this "real you" thing, please?
Chase had a great article on it that I'll link and then I'll give my general thoughts as well. https://www.girlschase.com/content/stop-being-so-judgmental-its-all-actor-observer-bias
Basically, you act different when you're around different people. I can only give myself as specific examples but here goes to give you the general idea:
1) When in groups I'm either the silent guy or the witty guy making jokes. Sometimes I can be the entertaining guy but not usually.
2) Around my family, whom I was the black sheep I mostly am just quiet. Rarely speaking unless absolutely necessary.
3) Around people I want to bring into my life (not just women) I shift gears into much more of a leader. Guiding the conversation where I want it to go, mostly approaching people with a desire to understand them. Chase's "smooth style" is a good way to put it and more or less where I try to be:
4) While I'm at work (because there aren't any women whom I want to sleep with) I allow my extremely childlike part of myself to take over. Think, high energy and looking at everything from a perspective of how to make this fun.
5) If I'm doing ballroom/swing dancing then I'll lean on being a silent authority figure (mixed in with the same smooth aspect from above). If there's a woman I want I'll mostly stick to this and really drill down hard on having her carry the conversation
6) Then there's the extremely nerdy side of me, some of which I show here because I love this stuff
Which is the 'real' me? If someone from group 4 saw me in group 5, or even group 2 then they'd think I was schizophrenic or something. But they're all me. Just different aspects of me. And the same is true of you.
But those are just some examples of different scenarios I can think of. Here's another example:
If you're feeling happy then you act differently than when you're sad. Which one can you say is the real you? The same can be said when you're interacting with someone you see as both above you as well as beneath you.
For me, if I see someone as beneath me then I don't want to interact with them at all. I dismiss most of what they say and only half listen when I'm not literally turning my back on them mid conversation. But, if there's a woman I want to get to know better then I'm not going to do any of that. It would be horrible for getting to know someone!
You also mentioned spirituality and philosophy; for sure if you can bring something back to someone's life then you'll get much better feedback from people.
As an example, I tend to be long-winded, over explain everything and go off on somewhat related tangents because there's a lot rattling in my head. This is a bit of a challenge for me sometimes on these forums where it's not face-to-face. But, this last paragraph you're not nearly as interested in because it's about me instead of you and your question lol