Do I need to loosen up?

[Zoro]

My current goal right now is to get more experience. I just ended an open long term relationship (it was mostly defacto monogamous). I know I can date and keep around quality women (this was my fourth long term relationship with a beautiful woman), but finding quality women and bringing them into my life for sexy time is happening way less often than I’d like.

I’ve been under the impression that I need to loosen up and be more fun and flirty.

My modus operandi is developing deep connection. This is great for transitioning to relationships and even moving fast to sex.

However, I get myself in a pickle because I don’t necessarily want to develop a deep connection that leads to a serious relationship. Often I don’t know a girl well enough to decide that’s a good idea yet, or I already know we’re better off more casual.

So I’m under the impression the way to address this is to loosen up. Learn how to be light hearted and flirty, sexy and fun, instead of deep and sensual.

So my two questions are:

1. Am I thinking about this the right way? For casual relationships and FBs the vibe should be less deep and more lighthearted, sexy, flirty?

2. How do I start loosening up? I think part of my tenseness is from fear. Fear of getting rejected, so flirting and making my interest known in a light hearted way feels out of comfort zone.

I think I would do well remembering nonverbals enhance flirting. Like strong eye contact, smiling more, touching more, teasing a bit, getting close. I’m an over thinker (working on this!)

 

[Zoro]

Not to self: Upon reflecting on some interactions when the vibe was light hearted and flirty, I was more focused on self amusement. Instead of “trying to make it fun and flirty” I was just having a good time, not caring about outcome either, taking risks.

 

[mist]

Hi J Wick!

Some clarifying questions and initial comments for you.

I just ended an open long term relationship (it was mostly defacto monogamous). I know I can date and keep around quality women (this was my fourth long term relationship with a beautiful woman), but finding quality women and bringing them into my life for sexy time is happening way less often than I’d like.

1. How much were you gaming outside of this defacto monogamous relationship? What level of rust are we looking at here in your daygame/ nightgame and game in general?

I’ve been under the impression that I need to loosen up and be more fun and flirty.

My modus operandi is developing deep connection. This is great for transitioning to relationships and even moving fast to sex.

However, I get myself in a pickle because I don’t necessarily want to develop a deep connection that leads to a serious relationship. Often I don’t know a girl well enough to decide that’s a good idea yet, or I already know we’re better off more casual.

So I’m under the impression the way to address this is to loosen up. Learn how to be light hearted and flirty, sexy and fun, instead of deep and sensual.

2. So in short you're looking to have more superficial and fun pickups and beginnings to your relationships and currently the way you achieve your pickups doesn't do this?

1. Am I thinking about this the right way? For casual relationships and FBs the vibe should be less deep and more lighthearted, sexy, flirty?

2. How do I start loosening up? I think part of my tenseness is from fear. Fear of getting rejected, so flirting and making my interest known in a light hearted way feels out of comfort zone.

3. From my understanding you've had casual relationships and or a rotation of FB's before right? What exactly is the problem?

4. This probably has something to do with rust and you've been vocal about porn addiction as well doing you no favors.

I think I would do well remembering nonverbals enhance flirting. Like strong eye contact, smiling more, touching more, teasing a bit, getting close. I’m an over thinker (working on this!)

5. All potentially great things.

Yes being loosened up helps seduction and life in general. I think you'd do better with another title or more concise picture of the issue. Hopefully these clarifying questions will illuminate the larger question and or concern.