Do some fundamentals change for a guy who is non-White chasing White women?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

based off of thread by fji follower.

Chase your site has had a lot of good information on it which has helped me but I have a friend that I met months ago who has daygamed with me and even been my wingman before. He is around 6"3, good looking, muscular, but he looks very foreign. He was born in Oklahoma but ethnically he is a South Asian male.

When we go out we notice that Latin girls, Black girls, Asian girls, Mixed looking girls, and Indian girls often respond well to him, give him strong IOIs, and some have even approached him. My friend has that racially ambiguous kind of look going for him, he is Punjabi (South Asian), identifies himself as that.

When it comes to White women it seems like a different world. Most don't give him the same amount of IOIs, some even distance themselves a bit from him when he approaches them, and they don't seem to be as excited.

I talked to him about it and he says that ever since he was in Oklahoma, he had a lot of bad experiences with White girls because interracial dating was not as common and he was one of the very few minorities at his high school. Having talked to him about it, he believes that it is natural for White women to reject him and just not like him as much. So I directed him to your article about Asian men (except he is a different kind of Asian) and he said that Asian men are generally seen as smart and intelligent in America while men from his background are seen as more foreign, weird, and women hating, claims that growing up people often confused him for Arabic which led to a lot of bullying.

So I talked to some of the girls who we both know that are White and attractive and they all seemed to say that they think he is hot but believe he might not be as interested in them. I talked to some of the girls he did approach and they said that they aren't into "foreigners" as much.

Chase I know you have written articles for Black guys and East Asian guys but I have clearly seen from my own eyes that my friend doesn't have nearly as much success with White women than he does other races. I think part of this could be due to his bad experiences with them in the past coming out in his interactions and some may have to do with bad stereotypes against his race.

Do you think he needs to change his approach or just stop going for White women altogether?

 

[Grand Pooba]

Hey man,

Do you think he needs to change his approach or just stop going for White women altogether?

Short answer:

Yes, he possibly does (this part is subjective) need to change his approach, and no he shouldn't stop going for them altogether. It sounds more like he needs to fix his fundamentals and approach to match that of the girls he's trying to get with. More importantly though, it seems like he needs to fix his mindset.

Longer answer:

I can understand where your friend is coming from. My background is actually South Asian as well (7/8 Pakistani, 1/8 Danish), I'm 6'0", in very good shape (tall athletic/muscular skinny), and a lot of girls (and guys) have recently told me that I'm really attractive, so I can absolutely empathize.

I'll share a quick story. For a really long time, I thought Asian girls would never be into me. I've long found myself very physically attracted to them. I really don't know why, it's just the way it is. Yet, I never saw brown-asian couples, ever. Even though I had plenty of friends, I never noticed romantic success with them, and I built up this idea in my head that these girls just don't go for guys like me, they're looking for someone only light skinned and only of XX or YY background. I'd never have a chance, so why bother. I went around and approached all sort of girls besides what I really liked, and never sought to improve myself to get what I really wanted. Even the ones that came to me (there were plenty), I'd constantly shoot myself in the foot the moment they tried to get to know me, because subconsciously I just *KNEW* that this Asian girl is just not into me and she's just being flirty for other reasons. Some girls tried to GET with me, going after kissing and pushing physical intimacy, and I would refuse, almost out of spite, because of this stupid idea that they don't find a guy like me attractive.

I started making inroads on changing this after realizing how stifling this kind of thinking is. It was a "what the fuck am I doing" moment, where I looked back at all these interactions where I was usually the one that stifled it despite the girl's interest, and I realized a huge error in the way I was thinking. I was living a self-fulfilling prophecy, it was all subconscious and I thought "what would happen if I just approached like a normal guy, without any preconceived notions, and actually got to know a girl and showed her my best side, and then seeing what happens." Life's been very different since then, and I'm actually noticing subtle signs I NEVER saw before that these women are actually into me...giving me all sorts of eye contact on the street, and I'm having pretty good success in getting intimate with them. And even though there are plenty of women in this demographic that might not like a guy with my physical features, I also know and believe that I will find a few that DO, that they exist, and those are the ones I'm going to push and move forward with, and enjoy! So far the best and longest relationship I've had has been with a cute Chinese-American girl, and if I was the guy I was a few years ago I would never have gotten with her in the first place.

I talked to him about it and he says that ever since he was in Oklahoma, he had a lot of bad experiences with White girls because interracial dating was not as common and he was one of the very few minorities at his high school. Having talked to him about it, he believes that it is natural for White women to reject him and just not like him as much. So I directed him to your article about Asian men (except he is a different kind of Asian) and he said that Asian men are generally seen as smart and intelligent in America while men from his background are seen as more foreign, weird, and women hating, claims that growing up people often confused him for Arabic which led to a lot of bullying.

This sounds like trauma. My hunch (perhaps your friend can comment) is that this trauma of the past with these women (bullying, etc.) is subconsciously influencing his direction of interaction in the current day. I've underlined a few things above, and this is really what I want to point out: your friend has preconceived notions of what these girls think of him. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy in some sense--these kinds of girls have bullied him in the past and rejected him frequently, so even in the present day he approaches them, there's probably a subconscious thought, a gut feeling, that they're going to reject him and he KNOWS it. So when it DOES happen, he can simply justify it in his head and say "yep, another one of those girls, I knew they don't go for guys like me," and this is absolutely the wrong way to go about it. You're already shooting yourself in the foot because you're going into it with the wrong attitude...instead of a "she wants me and I KNOW it," it's "she DOESN'T want me and I KNOW it." Girls pick up on little things in vibes like sharks seek out blood, and it's paramount to go into a situation with the right mindset. Imagine going into a job interview thinking "I'm not going to get this, I KNOW it, because I've tried for this job in the past and failed over and over and I'll never succeed, these firms just don't like me..." do you think that interview's going to go well? What if you went in with "okay, so they're not that familiar with me and my line or style of work, but I'm confident I have what it takes and I'm going to show them my best potential and give it what I've got and see what happens." I think the second style would have a far higher chance of success than the first.

Every girl is different. Every culture or social group of girls is different. I don't know how your friend approaches white girls, but there are all sorts of subcultures in any demographic.

See this: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-b ... hite-girls

Read Colt's portion on Limits and Social Stigmas.

If you were to game club girls, party girls, and sorority girls the same as you game intelligent, focused, career minded women, I doubt you'd have success with either. The point is that there are different ways of handling different cultures and demographics, and you have to learn them through practice. But first, you have to destroy your limiting beliefs.

So I talked to some of the girls who we both know that are White and attractive and they all seemed to say that they think he is hot but believe he might not be as interested in them. I talked to some of the girls he did approach and they said that they aren't into "foreigners" as much.

Underlined is the subconscious preconception I was talking about. They don't think he's interested, because he's probably not showing he's interested, because he doesn't think they're actually going to be interested in him back. Does that make sense?

Your friend has a lot going for him: his height, build, and I'm sure a bunch of other things. Plenty of girls like the "foreign exotic" look, but there are also plenty of girls that have very specific physical characteristics they like in men. The point is that just because one white girl isn't into a foreign guy, doesn't mean that a different one won't be. But your mindset is key: it should not be "oh, she's never been with a guy that looks like me? she probably thinks I'm weird, woman hating, blah blah blah." It SHOULD be, "oh, she's never been with a guy that looks like me? I'm going to get her and show her how amazing I am and change her worldview," or something similar. Even if that doesn't happen, you have to approach it with neutrality and an open-mind, not some preconception of what she thinks of you.

I personally know PLENTY of brown south Asian guys who are very successful with white girls (some of them go after this demographic exclusively), and the key is in their mindset. Especially in Washington, DC, I see tons and tons of very attractive brown guys with very attractive white girls hand in hand, and I can only say that they don't see their background as an issue at all.

A few years ago I was convinced, CONVINCED(!!), that even though I found Asian women extremely attractive and fun to be with they would NEVER go for a guy like me because of XX and YY reason, because I never saw any of these types of couples, and because they probably think I'm not compatible with them. But these days the tables have turned, and I'm finding myself both most attracted to and ALSO having the most success with women in this demographic. And the key is that I've changed my outlook and also the way I respond to them. I think your friend might want to work through his.

My two cents.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

That was a well written and well thought out post, before I begin I want to say I am seeing more and more Brown men date Asian women here in America. The two groups seem to have a lot in common, that's for sure. In some parts of the world they even have "Chindians" which are a mix of Chinese and Indian. He says his limiting belief comes from the fact that he has never really seen any Brown males date White girls that often, especially the kind he goes after (which I will say later on).

My friend grew up in Oklahoma and from what I know of Oklahoma (I am from Kansas), that is a pretty backwards state and that is a lot coming from a guy like me from Kansas. No doubt in my mind the guy had some bad experiences with White people that still haunt him to this day. He shares some stories with me about how he talked to a White girl once in high school and she told her friends he was "harassing" her, some guys talked to him after school and threatened to beat him if he ever talked to her again.

What gets me is that he could easily pass for a tanned Caucasian or Latino if he wanted to.

What's really limiting him is the kind of White girls he likes. He isn't into the educated med student or hipster kind of girl who is actually likely to date him, he wants the real life Barbie doll or the sorority girl. Like most Brown men I have known, he seems to have a thing for blonds and Northern European looking women, guess it has to do with the fairness part of your culture.

Unlike Black guys, it isn't like Brown guys have much of a niche to appeal to. White women in America have been dating Black men for 100s of years and are very familiar with them and you are bound to see couples like this everywhere. Same with Europe where Black men are likely to be seen as exotic and something new based on Black culture being promoted in America in the past. It is no question to me that a Black guy will have a completely different path than a Brown male in the USA.

I think your fear of Asian women was largely due to what you heard and thought, my friend's fear of White women comes through actual racism he faced because of them and due to them. It's like he left Oklahoma but Oklahoma never really left from inside of him. Like he fears if he approaches a White girl with confidence some racist guy might try to cockblock and stop him from doing so.

And he isn't going for Italian girls or some classy brunettes, he wants the All American Blonde look in a girl like Heather Graham has.

Thank you for your more than informative advice though.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Unlike Black guys, it isn't like Brown guys have much of a niche to appeal to. White women in America have been dating Black men for 100s of years and are very familiar with them and you are bound to see couples like this everywhere. Same with Europe where Black men are likely to be seen as exotic and something new based on Black culture being promoted in America in the past. It is no question to me that a Black guy will have a completely different path than a Brown male in the USA.

I disagree, dude. Plenty of brown guys here in the USA date white American girls. PLENTY. I've been in Maryland for the last day and I've already seen two of these couples. Plenty of white girls like Asian men, brown men, latino men...whatever...but if you believe that you don't have a niche to appeal to, then it's YOUR OWN BELIEFS preventing you from getting with them.

I've also had a few encounters with white American girls, and again if I had self doubts about it, it wouldn't have happened.

What's really limiting him is the kind of White girls he likes. He isn't into the educated med student or hipster kind of girl who is actually likely to date him, he wants the real life Barbie doll or the sorority girl.

THIS...this is key. This is attainability vs who you are. If he wants a real life barbie doll or sorority girl, he needs to BECOME the man that most appeals to that demographic. It isn't about hipster girl vs. educated med student girl or whatever, it's who HE is. It's not about HER, it's about HIM. He needs to ask himself what kind of guys that sorority girl is attracted to, and then show her that side of HIM. Is this clear? One of my good friends (in Chicago) is an Indian guy that get with all sorts of white party American girls, and what is his personality? He's outgoing, he's wild and crazy and aloof, he's funny, he's kind of an asshole, he parties and drinks a LOT, and is sometimes rowdy. I doubt he'd do well with hipster American girls, because that's not what they like.

my friend's fear of White women comes through actual racism he faced because of them and due to them. It's like he left Oklahoma but Oklahoma never really left from inside of him. Like he fears if he approaches a White girl with confidence some racist guy might try to cockblock and stop him from doing so.

Like I said, this is internal trauma that your friend needs to work through and get over. Until he does that and opens his mind to possibility and optimism, I don't think he'll get very far. I don't know where you and him live, but he also might have much better success in an open-minded city (West Coast, Northeast USA, big cities in Texas, Chicago, etc.)

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I don't know man, I have not seen many Brown males with White females no matter where I have gone. I have seen it but not in large numbers and I have been to places like Toronto and Vancouver. There is some sort of a stigma among Brown guys and even others involving White women in relationships with them, my friend seems to fall victim to that. But this is pickup, we are trying to be the exception.

As for the kind of girls he is going after, they typically go for the man with the All American looks (read: White guy). A guy that looks like he could model for Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister. If not that then it is some frat boy. Most of them don't usually go for a guy that is a member of a minority group no matter what minority group it is. I know he has a barrier to overcome but I am sure there is a way around it. We are talking about hot sorority girls here and the kind of guys I have seen them go crazy over.

Now as for where we live, currently we are near the northeast (along the mason-dixon area) but that might change soon. How do I get him to attack his limiting beliefs?

 

[TheWiseFool]

Proactivity,

I also group in an area where the majority of the population was white, so I experienced a bit of alienation and uphill battles myself, but made out alright. As a kid I did think that I would never end up being able to attract an Italian (I don't consider them white though even though they do themselves) or Irish woman. But as I grew older and matured, I realized that I do have a chance, my prom date was my high school crush and she was pretty hot (and she was ranked top 20 hottest girls at the college we went to together). It is all about frame of mind that your friend carries. You can stack up your friend against a white male who is attractive, but socially not as adept as your friend and I bet you the playing field is even, if not if the favor of your friend. You have to stand face to face with your friend, look him straight in the eye, and go through every negative frame/opinion/mentality/belief that he associates with "Why I why girls will never want me because..." You gotta do it over and over and over again until you see in your friends eyes, the change in his mentality. The belief that he can if only he believes. I've done it with some of my friends who were just beating themselves up over things and it is great to see how effective the change is. You just need to remind him every time he falls back into the belief, maybe because he tried to talk to a white girl and she rejected him, but he needs to understand that ALL WHITE WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME. A LARGE MAJORITY are the same, BUT, the ones that deviate are the ones worth keeping. Why? Because they move past the foreign look and see what is inside a man. His values, how he carries himself, passions, beliefs, drives, etc. Hell, the ones that reject him are doing him a favor because it helps him screen for the quality girls right then and there. This is just my thoughts, they may or may not help, but I provide them in the hopes that they result in upward growth.

Goodluck,
The Wise Fool

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Nice man, I have actually noticed Italian women don't go interracial that often compared to other kinds of White girls.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Hey Proactivity,

Were you able to do the excercise with your friend? If he was reluctant to, that is fine, it happens. But toss it in there every now and again. If your friend doesn't want you to do it for him, you can tell him to look in a mirror and do the excercise himself.

- TWF

 

[Just_Dave]

Nice man, I have actually noticed Italian women don't go interracial that often compared to other kinds of White girls.

Really? I've hookup with a good number of Italian girls in my area, I'm from the Midwest so it could be different depending on where you go and if a girl wants to stick to her "own" kind. Regardless I normally hit with "I'm a sucker for Italian women line"

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Nice man, I have actually noticed Italian women don't go interracial that often compared to other kinds of White girls.

Really? I've hookup with a good number of Italian girls in my area, I'm from the Midwest so it could be different depending on where you go and if a girl wants to stick to her "own" kind. Regardless I normally hit with "I'm a sucker for Italian women line"

What race are you?

I just notice most Italian girls don't go for Black guys as much here in the US for some reason.

 

[Just_Dave]

Nice man, I have actually noticed Italian women don't go interracial that often compared to other kinds of White girls.

Really? I've hookup with a good number of Italian girls in my area, I'm from the Midwest so it could be different depending on where you go and if a girl wants to stick to her "own" kind. Regardless I normally hit with "I'm a sucker for Italian women line"

What race are you?

I just notice most Italian girls don't go for Black guys as much here in the US for some reason.

Funny Answer first: Uh human race . . . just happen to have darker skin than most *This comment reveals my skin color, everything else addresses my ability to get some Italian women.*

Serious answer: I'm Black from the Midwest region of the U.S., I think it has to do with a guys fundamentals as a whole. If a guy isn't sexy period he won't get a girl. I would say I have success for with Italian women is because of my hometown there was a place called "Little Italy" and I went to school with Italians at a young age. I learned to approach them in a way that was effective and consistent. I also didn't let my own "stereotype" bring me down. I also didn't have a victim mentality if I got rejected by one, and say the "she's racist" nonsense or pull the "race card". I just was upfront with the girls and told them I thought they were attractive and I wanted to get to know them.

Logical answer: I believe regions of the U.S. and you're upbringing in regards to race can hamper or blossom your seduction abilities. If you grew up in a area that was multicultural you can get a taste about how to interact with different groups of people. If one sticks to their "own kind" and doesn't at least try to interact with different groups of people . . . they won't have any idea what works and what doesn't. I think it's trial and error for the most part and finding a girl who's open minded.

Who You Are: I was fortunate enough to have a family (two parent home and older brothers) to encourage me, educate me, and help me grow. I was able to be who I was, and not what the media or society told me how I "should" act.

Further notes: These statements were prepared from my own world view, if someone has something different to share than please do. That way I can learn something new haha

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

My experience is limited, I too grew up in the midwest and I never really saw a Black guy with an Italian girl and the many I knew had something against dating or being with a Black guy but hats off to you for being the exception.

But when it comes to race, I am surprised that I have had Black users reply. I always thought being Black had its major advantage in the game and was just as good as being White. The races I thought were disadvantaged were all other races (asians and foreign looking races in general) because White women had no good stereotypes about them going on and usually perceived them as too different.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Proactivity,

"Nothing is true, everything is permitted."

If you don't mind, I'd like you to try and reframe your perception of certain things. If you know anything about biology, perhaps you know about environment. There are different environments with different traits, and there are living organisms found within each environment, each with their own adaptations that allows them to find their own niche within the system. An adaptation(s) advantageous in one environment may be disadvantageous in another. Because you've observed "white women don't date many brown men" in your environment (area) doesn't mean they don't in other environments (ex: city's with a lot of diversity). Instead of thinking, "White women don't like brown men because... *insert your reasoning*," think, "What are brown guys doing wrong to attract white women?" All problems stem from human behavior. A problem is not a problem unless we percieve it as a problem. There isn't anything wrong with someone because of race. They are just missing certain adaptations. If you can't change something, such as your pigment color or defining racial features, what can you change? Haircut, body type by working out, speech, posture, mannerisms, clothing style, ability to communicate. It's all about masking undesired traits and displaying desired ones with grace and saavy.

Maybe black guys have more "luck" (success) with women because they know what they want and will do whatever they can to obtain their goals. Maybe the black guys who are with tons of girls were raised in an environment where they were told "don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do or be something." Maybe the individual found that out themselves and decided early on that they weren't going to let circumstances stop them where others may have given up, where others would have made up excuses, thrown in the towel, settled, changed directions. Maybe some black guys take rumors and use them to their advantage. Others are too awkward and think, "No white girl will like me for the color of my skin, or they think I'm from the ghetto just because I *insert stereotype*." Apologies for lack of variety in examples, but you get the point yea?

It's all perception. If your perception of specific topics are due to a limited range of reference experiences, then I suggest reworking with some of your mental models. Whether or not you may have come up with or people around you have influenced you to the point of believing true, go through things you find as "just the way things work" and tell yourself, "This isn't true because *insert response*." You can go online and find counter evidence to support your reason, you can create a mental model(s) in your head of a situation (the power of imagination is my favorite) that produces your desired reality, read and learn a method to test and prove your theor correct.

Overall, don't believe the media (I'm assuming that was why you said black guys are equal to white guys when it comes to white women), don't believe the guys who have always done the same thing and received the same result and ask "why does this always happen?", don't make generalizations because of what you've seen, see beyond what is right in front of you and see the possibilities and create a method to achieve a possibility you or a friend desires.

Lastly, I like your honesty. It reminds me of someone that I used to know You're a good guy at heart
- The Wise Fool

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

That is an outstanding post Wisefool but I am White, will tell my foreign friend about it though.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have been following Chase's blog for a few months now and joined his forum recently. The material on the blog has been on point and given some nice insight into attraction that has helped me up some aspects of my game. As a minority myself I have always had a preference for White girls.

May as well share my experience.

My tale:

6"2 male from the subcontinent, muscular, with a racially ambiguous look to him due to his complexion. I spent my childhood in the New York and the only White people I was around were foreigners and I was mainly around Latino, Black, and other Asians. For high school years my family moved out west to California and the area I was in had a lot of Asians, Hispanics, and foreign Whites (Armenians, Russians, etc.). We referred to the kind of White people you are talking about as "Americans" and most people around saw them as different. There was this sense of inferiority a lot of people I was growing up had towards "Americans" and we had some American kids but it wasn't many. Most of the "American" kids in my city went to the private schools.Outside of grades (straight A student) and test scores I was not your stereotypical studious Asian kid. I played sports (basketball, baseball, football, and soccer but stuck with football) growing up, lifted weights, partied, and I was always a social kid that made friends in school. It was something people noticed about me and commented on. Teachers and other students would say that I am different and not like other kids from my background who would study a lot and not bother with athletics and being social.

Lost my virginity at 16 to a Brown girl that was a senior at my high school, she looked a lot like Sunny Leone and would hang with the popular kids. We would do it a few more times before she went away to college. When she went away I started dating this Puerto Rican girl and we looked like couples of the same race so no one cared. Broke up with her my senior year and started seeing this Blonde Russian girl, was the first girl I had ever been with that was White. We did it so many times and she was the best girl I had been with to that point. The two of us did things that I had not done with the previous 2 girls I was with.Then it was off to college, the Russian girl went to a private university and I decided to go to a larger state school in the golden state, we still keep in touch though.

Unlike high school, my uni had a lot of White girls from the suburban neighborhoods (they were the majority). I had not been around many of them and heard a lot of things about them growing up that were not in anyway flattering: they won't like you because you look different, most won't look at you as a serious boyfriend, you will always be different to them, they will always see you as weird, etc. Starting out I was a bit uneasy but then I settled down and did what I had done in high school. Have enjoyed times with all kinds of girls from an Italian brunette with dark features to a Nordic blonde foreign exchange student not to mention everything in the middle. GF is a blonde.

What I learned from all this.

What I got from it all is that some of my limiting beliefs were fueled by what I heard about White girls from people growing up. I wasn't around any of your typical everyday Americans, had some interactions with them but they were few. Women who weren't White would tell me that White girls have these high standards and won't seriously consider an interracial relationship. Guys who weren't White (asian and hispanic men I knew did this a lot) would tell me that White girls would never see me as their equal and wouldn't even consider getting to know me.

I think that for some reason as minorities we have a tendency to put white people especially white women on the pedestal instead of just seeing them as people just like everyone else. It becomes a sick cycle because the way you subconsciously do it impacts the way people react to you and then instead of realizing that it is because of the way you act you think it is because of how you look. I don't doubt that there are women out there who just won't date certain ethnic groups but there are many more that will.

When I took my girlfriend back home to meet my family and we were out in town some of my former classmates were a bit surprised to see me with my girlfriend and even asked if she was my girlfriend. I did get some open hate from some of the males in my class, the same ones who were telling me white girls would never see me as their equal, will post a thread about it later on. Some of them would try to grind on her and hit on her right in front of me, this made us uncomfortable.

You have to purge these beliefs from your head and proceed as you usually would, no secret behind it.

 

[DesiBro]

I have been following Chase's blog for a few months now and joined his forum recently. The material on the blog has been on point and given some nice insight into attraction that has helped me up some aspects of my game. As a minority myself I have always had a preference for White girls.

May as well share my experience.

My tale:

6"2 male from the subcontinent, muscular, with a racially ambiguous look to him due to his complexion. I spent my childhood in the New York and the only White people I was around were foreigners and I was mainly around Latino, Black, and other Asians. For high school years my family moved out west to California and the area I was in had a lot of Asians, Hispanics, and foreign Whites (Armenians, Russians, etc.). We referred to the kind of White people you are talking about as "Americans" and most people around saw them as different. There was this sense of inferiority a lot of people I was growing up had towards "Americans" and we had some American kids but it wasn't many. Most of the "American" kids in my city went to the private schools.Outside of grades (straight A student) and test scores I was not your stereotypical studious Asian kid. I played sports (basketball, baseball, football, and soccer but stuck with football) growing up, lifted weights, partied, and I was always a social kid that made friends in school. It was something people noticed about me and commented on. Teachers and other students would say that I am different and not like other kids from my background who would study a lot and not bother with athletics and being social.

Lost my virginity at 16 to a Brown girl that was a senior at my high school, she looked a lot like Sunny Leone and would hang with the popular kids. We would do it a few more times before she went away to college. When she went away I started dating this Puerto Rican girl and we looked like couples of the same race so no one cared. Broke up with her my senior year and started seeing this Blonde Russian girl, was the first girl I had ever been with that was White. We did it so many times and she was the best girl I had been with to that point. The two of us did things that I had not done with the previous 2 girls I was with.Then it was off to college, the Russian girl went to a private university and I decided to go to a larger state school in the golden state, we still keep in touch though.

Unlike high school, my uni had a lot of White girls from the suburban neighborhoods (they were the majority). I had not been around many of them and heard a lot of things about them growing up that were not in anyway flattering: they won't like you because you look different, most won't look at you as a serious boyfriend, you will always be different to them, they will always see you as weird, etc. Starting out I was a bit uneasy but then I settled down and did what I had done in high school. Have enjoyed times with all kinds of girls from an Italian brunette with dark features to a Nordic blonde foreign exchange student not to mention everything in the middle. GF is a blonde.

What I learned from all this.

What I got from it all is that some of my limiting beliefs were fueled by what I heard about White girls from people growing up. I wasn't around any of your typical everyday Americans, had some interactions with them but they were few. Women who weren't White would tell me that White girls have these high standards and won't seriously consider an interracial relationship. Guys who weren't White (asian and hispanic men I knew did this a lot) would tell me that White girls would never see me as their equal and wouldn't even consider getting to know me.

I think that for some reason as minorities we have a tendency to put white people especially white women on the pedestal instead of just seeing them as people just like everyone else. It becomes a sick cycle because the way you subconsciously do it impacts the way people react to you and then instead of realizing that it is because of the way you act you think it is because of how you look. I don't doubt that there are women out there who just won't date certain ethnic groups but there are many more that will.

When I took my girlfriend back home to meet my family and we were out in town some of my former classmates were a bit surprised to see me with my girlfriend and even asked if she was my girlfriend. I did get some open hate from some of the males in my class, the same ones who were telling me white girls would never see me as their equal, will post a thread about it later on. Some of them would try to grind on her and hit on her right in front of me, this made us uncomfortable.

You have to purge these beliefs from your head and proceed as you usually would, no secret behind it.

Great post.

I've had a very similar experience (although I am shorter and darker ). Limiting beliefs are a much larger problem than race.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I was digging through and found this thread, nice that it has received a good number of replies and a lot of discussion. As someone who has seen terrible results with White girls but amazing results with girls from minority groups I can sympathize with your friend but I think it is more than just a skin color thing. I have noticed that girls who are foreign (European) and from more working class backgrounds (used to being around minorities) I am judged more on how I present myself and how I act rather than how I am. With the girls that make up the bulk of girls at my university (White, rich or upper middle class, and usually trendy) I have seen terrible results and received the worst treatment (disgusting looks, condescending attitude, etc.). Problem is that not only are these girls the majority, the hottest girls I have ever seen in my life come from this demographic.

My experience would say that some sort of status or "in" would be needed. I haven't seen these girls go interracial too often other than maybe a few rare exceptions where the guy was an athlete (black). Even with White guys these girls want the best guy, they don't want some average joe or nerdy White guy, they want the Chris Hemsworth lookalike with a cool personality and a little bit of status. I don't think it's really a race problem, it is just that the kind of girls I am going after have very high standards because throughout their lives they have been told they are the best and they deserve the best. There is a reason why even though Asian men (this includes south asians too) struggle with these women despite having high salaries on average.

I think fundamentals change for almost every guy going after the kind of girls I am trying to see success with.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Had to look for a bit and finally found this thread. I am a Middle Eastern looking guy, one of the very few in my area, and I just don't get White women. I have had a lot of IOIs from Asian and Black girls in my area but I am just not that interested in them (which does kind of make me a hypocrite but whatever). Now I have heard that the state I am in (Tennessee) is not the best place for interracial relationships involving stereotypically Middle Eastern looking men with White women so that could have something to do with it but no one has really offered up any experiences as to how things are like in states perceived as more tolerant. In my entire life I have only seen White American women date White men and Black men, no other race. The reason for this might be because I am in Tennessee but I also have to deal with the fact that if I go to Europe and anywhere in the world I will face a lot of racism and have to deal with the fact that White women look down on me because of my background. This is an added crutch that has made things worse for me and I would like to know where I can move in America (anywhere but Tennessee) that I might have a good chance with the kind of girls I like.

 

[Eternity]

(Sigh) Here we go again....

 

[Franco]

Altair,

I can't really speak specifically for Tennessee (as I haven't tried pick-up there, nor anywhere else in the Midwest), but if you really feel like you've thoroughly tested your results there and are seeing very limited success, then the best option is just to move to a new location and try somewhere else.

I live in Southern California, and we have a pretty good mixture of all different types of races here, and I don't personally see too much segregation between them. It might be worth looking into locations that are known for having a large diversity as you'll usually find that, even though there are always minorities everywhere, you may find that they are more prevalent percentage-wise than other locations. And because of that, it is likely that there is less hesitance from females to indulge in interracial relationships.

I know (for a fact) that men of middle-eastern or other Asian descent CAN do well with White women (and I have already shown Oh Pry a brown friend of mine who ONLY goes for [and succeeds with] attractive, white women), so you need to understand that this is certainly a limiting belief of yours. Now, it IS possible that it is more difficult to be successful with white women in your location, and if white women are really a preference of yours that you want to succeed with, then you should consider moving to a location that you can have the most success with them.

- Franco