Do you use Instagram for social proof when going out solo?

[Jan]

I realized that this whole time I was looking at Instagram the wrong way.

I was thinking that it's kind of working against me so I avoided it. I would always aim to exchange numbers, assuming that if we start communicating on instagram instead of text, I will be at disadvantage over all these Insta looks-maxxing dudes.

And I still believe it's subpar method of communication, HOWEVER...

It can be great when going out solo and when you are too lazy to work on your social proof in the venue.

I can work on my social proof in a bar or some kind of social event, but it's TIRING. It usually takes me about an hour or two to open random sets, and build a strong social proof in the venue. AND IT'S WORTHY! All of a sudden you become the real deal, all approaches become at least warm, sometimes even hot. BUT... it's HIGH EFFORT - HIGH REWARD strategy.

If you play your Instagram card well though, you can get pretty decent social proof through instagram, so you don't need to work so hard in the venue.

I admit that this is only a hypothesis at this point, and I haven't tested it yet, but here me out.

INSTAGRAM AS SOCIAL PROOF TOOL

First and foremost, the goal is either to bring her home the same night or take her phone number, and communicate over text. The goal is NOT to take her Instagram and use it for texting.

I realized that near 90% of time I approach in a bar with poor social proof I get asked about Instagram.

Why? This is a super fast screening method for her. And NO, she is NOT going to check if you have a million followers (unless she is a status seeking type). For most of the girls, it's a basic screening tool for:

1) does he have friends? -> is he normal and safe?
2) what is his lifestyle -> it doesn't need to be Dan Bilzerian type of lifestyle, if she can see you doing normal cool stuff, sports, dancing, working out, chilling, that should be enough.

I believe that crafting an Insta profile with all the knowledge about female psychology, should be a no brainer.

a) few photos with attractive females (enough that she can see that you are in demand, but not in-the-face, don't make yourself be be seen as a player)
b) few photos doing sports - showing your attractive body, in a chilled, non-pervert way
c) few photos from your travels if you travel
d) few photos doing silly, normal things - goofing around with friends - social proof + safety
e) something spicy if you know how to communicate this shit through visual medium

The idea is exchange Instagram during the interaction, go to bathroom and give her time to lurk at your profile. And boom! The vibe should improve when you are back.

I mostly do bar game these days, so I'm gonna field test this next time round.

 

[isildur1]

https://mindful-masculinity.org/202...ial-media-guide-for-dating-and-relationships/ wrote a guide on it here -

I dont game girls online i use my instagram as social proof in conjunction with daygame - i use the instagram close to keep in contact with the girl- if she follows me back she can see my stories and remain interested in my life - also the photos are social proof i am not a complete loser or a maniac loner that will murder her on the first date- good photos build comfort effortlessly so you have to do less. Of course this requires you to lead somewhat an interesting life to begin with.

Also the nationality of the girl and the form of social media you close can make a difference
Mainland China, Taiwan, Macau- Probably best to close on Wechat and have good photos on your Wechat.
West Europe/ Australia / UK/US- Instagram or facebook
Korean- Kakao Talk
Middle Eastern - Qatari/Saudi/UAE/Kuwait/Jordan- Snapchat and Instagram ( whilst living in Saudi i noted that snapchat was very popular there)
Of course Whatsapp close to if possible

again you need to show adaptability - it might be annoying to have all these apps but having good photos on instagram and wechat has gotten me laid in the past and women i've dated admitted to stalking my profile before agreeing to the date - its important to build comfort - too many of my wings had just awful pics that would deter women

 

[Jan]

again you need to show adaptability - it might be annoying to have all these apps but having good photos on instagram

I game only in one geographical area where instagram is the top app, so I'm just gonna focus on that

Thanks for comments

 

[isildur1]

I game only in one geographical area where instagram is the top app, so I'm just gonna focus on that

Thanks for comments

I think you’re missing the point it’s not about the most popular app in your area it’s about the most popular app in relation to the woman’s ethnicity

wechat for example isn’t the most popular app in London but I’ve closed women successfully using WeChat who didn’t have instagram - it’s about being adaptable to the race of girl that you like for example if you love approaching Korean for example then kakaotalk is worth having good photos on ( one example)

 

[Jan]

I think you’re missing the point it’s not about the most popular app in your area it’s about the most popular app in relation to the woman’s ethnicity

Get you. I live in a pretty monoethnic city so doing this type of optimizations would be an overkill for me.

 

[DarkKnight]

If you play your Instagram card well though, you can get pretty decent social proof through instagram, so you don't need to work so hard in the venue.

how are you going to do instant dates when you rely on this? I assume the chick is not going to watch your instagram while talking to you,

I never get this guys... this overreliance on instagram and whatever. I also used it and actually find it to be quite good with assesing how alligned someone is with you. Or how curious. But when people make online such a big deal as in a TOOL to get women, they REALLY miss the mark.

For me my LIVE presence is the biggest factor which i can influence and I dont like things going online unless I am sure I will encounter the girl again. Otherwise I try to push forward during the meet. Plus you dont need to create huge social proof immediately it all reeks like slow gaming.

 

[DarkKnight]

Wait I am going to add something I think I DO understand this online fixation. Usually done by guys who believe they do not have the power to influence girls immediately, so they need to use certain tweaks. A pal of mine is exactly like this, keeps badgering me about "online" or about this NEXT DATING EVENT, or this NEXT DATING TREND. Instead of just doing what you need to do in any social situation without harsh repucursions.

so essentialy these tweaks are buffers for rejection and/or are signs that you do not feel FULLY entitled to the girl or girls around you. And they can sense that

 

[Jan]

sorry @DarkKnight but you almost completely misundertood my post

how are you going to do instant dates when you rely on this? I assume the chick is not going to watch your instagram while talking to you,

I can see that you assume that I was talking about day game. No, I was talking about bar game. I explicitly mentioned that I almost entirely focus on bar game these days. I also mentioned how I'm going to give her an opportunity to lurk on my Insta - after I give my insta to her, I will excuse myself to the bathroom, she will have about 5 minutes to check it out

I never get this guys... this overreliance on instagram and whatever.

Once again, misunderstanding. I very clearly mentioned that I'm going to use it as a tool for SOCIAL PROOF. Not as a substitute for live interaction. Not as a substitute for game. Not as a subtitute for anything else but social proof.

But when people make online such a big deal as in a TOOL to get women, they REALLY miss the mark.

Eh

For me my LIVE presence is the biggest factor which i can influence

For me too. Which has anything to do with the message of my post. As I said, I'm going out solo to a bar. Instead of working the venue for social proof, I show her my insta to get quick social proof. I continue my interaction with her live as normal.

Plus you dont need to create huge social proof immediately it all reeks like slow gaming.

You don't need social proof ever! But you need some, because it makes everything way smoother. And slow gaming indeed gives you social proof, but it's the least efficient way to get it.

 

[isildur1]

how are you going to do instant dates when you rely on this? I assume the chick is not going to watch your instagram while talking to you,

I never get this guys... this overreliance on instagram and whatever. I also used it and actually find it to be quite good with assesing how alligned someone is with you. Or how curious. But when people make online such a big deal as in a TOOL to get women, they REALLY miss the mark.

For me my LIVE presence is the biggest factor which i can influence and I dont like things going online unless I am sure I will encounter the girl again. Otherwise I try to push forward during the meet. Plus you dont need to create huge social proof immediately it all reeks like slow gaming.

For me the approaching is the most important thing

having a good instagram just reduces flakes long term by showing the woman you’re interesting in between dates. Sometimes like 1 in 20 closes instagram stories can reingage dead leads - I closed a woman off daygame March 2018 she flaked on the date September 2018 she commented on my story we chatted and met that night and fucked

Does this happen all the time? No of course not but having instagram or WeChat is a fantastic way to keep in contact with the maybes and gleen a few lays - in early 2013 when I started game my weak social media cost me a lot of flakes I’d make out with women and close them on Facebook for them to just find shitty photos of me then flake when I fixed that issue the flakes reduced

I don’t even do online game I just use Instagram/ WeChat and WhatsApp for closes when I approach - my now girlfriend I met off an Instagram close from daygame

 

[isildur1]

sorry @DarkKnight but you almost completely misundertood my post


I can see that you assume that I was talking about day game. No, I was talking about bar game. I explicitly mentioned that I almost entirely focus on bar game these days. I also mentioned how I'm going to give her an opportunity to lurk on my Insta - after I give my insta to her, I will excuse myself to the bathroom, she will have about 5 minutes to check it out


Once again, misunderstanding. I very clearly mentioned that I'm going to use it as a tool for SOCIAL PROOF. Not as a substitute for live interaction. Not as a substitute for game. Not as a subtitute for anything else but social proof.

Eh

For me too. Which has anything to do with the message of my post. As I said, I'm going out solo to a bar. Instead of working the venue for social proof, I show her my insta to get quick social proof. I continue my interaction with her live as normal.

You don't need social proof ever! But you need some, because it makes everything way smoother. And slow gaming indeed gives you social proof, but it's the least efficient way to get it.

Social proof just helps build comfort - you need to think from the woman’s perspective if she’s met you on the street she maybe worried you’re a rapist murderer - good instagram or Facebook photos helps to deter this thought in her mind - I’ve dated numerous women who stalked my social media before agreeing to date me

 

[DarkKnight]

@Jan the way you react on my post with that emoticon reeks of ego defense.. but whatever.

Even if it is bar game as you mention I see zero use to use that tactic of yours. You think these girls dont have guys in their instagram with guys who have an "awesome" online precense?

anyway if you ask me this entire post is overthinking. Also your instagram could work against you where the girl actually fills in blind spots which were better left OPEN to preserve some sense of mystery instead of her already filling in thinks and potentially finding things she does not like.

 

[Jan]

Social proof just helps build comfort - you need to think from the woman’s perspective if she’s met you on the street she maybe worried you’re a rapist murderer - good instagram or Facebook photos helps to deter this thought in her mind - I’ve dated numerous women who stalked my social media before agreeing to date me

precisely

 

[Jan]

@Jan the way you react on my post with that emoticon reeks of ego defense.. but whatever.

Chase has recently written an article just for you

Stop Repelling People with Your Uncharitable Assumptions

People often make uncharitable assumptions about each other. But when you do this, and tell the other person, you tear your relationship with him or her to shreds. A few years back I wrote an article about the trouble autistic men have in dating. In it I also talked about my experience as a...

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anyway if you ask me this entire post is overthinking.

No, YOU are overthinking this. I'm field testing

 

[DarkKnight]

Okay bro whatever you want. I already regret replying on some guy who immediately becomes defensive like this.

 

[Jan]

I already regret replying on some guy who immediately becomes defensive like this.

That's great that you regret it. It's a positive step forward.

 

[DarkKnight]

sigh.

 

[TomInHo]

Hmmm interesting topic, I use IG too but view it a little differently

I work in sales and marketing so naturally use a lot of those same concepts when it comes to dating, but let me explain

See if you are a marketer selling a product you can classify your leads into 4 groups

Ready To Buy Now
This group sees your product, resonates with it and want to buy it immediately

Interested But Wrong Time
This group also resonates with your product but for whatever reason they cannot buy this very moment. Could be schedule conflict, lack of time to invest, lack of money to invest etc

Interested But Need More Information
This group is curious about your product but they are not sold yet. They have underlying objections and need more information to feel out your brand first before making a purchasing decision

Not Interest But Curios
This group doesn't really like your product at all but for some reason are following your brand. They will most likely never convert so focusing on them is a waste of time

Now with this information when you apply it to seduction, the girls you can bang on insta-dates or can set up dates and fuck very easily are in category 1

Everyone loves these girls because they are the easiest and most straight forward. And most of your energy should be focused on them. Because the better your up front presentation is the more girls you will have in this category

But here's the kicker

Just like in business, if your goal is to scale your income as much as possible, only focusing on this group will leave tons of money on the table

So how do savvy business owners fix this problem?

Easy they create systems to convert more of group 2 & 3

You can do this with direct response a.k.a direct text or email outreach. But problem is this is very time consuming

So what most tend to do is move those leads to social media or email marketing

They then post content that resonates with their leads that are designed to show value and address any potential objections or concerns they may have. Then they simply wait for the prospect to sell themselves and to turn into group #1

It's at this point that they will tend to reach out

How does this relate to seduction?

Well you can text all your leads individually, or you can post content on your Instagram with pictures, reels & stories. This will act as bait and girls that are interested and available will usually reach out with a reply or DM

You can then engage with them to assess their buying temperature. Girls that are ready to buy you set up a date with, while girls that are still on the fence you can handle any objections there and then, and politely end the interaction if they still aren't ready while you keep doing your seduction marketing to attract other prospects

So really IG is a great tool to keep your leads warm, display value to many at once, and close the ones that are showing interest

Good for time management because you can focus all your energy on group #1 while scooping up any strays in the other categories

@Jan IMO you seem to already be tapping into this mindset already on how to use social media to your benefit. So see no harm in you testing it out some more, because the results may surprise you

 

[Skills]

I realized that this whole time I was looking at Instagram the wrong way.

I was thinking that it's kind of working against me so I avoided it. I would always aim to exchange numbers, assuming that if we start communicating on instagram instead of text, I will be at disadvantage over all these Insta looks-maxxing dudes.

And I still believe it's subpar method of communication, HOWEVER...

It can be great when going out solo and when you are too lazy to work on your social proof in the venue.

I can work on my social proof in a bar or some kind of social event, but it's TIRING. It usually takes me about an hour or two to open random sets, and build a strong social proof in the venue. AND IT'S WORTHY! All of a sudden you become the real deal, all approaches become at least warm, sometimes even hot. BUT... it's HIGH EFFORT - HIGH REWARD strategy.

If you play your Instagram card well though, you can get pretty decent social proof through instagram, so you don't need to work so hard in the venue.

I admit that this is only a hypothesis at this point, and I haven't tested it yet, but here me out.

INSTAGRAM AS SOCIAL PROOF TOOL

First and foremost, the goal is either to bring her home the same night or take her phone number, and communicate over text. The goal is NOT to take her Instagram and use it for texting.

I realized that near 90% of time I approach in a bar with poor social proof I get asked about Instagram.

Why? This is a super fast screening method for her. And NO, she is NOT going to check if you have a million followers (unless she is a status seeking type). For most of the girls, it's a basic screening tool for:

1) does he have friends? -> is he normal and safe?
2) what is his lifestyle -> it doesn't need to be Dan Bilzerian type of lifestyle, if she can see you doing normal cool stuff, sports, dancing, working out, chilling, that should be enough.

I believe that crafting an Insta profile with all the knowledge about female psychology, should be a no brainer.

a) few photos with attractive females (enough that she can see that you are in demand, but not in-the-face, don't make yourself be be seen as a player)
b) few photos doing sports - showing your attractive body, in a chilled, non-pervert way
c) few photos from your travels if you travel
d) few photos doing silly, normal things - goofing around with friends - social proof + safety
e) something spicy if you know how to communicate this shit through visual medium

The idea is exchange Instagram during the interaction, go to bathroom and give her time to lurk at your profile. And boom! The vibe should improve when you are back.

I mostly do bar game these days, so I'm gonna field test this next time round.

Doesn't work like that, idealistic view
.... Some guys post how parties or being at clubs having fun and take thumps up or hearts or always same girl checking u out as ioi.. but you can field test your re inventing the wheel and hopefully you didn't waste your time... Flawed strategy imho...

 

[TomInHo]

Doesn't work like that, idealistic view
.... Some guys post how parties or being at clubs having fun and take thumps up or hearts or always same girl checking u out as ioi.. but you can field test your re inventing the wheel and hopefully you didn't waste your time... Flawed strategy imho...

I would have agreed before but can't because there is some nuance

The idea is exchange Instagram during the interaction, go to bathroom and give her time to lurk at your profile. And boom! The vibe should improve when you are back.

I mostly do bar game these days, so I'm gonna field test this next time round.

Sounds wild but I know a natural that does this exactly.

He would approach girls in the beginning of the night. Share his IG then go wander off

A lot of the times some girls will come back and talk to him and also ask him questions about his IG. I thought it was a bullshit strategy and will never work but seeing was believing

He was also able to pull some of those girls so there is something to it, even though me personally I wouldn't use IG in that way

 

[Skills]

No, YOU are overthinking this. I'm field testing

I have a friend that Instagram max.. so he opens give insta and then game via Instagram... But you are taking she see your Instagram takes break to study and help you pull... Nah, again i will wait for you to field test . My friend was good at texting similar to my style..