Does anybody else find busy places much harder to approach?

[Aussiedude]

I don't know if it's just me but I always find myself struggling to approach in busy areas. Think busy city center, busy malls, high foot traffic areas. And I know in theory busy places are good because there's lots of people. However I always feel like the quality of my approach is worse & it's harder for me and the girl to properly chat and build rapport, I actually find it a little difficult to scope out a good looking chick with all these people walking around.

So I've been approaching in more quiet areas and each approach is far more successful. I find myself chatting with the girl for a solid 20 minutes quite comfortably. It's like the quality of the interaction goes way up. Areas like popular parks, near universities, or places that are kind of quiet busy per say. Just mostly avoiding really high foot traffic areas as I just seem to always struggle there.

And if it's a busy area let's say outside a train station and there's lots of people, I can't seem to find an angle to approach. However in a quieter spot it feels quite natural to say hello.

This could just be me being a beginner but would like to hear any more experienced guys thoughts. Because I like inner city suburbs where there's decent number of people but it's never really busy which makes approaching so much easier for me.

I swear cold approach gospel is super high foot traffic areas but I personally find it far more difficult.

And I know some of you will say yes but you have to spend more time finding girls. But where I'm at it's actually not too bad, I got in two approaches in about an hour and a half yesterday.

 

[James D]

Zone in on whatever works for you dude.

Most important is to get your approach numbers in.

 

[average_daygamer]

Right, busy areas are lower in terms of spotlight effect because no one is really paying any attention to you.

Compared to quieter areas with people lingering around on benches who can hear your every spoken word.

The distinction you are trying to make is between being in set and the initial approach.

Of course, quieter areas are easier once in set. But there is much more approach anxiety when people can hear your every word.

So busy areas are easier to approach in due to lower AA, but harder to get into and stay in set.

It's easier to build momentum in busy areas, however. Much harder in quieter areas.

If I am out approaching, ideally, I want to be able to do an approach atleast once every 10 minutes. That's 6 approaches in an hour.

2 approaches in 90 minutes is not optimal. Daygame is about putting the reps in, you see. You can't build momentum if you are only approaching once every 45 minutes.

 

[AspiringStoic]

I always use "busy adjacent areas". Like for example we have a main shopping street where it gets crowded. But there are streets adjacent to it, which also have traffic from people going to the main street or coming back from the main street. There is where I have found to be best for approaching. Its mildly crowded but not that much.

Same with malls. Entrances of malls where people are waiting for others, smoking etc are a good place.

Or if you can tweak your approach hours to go right before or right after peak times then you have a sweet spot.

Like in my city, 5-7pm on weekdays is very crowded. So 3 or 4pm is a sweet spot. So is 7:30pm.

But yes the more experienced I have had with approaching or the more warmed up you are, you start getting bolder and just go for approaches even if people are overhearing it or see you approaching. You realize people just look for a few seconds and then move on.

However, I am always careful to spread out my approaches so that I do not stay in 1 street or 1 mall for an hour+ straight and do all my approaches righ there.

I see travelling guys and coaches doing bootcamp do that. But they dont care because they will be gone in a few days. But for us guys, who are going to be around year round its better to play it a bit smart.

 

[AspiringStoic]

I swear cold approach gospel is super high foot traffic areas but I personally find it far more difficult.

Yup. Dont go by this. I used to do this all the time as a beginner and then beat myself up for not being able to approach. Until I met a guy who never stopped a walking set and was getting dates consistently from daygame.

I have written about him in this forum before. His game was "invisible". Like nobody could spot that he was doing an "approach" like conventional daygame style. He would go out for an hour everyday and he would stick just to stationary girls in bus stops, tram stops, metro stops, inside stores etc. Casually get beside them and throw out a compliment. He never forced a convo. He would get beside them and say something like

"Hi, I just want to say you look very stylish with those funky shoes"

Would wait for her reaction. If she just thanked him and looked back at her phone or something, he would just ask one more question like

"Are you Italian by any chance?"

If she gave another brief response he would just wish her a good day and leave. If she engaged, he would continue and go for the number. No stops, no getting in front of her. Nothing.

After I saw him operate I started doing the same thing. But I still like the freedom of approaching walking girls. So I still do it. But not like the run in front and stop her head on approach.

So yeah dont feel bad that you are not following some exact daygame golden rule. Do what is working for you.

I got in two approaches in about an hour and a half yesterday.

This I think can be improved and you will improve it gradually just with experience.

When I started I would do 1-3 approaches an hour. Now its more like at least 4-5.

If I were to guess, I think you are only approaching walking girls?

1 approach in 15 mins is something you can aim for. But slow and steady. Dont beat yourself up as long as you are consistently approaching.

 

[Aussiedude]

Zone in on whatever works for you dude.

Most important is to get your approach numbers in.

Yeah agreed, gotta do what is working.

 

[Aussiedude]

Right, busy areas are lower in terms of spotlight effect because no one is really paying any attention to you.

Compared to quieter areas with people lingering around on benches who can hear your every spoken word.

The distinction you are trying to make is between being in set and the initial approach.

Of course, quieter areas are easier once in set. But there is much more approach anxiety when people can hear your every word.

So busy areas are easier to approach in due to lower AA, but harder to get into and stay in set.

It's easier to build momentum in busy areas, however. Much harder in quieter areas.

If I am out approaching, ideally, I want to be able to do an approach atleast once every 10 minutes. That's 6 approaches in an hour.

2 approaches in 90 minutes is not optimal. Daygame is about putting the reps in, you see. You can't build momentum if you are only approaching once every 45 minutes.

Funnily enough I feel a lot more comfortable in quieter areas. For me, the spotlight affect is much stronger in a busy shopping mall than a quiet street.

 

[Aussiedude]

I have written about him in this forum before. His game was "invisible". Like nobody could spot that he was doing an "approach" like conventional daygame style.

That definitely takes a degree of skill, being able to

I have written about him in this forum before. His game was "invisible". Like nobody could spot that he was doing an "approach" like conventional daygame style. He would go out for an hour everyday and he would stick just to stationary girls in bus stops, tram stops, metro stops, inside stores etc. Casually get beside them and throw out a compliment. He never forced a convo. He would get beside them and say something like

100% this, it does take a degree of skill I notice. Actually yesterday I managed it in the grocery store.

Spotting a good looking asian chick. Thought I'll wait outside where it's easier but then it's like she could be in here for a while, I don't wanna wait around for ages so when she was looking at the meat section i just stood next to her like I was browsing the meat as well, briefly glanced around to see nobody was too close.

Then I opened and she responded very positively but her english was really bad. So we talked as best we could but I just decided to leave it as it was pretty difficult to build any rapport due to the language barrier.

But it was what you might call an invisible approach. From anybody's perspective it looked more like some general small talk then me hitting on her, nothing at all that would garner any attention.

It's different from what I'm used to, because I guess I do a lot of 'high energy' approaches per say. Part of which is as a beginner you have some nerves as you approach so high energy comes somewhat naturally.

But high energy/speaking loudly is not necessarily ideal in a busy area or like in a grocery store. The nonchalant approach seems far better.

 

[Aussiedude]

Yup. Dont go by this. I used to do this all the time as a beginner and then beat myself up for not being able to approach. Until I met a guy who never stopped a walking set and was getting dates consistently from daygame.

I have written about him in this forum before. His game was "invisible". Like nobody could spot that he was doing an "approach" like conventional daygame style. He would go out for an hour everyday and he would stick just to stationary girls in bus stops, tram stops, metro stops, inside stores etc. Casually get beside them and throw out a compliment. He never forced a convo. He would get beside them and say something like

"Hi, I just want to say you look very stylish with those funky shoes"

Would wait for her reaction. If she just thanked him and looked back at her phone or something, he would just ask one more question like

"Are you Italian by any chance?"

If she gave another brief response he would just wish her a good day and leave. If she engaged, he would continue and go for the number. No stops, no getting in front of her. Nothing.

After I saw him operate I started doing the same thing. But I still like the freedom of approaching walking girls. So I still do it. But not like the run in front and stop her head on approach.

So yeah dont feel bad that you are not following some exact daygame golden rule. Do what is working for you.



This I think can be improved and you will improve it gradually just with experience.

When I started I would do 1-3 approaches an hour. Now its more like at least 4-5.

If I were to guess, I think you are only approaching walking girls?

1 approach in 15 mins is something you can aim for. But slow and steady. Dont beat yourself up as long as you are consistently approaching.

And yeah, I like approaching walking girls as well. I would say most of my approaches is when they're walking. But you're definitely right with also doing the more nonchalent kind of approaches. I actually find them more difficult for some reason.

 

[Aussiedude]

I always use "busy adjacent areas". Like for example we have a main shopping street where it gets crowded. But there are streets adjacent to it, which also have traffic from people going to the main street or coming back from the main street. There is where I have found to be best for approaching. Its mildly crowded but not that much.

Same with malls. Entrances of malls where people are waiting for others, smoking etc are a good place.

Or if you can tweak your approach hours to go right before or right after peak times then you have a sweet spot.

Like in my city, 5-7pm on weekdays is very crowded. So 3 or 4pm is a sweet spot. So is 7:30pm.

But yes the more experienced I have had with approaching or the more warmed up you are, you start getting bolder and just go for approaches even if people are overhearing it or see you approaching. You realize people just look for a few seconds and then move on.

However, I am always careful to spread out my approaches so that I do not stay in 1 street or 1 mall for an hour+ straight and do all my approaches righ there.

I see travelling guys and coaches doing bootcamp do that. But they dont care because they will be gone in a few days. But for us guys, who are going to be around year round its better to play it a bit smart.

Yeah I find the adjacent areas linking off from the main street or main busy area quiet down quite a bit. I find approaching much easier. It's like, I just want a bit of quiet so we can actually build rapport which I find much easier to do.

 

[Chase]

@Aussiedude,

Women in crowded environments behave in more defensive ways.

Higher shields, greater skepticism, overall higher danger awareness.

Couple that with the fact that women you meet in day game are already not in social mode and resistance to a cold approach can be high in busy areas.

So yes, much more volume here. But it's volume with a catch, in that the girls making up that volume come with far higher resistance.

I always use "busy adjacent areas". Like for example we have a main shopping street where it gets crowded. But there are streets adjacent to it, which also have traffic from people going to the main street or coming back from the main street. There is where I have found to be best for approaching. Its mildly crowded but not that much.

This is the easiest way to do it. Approach on side streets, shops within the mall, relaxed fountains, food courts, chill areas of the boardwalk rather than the main drag, etc. Women here are in a more relaxed state, moving slower, less defensive, and generally easier to approach.

I swear cold approach gospel is super high foot traffic areas but I personally find it far more difficult.

This is gospel from the "always mass approach" guys.

They tend to do large amounts of volume with low hook rates / conversion.

e.g., go out, approach 40 girls, almost none of them hook, leave with 5 phone numbers, 1-2 of which respond to your texts.

IMO, better to go hit the chiller places, make 5-8 approaches, many more of which hook, and leave with 3 phone numbers, 2-3 of which respond to your texts.

Chase

 

[AspiringStoic]

e.g., go out, approach 40 girls, almost none of them hook, leave with 5 phone numbers, 1-2 of which respond to your texts.

IMO, better to go hit the chiller places, make 5-8 approaches, many more of which hook, and leave with 3 phone numbers, 2-3 of which respond to your texts.

Yup this is so true. I used to feel guilty about doing less than 10 approaches in a session before because that is what the daygame prescription was. Once I started doing approaches in other places apart from the busy main shopping street, I end up doing just 4-5 in an hour or two mainly because I end up having longer conversations.

But having said that, from a pure killing AA perspective at some point you gotta do volume. Forget about quality interactions, game tech etc and just practice opening. This is especially true in daygame because opening is so unconventional in daytime environments. And during the desensitization phase, more crowded areas are good.

And @Chase wouldn't you agree that there is a huge difference between a guy who CAN do 40 approaches in a day and has mastered opening and is CONSCIOUSLY now being selective and doing 5-8 approaches and working on other parts of his game

Vs

A guy who goes out and roams around for hours mostly because of AA and then ends up just doing 2-3 opens.

From my own experiences and from people I have seen around me, most never get to a stage where they have the ability to approach 15-20 girls in a day in daygame let alone 40. Its just that we see the neo-direct guys on social media or pranksters doing it for content and think most guys who are trying to learn cold approach are able to approach so many girls. Reality is most guys never fully learn to deal with AA.

In fact at this very moment, I am practising exactly that, just the ability to open a large volume of girls with a compliment. I am not even focusing on staying in the conversation even if the girl hooks. I have made a rule that none of my sets should last more than 30 seconds.

Just open with "Hey excuse me, I just wanted to say you look very stylish/pretty/ cool etc."

Wait for her reaction

"What are you upto today?"
Then just say "Oh thats great. Have a good day!" and leave.

I think there is a feeling of abundance that comes with acquiring the ability to open any girl you feel like opening. From there, toning it down and being more selective is doing it from a place of power.

Whereas without acquiring that ability, you never have this feeling of control over the most basic of things aka your ability to go and start a conversation with a person that you desire.

 

[Chase]

And @Chase wouldn't you agree that there is a huge difference between a guy who CAN do 40 approaches in a day and has mastered opening and is CONSCIOUSLY now being selective and doing 5-8 approaches and working on other parts of his game

Vs

A guy who goes out and roams around for hours mostly because of AA and then ends up just doing 2-3 opens.

Yeah, absolutely. Night and day difference.

You're not really a PUA yet if you haven't had at least a few 40-approach outings

It's great to be efficient. That's ultimately where you want to end up.

But you need volume at some point to get good enough at pattern recognition that you can learn to snipe effectively.

And yes, once you reach the point where you can go out and do several dozen approaches in a single day, you have conquered approach anxiety in a way that no guy who can't do that without breaking down has yet.

Chase

 

[Prodigy]

Yeah, absolutely. Night and day difference.

You're not really a PUA yet if you haven't had at least a few 40-approach outings

It's great to be efficient. That's ultimately where you want to end up.

But you need volume at some point to get good enough at pattern recognition that you can learn to snipe effectively.

And yes, once you reach the point where you can go out and do several dozen approaches in a single day, you have conquered approach anxiety in a way that no guy who can't do that without breaking down has yet.

Chase

Hey chase speaking of volume and AA i was thinking of attempting the 30 day challenge.I do have AA but its no longer that bad these days but i do want consistency and my main question is can i use it to crush approach anxiety ?

 

[Skills]

Zone in on whatever works for you dude.

Most important is to get your approach numbers in.

yes, for example in night game, i do better in not too packed venues, cause i can draw more attention to me... it depends.......

op do what works for you, however it may be aa.... if you are pass aa stage and you like better less crowded venues then do that...

 

[Skills]

Hey chase speaking of volume and AA i was thinking of attempting the 30 day challenge.I do have AA but its no longer that bad these days but i do want consistency and my main question is can i use it to crush approach anxiety ?

yes, and even most of us, after rust need to re do it....or weird situations, for example when corona i got aa due to using the mask... so i did the aa drills with the mask on...

 

[Prodigy]

yes, and even most of us, after rust need to re do it....or weird situations, for example when corona i got aa due to using the mask... so i did the aa drills with the mask on...

Thank you for the reply uncle skills ,Let me sort out a few academic tests then ill pounce on it

 

[average_daygamer]

Yeah, absolutely. Night and day difference.

You're not really a PUA yet if you haven't had at least a few 40-approach outings

It's great to be efficient. That's ultimately where you want to end up.

But you need volume at some point to get good enough at pattern recognition that you can learn to snipe effectively.

And yes, once you reach the point where you can go out and do several dozen approaches in a single day, you have conquered approach anxiety in a way that no guy who can't do that without breaking down has yet.

Chase

I don't believe there is ever any conquer to approach anxiety.

There is a big difference between approaching in a big city compared to a town.

And there is always a trickier approach that you won't do.

For instance, ultimate hard mode, a girl you don't know how old is, out with her family with her boyfriend.

 

[Chase]

@Prodigy,

Hey chase speaking of volume and AA i was thinking of attempting the 30 day challenge.I do have AA but its no longer that bad these days but i do want consistency and my main question is can i use it to crush approach anxiety ?

Yes, that's one of the things the 30-day challenge is for.

The other is just building sufficient momentum that you are operating with a clear head and on-point instincts.


@average_daygamer,

I don't believe there is ever any conquer to approach anxiety.

There is a big difference between approaching in a big city compared to a town.

Depends what you mean by 'conquer'.

If you mean "become completely and forever fearless about approaching" then no, unless a guy has a problem with his amygdala or something. There will always be a bit of anxiety at least. The less momentum, the fewer approaches he is making, the less positive reference experiences he has, the greater the anxiety. The more unfamiliar the situation, the greater the anxiety.

And there is always a trickier approach that you won't do.

For instance, ultimate hard mode, a girl you don't know how old is, out with her family with her boyfriend.

If you're imagining walking up to some young-looking chick and hitting on her directly in front of her family and boyfriend, sure, unless you are on super high momentum "IDGAF" energy you will have lots of anxiety there -- because it is so likely to fail.

But if you really want to go in for whatever reason (e.g., maybe you think he's her brother, not her boyfriend, and they're tourists, you're all in Cancun, etc.) then you just go up, approach the whole group high energy, find out how everyone knows each other, then run typical group theory from there.

If you're well-versed in group theory, and a modicum of momentum, you will not have much/any anxiety about that approach.

Chase

 

[Will_V]

I don't believe there is ever any conquer to approach anxiety.

Also, it wouldn't be good to have no approach anxiety. It's what focuses your mind and sharpens your senses. The difference is that, over time, it becomes something you look forward to feeling, it makes you feel alive and gives you a rush.

It's the same with any high-adrenaline activity. The moment it stops giving you butterflies, you won't be half as good at it.