- Joined
- Jul 15, 2017
- Messages
- 4
Long time forum reader, and general reader of the great shit posted on Girls Chase. Wasn't sure I would need to post here, but given the last 8 or so months, I thought I would unload and seek your wise opinions.
This might be a long story, but I thought I'd provide more details in hopes that the situation is clear to an outsider (unlike how it is for me).
I'm a happily married man, is how the story starts. However, I was in a work meeting with a woman in another department and was instantly struck by her refreshing personality and good looks. The story has been told a million times, I know - I've turned into a cliche.
We never see each other due to the company size. We intermittently exchanged work emails, which I ensured transitioned to small personal chat and jokes, which she responded well to. I eventually worked my wife into the email conversation, so that all bases were covered so to speak. We chatted at length at a company party, and I mentioned my young child, so again, all things were on the up and up in that respect.
I continued to find excuses to email her, and casually mentioned my favorite bar party into conversation. She invited herself along with some work colleagues, but I said work colleagues and my drunk self might not be great, so she was going to bring her friends. We exchanged numbers, thus beginning four months of msging. She ended up going to another bar that night, but now we had established out of work msging. Again, we haven't seen each other at work in months, and have never hung outside of the office before she invited herself along.
The next time this bar party rolled out was her birthday weekend. While not directly inviting me, she noted that her first time going was going to be on Friday, and was msging me some questions about the crowd and stuff. In my opinion, she was basically telling me where she was going in hopes that I showed up, which I did with a couple of friends. She showed up pretty late, and I met her friends and chatted to her for an hour non-stop, some minor physical touches (in close conversation) and then she left with her friends. Nothing too big, but I did note that I would buy her a bday drink that week.
We went out one on one, I showed up later than her to see if she'd initiate a hug, which she did. We had dinner, a couple of glasses of wine (I only paid for one of them), great conversation, lots of flirting and banter but no physical flirting due sitting across a medium sized table, and a hug goodnight.
The next week was a company BBQ. There were hundreds of people there, and I saw her near the beginning of the night and briefly chatted, (then basically purposely kept my distance), and near the end when things cleared out, but didn't talk much. She seemed reasonably drunk, and I didn't want her to say anything about us hanging out, so I took off as things wound down. However, I got a series of typo filled texts, asking where I was, and shocked that I left as she was "waiting for me". I asked if she still wanted to party, and she said yes, so I asked at a bar or her place. She said her place...but asked if another female coworker should come, to which I suggested maybe not.
We were both worse for wear, and making moves while extremely drunk is not my style (hello, rape!), but I was extremely curious what the fuck was going to happen. We were both drinking water, not alcohol, and standing in her kitchen, chatting. There were long gazes at one another. I leaned into her, was a bit more physical, and she didn't pull away (again, she was drunk, so I didn't read into it too much) I needed to be 1000% certain that she was into me if I were to make a move, as it could be career and marriage ending if I’m wrong! I ultimately did nothing, but gave her a kiss on the cheek as I left. She messaged me during my cab ride home, saying she has beer in her fridge that she can’t get rid of, and is a kind only I would like (heritage based, as we're both Eastern European). I took this to be a future apartment hang out invite.
The next day, we had a brief chat over text, where I noted I hadn’t told anyone we hung out at midnight, and suggest she do the same. She said ‘thanks for the life advice’, and I said anytime, and then we didn’t msg for about a week, when she started things up again the next week. We never used to msg during work hours, but she was initiating msgs like crazy. I would ignore her texts, or wait as long as possible, sometimes days, before responding, to not be that puppy vying for attention.
Since she had beer that she wanted to unload to me, I thought a trade would be good, and arranged a "cake for beer" exchange. My schedule was busy the week after, and the 2 days I had free she had plans, but was trying to work me into that week, by bailing on her plans early, or inviting me to come to play sports and drink after - like it was unnecessarily urgent that she see me that week. I said that I could make the night work, but she said that she didn’t bring the beer to work as she didn’t know that we would be doing something that night (?!). That is when I had the first gut punch – why did I assume it would be at her place? Imagine she actually brought it to work – I would look like a moron to my peers (who don't know we hang out)! Maybe she wanted to urgently hang to get the negative message in front of me. Anyway, I said since I would be in her hood, I could swing by her place and do the trade.
I showed up to her place, and she was wearing jogging pants and a t-shirt, this after previously being out to dinner. She didn’t hug me hello, as she had previous times. She suggested drinking on the building’s roof, as her roommate had their place “booked” (however, she wasn’t home, but possibly out on a date). We drank, had good convo, no awkwardness, and then afterwards, headed into her place. I put my shoes on, said goodbye, no hug. I felt like garbage based on this interaction. To me, this was game over, icing on the cake, no interest. Not sure where things turned, or if I was always looking for signs that weren’t there.
After intentionally sending minimal msgs for two weeks, we were msging as usual, and I made a comment about making sure the things that I tell her stay private. She said, “You mentioned before that you would have more to lose than me if people found out we were hanging out outside of work, as I do realize how people may perceive that. I realize you don’t know me very well but listen one last time when I say that I am trustworthy. I’m not going to say anything to anyone, as it’s not their business, but also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hanging out as long as we’re on the same page.”
I asked what she meant by "same page", and she made some joke about us using each other for work gains. Basically, dodged the question, likely as it is rough to tell someone you just want to be friends?
This is where things stand. This is where I need your help, as I'm sure it is crystal clear to an outsider.
The 3 theories I have are:
- she always wanted to be friends and realized at one point that I am into her, and given my marriage and position at the company, put a non-verbal msg out there (wearing joggers, making the same page comment)
- she wanted something, I didn’t make a move at her place, she was offended, and moved to shut it down
- she still wants something, the joggers meant nothing, the same page comment was “a torrid love affair”. This is called "the long shot"
The obvious answer is the top one. Maybe she just likes attention? Just curious as to people’s other interpretations. I tried to be physical where possible. I tried to not respond instantly to msgs. I did not initiate when at her place - again, was insanely risky given the mixed bag of signs. Can I salvage this, or is it always (and was it always) friendzone.
This might be a long story, but I thought I'd provide more details in hopes that the situation is clear to an outsider (unlike how it is for me).
I'm a happily married man, is how the story starts. However, I was in a work meeting with a woman in another department and was instantly struck by her refreshing personality and good looks. The story has been told a million times, I know - I've turned into a cliche.
We never see each other due to the company size. We intermittently exchanged work emails, which I ensured transitioned to small personal chat and jokes, which she responded well to. I eventually worked my wife into the email conversation, so that all bases were covered so to speak. We chatted at length at a company party, and I mentioned my young child, so again, all things were on the up and up in that respect.
I continued to find excuses to email her, and casually mentioned my favorite bar party into conversation. She invited herself along with some work colleagues, but I said work colleagues and my drunk self might not be great, so she was going to bring her friends. We exchanged numbers, thus beginning four months of msging. She ended up going to another bar that night, but now we had established out of work msging. Again, we haven't seen each other at work in months, and have never hung outside of the office before she invited herself along.
The next time this bar party rolled out was her birthday weekend. While not directly inviting me, she noted that her first time going was going to be on Friday, and was msging me some questions about the crowd and stuff. In my opinion, she was basically telling me where she was going in hopes that I showed up, which I did with a couple of friends. She showed up pretty late, and I met her friends and chatted to her for an hour non-stop, some minor physical touches (in close conversation) and then she left with her friends. Nothing too big, but I did note that I would buy her a bday drink that week.
We went out one on one, I showed up later than her to see if she'd initiate a hug, which she did. We had dinner, a couple of glasses of wine (I only paid for one of them), great conversation, lots of flirting and banter but no physical flirting due sitting across a medium sized table, and a hug goodnight.
The next week was a company BBQ. There were hundreds of people there, and I saw her near the beginning of the night and briefly chatted, (then basically purposely kept my distance), and near the end when things cleared out, but didn't talk much. She seemed reasonably drunk, and I didn't want her to say anything about us hanging out, so I took off as things wound down. However, I got a series of typo filled texts, asking where I was, and shocked that I left as she was "waiting for me". I asked if she still wanted to party, and she said yes, so I asked at a bar or her place. She said her place...but asked if another female coworker should come, to which I suggested maybe not.
We were both worse for wear, and making moves while extremely drunk is not my style (hello, rape!), but I was extremely curious what the fuck was going to happen. We were both drinking water, not alcohol, and standing in her kitchen, chatting. There were long gazes at one another. I leaned into her, was a bit more physical, and she didn't pull away (again, she was drunk, so I didn't read into it too much) I needed to be 1000% certain that she was into me if I were to make a move, as it could be career and marriage ending if I’m wrong! I ultimately did nothing, but gave her a kiss on the cheek as I left. She messaged me during my cab ride home, saying she has beer in her fridge that she can’t get rid of, and is a kind only I would like (heritage based, as we're both Eastern European). I took this to be a future apartment hang out invite.
The next day, we had a brief chat over text, where I noted I hadn’t told anyone we hung out at midnight, and suggest she do the same. She said ‘thanks for the life advice’, and I said anytime, and then we didn’t msg for about a week, when she started things up again the next week. We never used to msg during work hours, but she was initiating msgs like crazy. I would ignore her texts, or wait as long as possible, sometimes days, before responding, to not be that puppy vying for attention.
Since she had beer that she wanted to unload to me, I thought a trade would be good, and arranged a "cake for beer" exchange. My schedule was busy the week after, and the 2 days I had free she had plans, but was trying to work me into that week, by bailing on her plans early, or inviting me to come to play sports and drink after - like it was unnecessarily urgent that she see me that week. I said that I could make the night work, but she said that she didn’t bring the beer to work as she didn’t know that we would be doing something that night (?!). That is when I had the first gut punch – why did I assume it would be at her place? Imagine she actually brought it to work – I would look like a moron to my peers (who don't know we hang out)! Maybe she wanted to urgently hang to get the negative message in front of me. Anyway, I said since I would be in her hood, I could swing by her place and do the trade.
I showed up to her place, and she was wearing jogging pants and a t-shirt, this after previously being out to dinner. She didn’t hug me hello, as she had previous times. She suggested drinking on the building’s roof, as her roommate had their place “booked” (however, she wasn’t home, but possibly out on a date). We drank, had good convo, no awkwardness, and then afterwards, headed into her place. I put my shoes on, said goodbye, no hug. I felt like garbage based on this interaction. To me, this was game over, icing on the cake, no interest. Not sure where things turned, or if I was always looking for signs that weren’t there.
After intentionally sending minimal msgs for two weeks, we were msging as usual, and I made a comment about making sure the things that I tell her stay private. She said, “You mentioned before that you would have more to lose than me if people found out we were hanging out outside of work, as I do realize how people may perceive that. I realize you don’t know me very well but listen one last time when I say that I am trustworthy. I’m not going to say anything to anyone, as it’s not their business, but also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hanging out as long as we’re on the same page.”
I asked what she meant by "same page", and she made some joke about us using each other for work gains. Basically, dodged the question, likely as it is rough to tell someone you just want to be friends?
This is where things stand. This is where I need your help, as I'm sure it is crystal clear to an outsider.
The 3 theories I have are:
- she always wanted to be friends and realized at one point that I am into her, and given my marriage and position at the company, put a non-verbal msg out there (wearing joggers, making the same page comment)
- she wanted something, I didn’t make a move at her place, she was offended, and moved to shut it down
- she still wants something, the joggers meant nothing, the same page comment was “a torrid love affair”. This is called "the long shot"
The obvious answer is the top one. Maybe she just likes attention? Just curious as to people’s other interpretations. I tried to be physical where possible. I tried to not respond instantly to msgs. I did not initiate when at her place - again, was insanely risky given the mixed bag of signs. Can I salvage this, or is it always (and was it always) friendzone.
