Does this make any sense.....

[Lotus]

So for those of you that don't know my girlfriend fits in the so called "danger zone". It feels I was another person and a lifetime ago but I had a very weak post about her.

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=11491 if you want to get up to speed.

I agree that she is.... this is where things are strange. It doesn't bother me anymore at all, I actually feel more secure then ever. A girl that has had many casual relationships and no serious ones has committed to monogamy, told me I'm the best sex she has ever had, and traveled 5 states in 2 months twice and will be doing so 2 more times in the next couple weeks.

I know I should be worried about someone with her history, but I'm not. It's made me feel more confident then I have been in my entire life. Because it's not like she has a history of cheating, she just has completely avoided anything serious.

Does this make sense to anyone? or am I deceiving myself and looking to get burned.

Now she is obviously playing the part of water and trying to become what she thinks I want. I am well aware of that. But that's why we exhibit certain characteristics, so the girls mirror themselves to what we want. I constantly test her and as long as she is passing tests I don't see why I have anything to worry about.

Is this why Chase recommends avoiding "high risk" girls because they can for a time "pretend" to be looking for something more....

I've have completely accepted that it she could stray months ago, but it doesn't bother me anymore I will just drop her.

Looking for some brutal honesty here, so if my head sounds like it's miles up my own ass.... please do give it a tug for me

-Lotus

Edit: I could go into a lot more details on why I believe what I do, but I didn't want to bog down the post.

 

[Rage]

Hey Lotus

I think it makes sense to me and I feel like I recall Franco saying something similar about his current girlfriend (maybe he chimes in to this post, or I suppose you could message him too… I think he said that his girlfriend used to party in particular before they got together).

And I remember (forgive me Franco just sorta recall this and I feel like may be relevant to Lotus here) Franco saying something along the lines of she was much more expereiened than a conservative girl might be and had got to have some fun herself throughout the years, but that he even rpeferred this as it meant that she was more experienced and he didn’t have to teach her. And that it sorta aligned with the other qualities that he liked/was looking for in a girlfriend.

…

Now she is obviously playing the part of water and trying to become what she thinks I want. I am well aware of that. But that's why we exhibit certain characteristics, so the girls mirror themselves to what we want. I constantly test her and as long as she is passing tests I don't see why I have anything to worry about

There may be some of that, but I think that she can only do that to a certain extent. Past that if it is consistent it may be just that she imbues and naturally has those qualities that you desire and that: your screening and setting that blueprint of what you want in her (both consciously and unconsciously) has resulted in that coming out to show more.

Is this why Chase recommends avoiding "high risk" girls because they can for a time "pretend" to be looking for something more....

Honestly just my guess man (and I think that there are way more experienced and better guys that could probably illuminate situation or confirm truths here) but my theory would be that it is to a certain degree just personal preference.

Some seducers will want a relationship girl who is shades more experienced and other guys less so. Off the top of my head I remember Franco and Drexel saying that they prefer girls to be more experienced; Chase says he prefers girlfriends to be more conservative.

I think that it is a personal preference thing because my personality (I think) is a bit similar to Chase and my preference is also similar. But I’m not sure its like a rule a that would hodl for everyone and im not even sure why I inside me would seem to prefer a conservative girl whos been with just 1-2 guys as a relationship girl.

You can rationalize it of course and find logical answers to the emotional preference; but I think there are probably things that factor in such as if you yourself have had an upbringing in a really conservative home or not, or how you’ve seen your sister or mom be (uber conservative or not, as you sort of unconsciously model one of tehm in a relationship to certain degree). And other unconscious factors like that.

…

Probably a lot more that could be said or theorized; but I think you are ok/on th eirght track likely Lotus. Especially since you can acknowledge the contingency plan of “if it fucked up I could brea up with her and go game and search for other girl(s) or similar quality caliber” you are doing all right and regardless of what happens in the future will learn a great deal from all the various experiences with this girl.

Cheers,

Oh and btw just out of curiosity (not relevant to my answer), are you with this girl exclusively right now or are you going out to meet other girls at the same time while with her as well?

Rage

 

[Thedoctor]

Lotus,

I know I should be worried about someone with her history, but I'm not. It's made me feel more confident then I have been in my entire life. Because it's not like she has a history of cheating, she just has completely avoided anything serious.

I kinda skimmed your post / journal and from what I read, I wouldn't necessarily say she's a "cluster B" chick. The biggest flag I'd say there is would be her compliance. If it's as bad as you say it is, and she has zero will of her own, then she is more likely to fall prey to the wrong types of people (ie. an abusive ex). I guess it's up to you if you want that kind of girl in a relationship. Personally, I prefer more stubborn women who are more of a challenge.

A girl's history can be important factor in determining whether a long term relationship is a good idea, but only if she acts "crazy" in the present. For the most part, I don't really care about a girl's history (whether that be her sexual past, childhood etc.). I care about how she acts now with me.

So, if she parties lots and creates a ton of drama, then yes move on. But if she's acting in a manner that is in-line with a long term relationship, then I'd say you're fine.

-John

 

[Lotus]

Rage,

Hey Lotus

I think it makes sense to me and I feel like I recall Franco saying something similar about his current girlfriend (maybe he chimes in to this post, or I suppose you could message him too… I think he said that his girlfriend used to party in particular before they got together).

And I remember (forgive me Franco just sorta recall this and I feel like may be relevant to Lotus here) Franco saying something along the lines of she was much more expereiened than a conservative girl might be and had got to have some fun herself throughout the years, but that he even rpeferred this as it meant that she was more experienced and he didn’t have to teach her. And that it sorta aligned with the other qualities that he liked/was looking for in a girlfriend.

…

Now she is obviously playing the part of water and trying to become what she thinks I want. I am well aware of that. But that's why we exhibit certain characteristics, so the girls mirror themselves to what we want. I constantly test her and as long as she is passing tests I don't see why I have anything to worry about

There may be some of that, but I think that she can only do that to a certain extent. Past that if it is consistent it may be just that she imbues and naturally has those qualities that you desire and that: your screening and setting that blueprint of what you want in her (both consciously and unconsciously) has resulted in that coming out to show more.

Is this why Chase recommends avoiding "high risk" girls because they can for a time "pretend" to be looking for something more....

Honestly just my guess man (and I think that there are way more experienced and better guys that could probably illuminate situation or confirm truths here) but my theory would be that it is to a certain degree just personal preference.

Some seducers will want a relationship girl who is shades more experienced and other guys less so. Off the top of my head I remember Franco and Drexel saying that they prefer girls to be more experienced; Chase says he prefers girlfriends to be more conservative.

I think that it is a personal preference thing because my personality (I think) is a bit similar to Chase and my preference is also similar. But I’m not sure its like a rule a that would hodl for everyone and im not even sure why I inside me would seem to prefer a conservative girl whos been with just 1-2 guys as a relationship girl.

You can rationalize it of course and find logical answers to the emotional preference; but I think there are probably things that factor in such as if you yourself have had an upbringing in a really conservative home or not, or how you’ve seen your sister or mom be (uber conservative or not, as you sort of unconsciously model one of tehm in a relationship to certain degree). And other unconscious factors like that.

…

Probably a lot more that could be said or theorized; but I think you are ok/on th eirght track likely Lotus. Especially since you can acknowledge the contingency plan of “if it fucked up I could brea up with her and go game and search for other girl(s) or similar quality caliber” you are doing all right and regardless of what happens in the future will learn a great deal from all the various experiences with this girl.

Cheers,

Oh and btw just out of curiosity (not relevant to my answer), are you with this girl exclusively right now or are you going out to meet other girls at the same time while with her as well?

Rage

Thanks for the response Rage. Yeah I spoke to Franco a month or so ago and he did mention that the past isn't as important as how the girl acts around you which is how I have looking at things but I wasn't to what extent that was. He had said all he knew about her past was she had 1-2 bf's. There wasn't an emphasis on her being experienced so I was not aware of that.

I do agree that it is personal preference to an extent because I'm not sure I would enjoy a very inexperienced girl as much as one that is, and this is actually a really cool situation because she is experienced sexually so she knows what she wants in a man, but is so green in relationships that she pretty much always defers to me at the moment.

On the rationalization, that's what I had figured I just wanted to get it written down and have other eyes peek it since I've realized you can convince yourself anything!

We have been exclusive for 2-3 months and I don't go partying much at all anymore, and it will be that way as long as she continues to satisfy all of my needs.

John,

Lotus,

I know I should be worried about someone with her history, but I'm not. It's made me feel more confident then I have been in my entire life. Because it's not like she has a history of cheating, she just has completely avoided anything serious.

I kinda skimmed your post / journal and from what I read, I wouldn't necessarily say she's a "cluster B" chick. The biggest flag I'd say there is would be her compliance. If it's as bad as you say it is, and she has zero will of her own, then she is more likely to fall prey to the wrong types of people (ie. an abusive ex). I guess it's up to you if you want that kind of girl in a relationship. Personally, I prefer more stubborn women who are more of a challenge.

A girl's history can be important factor in determining whether a long term relationship is a good idea, but only if she acts "crazy" in the present. For the most part, I don't really care about a girl's history (whether that be her sexual past, childhood etc.). I care about how she acts now with me.

So, if she parties lots and creates a ton of drama, then yes move on. But if she's acting in a manner that is in-line with a long term relationship, then I'd say you're fine.

-John

Yeah I wouldn't really consider her cluster B either, but I was concerned about her compliance at one point and have since seen her assert herself multiple times. I was like woah where did that come from. She has a strong bitch shield up when she is out, and when I finally met her friends they had some stories. But as to our relationship, drama is minimal and anytime I mention something I don't like she adjusts in kind.

It's nice to hear another voice chime in that history isn't as important as the present.

Thanks for taking the time to look into my situation

Radeng,

Lotus,

I dated a girl with a checkered sexual past before and lots of casual hookups. We dated for a very long time monogamously. I let her pursue and for a long time, I seriously could trust her with anything. Much more so than a "good girl" because she didn't care about her reputation. I could trust her because she was an open book. Thing was with this girl was that when/if things got tough, and I couldn't provide strong emotions, she was willing and ready to jump ship faster than so called "good girls" I've been with.

It takes a long time to get to that point. I think for us it was around the 2 year drop that we split.

Anyway, it was a great experience, I still think she's a great gal, I know that I wouldn't want to date another girl like her, but she taught me a lot and I still have a lot of respect for her. I wouldn't worry with your chick until she stops investing.

Radeng

Interesting, another example of how maintaining a strong frame dictates how a girl will act. While you were strong she was there, but when you faltered and she couldn't rely on your strength it didn't last.

If this relationship ended today I could still say I learned a lot.

Yeah, because of the distance between us it will be really easy to identify if her feelings change and she stops investing. I just need to make sure I stay on my toes and watch out to subtle changes.

Sometimes I feel like Chase's writing is so well thought out and convincing that having different personal preferences isn't allowed. I know there's not intent in that but the weight of his words feel so strong. I'm finally learning where to make adaptions for my own personality and preferences, but still haha.

Anyone else ever feel like that?

Thanks again fellas!

-Lotus