Don't correct someone unless they ask?

[Ambiance]

What up Slay,

I used to run into your problem a lot. On the one hand, you would want someone else to correct you if you didn't have a clue what you were talking about, and it is important not to be the guy who always feeds stuff back to people that he doesn't buy. On the other hand, you don't want people to put up walls around you because they feel threatened by the cognitive dissonance your frame will cause them, see you as being hyper-critical of them, or think you are trying to one-up them and establish yourself as the wiser between the two. Tough dilemma.

What I came to realize was that you have to know your audience and how open they are at the moment to your input. You also have to keep in mind what faculty you want this person to play in your life. So if the guy making you a sandwich at Subway starts going off about how evil and incompetent Trump is and you can tell that he is just regurgitating some unfounded media BS, you probably don't want to rip into him and try to dominate his frame, since the only real value he brings to your life is how well he makes your sandwich (and you don't want him to resent you and spit on your food while you aren't looking!). Likewise, if your best friend and comrade in arms is talking about how white chicks could never go for him because he is Asian, that would be the time to fix up his worldview, since it potentially brings huge value to him, which you would be responsible for. Correct him with his best interests in mind and if he is a good friend you'll be very appreciated.

Hope that helps.

Ambiance

 

[Lover]

Recently I've been thinking that everything is possible if they are used the right time. So here, a couple of questions to consider when you feel like correcting someone:

What's your relation to the other person? The closer they are to you, the better the chances are they don't mind some correction and perspective.

Are they focused on self-improvement, or do they just want to rant about whatever they're ranting about? You know which one is more receptive to correction.

Is it worth your energy to do some correction, considering the topic? Advices to change other people's opinions, especially on touchy topics - that's some sensitive shit right there. If they have been told one thing or told themselves one thing repititively (e.g. girls only want rich dudes), it's easy to plant some cognitive dissonance with a couple of words.

Another thing to keep in my mind: most people (myself included) want to feel like we know it all. How dare someone just come into the picture and tell us we're wrong about a certain topic?

A little practice with this, and soon you'll have better idea who minds and doesn't mind your corrections.

Let me tell you this right away: I generally don't correct anybody these days, besides my martial art students. I just assume people know what they're doing.

 

[Fuck This]

You are going to run into that a lot. Both professionally and personally.

I like to ask "Why do you think that is?" Hear their reason, then say "did you ever think that..." with reference to their frame of logic applied to your perspective.

It is not confrontational, but offers an alternative viewpoint.

You aren't saying "you are wrong" and you aren't making them look bad. You are opening up an alternative.

 

[Zoro]

A great book that addresses this excellently is "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Highly recommend it.

 

[Richard]

You are going to run into that a lot. Both professionally and personally.

I like to ask "Why do you think that is?" Hear their reason, then say "did you ever think that..." with reference to their frame of logic applied to your perspective.

It is not confrontational, but offers an alternative viewpoint.

You aren't saying "you are wrong" and you aren't making them look bad. You are opening up an alternative.

This is optimal. Excellent post and something I'd encourage a lot of people to take to heart.

-Richard