Don't Make Her Laugh; Make Her Horny

[NarrowJ]

Hey guys, quick post. It's been covered before, but Mr. Rob had pointed this out in a response to a recent post of mine, and after giving this a bit more thought, I wanted to make note of the actual cause of the confusion with this.

I'm guessing you've heard these lines from women before:

"A guy has to have a great sense of humor before I will date him."

"I like him because he is so witty and funny!"

"If you can make me laugh, I'm all yours."

Or any variation of those.

What if I told you that all of that is back-asswards? Women aren't programmed to be attracted to funny men. However, what's going on here is that they find the guys they are attracted to as funny. When you're having a good time with someone you like and positive emotions are spiking, you are going to laugh more easily. Even if the jokes or conversation itself isn't exactly well-crafted masterpieces of comedy.

The big illusion this creates is: "I like this person because they are funny", when actually what is happening is: "I think this person is funny because I like them"

It's merely a matter of confusing cause with effect. It's easy to misread, but it can cause success to dwindle when guys focus more on making girls laugh as opposed to MAKING GIRLS LIKE THEM.

Your goal is to make her attracted and horny, not to make her laugh. The laughs will come as a by-product.



J.J.

 

[Howell]

There does seem to be different types of jokes though. If a girl is overly PC and closed off/uptight I'll use a sexist/racist/other topically stigmatized joke (in a way she isn't quite sure whether I'm joking or not) and provoke her out of her shell. This isn't to try and force a connection or get her laughing, it's actually more the opposite -- I use jokes to polarize in situations where things are feeling too lukewarm and I want to take things up a notch. I'd rather have a pissed off girl than a bored one any day, as when they're pissed off you can transform that anger into it's sister emotion: lust.

I agree with you that getting girls laughing is a pointless goal when it comes to seduction, as it's a sign that you just can't handle the mild tension of being around her, and that's a sign of inexperience. However, I would like to add that some laughs aren't a byproduct of connection building, but actually useful for the resistance they make you seem to be putting up towards that process. Like telling a polarizing joke or other forms of humor used, not to release tension, but to ENHANCE IT.

Howell

 

[Chase]

J.J.-

Great insight:

Women aren't programmed to be attracted to funny men. However, what's going on here is that they find the guys they are attracted to as funny.

Don't believe I ever quite looked at it that way before. But yeah, I jive with this.

A good sense of humor does help, of course. And every guy I've known who is uncommonly good with women has had an at least above average sense of humor - good at defusing tension when needed, or just ramping up energy levels, or pointing out things in an amusing light (usually a display of social intelligence and confidence). You're absolutely right though, attraction is a "humor amplifier".

I had a conversation with a girl I'd slept with who told me she "doesn't like funny men"... and I said but I make you laugh quite a bit and you seem to like me. And she clarified that she didn't like men who were trying to be funny and their whole conversation was nothing but jokes and laughter. I think this is an important point as well: it stops being fun if she realizes you're a one-trick pony and "funny" is the only thing you know how to be (and that humor is not backed up with a sexual edge or 'manliness').

Chase

 

[Flames]

I find it amusing/odd myself when your with a girl who's giggling away and you haven't even tried to be funny or in actual fact said anything remotely funny.

It is most definitely attraction first, amusement second.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Cool post.

I've also noted that guys good with women that make women laugh when they are with them tend to say things that are "funny" from a different place than most guys.

Most guys say something funny as a way to make her laugh and hopefully make the girl like them more.

Whereas the socially suave attractive man says something that is funny because he finds it funny and wants to share it.

The difference is that one angle comes from a place of letting the girl judge if it's funny (reaction seeking) and the other comes from a place of being your own judge of humor and if the girl doesn't like it (which she will if she's attracted) then she's not that cool.

One frame can be shattered and the other frame is not shatter-able.

One is calculated, one is natural and authentic.

 

[Franco]

Great post here, J.J.

As Chase mentioned, I think this is something I've intuitively known, but I've never really laid out for guys. Women definitely respond well to you if they like you, meaning that if you do the smallest thing that even has a "hint" of being funny (even if it's not funny by your standards), then they are much more likely to laugh because it's you who said it/did it.

Good stuff!

=)