Douchebag vibes

[Rakkum]

So guys, I think I've abused some of the pills prescribed here and now I've got this stink following me that I can't shake off.

In order not to be needy I overdo the playful asshole thing and it either tanks my seductions, relegates me into the fuckbuddy role (even if I'd consider a relationship) or hurts the chicks I'm pursuing...

If I consciously remind myself to deep dive and have awareness to calibrate when having resistance to escalation, then I'm fine but that's always not the case.

It's ironic, the pendulum has swung into the complete opposite. I'm not really a shallow douchebag at all. Before consciously learning pickup, soulful deep conversations were one of the few things that I could back then consider as one of my strengths.

One chick just recently texted me this:

Well, you're intelligent and sharp.
That's good... Buuut. A bit like... no respecccc, and too much fake badboy vibes...

Another one, went on two dates, brought her back to my place both times, pushed hard for escalation but she pulled the brakes just before sex both times, got a cab and left...

I had this moment of epiphany and straight out asked her whether I came off as a superficial player and she said yes.. Well, fuck. How did I end up here??
She was actually really into me.., DDBL and all that. Hadn't it been for that, I probably wouldn't have gotten her out to the second date. The type of woman who needs a lot of connection, has that airy vibe.

Hah, she even put on that super romantic song from Top Gun when he was at my place on the first date... You guys remember that one? How could I not get that hint is beyond me. Probably a few drink too much.

One chick, who was also really into me, was back at my place and I was again bulldozing my way towards the "finish line", literally told me that she needs me to talk with her a bit and make her feel good about it... I did, sex was good and she was super lovey-dovey and we had a great weekend together when she was in town.

There's more but you get the idea.

Moving fast is GOLD but she must TRUST you.
Being wild and independent is not an excuse to be reckless with her.

My task now is to:
1) Re-Integrate bits of that old self into my seductions
2) Learn to enjoy getting to know women and not be afraid of losing the women if do so
3) Drink less, be more aware

Any thoughts?

 

[Toby2030]

Instead of being an asshole, you should train your qualification/disqualification/push-pull skills. When you are behaving like an asshole, you are breaking rapport and you show that you do not need her - often people overdo it like it sounds like you have done. IMO it's better to only break rapport because of strategic reasons. In that way, you use your validation as operant conditioning.
1. You break rapport to make her seek rapport again from you where she then mirror your sexual state.
2. You break rapport because she did not live up to your standards.
What works best for me, is 80% pull, 20% push.