Yeah! Or something like: "So you like long walks on the beach, watching the sunset, and going to wild parties right!?"
That way, you're providing active feedback, deep diving more about her life hobbies, and doing so in a humorous way that will lighten up a conversation that has "tense" vibes.
I have to really work on managing the conversational flow because what I'm finding is, I switch topics too quickly. I need to deep dive more and stay on that topic and keep deep diving it. A good conversation is one that dives deep and comes up momentarily for air, then dives back down.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Walk
2. Straight back all throughout conversation with women
3. Provide positive feed back after I deep dive
4. Manage the conversational flow by staying on a topic and deep diving it - if i start asking her about work, then talk about her work and dreams of work, don't stay on the topic for a minute, then switch to talking about travelling or school. A good conversation transitions through topics, one by one, slowly. For example, the basic flow of a conversation should start with light topics such as: work and school and hobbies. Next, it should transition into deeper topics like: travelling the world, thoughts on relationships, pretty much, her emotions towards topics.
That way, you're providing active feedback, deep diving more about her life hobbies, and doing so in a humorous way that will lighten up a conversation that has "tense" vibes.
I have to really work on managing the conversational flow because what I'm finding is, I switch topics too quickly. I need to deep dive more and stay on that topic and keep deep diving it. A good conversation is one that dives deep and comes up momentarily for air, then dives back down.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Walk
2. Straight back all throughout conversation with women
3. Provide positive feed back after I deep dive
4. Manage the conversational flow by staying on a topic and deep diving it - if i start asking her about work, then talk about her work and dreams of work, don't stay on the topic for a minute, then switch to talking about travelling or school. A good conversation transitions through topics, one by one, slowly. For example, the basic flow of a conversation should start with light topics such as: work and school and hobbies. Next, it should transition into deeper topics like: travelling the world, thoughts on relationships, pretty much, her emotions towards topics.
August 31
Did 10 approaches today. Again, none of them were very good. I can only remember one that went well, but the girl had a boyfriend, and no matter how hard I persisted, she wouldn't budge. Hesitation really kills me man. Every time I see a girl, I wonder, "hmm, she looks alright, I need to see her closer to judge". Then by the time that I decide that she's hot or cute enough, she walks past me. And how it would make me look, if I chased after her! So hesitation...hesitation...you really kill me. Just open your goddamn mouth right when you see her! That's what I always tell myself, but sometimes I don't fucking do it! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Anyways, I went out today out of 'state'. Even though I just read an article and no matter what, state never matters. Just go out feeling tired! Just go out feeling sick! Fuck it! So I did it today, and it didn't go well. But nevertheless, I should be proud of myself that I went out. And I should be proud of myself that I was approaching groups and girls with their families. Man! Is that hard to do! It seems so intimidating to approach a hot girl and her friend. It seems so intimidating to approach a hot girl and her dad! And today, at some points, I didn't! I hesitated and hesitated, and by then, the girl was gone. Fuck man! I don't know why, but before my first approach today, I was having mad approach anxiety. After the first approach, i was less scared, but told myself, "I'm not going home without talking to anyone!" So I managed to squeeze in 10 approaches. I need to know that: "Hey, the worst that is going to happen, is the girl blows you off, and makes you look like a goof in front of some people who are never going to see you again". She's not blowing you off, she's blowing off the way you're presenting yourself. She's blowing off your game.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Don't be too aggressive. If you're going to say a compliment, don't be like: "wow, you do yoga? No wonder you're so hot!" Instead make the compliment genuine. She laughs and you like her laugh? say: "Wow, your laugh has a really nice ring to it. You could cheer up a depressed friend in no time!"
2. Do at least 8 approaches tomorrow. And make sure 5 of them, you open direct with a genuine, well thought of compliment. If there's nothing special about her, just ask if she's single or do indirect direct.
3. Provide positive feedback after deep diving that tells the girl about herself
4. No hesitation! See a girl about to walk past you, talk to her before she does! And who cares if there's people around! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!
Did 10 approaches today. Again, none of them were very good. I can only remember one that went well, but the girl had a boyfriend, and no matter how hard I persisted, she wouldn't budge. Hesitation really kills me man. Every time I see a girl, I wonder, "hmm, she looks alright, I need to see her closer to judge". Then by the time that I decide that she's hot or cute enough, she walks past me. And how it would make me look, if I chased after her! So hesitation...hesitation...you really kill me. Just open your goddamn mouth right when you see her! That's what I always tell myself, but sometimes I don't fucking do it! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Anyways, I went out today out of 'state'. Even though I just read an article and no matter what, state never matters. Just go out feeling tired! Just go out feeling sick! Fuck it! So I did it today, and it didn't go well. But nevertheless, I should be proud of myself that I went out. And I should be proud of myself that I was approaching groups and girls with their families. Man! Is that hard to do! It seems so intimidating to approach a hot girl and her friend. It seems so intimidating to approach a hot girl and her dad! And today, at some points, I didn't! I hesitated and hesitated, and by then, the girl was gone. Fuck man! I don't know why, but before my first approach today, I was having mad approach anxiety. After the first approach, i was less scared, but told myself, "I'm not going home without talking to anyone!" So I managed to squeeze in 10 approaches. I need to know that: "Hey, the worst that is going to happen, is the girl blows you off, and makes you look like a goof in front of some people who are never going to see you again". She's not blowing you off, she's blowing off the way you're presenting yourself. She's blowing off your game.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Don't be too aggressive. If you're going to say a compliment, don't be like: "wow, you do yoga? No wonder you're so hot!" Instead make the compliment genuine. She laughs and you like her laugh? say: "Wow, your laugh has a really nice ring to it. You could cheer up a depressed friend in no time!"
2. Do at least 8 approaches tomorrow. And make sure 5 of them, you open direct with a genuine, well thought of compliment. If there's nothing special about her, just ask if she's single or do indirect direct.
3. Provide positive feedback after deep diving that tells the girl about herself
4. No hesitation! See a girl about to walk past you, talk to her before she does! And who cares if there's people around! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!
September 1
Did exactly 13 approaches today. I still have a lot to do, especially working on my opener, which i would say is my sticking point right now. I only get a few positive responses each time i go out, and this is disappointing. i want most, if not all girls to receive me warmly, and give me a chance to at least talk to them. I sometimes think that a girl auto rejects me when she sees me because i am this skinny chinese guy and she is this total bomb shell. What do you guys think about this? Any of you guys skinny and still get tons of girls? I mean, i work out, but it takes time to build muscle and at this point, im doing all i can to eat more and exercise more but im doing my approaches now and not procrastinating. Then again, i think i really really need to work on my opener, because that is the best i can do for now, i know i can get better at this.
Did exactly 13 approaches today. I still have a lot to do, especially working on my opener, which i would say is my sticking point right now. I only get a few positive responses each time i go out, and this is disappointing. i want most, if not all girls to receive me warmly, and give me a chance to at least talk to them. I sometimes think that a girl auto rejects me when she sees me because i am this skinny chinese guy and she is this total bomb shell. What do you guys think about this? Any of you guys skinny and still get tons of girls? I mean, i work out, but it takes time to build muscle and at this point, im doing all i can to eat more and exercise more but im doing my approaches now and not procrastinating. Then again, i think i really really need to work on my opener, because that is the best i can do for now, i know i can get better at this.
September 4
So college started yesterday, and I've gotten two numbers so far (from like around 5 approaches). The problem is, that these two girls aren't answering my phone calls. Oh well, I didn't think those approaches were good any ways. The thing I realized today, after reading Chase's article "Things that show women you're chasing", is that I chase too much. I mean, I'll ask girls questions, and they won't put in 100% effort to answer it. For example, I'll ask a girl, "if she could have any job she wanted without having to worry about money, what would it be?" She'll say something like: "Hmm, I don't know." And I'll be like: "Cmon, you must think about it sometimes." She'll respond: "I honestly have no idea." Then I'll be like: "well, you mentioned you work in a clothing store, maybe you'd do something related to fashion?" Then she'll be like: "No, I don't like that." (This is what happened today to the girl I was speaking with - she still gave me her number cause I know I shouldn't care about reactions). The other number I got was a chick who I could tell wasn't into the conversation. But fuck reactions, I still got her number.
Goals:
- gain investment as early as possible - nowadays, a lot of women will stop when I tell them to (usually after I open), but I won't go farther, for example, I won't move them somewhere to sit down, I won't ask to look at their necklace. I think the main problem is that: I'm scared to have a long conversation with her. That's why I think: "Hey, let's grab this girl's number, text her to meet me another day, we'll both have time then, and I'll have logistics down
- but what happens? Well, the girl thinks: "Well, if I give him my number, he'll leave me alone."
- so the plan for tomorrow at school is: "If I see a hot chick, I open her, stop her, light banter, deep dive, now STOP and ... think to myself: is she replying to these deep diving questions with 100% effort? I mean, if a girl really wanted to, she would tell me what she aspires to be. I mean, EVERYONE thinks of something they want to be. They might not be 100% sure that they want to do it, but seriously, they've thought of jobs that they might consider. I used to think that deep diving was a good way of making the girl talk a lot, and it is, but it only works if you open well, have your fundamentals down, and gain compliance. Because questions that require the girl to think about, take effort to think about. And if she's not into you, why would she put in effort to talk to you? That's what pisses me off. That's why I need to gain compliance, gain compliance, gain compliance. Lock in, lock in, lock in.
- okay, so now, if she's answering my questions with effort, I must MOVE HER. I stopped her, now is the time to MOVE HER (especially in college, girls want to get to know you before they go out with you) - so a simple: "Hey, let's take a seat in the cafeteria", should be suffice. She declines? Well, she put in effort to your deep dive questions, so persist and persist.
- okay, but what if she's not answering my questions with 100% effort? Well, I find that this is happening a lot. And this is what I have to do: I have to use the bored look. And not re-engage her! I have to make the situation AWKWARD! Yes that's right! Awkward! Because if she's not responding to my questions with full effort, and I keep asking her questions, and keep trying to force her to answer them, then the conversation will already be awkward. After all, it looks like I'm putting in a lot of effort and chasing, while she's not doing anything!
- so bored look: raise your eyebrows, have a slight "I give up smile", sigh lightly, look away with your eyes, then slowly turn your head away from her (make sure you're not completely turned away from her or you'll be labelled as a douchebag)
- then wait for her to re-engage! If she doesn't it'll be awkward, and it will be her fault. After all, I already showed interest in her, tried to ask her questions, now it's her turn! If she doesn't say anything, I won't say anything, and I'll accept the fact that she's clearly not into me, (bored look hopefully makes her interested in me) and never see her again.
- so tomorrow when I see a girl: I have to move her to sit down with me after light bantering, or after deep diving. And if she has class, I'll grab her number for later. But if she has to go to a friends, or go home, that doesn't cut it, and at that point I'm going to persist that she sit down with me just for a few minutes. Because sitting down at a table with a girl isn't going to necessarily make for an instant date (unless I have logistics down and good), but it is to see if I can get her investing, then grab her number. Getting her to sit down isn't going to be for having a huge chat. It's just to scan for the interested girls. Yes, that's a good way to put it. Because once she's sat down with me, I'll deep dive a bit more, then let her go after 5 or 10 minutes (unless I have logistics down).
Anyways, I went downtown after school to do more approaches. Did 14 approaches today! Pretty good! Confidence was pretty high, and I think girls could tell that I was calm, and relaxed. I just have to stop trying to hold the weight of the conversation by asking so many goddamn questions!!!!! Anyways, I went direct with a girl. Even remembered to do the nose wrinkle combined with slow spreading smile. "I just saw you walking here (pause) and I just haaddd to say (nose wrinkle and smile) that you're face is abbbbssolutellyyy gooooorgeousss".
Her: "Thanks"
Introduction - held her hand until she pulled away
Me: "What brings you here today?"
Girl: "Oh just got off school."
Me: "And what would school be?"
Girl: "UBC"
Me: "Cool, what do you study there?"
Girl: "Business."
Me: "So you must be really good at persuading people" *give her nudge on upper arm
Girl: "Haha, getting there."
Girl: "What do you do?" (SEE? I NEED TO AIM FOR MORE OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN TURN IT BACK ON HER, EVEN THOUGH I TURN IT BACK ON HER, HER SHOWING INTEREST IN ME IS GOOD!)
Me: "Oh I just go to college. Langara."
Me: "I like how you're so humble. 'You must be really good at persuading people... (pretending to be myself) I'm getting there (pretending to be her).
*girl laughs*
Me: "I can tell you're one of those people who, when they win an award, they're like: 'oh it wasn't all me, my friend over here helped me as well!'"
*she laughs again
Me: "Hey let's grab a coffee sometime."
Girl: "I'm really busy nowadays, just started school."
Me: "Yeah, I know what you mean, I just started too. But I'm sure we could find 20 minutes sometime. Just enter your number into my phone."
Girl: "Sure."
Me: "So what are you up now?"
Girl: "Just going home, gonna rest, before school starts getting busy."
Me: *open my mouth sarcastically, like to say: "Oh no!"
*she laughs
Me: Okay nice meeting you.
Shake hands and bye.
Short and to the point! I hope this girl doesn't flake like all the other numbers I've gotten so far!
So college started yesterday, and I've gotten two numbers so far (from like around 5 approaches). The problem is, that these two girls aren't answering my phone calls. Oh well, I didn't think those approaches were good any ways. The thing I realized today, after reading Chase's article "Things that show women you're chasing", is that I chase too much. I mean, I'll ask girls questions, and they won't put in 100% effort to answer it. For example, I'll ask a girl, "if she could have any job she wanted without having to worry about money, what would it be?" She'll say something like: "Hmm, I don't know." And I'll be like: "Cmon, you must think about it sometimes." She'll respond: "I honestly have no idea." Then I'll be like: "well, you mentioned you work in a clothing store, maybe you'd do something related to fashion?" Then she'll be like: "No, I don't like that." (This is what happened today to the girl I was speaking with - she still gave me her number cause I know I shouldn't care about reactions). The other number I got was a chick who I could tell wasn't into the conversation. But fuck reactions, I still got her number.
Goals:
- gain investment as early as possible - nowadays, a lot of women will stop when I tell them to (usually after I open), but I won't go farther, for example, I won't move them somewhere to sit down, I won't ask to look at their necklace. I think the main problem is that: I'm scared to have a long conversation with her. That's why I think: "Hey, let's grab this girl's number, text her to meet me another day, we'll both have time then, and I'll have logistics down
- but what happens? Well, the girl thinks: "Well, if I give him my number, he'll leave me alone."
- so the plan for tomorrow at school is: "If I see a hot chick, I open her, stop her, light banter, deep dive, now STOP and ... think to myself: is she replying to these deep diving questions with 100% effort? I mean, if a girl really wanted to, she would tell me what she aspires to be. I mean, EVERYONE thinks of something they want to be. They might not be 100% sure that they want to do it, but seriously, they've thought of jobs that they might consider. I used to think that deep diving was a good way of making the girl talk a lot, and it is, but it only works if you open well, have your fundamentals down, and gain compliance. Because questions that require the girl to think about, take effort to think about. And if she's not into you, why would she put in effort to talk to you? That's what pisses me off. That's why I need to gain compliance, gain compliance, gain compliance. Lock in, lock in, lock in.
- okay, so now, if she's answering my questions with effort, I must MOVE HER. I stopped her, now is the time to MOVE HER (especially in college, girls want to get to know you before they go out with you) - so a simple: "Hey, let's take a seat in the cafeteria", should be suffice. She declines? Well, she put in effort to your deep dive questions, so persist and persist.
- okay, but what if she's not answering my questions with 100% effort? Well, I find that this is happening a lot. And this is what I have to do: I have to use the bored look. And not re-engage her! I have to make the situation AWKWARD! Yes that's right! Awkward! Because if she's not responding to my questions with full effort, and I keep asking her questions, and keep trying to force her to answer them, then the conversation will already be awkward. After all, it looks like I'm putting in a lot of effort and chasing, while she's not doing anything!
- so bored look: raise your eyebrows, have a slight "I give up smile", sigh lightly, look away with your eyes, then slowly turn your head away from her (make sure you're not completely turned away from her or you'll be labelled as a douchebag)
- then wait for her to re-engage! If she doesn't it'll be awkward, and it will be her fault. After all, I already showed interest in her, tried to ask her questions, now it's her turn! If she doesn't say anything, I won't say anything, and I'll accept the fact that she's clearly not into me, (bored look hopefully makes her interested in me) and never see her again.
- so tomorrow when I see a girl: I have to move her to sit down with me after light bantering, or after deep diving. And if she has class, I'll grab her number for later. But if she has to go to a friends, or go home, that doesn't cut it, and at that point I'm going to persist that she sit down with me just for a few minutes. Because sitting down at a table with a girl isn't going to necessarily make for an instant date (unless I have logistics down and good), but it is to see if I can get her investing, then grab her number. Getting her to sit down isn't going to be for having a huge chat. It's just to scan for the interested girls. Yes, that's a good way to put it. Because once she's sat down with me, I'll deep dive a bit more, then let her go after 5 or 10 minutes (unless I have logistics down).
Anyways, I went downtown after school to do more approaches. Did 14 approaches today! Pretty good! Confidence was pretty high, and I think girls could tell that I was calm, and relaxed. I just have to stop trying to hold the weight of the conversation by asking so many goddamn questions!!!!! Anyways, I went direct with a girl. Even remembered to do the nose wrinkle combined with slow spreading smile. "I just saw you walking here (pause) and I just haaddd to say (nose wrinkle and smile) that you're face is abbbbssolutellyyy gooooorgeousss".
Her: "Thanks"
Introduction - held her hand until she pulled away
Me: "What brings you here today?"
Girl: "Oh just got off school."
Me: "And what would school be?"
Girl: "UBC"
Me: "Cool, what do you study there?"
Girl: "Business."
Me: "So you must be really good at persuading people" *give her nudge on upper arm
Girl: "Haha, getting there."
Girl: "What do you do?" (SEE? I NEED TO AIM FOR MORE OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN TURN IT BACK ON HER, EVEN THOUGH I TURN IT BACK ON HER, HER SHOWING INTEREST IN ME IS GOOD!)
Me: "Oh I just go to college. Langara."
Me: "I like how you're so humble. 'You must be really good at persuading people... (pretending to be myself) I'm getting there (pretending to be her).
*girl laughs*
Me: "I can tell you're one of those people who, when they win an award, they're like: 'oh it wasn't all me, my friend over here helped me as well!'"
*she laughs again
Me: "Hey let's grab a coffee sometime."
Girl: "I'm really busy nowadays, just started school."
Me: "Yeah, I know what you mean, I just started too. But I'm sure we could find 20 minutes sometime. Just enter your number into my phone."
Girl: "Sure."
Me: "So what are you up now?"
Girl: "Just going home, gonna rest, before school starts getting busy."
Me: *open my mouth sarcastically, like to say: "Oh no!"
*she laughs
Me: Okay nice meeting you.
Shake hands and bye.
Short and to the point! I hope this girl doesn't flake like all the other numbers I've gotten so far!
This first week of school has been going pretty well so far. There's always hot girls walking around campus, so if I don't approach them, I feel really guilty about it. Which is good! Once I've talked to enough girls, I get approach addiction and start talking to everyone I see, even random people on the bus!
Anyways, I still have a lot of work to do, especially regarding hesitation! It's still such a killer for me! Today, I was really tired and I let so many girls walk past me when I should've just opened my mouth and said something. But she'll be like walking, I'll be like: "Hmm, is she hot enough?" Okay she's pretty cute, I'm going to open her, but what should I say?" Then by then she'll be gone!
That's why a lot of approaches I did in college were indirect direct. I just went up to her, asked her where something was, then said "I'm just kidding."
School started on Tuesday. Had class Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Thinking back, I think I did around 10 approaches all in all. Plus, the walk downtown, meaning I did around 25 approaches this week so far. And I still plan to go out Saturday and Sunday! Been pretty proud of myself lately (except for today, because I let my state get to me hahaha). But yeah! Everything is going well. Called that girl I met downtown. I called her yesterday @ 6:30 and she said she was working, so I'm going to call her again today between 3 and 4 (seems like a reasonable time to get off school and she probably won't be at work until 5, if she has work).
Anyways, I still have a lot of work to do, especially regarding hesitation! It's still such a killer for me! Today, I was really tired and I let so many girls walk past me when I should've just opened my mouth and said something. But she'll be like walking, I'll be like: "Hmm, is she hot enough?" Okay she's pretty cute, I'm going to open her, but what should I say?" Then by then she'll be gone!
That's why a lot of approaches I did in college were indirect direct. I just went up to her, asked her where something was, then said "I'm just kidding."
School started on Tuesday. Had class Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Thinking back, I think I did around 10 approaches all in all. Plus, the walk downtown, meaning I did around 25 approaches this week so far. And I still plan to go out Saturday and Sunday! Been pretty proud of myself lately (except for today, because I let my state get to me hahaha). But yeah! Everything is going well. Called that girl I met downtown. I called her yesterday @ 6:30 and she said she was working, so I'm going to call her again today between 3 and 4 (seems like a reasonable time to get off school and she probably won't be at work until 5, if she has work).
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Sexy walk
2. Chest puffed slightly out, back straight when talking to girl
3. Open a girl if she is about to walk past you. If she doesn't turn out to be hot, then pretend to ask for directions or say: "sorry, I thought you were someone else".
4. Gain investment as early as possible - get her to stop after you open/light banter, get her to show you an accessory, get her to sit somewhere
1. Sexy walk
2. Chest puffed slightly out, back straight when talking to girl
3. Open a girl if she is about to walk past you. If she doesn't turn out to be hot, then pretend to ask for directions or say: "sorry, I thought you were someone else".
4. Gain investment as early as possible - get her to stop after you open/light banter, get her to show you an accessory, get her to sit somewhere
September 7
Did 10 approaches today. The last few went pretty well - got a real conversation going with girl laughing throughout. No numbers though
Started this journal two months ago, and although I have been getting numbers every now and then, I have not been getting dates. Gotta work on opening and getting girls on the hook. Ending the conversation with a sexual atmosphere is needed as well.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Sexy walk
2. Chest puffed slightly out, back straight when talking to girl
3. Open a girl if she is about to walk past you. If she doesn't turn out to be hot, then pretend to ask for directions or say: "sorry, I thought you were someone else".
4. Gain investment as early as possible - get her to stop after you open/light banter, get her to show you an accessory, get her to sit somewhere
Did 10 approaches today. The last few went pretty well - got a real conversation going with girl laughing throughout. No numbers though
Started this journal two months ago, and although I have been getting numbers every now and then, I have not been getting dates. Gotta work on opening and getting girls on the hook. Ending the conversation with a sexual atmosphere is needed as well.
Goals for tomorrow:
1. Sexy walk
2. Chest puffed slightly out, back straight when talking to girl
3. Open a girl if she is about to walk past you. If she doesn't turn out to be hot, then pretend to ask for directions or say: "sorry, I thought you were someone else".
4. Gain investment as early as possible - get her to stop after you open/light banter, get her to show you an accessory, get her to sit somewhere
September 8
Did 12 approaches today. Nothing really came of them. Got a girl's facebook account, that's about all. I need to work on my opener. I feel that when you start a direct opener with: "I just saw you standing here" or something similar, it's too predictable at that point. Sometimes, a girl will say thanks, before I even finish. I need to work on having a louder voice when I open. My voice is soft and feminine, so I have to do my best, and talk loud and assertive and ooze with masculinity. The thing is, that I'm scared of nearby people hearing, so a lot of the time, I feel the need to keep my voice down and soft. I'm also feeling that I'm getting rejected because of my fundamentals.
Fundamentals
- sexy haircut (don't really have a good idea yet, although I did go to the hair salon once, not sure I liked the hairstyle they gave me though)
- sexy facial hair (can grow a moustache, a bit of sideburns, and some chin hair - don't know what to do though, maybe just a moustache for now)
- body (working out 3 times a week but am really skinny still - 127 pounds - need to find ways to eat more)
- voice (high and feminine sounding voice - must project louder and farther with more assertiveness)
- good sense of fashion (got)
- walk (got)
- posture (trying my best to always remember to keep back straight and chest out)
Did 12 approaches today. Nothing really came of them. Got a girl's facebook account, that's about all. I need to work on my opener. I feel that when you start a direct opener with: "I just saw you standing here" or something similar, it's too predictable at that point. Sometimes, a girl will say thanks, before I even finish. I need to work on having a louder voice when I open. My voice is soft and feminine, so I have to do my best, and talk loud and assertive and ooze with masculinity. The thing is, that I'm scared of nearby people hearing, so a lot of the time, I feel the need to keep my voice down and soft. I'm also feeling that I'm getting rejected because of my fundamentals.
Fundamentals
- sexy haircut (don't really have a good idea yet, although I did go to the hair salon once, not sure I liked the hairstyle they gave me though)
- sexy facial hair (can grow a moustache, a bit of sideburns, and some chin hair - don't know what to do though, maybe just a moustache for now)
- body (working out 3 times a week but am really skinny still - 127 pounds - need to find ways to eat more)
- voice (high and feminine sounding voice - must project louder and farther with more assertiveness)
- good sense of fashion (got)
- walk (got)
- posture (trying my best to always remember to keep back straight and chest out)
September 12
Did 15 approaches today! Got one number
I had school in the morning, so after class, I did 5 approaches. What I found, was that a lot of girls are not in the socializing state, they are rushing to get to class on time. But then again, even if this is true, I would only account the situation (rushed, headphones in, morning tiredness) for 50%. The other 50% is my responsibility, which is tuning my opener. I opened with a quiet voice. Why? Because of people being around. That's the thing about college. Lots of social pressure.
Anyways, after school, I went to a nearby street near the beach. Did 10 approaches there. And this is where I got this girl's number.
Me: *to girl standing at street corner* "Quick question"
She turns to look at me
I turn slowly to look at her
Me: "Are you single?"
Her: "Umm, I'm sort of seeing someone right now"
Me: "Oh, that's funny, because I'm sort of seeing someone too. Don't tell anyone though
At this point, she didn't even cross the street. She could've, but she didn't. So I was locked in and getting compliance.
I proceeded to talk about work, and deep dove it.
Then got her number.
Pros:
Got compliance
Responded well to her response to my opener
Deep dove
Did cute and sexy underlook - i can see how this helps! something so small actually works! haha
What to say when she says she's NOT single
Ignore it and continue along, just like you would a normal conversation
I would always say things like: "Whatever, I can still talk to you."
Girls respond to this sometimes by saying: "Yeah...that's true."
Then I would get the impression that yes, I can talk to her, but she isn't really interested.
Or Richard said to me to say: "That's too bad. I was gonna tell you just how incrediblyyy cute you were, but I guess I can't anymore"
A girl here would most likely be like: "yeah, too bad so sad." And just walk away.
But the best way to respond is this... (just my opinion)
"Are you single?"
"No".
"So, what brings you here today, instead of somewhere more interesting?"
The "Are you single?" question is a way to start talking to a girl, not a way to ask if you can talk to her.
Did 15 approaches today! Got one number
I had school in the morning, so after class, I did 5 approaches. What I found, was that a lot of girls are not in the socializing state, they are rushing to get to class on time. But then again, even if this is true, I would only account the situation (rushed, headphones in, morning tiredness) for 50%. The other 50% is my responsibility, which is tuning my opener. I opened with a quiet voice. Why? Because of people being around. That's the thing about college. Lots of social pressure.
Anyways, after school, I went to a nearby street near the beach. Did 10 approaches there. And this is where I got this girl's number.
Me: *to girl standing at street corner* "Quick question"
She turns to look at me
I turn slowly to look at her
Me: "Are you single?"
Her: "Umm, I'm sort of seeing someone right now"
Me: "Oh, that's funny, because I'm sort of seeing someone too. Don't tell anyone though
At this point, she didn't even cross the street. She could've, but she didn't. So I was locked in and getting compliance.
I proceeded to talk about work, and deep dove it.
Then got her number.
Pros:
Got compliance
Responded well to her response to my opener
Deep dove
Did cute and sexy underlook - i can see how this helps! something so small actually works! haha
What to say when she says she's NOT single
Ignore it and continue along, just like you would a normal conversation
I would always say things like: "Whatever, I can still talk to you."
Girls respond to this sometimes by saying: "Yeah...that's true."
Then I would get the impression that yes, I can talk to her, but she isn't really interested.
Or Richard said to me to say: "That's too bad. I was gonna tell you just how incrediblyyy cute you were, but I guess I can't anymore"
A girl here would most likely be like: "yeah, too bad so sad." And just walk away.
But the best way to respond is this... (just my opinion)
"Are you single?"
"No".
"So, what brings you here today, instead of somewhere more interesting?"
The "Are you single?" question is a way to start talking to a girl, not a way to ask if you can talk to her.
September 13
Did one approach at school and got one number! Employed sexy and cute look during this conversation.
Me: *to girl sitting down* "Hey, is this seat taken?"
She looks at me, I look back at her.
Her: "No."
Me: "Great, because I hate sitting alone."
*sit down beside her
Me: "I'm Darren."
Her: "Oh." *looks at me surprised, was not expecting to get approached* "I'm Sonja".
I tell her directly why I sat down, since she was confused.
It seemed to settle her down and she said thanks.
I started light bantering, asking what she was doing sitting here, where she was from
At one point during the conversation, I employed a cold read. I don't remember what clues she was giving me, but I remember she gave me a clue that helped me.
I said: "I can tell you're the kind of girl who's really relaxed, and just goes with the flow". *said with a small smile*
Her: "Yeah! How'd you know?"
I just sorta smiled here and continued on.
Closed and got the date planned on the spot! Got her number to set up the place to meet, but we settled the time and day, so she's probably just assuming we're going to meet at school then, since that's where we met.
Also set up a date with the girl I met on September 12. So I got 2 dates lined up! Wow, just a week ago, I was bitching about girls who would give me their numbers and then never respond. But I kept going out and racking up approaches, so to anybody reading this, persistence!
Did one approach at school and got one number! Employed sexy and cute look during this conversation.
Me: *to girl sitting down* "Hey, is this seat taken?"
She looks at me, I look back at her.
Her: "No."
Me: "Great, because I hate sitting alone."
*sit down beside her
Me: "I'm Darren."
Her: "Oh." *looks at me surprised, was not expecting to get approached* "I'm Sonja".
I tell her directly why I sat down, since she was confused.
It seemed to settle her down and she said thanks.
I started light bantering, asking what she was doing sitting here, where she was from
At one point during the conversation, I employed a cold read. I don't remember what clues she was giving me, but I remember she gave me a clue that helped me.
I said: "I can tell you're the kind of girl who's really relaxed, and just goes with the flow". *said with a small smile*
Her: "Yeah! How'd you know?"
I just sorta smiled here and continued on.
Closed and got the date planned on the spot! Got her number to set up the place to meet, but we settled the time and day, so she's probably just assuming we're going to meet at school then, since that's where we met.
Also set up a date with the girl I met on September 12. So I got 2 dates lined up! Wow, just a week ago, I was bitching about girls who would give me their numbers and then never respond. But I kept going out and racking up approaches, so to anybody reading this, persistence!
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2013
- Messages
- 467
Awesome D!
It was only a matter of time before you'd reap the rewards of all your hard work. If you haven't already, have a look at some of the texting articles to avoid the common mistakes guys make when first getting a girl's number.
Let us know how the dates go!
It was only a matter of time before you'd reap the rewards of all your hard work. If you haven't already, have a look at some of the texting articles to avoid the common mistakes guys make when first getting a girl's number.
Let us know how the dates go!
Hey D, I really admire your resilience and guts, big inspiration. I don't know if I'd make it through 2 months of blowouts, but now maybe I would knowing how well you handled it! Still going and getting better, awesome. Wish I was you when I was 18! Just curious, what would you rate yourself looks wise? Keep going man!
September 15
Did 9 approaches.
September 17
Thanks for the comments! Made my day!
When I met the college girl, we settled on time and day, but not exactly the place. I asked her what her upcoming week was like. She said "Monday, I get off at 1230, how about you?" And I said: "I finish class at 130, want to meet then?" She said yes. So I sort of assumed that we would meet somewhere at school. So I texted her the morning of the scheduled date (I also had sent her an icebreaker text that she responded to):
"Hey Sonja! Hope you had an amazing weekend. Lets say we meet where we met on Friday (at the seats by the caf) at 1 30. Tell me what you think!"
"Omg sorry I cant today cuz I have a ride at 12:30 maybe next time !"
"Ok no worries!"
Don't know when I should text her back to reschedule. One day? Or two days? Also, I sort of feel that this was my fault. Should I have texted her the day before to confirm, rather than wait till the morning of?
Did 9 approaches.
September 17
Thanks for the comments! Made my day!
When I met the college girl, we settled on time and day, but not exactly the place. I asked her what her upcoming week was like. She said "Monday, I get off at 1230, how about you?" And I said: "I finish class at 130, want to meet then?" She said yes. So I sort of assumed that we would meet somewhere at school. So I texted her the morning of the scheduled date (I also had sent her an icebreaker text that she responded to):
"Hey Sonja! Hope you had an amazing weekend. Lets say we meet where we met on Friday (at the seats by the caf) at 1 30. Tell me what you think!"
"Omg sorry I cant today cuz I have a ride at 12:30 maybe next time !"
"Ok no worries!"
Don't know when I should text her back to reschedule. One day? Or two days? Also, I sort of feel that this was my fault. Should I have texted her the day before to confirm, rather than wait till the morning of?
Hahaha, I've never actually thought of that before. Maybe like a 5/10. The thing you need to keep in mind is to focus on fundamentals. But what I've realized is that fundamentals takes a gradual time to improve on.
- sexy haircut (don't really have a good idea yet, although I did go to the hair salon once, not sure I liked the hairstyle they gave me though)
- sexy facial hair (can grow a moustache, a bit of sideburns, and some chin hair - don't know what to do though, maybe just a moustache for now)
- body (working out 3 times a week but am really skinny still - 127 pounds - need to find ways to eat more)
- voice (high and feminine sounding voice - must project louder and farther with more assertiveness)
- good sense of fashion (got)
- walk (got)
- posture (trying my best to always remember to keep back straight and chest out)
What I need to work on is...
1. haircut
2. facial hair
3. body
4. voice
1. The thing is that I don't know what hairstyle I should have. Should I go to another salon and see what ideas they have?
2. I have a moustache right now. Can grow sideburns and some chin hair which is sort of like patchy. Could grow a soulpatch but it would be like patchy as well. Like the hair grows straight up, sort of spaced apart from each other. Hard to explain...
3. Working out is a gradual thing. And eating a lot is hard to do! I watched a youtube video that I should just eat, or even just take a bite of something every 2 hours, until I get into the habit of eating a lot. Then graudually, start eating healthier food. Because right now, I don't really put in the effort to actually create my own meal. I usually eat out, and this wastes a lot of money. So I try reducing eating out and it equals not eating as much. I know what you mean though, when you say you have anxiety (regarding Humpert), I have a history of that as well. I even got prescribed meds but they had bad side effects on me so I decided to accept who I was. No matter how corny that sounds... hahahaha. I feel all this anxiety is making me not hungry. And a lot of time time, I'm running around, in one place, or another. So I guess time is an issue as well.
I just smoke up, to calm myself down, if you know what I mean (but don't do it before you go out). A lot of the time, I am just thinking about the past and the future. And thinking about the world and people and psychology and all this trippy shit. Then maybe again, I have to just cook more home made food. Just go to the goddamn grocery store, buy some ingredients, and take 30-60 minutes of my day, and make something delicious to eat.
4. Don't really know how to get a deeper, lower, more resonating voice. Should I look up videos on youtube or something?
Regarding fashion, all you have to do is look up men's fashion websites and have money lol. So its sort of a fast fix in a way.
Walk and posture are easy to learn. What's hard is: REMEMBERING TO DO IT ALL THE TIME. Even if you don't think you're going to see a hot girl. Hahaha, I don't know about you guys, but I have to consciously think about my walk and posture for it to actually be good. I don't do it naturally, yet.
Date with the girl didn't go that well. Oh well, it was a good learning experience. Second date of my life and she looked a lot older than me. Maybe like in her mid 20's?
Anyways, throughout the date, I sort of felt like I was having a meaningful conversation with her, but the conversation didn't go up for air very much. She didn't really laugh. And it sort of felt like an interview. Was reading one of Narrow J's posts and he said that it doesn't really matter how many subjects you talk about with a girl, it's about choosing the good ones and deep diving them a lot, using "how?" more than "why?" That's what I tried to do during the date, but even so, I ran out things to say, and the conversation started getting dry. But when this happened, she did try to ask me questions, which was good, she wanted to show reciprocity or whatever. We talked about: her job, travelling, her family, her personality, her hobbies, whether she plans ahead or is spontaneous, where she wanted to live, her dog, what she thought about relationships. I would deep dive work, switch topic to travelling, deep dive that topic, switch topic to hobbies, deep dive that one, then go back to talking about her job again. So I was having a real conversation, but it would be boring to tell someone about your life, and not have any humor in the conversation.
After an hour (was running out of things to say), she said: "should we get going now? or do you want to stay here a bit longer?" So I could tell she wanted to leave. She mentioned earlier that she had a get-together to attend (which wouldn't have mattered if I had made a better impression, but I still took a lot away from this). Walked her back to her house (she lived alone, I could've tried to close, but I felt that the sexual vibes weren't there and it would've just made it awkward to ask so I refrained).
So I did find out a lot about her, and got her talking a lot, which was good. But there were still some awkward silences here and there, which she helped me fill up.
What I failed to do was be sexual, and set good chase frames, and do good flirting, and lighten up the conversation with light banter and calm sexual humour.
Some examples of failed attempts to add sexual humour:
What would've been better to say here is: "I should start worrying, you might sting."
I wonder what I'm doing wrong here. I think that I'm being too obvious and trying too hard. Yes! That must be it! I shouldn't have cocked my head back, I should've just smiled slowly and sexually, after saying it. I guess it shouldn't be that obvious that I'm talking about sex.
Also, she was controlling the sexual frame of the conversation. She was telling me how some of her friends date a lot, but she wasn't like that. She said it was either one end of the spectrum for her. 0% committed or 100% committed. Here, I should've said something like: "well, you decided to go out with me, so that must mean something...."
This was taken from T Vaunswa's thread on first date tactics... (things I was told to say, but didn't work, maybe because it was not said in the right tone of voice or with the right body language?)
I said this and she said: "trouble? I didn't get into any trouble today."
I don't think I should've said this here, because I saw that she sort of got disappointed or something that I asked her that. She replied in a really confused tone of voice: "Whaaaa...? I'll tell you anything..."
I think asking this confused her because she was telling me a lot about herself, and I was providing active feedback and relating to her, so maybe this wasn't such a good question to ask?
Or maybe cause I was asking her during an awkward part of the conversation.
Also, interesting to note, I was having mad anxiety before the date. I was constantly reading threads and posts on this website, and literally going crazy. It was all I could think about today. I was fucking scared man! I kept reminding myself, that my first date of my life, I got her on my bed, making out, so this couldn't be that hard either! But seriously, I was legit going insane today. Mad anxiety. Affected my vibes for sure. I was reading Zphix article on vibes, and he said I need to imagine what kind of vibe I would have. And I would say that I definitely have a chill, laid back, devil may care vibe. I just need to learn how to show this vibe, transfer it, and transform it into a more sexual vibe.
Anyways, I texted the college girl who flaked out on me earlier this week.
Me: "Hey Sonja, hope your week is going well so far! Mine consists of being buried alive in papers! Was wondering what your upcoming schedule was looking like. We should grab some coffee soon. Let me know!"
Her: "I'm free tomorrow."
Me: "I'm pretty busy this week, but I have time monday @ 1:30. Tell me how that sounds."
Her: "I have class till 12:20 on monday so idk lol"
Me: "Lol what day works for you next week then?"
Her: "Whenever man. I'll text you"
So clearly this girl lost interest in me. I must've fucked up via text or something. I didn't want to go out with her Thursday cause I wouldn't have logistics down. Monday and Tuesday, I would have the whole house to myself. But on second thoughts now, I should've went out with her on Thursday (tomorrow), just to gauge her interest and get some practice. And see if she would do a second date on Monday or Tuesday.
But when I think about it, she probably wasn't that interested in me in the first place either. Our first scheduled date, she forgot about. And now she won't wait an hour for me. Seriously, she could go to the library and study for an hour. So in a way, I was scanning her out, and getting investment, which she wasn't down for, so I guess now I don't have to spend energy and time on her. After all, if she really wanted to see me, she could wait one fucking hour!
This makes me think: I need to end interactions more sexually. Like all of Zphix's convos end sexually!
Anyways, throughout the date, I sort of felt like I was having a meaningful conversation with her, but the conversation didn't go up for air very much. She didn't really laugh. And it sort of felt like an interview. Was reading one of Narrow J's posts and he said that it doesn't really matter how many subjects you talk about with a girl, it's about choosing the good ones and deep diving them a lot, using "how?" more than "why?" That's what I tried to do during the date, but even so, I ran out things to say, and the conversation started getting dry. But when this happened, she did try to ask me questions, which was good, she wanted to show reciprocity or whatever. We talked about: her job, travelling, her family, her personality, her hobbies, whether she plans ahead or is spontaneous, where she wanted to live, her dog, what she thought about relationships. I would deep dive work, switch topic to travelling, deep dive that topic, switch topic to hobbies, deep dive that one, then go back to talking about her job again. So I was having a real conversation, but it would be boring to tell someone about your life, and not have any humor in the conversation.
After an hour (was running out of things to say), she said: "should we get going now? or do you want to stay here a bit longer?" So I could tell she wanted to leave. She mentioned earlier that she had a get-together to attend (which wouldn't have mattered if I had made a better impression, but I still took a lot away from this). Walked her back to her house (she lived alone, I could've tried to close, but I felt that the sexual vibes weren't there and it would've just made it awkward to ask so I refrained).
So I did find out a lot about her, and got her talking a lot, which was good. But there were still some awkward silences here and there, which she helped me fill up.
What I failed to do was be sexual, and set good chase frames, and do good flirting, and lighten up the conversation with light banter and calm sexual humour.
Some examples of failed attempts to add sexual humour:
What would've been better to say here is: "I should start worrying, you might sting."
I wonder what I'm doing wrong here. I think that I'm being too obvious and trying too hard. Yes! That must be it! I shouldn't have cocked my head back, I should've just smiled slowly and sexually, after saying it. I guess it shouldn't be that obvious that I'm talking about sex.
Also, she was controlling the sexual frame of the conversation. She was telling me how some of her friends date a lot, but she wasn't like that. She said it was either one end of the spectrum for her. 0% committed or 100% committed. Here, I should've said something like: "well, you decided to go out with me, so that must mean something....
" This was taken from T Vaunswa's thread on first date tactics... (things I was told to say, but didn't work, maybe because it was not said in the right tone of voice or with the right body language?)
I said this and she said: "trouble? I didn't get into any trouble today."
I don't think I should've said this here, because I saw that she sort of got disappointed or something that I asked her that. She replied in a really confused tone of voice: "Whaaaa...? I'll tell you anything..."
I think asking this confused her because she was telling me a lot about herself, and I was providing active feedback and relating to her, so maybe this wasn't such a good question to ask?
Or maybe cause I was asking her during an awkward part of the conversation.
Also, interesting to note, I was having mad anxiety before the date. I was constantly reading threads and posts on this website, and literally going crazy. It was all I could think about today. I was fucking scared man! I kept reminding myself, that my first date of my life, I got her on my bed, making out, so this couldn't be that hard either! But seriously, I was legit going insane today. Mad anxiety. Affected my vibes for sure. I was reading Zphix article on vibes, and he said I need to imagine what kind of vibe I would have. And I would say that I definitely have a chill, laid back, devil may care vibe. I just need to learn how to show this vibe, transfer it, and transform it into a more sexual vibe.
Anyways, I texted the college girl who flaked out on me earlier this week.
Me: "Hey Sonja, hope your week is going well so far! Mine consists of being buried alive in papers! Was wondering what your upcoming schedule was looking like. We should grab some coffee soon. Let me know!"
Her: "I'm free tomorrow."
Me: "I'm pretty busy this week, but I have time monday @ 1:30. Tell me how that sounds."
Her: "I have class till 12:20 on monday so idk lol"
Me: "Lol
what day works for you next week then?"Her: "Whenever man. I'll text you"
So clearly this girl lost interest in me. I must've fucked up via text or something. I didn't want to go out with her Thursday cause I wouldn't have logistics down. Monday and Tuesday, I would have the whole house to myself. But on second thoughts now, I should've went out with her on Thursday (tomorrow), just to gauge her interest and get some practice. And see if she would do a second date on Monday or Tuesday.
But when I think about it, she probably wasn't that interested in me in the first place either. Our first scheduled date, she forgot about. And now she won't wait an hour for me. Seriously, she could go to the library and study for an hour. So in a way, I was scanning her out, and getting investment, which she wasn't down for, so I guess now I don't have to spend energy and time on her. After all, if she really wanted to see me, she could wait one fucking hour!
This makes me think: I need to end interactions more sexually. Like all of Zphix's convos end sexually!
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2013
- Messages
- 467
Good job D. It's a learning experience!
Don't feel bad about her not laughing. A lot of laughing will kill the sexual tension between the two of you which is not something you want anyway. If you are truly deep diving with someone it should not feel "boring" though. After a proper deep dive, she should be thinking, "Wow! This guy totally understands me. I feel like I could tell him anything!" You do that by relating to her, empowering her while being non-judgmental.
When the opportunity arises, slip in some chase frames.
Did you touch her at all? This is really where you start to separate yourself from the "just friends" vibe.
I could tell how nervous you were just from looking at her responses to you. Her saying, "Trouble? I didn't get into any trouble today", shows that she thought you were being serious when it should have been obvious that you were just being playful. Take it easy man. Don't try to replicate other people's conversations. It's not so important what you say, but how you say it.
Great job though! You were scared and you've got new reference points to work with. Next time will be easier.
Dude! Sonja wanted to meet up, you just missed the green lights. "I'm free tomorrow". Is there a reason you couldn't make it happen then? Also she says, "I have class till 12:20 on monday so idk lol". That's when you say, "Ok, let's meet at the cafe at 1:45 then. That work for you?" Done deal. Instead, she got frustrated after you couldn't set a time and place. You have to be specific and lead the way. Time to level up that text game haha.
Don't feel bad about her not laughing. A lot of laughing will kill the sexual tension between the two of you which is not something you want anyway. If you are truly deep diving with someone it should not feel "boring" though. After a proper deep dive, she should be thinking, "Wow! This guy totally understands me. I feel like I could tell him anything!" You do that by relating to her, empowering her while being non-judgmental.
When the opportunity arises, slip in some chase frames.
Did you touch her at all? This is really where you start to separate yourself from the "just friends" vibe.
I could tell how nervous you were just from looking at her responses to you. Her saying, "Trouble? I didn't get into any trouble today", shows that she thought you were being serious when it should have been obvious that you were just being playful. Take it easy man. Don't try to replicate other people's conversations. It's not so important what you say, but how you say it.
Great job though! You were scared and you've got new reference points to work with. Next time will be easier.
Dude! Sonja wanted to meet up, you just missed the green lights. "I'm free tomorrow". Is there a reason you couldn't make it happen then? Also she says, "I have class till 12:20 on monday so idk lol". That's when you say, "Ok, let's meet at the cafe at 1:45 then
. That work for you?" Done deal. Instead, she got frustrated after you couldn't set a time and place. You have to be specific and lead the way. Time to level up that text game haha.Haha yeah I sort of messed up with Sonja. I didn't have logistics down for Thursday, so I wanted to meet up Monday instead. Oh well. I think I should've just gone out with her Thursday, then if she really liked me she would've wanted to meet up monday. But yeah, sort of messed up the texting in the first place.
Regarding the date...
Conversation
I could definitely understand her. I was telling her a lot about her personality. Like she always likes to plan ahead, introverted, sort of shy, self-improving, doing business so she can one day follow her dreams of opening her own boutique. I did my best to provide feedback, be warm and supportive, and to relate. I need to work with being more emotional sounding. Like not so monotone. So that she feels that she is actually being connected to. Because sometimes I feel that I may be forcing the relating part a bit too much. And my tense, nervous sorta vibes definitely got to her.
Touching
I did incidental touching while walking to the coffee store, and put my hand on her shoulder to show her the seat we would be sitting at.
Chase frames
Clunky, not subtle enough - she didn't take them seriously lol
Regarding the date...
Conversation
I could definitely understand her. I was telling her a lot about her personality. Like she always likes to plan ahead, introverted, sort of shy, self-improving, doing business so she can one day follow her dreams of opening her own boutique. I did my best to provide feedback, be warm and supportive, and to relate. I need to work with being more emotional sounding. Like not so monotone. So that she feels that she is actually being connected to. Because sometimes I feel that I may be forcing the relating part a bit too much. And my tense, nervous sorta vibes definitely got to her.
Touching
I did incidental touching while walking to the coffee store, and put my hand on her shoulder to show her the seat we would be sitting at.
Chase frames
Clunky, not subtle enough - she didn't take them seriously lol