Emotional Build-Up and Pacing Women's Reality (2009)

Chase

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Originally posted in the first Girls Chase Forum on Friday, 18 December 2009

Just watched the new Iron Man 2 trailer that came out today. See it here:

Iron Man 2 Trailer

Before you watch it though, think about this as you do: notice how it starts off, and then notice how it ends. Particularly, what you should be looking out for, is what is the energy level / emotional content like, and how does it rope you in? Once you've watched it (2.5 minutes, won't take too much time out of your day!), keep reading.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, now you've seen it and you know what I'm talking about. Notice how it started out light, airy, funny. Then gradually, it built up more and more, until at the end it reached a fevered pitch of action, excitement, and emotions. Normal story arc, right?

Here's why it's important: this is how people emote. It's designed for an average person in an average emotional level to come in and relate to it instantly. It starts off at around a normal emotional level, maybe a little bit higher, with humor to make the viewer comfortable.

Now imagine a scenario in which the pace was reversed. Say you clicked on that link, and instantly you're bombarded with people talking dramatically and firefights raging and all that jazz. Unless you were already in a very pumped up mood, that would most likely be a little jarring, and might prevent you from becoming immersed in the trailer. You just can't relate to that emotional level that it's at, and it seems a little alien to you.

And let's say instead of continuing at that emotional pace, the trailer moved backward and kicked things down to being light and funny and airy, and ended there. How strong would be your desire to remain involved (in this case, to go see the movie)? Nowhere near as strong as had you been reaching that intense, fevered ending as in the way the actual trailer is layed out. The way it really is, you want to keep watching -- you want to know how it ends.

There are two great lessons here very applicable to your interactions with women (ALL meaningful interactions you have, really). The first is to come in at an energy level close to where she's at, and often use humor to get her comfortable. Don't go overboard with strong emotions, or trying too hard to get her involved at the very beginning. Keep it light, and let her become involved at a normal pace. You can actually escalate compliance and get her involved faster if you don't overescalate emotions early on -- if she doesn't feel like things are too intense too early, you'll find she's actually MORE willing to comply. When you are laughing and she is laughing, compliance is, quite often, almost automatic.

The exception to not starting off too intense, of course, is if you meet a woman who's already in a strong emotional state. In that case, you have to match her emotional intensity to not be a downer. You have to pace her reality.

The second lesson is that the emotional level of the interaction must always be moving forward -- always increasing, always upping the ante, always roping her in more and more. You use push-pull to make this not seem so intense -- increasing the emotion, increasing, and then a little defusing, and then back to increasing and increasing. Had the Iron Man trailer had that, it might have been even more effective and not felt a little emotion-heavy / over-the-top (as it seemed to me once it got toward the end). But ultimately, your interaction should have a constantly increasing emotional level, leading your woman to become more and more emotionally invested, and wanting to stick around to find out how it ends.

Chase
 

PrettyDecent

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Giving this post a bump - would help for those who have the opener as a sticky point!
 

Marty

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Some great lessons here... Thanks for reposting, PrettyDecent, I think a good proportion of my openings are going off-target for this very reason!

Though it doesn't mean you have to open situationally, right? ... your body language and voice tone can be downplayed, while your opening words can be very hard-hitting, I'd say?
 

PrettyDecent

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Marty,

I can't speak for Chase, or what's objectively right, but I'll give my thoughts. The answer to your question is, I think, both.

The opener should be delivered in a non-nonchalant, upbeat fashion (mimicing the disposition of a girl walking down the street...or even slightly more upbeat). Direct opening is not a "big deal", but having a warm smile goes a long way. My body language is almost always to the side when I open (unless I'm getting a girl's attention from 50 feet away, and she has to walk up to me, or something), and my voice tone isn't any different from the rest of my conversation.

As for opening situationally: I'd do the exact same style, if possible. I think the key there is to throw sexual/chase frames and innuendos (sex talk, perhaps?) early on to make sure that non-platonic expectation sticks. Important to do this with the direct opener as well, but even more important for situational openers.

Nick
 

Marty

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PrettyDecent said:
The opener should be delivered in a non-nonchalant, upbeat fashion (mimicing the disposition of a girl walking down the street...or even slightly more upbeat). Direct opening is not a "big deal", but having a warm smile goes a long way. My body language is almost always to the side when I open (unless I'm getting a girl's attention from 50 feet away, and she has to walk up to me, or something), and my voice tone isn't any different from the rest of my conversation.
Thanks, Nick. Fully on board with this. One of the most important things I've learned in the last few months, that I'd never have suspected without reading about it first in Chase's articles, is the sheer power of unashamedly physically complimentary or even sexual words, delivered in a relatively neutral tone of voice and averted body language.

Quite the opposite of what "nice guys" do in every respect (corner a girl, give themselves away but fail to state interest explicitly). The "bad-boy version" shows courage and outcome independence simultaneously, and it is equally effective in social circle as it is in cold approach. I am glad to have witnessed this now many times over through personal experience... a real learning point for me.

Detached curiosity, or curious indifference, or whatever he calls it, is a good one too and based on similar principles.
 

PrettyDecent

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Marty said:
Detached curiosity, or curious indifference, or whatever he calls it, is a good one too and based on similar principles.

And I'd believe this would work for the same reason having an authentic compliment in the direct opener works, too. It's genuine. I need to use more of this, probably; thanks for that Marty!

Nick
 
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