Emotonal honesty - what is it, how do you cultivate it?

[Animatronic_Squirrel]

Howdy folks,

I notice the 'tone' of more experienced seducers (and in general, successful men) is that they know exactly what they want. What am I looking at? Where does this come from? And most importantly, how do you cultivate this? So far as I can see, high self-esteem and a healthy sense of deservedness seem like consistent analogues to 'desire' - but I'm turning it over in my head and can't quite see the connection.

As a background to this - particularly in my relationships, I can't seem to distinguish between what I want, and what I feel like I SHOULD want. Its getting to a point where its damaging my ability to organize my life, or make effective decisions - which has particularly severe consequences when it happens around girls I'm in a relationship with.

Edit: I know, I know - I fail at spelling.

 

[Richard]

Emotional honesty to me is really just about understanding your thoughts and feelings in a moment by moment basis because your emotions are always changing and they're always in flux.

There's a Gestalt therapy technique that involves the use of a chair - where you have the patient visualize a person or imagine a person that they have some repressed feelings or emotions towards and they do with as they please to that chair. Some people will yell, cry, throw the chair, kick the chair, etc. and what this does is allow the patient to come to grips with their feelings and emotions: think of it as unclogging a blockage (emotionally).

A chair isn't needed for this but I, personally, heavily exercise this kind of technique with myself internally. Not a day goes by where I don't reflect on how I feel or think and this helps me to always be aware of my thoughts and feelings. So, when I am talking to a girl or a person I know what I want because I'm always exercising my ability to be aware of my thoughts and feelings.

As far as knowing the difference between what you want and what you should want: I'll tell you that one of them is instinctual and the other is a second-guess.

-Richard