- Joined
- Sep 7, 2018
- Messages
- 364
Hey guys,
I realized today after taking a personality test (for fun) that I am a very non-empathetic person. I can definitely act the part - but I lack the genuine empathy that shows that I am a warm, understanding personality. As a result, I get told I am a very "stoic" person.
For instance, on a phone call with a girl recently who was struggling with her identity and understanding of a situation, I kept offering suggestions for things she should do and was confused when I kept being told "I don't think you understand how I am feeling" because I did understand as I had gone through the same situation. However, after reading on GC, I realize now she didn't want suggestions - she wanted empathy and to feel understood.
I've read up on a couple articles on the topic here on GC and find that I need to work on developing that side of myself (being empathetic). So, in every situation, I'm going to begin to ask myself things like "What is this person feeling?" "How would I respond if I was told what I just said?" etc.
I also want to combine this into the fact that I am not the greatest at dealing with women's resistance. On past dates, I'll push for a girl to stay maybe once or twice, but eventually I'll let her leave and then she'll autoreject because she expected me to overcome her objections (but then I failed). Even in my most recent instance where I whipped it out at a bad time (after the window passed) with a very horny girl, she said "we'd be crossing a line" and only after analyzing for a second what I did, only then did I realize how unnatural the timing was.
So I was wondering if there was a way I could do two things:
1) Practice my empathy skills
2) Get better at reframing situations or dealing with resistance in a variety of circumstances (so I don't have to go on a ton of dates to get better at dealing with overcoming objections)
Looking at my life now and my past failures, I am beginning to realize how being unempathetic likely led to my many demise. By being more attuned into how the other person is feeling and processing the moment, I'll be better calibrated and timed when I go to move things forward.
Any suggestions?
NBW
I realized today after taking a personality test (for fun) that I am a very non-empathetic person. I can definitely act the part - but I lack the genuine empathy that shows that I am a warm, understanding personality. As a result, I get told I am a very "stoic" person.
For instance, on a phone call with a girl recently who was struggling with her identity and understanding of a situation, I kept offering suggestions for things she should do and was confused when I kept being told "I don't think you understand how I am feeling" because I did understand as I had gone through the same situation. However, after reading on GC, I realize now she didn't want suggestions - she wanted empathy and to feel understood.
I've read up on a couple articles on the topic here on GC and find that I need to work on developing that side of myself (being empathetic). So, in every situation, I'm going to begin to ask myself things like "What is this person feeling?" "How would I respond if I was told what I just said?" etc.
I also want to combine this into the fact that I am not the greatest at dealing with women's resistance. On past dates, I'll push for a girl to stay maybe once or twice, but eventually I'll let her leave and then she'll autoreject because she expected me to overcome her objections (but then I failed). Even in my most recent instance where I whipped it out at a bad time (after the window passed) with a very horny girl, she said "we'd be crossing a line" and only after analyzing for a second what I did, only then did I realize how unnatural the timing was.
So I was wondering if there was a way I could do two things:
1) Practice my empathy skills
2) Get better at reframing situations or dealing with resistance in a variety of circumstances (so I don't have to go on a ton of dates to get better at dealing with overcoming objections)
Looking at my life now and my past failures, I am beginning to realize how being unempathetic likely led to my many demise. By being more attuned into how the other person is feeling and processing the moment, I'll be better calibrated and timed when I go to move things forward.
Any suggestions?
NBW
