En's log

[Higher]

Hi reader -

Welcome to my log. I vastly improved my skills and overall presence over the last 2-3 years, starting basically from 0. A huge part of it is thanks to this community.

Current status​

I'm almost 40. Got out of a 10-y long exclusive relationship a few years ago. Always had exclusive relationships through social circles before that. Never in my life have I worked in a structured way on my social/seduction skills + masculine presence until 2-3 years ago, when I suddenly found myself without a proper social circle, and therefore in complete scarcity. Things had to change.

It's been an incredible journey so far, and there's still a lot of work to do. Beard and hair getting grey, but that's fair play and ain't stopping this train, yo. I'm currently seeing 2 girls, both from separate social circles. Planning to add 1 or 2 more while expanding my options pool.

How I game​

I do some social circle game, but I mostly day game solo. Why? Cause it's TOUGH. And it forces me to improve in areas in which I definitely need improvements. Plus I've never been a big fan of night/online (although I should at least try online).

My role models are Paul Janka, Steve Jabba, TaySocial, JP (ex-ToddV coach), in other words strong masculine presence, great voice/eye contact/body language, lots of intent.

My approach is usually direct and 1-to-1 (no groups so far). Sometimes I go indirect (e.g. informational), but I make sure I try hard to maintain great voice tonality and eye contact to make it sort of direct. At that point, it should be rather clear to the girl what the deal is, and if she's happy with it, it's relatively easy to transition to more man-woman stuff like flirting/touch and whatnot. At the end of the interaction I hug her up in the air and pull her close to me if the vibe is right.

My end goal​

Getting rid of scarcity once and for all.

Every time I think I finally got rid of it for good, I realize I'm still deep into it. Manifested itself lately with a German girl I approached at an airport. I texted her a couple weeks later to arrange a visit in her city. She was happy to try to find a date, but we couldn't for various reasons (no fault on either part). I proposed her a last option in a needy way: as her main IM didn't show the "delivered" mark to my latest text, and as I had booked already a room in her city, I kinda freaked out and texted her across multiple channels. She of course disappeared from the radar after that (probably also due to some things I said during our convo at the airport).

My current challenge​

Capitalizing on 100% of chances for warm approach.

I seem to have a knack for passing on most warm approaches. I often find myself cold approaching, and sometimes I approach girls who downright try to ignore me. I completely ignored a cute brunette yesterday that stared at me for like 3 seconds. Ignored another girl the day before. Luckily sanity kicks in sometimes, but I'd 10x-20x my results if I just did it consistently.

What's slowing me down?​

Ego mainly - i.e. girl likes me but I don't always feel 100% smooth and confident, and I don't want her to find out and ruin the potential. Which is ridiculous of course. This is maybe confirmed by the fact that I mostly don't feel that when cold approaching, as I probably don't really care about what that particular girl thinks. Also lack of discipline might be a part of it.

What can I do about it?​

Ideally, a cute girl's gaze should be enough of a trigger for me to walk in her direction and open. I have to focus on that "game's on" feeling and let my feet move towards her and my body switch to full presence. Training discipline might help, i.e. forcing myself to take action now instead of procrastinating, especially for things that require quite some effort/discomfort (e.g. sport, cold showers, some item off my TODO list, etc).

Biggest breakthroughs as of lately​

Truly realized how powerful eye contact and voice tonality are​

I improved my eye contact game massively after watching a video by Steve Jabba. Improved my voice tonality after watching a video by TaySocial. Both are truly game-changers, not sure why I always downplayed their importance.

Finally confirmed that I gotta sidetrack any age-related question​

I already kinda knew it and always played around any such questions, but I lately confirmed that I definitely need to answer these questions vaguely. I lost a cute 26-yo Aussie lately due to this.

Maintaining a visualization log trains optimism and problem solving skills​

I log two versions of my interactions: one is the "as is" (100% truthful), the other is the "to be" (i.e. how things should have played out). Maybe overkill, but it seems to be a good visualization exercise that helps me maintain a base level of optimism and motivation. Or at least I'm trying this out right now, maybe I'll stop doing it soon.

-En

 

[Higher]

2022-07-05 (Tue)​

I'm travelling back home. I have to hop on a train and then switch to another train at a later station.

Girl #1​

On the first train I sit purposefully in front of a cute black-haired girl. She's wearing a mask, but I like her eyes, hair and overall fashion. Body-wise she's more than fine. She looks in her early 30's. I ignore her for a few minutes, then I open with an excuse. We chat a bit - she's super friendly, but then I ask her if she's single, to which she replies "no". I keep chatting as it's no big deal. Nice interaction. I kept practicing good voice and eye contact, and controlling my body movements. I hop off a few minutes later.

Girl #2​

I'm waiting for the second train now. I see a cute brunette sitting on her luggage not far from me. She's got curly hair, big nerdy glasses and a great body. Interesting rings on her fingers and overall nice vibe coming off this gal. She's got a small nose ring, which is a turn-off for me (like any other face rings), but must be a sign of her general openness. She has beautiful full lips and clear, bright skin. She seems like 24 or younger.

As the train arrives, I walk slowly towards the train door, approaching from the right side. I see her approaching the door from the left side, and we gaze at each other. I let her hop on the train first, and while she does, she glances at me with the corner of her eyes. Oh yeah. On the train, she places her luggage somewhere and sits nearby.

as is

For some retarded reason, I decide to ignore that "game on" feeling and proceed to stand near the door. During the trip (15 minutes) she turns once to glance at her luggage, and another time to glance at me for 2 seconds. I glance back until she breaks eye contact.​

​

After 15 mins, the train approaches my city and starts slowing down. I see she stands up and grabs her luggage. When the train stops, she walks towards the door. When I look at her, I see she's looking at me again and does a quick smile. I smile back and plan to approach her as soon as we both hop off.​

​

When we do, and as my hand is about to land in a tap on her shoulder, she runs away super happy towards a guy in his 50's and proceeds to hug him. Maybe her dad/uncle/LOVER?? I walk away like I was not going to massively improve her life.​

to be

I'm fully aware of that feeling, and I cannot ignore it: I wanna meet this girl. My feet start to move towards her and I ask her, with my best voice/eye contact, if I can sit on the free seat near her. She happily lets me sit.​

​

I proceed to ignore her for like 1-2 minutes, then I observe her rings and compliment her for her taste. I ask her if there's a story behind them or if it's just fashion, to which she replies with a big smile. We chat back and forth, while I make sure I maintain my best voice/eye contact/body language and touch her soft skin a little bit. Man, this girl is hot. And seems genuinely sweet too.​

​

At the end I tell her it'd be cool to hang out. She smiles and agrees. I grab her number. We hop off the train and she immediately runs away to some dude in his 50's. Must be her dad or uncle.​

 

[Higher]

2022-07-06 (Wed)​

It's 11am. It's sunny and quite windy. I'm walking around randomly. I see a brunette walking towards me. Great body, hair and fashion. She seems down to earth too, i.e. she's not walking like she's the only girl on the planet. She seems like 27-28.

She looks at me from afar and brushes her hair off her pretty face. I keep eye contact and we stare at each other for like 3 seconds.

as is

I ultimately think about the worst case scenario ("sorry, I'm rather busy!"/"sorry, I got a bf!") and decide to let her go, immediately regretting it afterwards.​

​

I then proceed to cold approach a 21-yo American girl right afterwards to kinda make up for it. We chat a bit, I grab her number but it ultimately goes nowhere (probably due to age difference or missing vibe on my side). Needless to say, doing things this way is detrimental for multiple reasons, the biggest one being that I train my brain to expect negative outcomes.​

to be

I immediately think "game on, baby". My body acts on its own: I stop her with a smile and tell her, with a deeply relaxed voice and body language, that she looks great. She smiles widely, thanks me all giggly and brushes her hair off her face again.​

​

We have a brief chat where I ask her name and check her schedule. She's in a hurry now, but she's free in like 30 mins. I grab her contact details, I touch her and tell her I'll text her later. She smiles and waves.​

 

[Higher]

2022-06-30 (Thu)​

Forgot about this one. Would love to get some feedback.

I'm on a train. As usual, I sit purposefully in front of a cute girl, who is 100% focused on her phone. She's brown-haired, curly. Pretty face, interesting fashion sense, she seems to be super open as she has some cool rings and necklaces. Great body, love her arms and shoulders. She's probably around 30.

I completely ignore her and look somewhere else, but keep track of her with the corner of my eyes. A few minutes later I notice her eyes raising and pointing at me for like 1 second, then going back to her phone. I think "aha!". I wait a couple minutes and ask her, with my best voice and eye contact, if I can leave my backpack on the seat for a sec. She says it's no problem, and I go to the toilet.

As I make my way back to our seats, she raises her head, looks at me and makes a stunning smile. I smile back and say "you're super kind". She says it's no problem, and goes back to her phone, a bit shyly perhaps.

I should have probably started a convo there, but I decide to wait a few minutes. I then notice an old Game Boy Color on the little table in front of her that I didn't notice earlier, maybe I missed it. It was easy to open again.

We start chatting. She's super cool and friendly, and definitely open as she talks about astrology and psychic energy. She's not weird tho, just genuinely curious about things. I make a quick psychological profile of her (kind of a cold read), and she makes an astrological profile of me, with plenty of flirting and great eye contact. I'm loving this interaction.

I deep dive her a bit, and she mentions that she has a kid, and kind of hints at her having a man at home, although she doesn't state it clearly, and I don't ask. The whole thing is enough to make me pass on asking for her number, as I don't wanna potentially break into her family life. Too bad, I like her quite a bit, but now I barely keep the convo going, also because we're approaching her station (she has to switch train there).

She probably notices I kinda checked out and tries to keep the convo going a little bit though, and as soon as we approach her station she asks me if I'm hopping on the other train with her - her train goes in the same general direction to where I'm going, but it would take me massively off path for some time and would require me to switch to another train at a later point. I mentioned that to her earlier, but she still asked me. Kinda felt it was her way of telling me "I like you, let's keep in touch", but I didn't feel like it. Maybe I should have asked for her phone number at that point.

When I tell her I cannot switch train unfortunately, she smiles and says it was nice to meet me and puts out her hand. Maybe a bit sad? Or maybe just confirmation bias. We shake hands and she leaves, only to rush back a few seconds later (she forgot her luggage). She then leaves again with a smile.

Overall one of the best interactions of the last weeks. She's really close to my type and in general a very interesting and sweet person. No wonder she's been snatched up.

Now, she mentioned that she has a small business in her town. Her phone number is on Google Maps. I'm really tempted to reach out to her with an excuse so that she gets my number, and if she wants she can text me. Feel like it'd be a bit needy tho. Any feedback appreciated on this.

 

[Higher]

2022-07-10 (Sun)​

It's like 6pm and I'm walking around in da city. There's a lot of tourists and groups of girls (never opened groups, I should tho). But honestly there's nothing really thrilling around.

Anyway, I sit at the river for a second to ponder about life's mysteries, and a few minutes later I spot a cutish Asian girl with a cap seated a few meters from me. For some reason I always interpret caps as a sign of closedness. Anyway I don't really care and I open informational.

hey, do you know where <some place> is?​

mmmm no sorry! i have no idea​

ah ok. i'm always convinced that i know this place but sometimes i surprise myself​

haha​

you japanese or what?​

no i'm Thai!​

oh cool, you a tourist?​

yes! I'm here since a few days but today is my last day here​

oh so you leave tonight? or tomorrow?​

i leave tomorrow (oh yeah)​

oh ok. hey, you're cute btw​

thanks!​

what's your name?​

<thai name>​

enki, nice to meet you​

you live here?​

no i live in <other city>, i was with some friends earlier and now i'm just walking around. sometimes i like to get lost in the city hoping to find some.... hidden treasures (insert good eye contact here)​

oh! i see (feel like it landed flat)​

btw how old are you?​

what do you think??​

oh so you wanna play this game. ok, hmm.... lemme have a good look at you... (good eye contact here) i don't see you very well with that cap on​

oh wait (removes cap. thinking about it now, i could have removed it for her as a hint to undressing her, not before asking for her permission in a sexy way of course)​

oh i'd say that... (more eye contact) you're like 27?​

i'm 35!​

oh ok bla bla bla so what's your plan for tonight? you're gonna hit the clubs hard? cause i'm going for a quick coffee right now, wanna join me for a chat?​

actually i wanted to eat!​

oh where did you plan to go?​

a vietnamese restaurant! there's this soup i wanna have. have you ever tried it?​

We talk a bit about food, which is always a great topic for me, but then I tell her I'll walk with her a little bit and then I'll leave. I'm not super enthusiastic about this gal, but I still wanna see what's possible. So I suggest we start walking - and we do.

During our walk, I propose a couple of drinks after her dinner, to which she agrees, but she has to wake up at 4am tomorrow to catch her flight. On top of that, when I ask her if she's got a boyfriend/husband in Thailand, she says that she's got a husband who's got cancer, and she usually takes care of him, but now she needs to unwind a bit and take some time for herself and travel.

Maybe that was a green light. I guess I could have gone full blown "I'll make you unwind" mode, and maybe she needed it, but honestly I didn't feel like it. The whole story made me a bit sad, plus I didn't feel any chemistry with this gal, so at some point I wished her good luck and left.

Such is life sometimes.

 

[Higher]

2022-07-12 (Tue)​

It's around 5:30pm. In the middle of a sport session I see a great-looking brunette, probably around 30. Her fashion is simple yet classy: white top on black skirt, decent heels, sunglasses. Nice smooth brown hair, not too long. Bright skin.

I look at her, she looks at me. I smile at her, she smiles at me. I say "hi" to her... she says "hi" to me:

you look great, can i tell you that?​

thanks! (big smile)​

what's your name?​

<name>​

enki here​

nice to meet you! (smiles again, but she seems in a rush)​

are you in a hurry?​

ehm... kind of!​

you going to your boyfriend?​

...husband! (shows me her wedding ring) i live over there (points to some building)​

ah... my heart is broken... (where's my Oscar?)​

haha but thanks!​

alright, have a good night!​

you too!​

Life is good.

 

[Higher]

2022-07-14 (Thu)​

It's a sunny morning, and I'm on my way to a tools shop. My left leg is killing me (torn muscle), but I really want to meet a hot girl that works in this shop, plus buy a couple things I need.

Girl #1 (warm)​

I'm waiting for the bus to the tools shop (I rarely drive cars in my city), and a cute blonde girl spawns in my field of view. Braided hair, tall, slim and overall good vibe. Probably not much younger than me. Gym bag. We look at each other for like 1 second.

When the bus arrives, I notice the front section is rather full, so I hop in and sit in the rear section, which is empty. My naive thinking suggests me that the girl will probably follow suit and sit in my area if she's interested. But she hops in in the front section and proceeds to sit near a lady. But not before looking at me again.

Now, it's clearly game on, but there's no real way I can easily start a convo with her so far away from me, and there's no free seats near her, so I think I'll just approach her if we hop off at the same stop. And if we don't, oh well.

We're still a few stops away from the tools shop, the bus has gotten emptier. She stands up and gets ready to hop off. She proceeds to stand in front of the door, then looks at me from afar.

as is

I think to myself: "man, really? do i have to hop off now to meet this girl? and then wait like 30 mins for the next bus? no, come on", therefore I decide to just let her go. Mistake? Maybe.​

to be

"Alright, gotcha", I think to myself. As the bus is slowing down, I walk towards the girl. I let her hop off and I open direct while leaning out from the front door:​

​

hey 'scuse me?​

(she turns to me)​

you look cute! i had to tell you that​

haha thanks!​

proposal: coffee, today or tomorrow​

mmm ok, why not!​

(i give her my phone, she taps on it and gives it back; phone is a tad heavier, as a new number has been saved on it)​

​

Badass move. Bus driver claps hands. Old ladies smile in appreciation.​

Girl #2​

This was supposed to be the hot girl at the tools shop, but sadly it turns out she's having a day off, as she's nowhere to be found. I'll try again next week.

Girl #2 (warm)​

Half an hour later I'm on a train to a nearby city, I have to return a pair of shoes in a shop there. Ten minutes into the trip and a tall blonde manifests herself on the train (I have a thing for tall girls). Black dress, pretty tight. Long, lean legs, medium-length hair. Slim, and just tall. She's got a pair of white headphones around her neck, which I appreciate. Face-wise she's not a stunner, but I love the vibe. She's maybe 33 or so.

We make eye contact for a second, then she proceeds to casually sit in an area where we can easily look at each other. And, as a matter of fact, we do: the following 10 minutes we exchange a couple of quick eye contacts. She breaks away every time, so I gauge she's either shy (unlikely) or not available, but still attracted.

We hop off in the city, and I approach her direct from behind:

'scuse me? (i say it a couple times as there's a bunch of people around)​

(she turns to me) yeah?​

you look great, can i tell you that? i saw you in the train​

oh thanks! (huge, genuine smile and nice voice, she seems super sociable)​

what's your name? (light touch on her arm)​

<name>​

nice to meet you​

what's your name?​

enki. where you going?​

i'm on my way to work, so i have to go that way (points somewhere)​

oh ok. i have to go this other way, but i'd love to grab a coffee with you sometime​

i would love that, but i have to say I have a boyfriend!​

you're breaking my heart... (yeah, i use this line a lot; maybe i could have still proposed to be friends)​

but i really appreciate!​

alright, no problem! have a good day​

you too!​

Ah, the feeling when you take a chance at something you want...

Girl #3 "PrettyEyes" (cold)​

I'm in the nearby city, and I realize I haven't brought the shoes receipt with me. So no return today. I'm walking back to the train station and I spot a cute blonde, nicely dressed. Sunglasses. Full lips. Bright skin. She's not slim but she looks great, good proportions. And she seems like 25. I open:

'scuse me? (she immediately takes off her sunglasses, I love that and i follow suit; she has beautiful green/blue eyes) do you know where the train station is?​

oh i believe it's down this way​

ah we're close to it, right?​

yeah, maybe 5 minutes on foot?​

ok thanks, i come from <other station> so i was not sure i was on the right way​

yeah, i'm new here too, so i understand! (i'm not new here, but whatever)​

oh where you from?​

<country>!​

cool, i lived in <city> for a year or so​

i come from there!​

cool shit! (and we talk about her a bit, her job and stuff, and a little bit about me too) btw i love your eyes. you're cute​

...thanks!​

you have a boyfriend here or what?​

no i'm single!​

bla bla bla (i deep dive a bit, turns out she's 23 and she's got some days off before starting her new job) so maybe we catch up for a drink sometime​

yeah sure!​

alright, do you have signal or whatsapp? it's nice to meet new friends (i give her my phone, she types her digits. poor girl was shaking, maybe i came off too strong?)​

if you message me i'll get your number​

sure, i'll do that soon. alright, was cool to meet you!​

for me too! see you!​

It's 12:30pm now. I'm back home and I text her. The exchange is pretty quick, which I love. No "wait 1h before texting back" games.

great to meet you earlier, pretty eyes! enki​

(still me) are you adventurous?​

great to meet you too! i would say i am pretty adventurous ​

that was my guess in this case i have a proposal for you: we grab a quick bite in <my city>, i show you around, and we see where we go from there. today or tomorrow. choice is yours! sounds adventurous enough?​

that sounds great! tomorrow would be perfect. where and what time should we meet?​

awesome! i'll have an inline skating session tomorrow morning until lunch time. let's meet at the station in <my city> at around 12?​

sounds good, see you tomorrow then!​

​

We will see, guys, we will see.

 

[Higher]

Update "PrettyEyes"​

She bailed out:

hey, sorry to write so late. it was really nice to meet you today, but after some thought i just wanted to let you know i'm not really feeling it and i'm not gonna be able to make it tomorrow. i'm really sorry, but i wish you all the best!​

ciao <name>, yeah, we don't know each other that well after all. you might be dangerous (not sure this was the best answer, but whatever)​

haha, yeah you never know! thanks for understanding ​

​

To be expected tho: I didn't build enough comfort. She would have to be extremely open (and maybe a bit crazy) to agree on a date in another city with a stranger.

Maybe the best thing would have been to go for an instant date when I met her, walk and chat a bit to make ourselves comfortable with each other, and then pull the "are you adventurous?" trigger to suggest a trip to my city on that same day.

Alternatively, and a safer option, just a quick instant date (10-15 min) to build some basic comfort, and then date compression across 4-5 days, with the last date being in my city.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-02​

Can't believe it's August already. Nothing much happened in the last 2 weeks. I talked with the girl from the tool shop, with another girl from another tool shop and a few girls here and there, but I've got nothing to work with right now. Reason? Lack of chemistry and preferring to run slow game, as in the case of the tool shop girls. Not sure this is the best strategy tho.

"LadyExotic" (warm)​

Anyway, I'm going home and, as usual, I'm on a train. In the crowd I spot a skirt and a pair of long, lean legs. The owner is a cute lady, probably a bit older than me, totally absorbed by something on her phone. Brown, wavy hair. Jacket that covers her body shapes. Exotic.

A bunch of people hop off after a few stops, and I proceed to sit near the lady, who is still on her phone. In these situations I typically open informational, but today I'm kinda lazy: I wait for her to notice me, and if interested, she'll give me good IOIs. She's not exactly young tho, so she might even open herself.

And she does: she looks around and sees me, then goes back to her phone. Then she looks at me again and opens informational about the ticket she bought. A good chat then ensues, where I probe her about her life and passions while touching and maintaining good eye contact/voice. She turns out to be a quite interesting character: she speaks my native language fluently along with other 5, she has a rich ancestry and she's a top-tier music teacher. She has a fine body and great smile. She's married, so I'm not all in. But I don't check out as I used to do. I'm tired of passing these chances up.

We then hop off the train at the same station, we hug and she number-closes me. What a player!

 

[Higher]

2022-08-04​

Man, it's hot. I feel like my brain is boiling.

Anyway, I'm out and about. Cute girl with sunglasses walks towards me. Brown, long hair. A bit short, but fine body. Cute dress. Big turn-offs tho: full-arm tattoo and nose ring. She brushes her hair with her hand when she gets closer to me.

I'm not approaching on the street since 2 weeks, so my momentum is low. It's crazy how skills degrade within a short time. I'm aware of my state, but I open anyway, although I notice myself anticipating rejection (i.e. her ignoring me or brushing me off). Somehow I keep my voice in check:

'scuse me?​

yeah? (she takes off her sunglasses, super nice of her; pretty brown eyes)​

<thing> is this way, right?​

yeah, just straight ahead​

thanks. i get lost pretty easily​

no problem (she smiles, but it looks forced. maybe disappointed?)​

​

Yes, that's it. I couldn't think of anything else. Not sure I wanted to push things with this girl anyway, although she seemed cool and friendly. And maybe she was open to a convo. If I had to write a to be:

​

to be

hey, crazy tattoo you have there btw​

thanks!​

(and then short chat about her, then schedule check, and then instadate or number-close)​

​

I suspect a big problem with low momentum for me is that I focus too much on what to say and what's the next step in the interaction instead of getting in flow. @Will_V's eye-opening post totally resonates here.

 

[Higher]

Biggest breakthroughs as of lately​

Girls' openness to strangers changes with the seasons​

Yes, this might be pretty damn obvious to some, but I suspect there's a pattern here.

End Feb until mid May is the best daygame time of the year, at least where I live: temperatures get milder and girls aggressively look for a relationship, any relationship, in the hope not to be single for yet another summer. They stare guys down and even chat them up. Plenty of chances for warm approach. COVID maybe played a role too this year, will see next year.

Between end of May until mid Aug single girls either check out and get bitter; find a boyfriend/"situationship"; or travel and get dick abroad. Some girls still open to meet somebody, but they're less aggressive: they no longer put in the effort to signal guys as they did back in spring.

Mid August until Nov?: girls look for a winter relationship to spend the holidays with.

Nov until end Feb: girls either found a boyfriend/"kinda seeing someone", travel or hibernate.

Frame is everything​

Another pretty obvious thing, but I need to remind myself. I lost a girl recently because I lost my frame.

I met her back in April. She was down to meet again, but insisted we met spontaneously (of course she knew we would have ended up sleeping together). I agreed to that instead of leading and pushing for a fixed date. Needless to say, it ended up with me chasing her and being overall too nice (incongruent with the frame I set in the initial meet). At some point I got tired and disappeared from her radar.

This happened with another girl back in 2020, a girl I really, really liked.

 

[Will_V]

2022-08-04​

Man, it's hot. I feel like my brain is boiling.

Anyway, I'm out and about. Cute girl with sunglasses walks towards me. Brown, long hair. A bit short, but fine body. Cute dress. Big turn-offs tho: full-arm tattoo and nose ring. She brushes her hair with her hand when she gets closer to me.

I'm not approaching on the street since 2 weeks, so my momentum is low. It's crazy how skills degrade within a short time. I'm aware of my state, but I open anyway, although I notice myself anticipating rejection (i.e. her ignoring me or brushing me off). Somehow I keep my voice in check:

'scuse me?​

yeah? (she takes off her sunglasses, super nice of her; pretty brown eyes)​

<thing> is this way, right?​

yeah, just straight ahead​

thanks. i get lost pretty easily​

no problem (she smiles, but it looks forced. maybe disappointed?)​

​

Yes, that's it. I couldn't think of anything else. Not sure I wanted to push things with this girl anyway, although she seemed cool and friendly. And maybe she was open to a convo. If I had to write a to be:

​

to be

hey, crazy tattoo you have there btw​

thanks!​

(and then short chat about her, then schedule check, and then instadate or number-close)​

​

I suspect a big problem with low momentum for me is that I focus too much on what to say and what's the next step in the interaction instead of getting in flow. @Will_V's eye-opening post totally resonates here.

Yeah man she was open. If you were more present you would have realized you could say literally anything - 'I like your sunglasses/hair/eyes/whatever'.

One of the big problems when you're not present is that your mind focuses on some internal loop, and you become oblivious to all the possibilities right in front of you.

I was gaming a bit recently and I decided to ask for directions to get into the flow. So I did and there was a bit of back and forth about a train station I already knew was there. And then I realized I had talked to a cute girl for like two minutes about complete nonsense that went nowhere. So I said 'you're not going to get me lost are you' and gave her a cheeky smile and that was the beginning of the actual interaction, where tension started to grow and potential arose.

Being present (or coming back to presence, as it were) enabled me to clearly see from above what we were doing and where things were going or not going, rather than getting focused on stuff in my head.

Another thing that I learned from those with greater knowledge than myself, is that if you can't break out of a boring loop, at least don't leave her without her knowing that you find her attractive and why. It doesn't matter at that point if it works or not, the point is that it reinforces your balls to go out and speak your truth to the objects of your desire, it strengthens the core of your identity and puts the fire in your blood. The greatest pain is experienced by the man who cannot ever make a girl blush because his fears have trained him to camouflage his intent, and will not allow him to express his reality onto the world. His spirit is blocked, and nothing could be worse.

 

[Higher]

Being present (or coming back to presence, as it were) enabled me to clearly see from above what we were doing and where things were going or not going, rather than getting focused on stuff in my head.

100%. I've noticed myself doing this more and more often, and that's where the fun starts. It's a recent breakthrough for me really, and you helped shape it in my mind. Thanks a lot for that.

It doesn't matter at that point if it works or not, the point is that it reinforces your balls to go out and speak your truth to the objects of your desire, it strengthens the core of your identity and puts the fire in your blood. The greatest pain is experienced by the man who cannot ever make a girl blush because his fears have trained him to camouflage his intent, and will not allow him to express his reality onto the world.

What a great way to put it. Totally resonates with me.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-05 (Fri)​

"FancyName" (warm)​

I'm on inlines, and I see a cute blonde girl with a cute bulldog. Sunglasses. (The girl, not the dog.) Bright skin. Fashion-wise she's not mind-blowing, but she seems to have a nice body. Plus, she has a dog.

She sees me from afar and turns to look at her dog. I pass by and she's smiling awkwardly at the ground. For some reason I don't open immediately. I continue on my own way, but one minute later I realize how lame I am and I skate back to where I met her. After a bit of searching, I spot her again. I smile at her from afar and I open, although I feel like a beggar. Reason: I'm not here 100% and I'm not allowing myself to be in the best state possible.

'scuse me?​

yeah?​

you look great, i had to tell you that​

oh thanks! (doggie gets excited)​

name's enki​

hi, my name is <fancy name> (handshake)​

are you from here?​

yeah​

your name sounds exotic​

yeah, it's a german name​

from which area? (dunno why i asked that, it sounds boring and doesn't matter at this point)​

bla bla bla​

cool. you know, i saw you and i had to talk to you (at this point i'm feeling 100% like a beggar)​

yeah, i appreciate that!​

so what you doing right now? just walking your dog?​

yeah, and then i have an appointment​

an appointment with your boyfriend? (cheeky smile)​

no... (sounds depressed; she's single or about to be)​

so then you're free afterwards! (i smile and sound too cheerful, like i'm trying to impress her)​

no, then i have other stuff to do (she doesn't, but she's not fully sold on me yet, which is fair enough)​

alright, hey, i let you go, but proposal: coffee sometime, me and you​

mmm yeah, why not​

cool, i don't have my phone here with me, so i leave you my number (i realize this has low chances of succeeding)​

sure, here (gives my her phone and i type in my digits)​

alright, then maybe we meet sometime (not happy about this line)​

sure! have fun!​

​

Pretty crappy state on my part, I'm not happy with this interaction. Anyway, better than nothing. We'll see if she reaches out, and if not, oh well.

 

[Railer]

Maybe: "... would you mind sending me some short message so I can respond when back home?"

 

[Higher]

@1d10t,

Yeah, I actually tried to message myself from her phone, something like "hey cute guy, can't stop thinking about you!", but her phone went ape-shit and I couldn't do it. Guess I'm not really good with technology.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-07 (Sun)​

I went biking with a friend, and we're now going to chill and have a quick beer at a popular bar in my city. There's lots of people around, and we spot two Asian girls seated near the place. They're talking, laughing and having fun. They're not super cute, but they look at us and smile, and overall seem cool. There's a couple of free seats near them.

as is

At that moment it doesn't even occur to me to approach them. It's not even approach anxiety: I'm just totally outside of that mindset. This is how unnatural this is to me still. So my friend and I grab our beers and chat for a few minutes, and then go each his own way, without paying any attention to the girls.​

to be

My friend and I grab our beers and then walk towards the girls.​

​

'scuse me girls?​

yeah?​

can we sit here? or you guys wanna be left alone?​

no no, you can sit!​

thanks. you guys tourists?​

yeah!​

(great chat ensues, who knows what else)​

 

[Railer]

but they look at us and smile, and overall seem cool.

Fun thought: Girls are sarging, like constantly. See any one AI that girls throw out as one actual verbal opener. World would be quite noisy.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-11 (Thu)​

I'm on a train (yes, I love trains), going to a nearby city to have a couple beers with a girl friend of mine.

Girl #1​

As usual, I sit on purpose in front of a cute girl. Brunette, long hair. Business attire, white shirt, a bit revealing. Great body. She's super busy on a laptop.

I ignore her. At some point she closes her laptop and looks around a minute or two, as if lost in thought (and maybe waiting for me to say something), then she pulls out a set of headphones. That's when I open informational, asking how long it takes to reach to the nearby city. She answers, I thank her, and then I look around without saying a word. I notice she's still staring at me with a smile, clearly wishing for the conversation to continue.

So we resume chatting. I deep dive, banter a bit, and keep good eye contact and voice tonality. She asks me stuff. Girl is super friendly and talkative. Maybe a bit too friendly, I think. My suspicion comes true a few minutes in, when she mentions that she has a husband, and she seems quite happy about that. Fair enough.

We leave the train at the same station. I make a joke at the empty salad bowl she's carrying around, to which she laughs, and I bid her farewell.

Girl #2​

My friend and I are at the bar, seated outside. The waitress is cute and has pretty eyes. She's a bit short though, and her body is covered in tattoos.

We have a few more beers than anticipated. My friend goes to the toilet. As soon as the waitress comes near our table I look at her, she looks at me, and I shoot a "you have pretty eyes" just out of the blue. She replies, without a trace of emotion: "thank you". Then she goes hiding inside the bar and no longer gets out.

Direct was too much in this case. Who cares, I took my (uncalibrated) shot!

 

[Railer]

"you have pretty eyes"

"You have pretty eyes, but you're a bit short and your body is covered in tattoos. Oh, by the way, did you know trains were neat?" xD