Escapades of Marty, aspiring lover of women

[Marty]

It's coming up to 100 days since I began approaching, and I've decided to record my experiences in a journal. I have each approach logged with enough detail to jog my memory, so I do have accurate documentation to refer to.

My focus is purely on daytime cold approach. I do not have availability in the evenings to go to bars or clubs, and frankly I'm not sure I'd want to. I am convinced by Ricardus's advice that during the daytime, the assortment is richest, the competition is weakest, and women's unhelpful expectations are lowest. Plus, I find women in business dress way more alluring than those in evening wear! ;-)

About me... I am slightly taller than average, dress casually but stylishly most of the time, and am in good shape for my age, with a body mass index of 22 and an estimated body fat composition of around 10%. I will not attempt to describe aspects of my character, preferences, or communication style, but rather allow those to show through from my descriptions of the interactions. Nor will I give any detail about my profession, precise location, social circle, times snd dates of approaches, or other irrelevant information.

Comments are welcomed and appreciated, as many as you may care to make Readers will probably find the first 13 approaches uninteresting, as I opened "indirect" to allay my initial approach anxiety. Therefore, I will keep those descriptions brief and move swiftly on to the "direct" openings.

 

[Marty]

Approach #1

Approach #1: Indirect

My first ever cold approach! She wasn't particularly attractive, much less good-looking than any woman I've had a relationship with, or even a fling, but what the hell, I had to see whether I could actually do this... All my romantic and sexual relationships stemmed from some sort of social context; I wanted to take that out of the equation and find out what was possible.

Standing at a street intersection, I opened indirect: "Could you tell me where ... Street is?"
Girl: "Yes, you're right on it, this is ... Street."
Marty: "I knew that. I work here every day. I was kidding... actually, I just wanted to say hello."
Girl: "Oh! Hi!"

And I asked her on a date, and she said no, she had a boyfriend, and that was it. I didn't persist. Pretty dull, but I had taken the first step...

 

[Marty]

Approach #2

Approach #2: Indirect

This one is odd. It turned out successfully, sort of... which I hadn't been expecting this early on... But I found out too late that I didn't actually WANT it to be successful. My first lesson in accurately appraising the target before rushing in unprepared!

I saw a shapely hourglass figure from behind and followed, trying to catch up without looking hurried. After I drew level, I gave her a chance to look me over or at least become aware of my presence, then turned and opened as for #1: "Could you tell me where ... Street is?"

She started to explain. I interrupted, pointing out that I wasn't really lost and just wanted to get to know her. She seemed flattered and engaged in conversation readily, however, when she removed her sunglasses I saw she was a lot less attractive, and a lot older, than I had hoped. She really has a great figure and skin, though. I continued regardless, for practice, taking her on an "instant" date for coffee.

It turned out we had a lot in common and we have since met three more times for lunch, though I have consigned her to the "platonic" category of my own volition. Turns out she even has a daughter at university... there are very few women of that age I would be interested in, although there are exceptions; occasionally I meet a woman in her forties or even fifties whom I'm quite attracted to.

 

[Marty]

Approach #3

Approach #3: Indirect

Same boring indirect approach as before, but this time it was a cute young student on a university campus... a little bit plump yet still very enticing, if you know what I mean. She was sitting on a bench with a suitcase nearby, waiting for someone and reading. I should have opened with "Going somewhere exciting?" ...I know that now. Not to worry. She refused a coffee date and I failed to persist by suggesting a meetup some other time. She was off to the airport. I moved on. I could have done better here, but that's what learning is all about.

 

[Marty]

Approach #4

Approach #4: Indirect

In a pharmacy, I approached a girl indirect by asking whether she knew whether a product was any good. She wasn't all that good-looking, I guess I was just practicing at this stage. I went on to say that I had really wanted to introduce myself. She refused a date on the grounds that her boyfriend was waiting for her outside, but said she was flattered. I didn't suggest meeting at an alternative time when he wasn't around... a good cheeky trick to have in my back pocket for another, more valuable occasion perhaps!

 

[Marty]

Approach #5

Approach #5: Situational

Needing a change from the clumsy, pondering indirect approaches I'd tried before, I went for a different angle. Seeing a passable young woman picnicking on the grass in an undeveloped city block, I walked straight over to where she was sitting and said: "Care for some company?"

She replied, "Sure." She was interning at an architecture firm and we conversed for maybe a half-hour while she finished her lunch... too much, I know. I proposed a date and got her number, we texted back and forth a few times but it soon became apparent she wasn't into me, or was unsure, and I dropped the whole thing.

 

[Marty]

Approach #6

Approach #6: Situational

Building up some confidence now, I resolved to challenge myself by approaching someone really worthwhile. She was easy to recognize when I saw her: a really high-value blonde sitting on university campus at an outdoor table, part of a cafe attached to a bookstore. She was alone, texting. I think this was my first really decent interaction and I certainly learned something.

I approached using body language, directed away to the side, but making it obvious that I was waiting for her attention. I allowed her to make eye contact first.

Marty: "Care for some company?" [same opener as #5 above, I think it's lame now actually, but we'll let that ride]

Girl: "What?" [testing]

Marty: [slowly and with full eye contact now] "I said, would you care for some company?"

Girl: "Oh... not right now, thank you."

Marty: "Are you sure?" [persisting]

Girl: "What?" [testing]

Marty: "Are you sure you don't want me to join you?"

Girl: "Oh! Well, you can for a moment if you like." [waves me to a chair, I sit]

Girl: "So what are you doing here?" [testing]

Marty: "Came to look for a map for my office wall." [indicating the bookstore; bullshit, I already bought two the day before]

Girl: "Where do you work?"

... and the testing was over, I forced the topic of conversation back onto her, we had a fair amount in common, I proposed a date, took a number and left within about 10 minutes.

Got a reply to my icebreaker, but her texting went dead after that. I got the impression she was a really, really experienced girl. Very fun and bubbly. I've seen her since, a couple months later, in a grocery store with her husband/boyfriend so that may partly explain the lack of enthusiasm.

A big learning experience for me... that's the way learning works, it doesn't usually proceed at a steady pace, but in sudden leaps.

 

[Marty]

Approach #7

Approach #7: Indirect-Direct

Still coming off the "high" of my previous interaction, I got a bit complacent and was brought crashing down to Earth. High time too

On the way home from work, at a street intersection I stopped a very high-value, tall, thin brunette. I went with the wretched "asking for directions to something obvious" opener, she was not amused. I went direct, telling her she was "a very beautiful girl" which made things worse. She refused a drink with an "I'm all right, thanks..." -ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Lesson learned.

 

[Marty]

Approach #8

Approach #8: Indirect

Came up with a real lame indirect opener: while running in the early morning, approach a female runner and ask "Is there anywhere around here I can get a large glass of beer?" Tried this on one girl, not a great looker to be honest, got her number (incredibly) but received no reply to my icebreaker text, decided to ditch it and move on.

 

[Marty]

Approach #9

Approach #9: Situational

This is an interesting one. Again running in the early morning, merged paths with a cute creamy-white-cheeked redhead beauty, running with her dog. I opened situationally, some comment about the weather. Moved the interaction swiftly forward to match the pace of our running! Agreed on a date, got her number, texted by the textbook: icebreaker, logistics, confirmation ;-)

The date was lunch (mistake!) and I cheek-kissed her upon meeting. I used lots of "leading touch" throughout the interaction. She looked a real stunner in her office outfit and hairdo. Turned out she was an attorney. Lunch was friendly and entertaining but a bit awkward; I struggled to keep the vibe right. I think I may have (incorrectly) given off the impression of wanting a serious relationship.

She texted the next morning to say I was too old for her and hoped I would understand. I did. My own fault for giving the wrong impression. At least she knew I didn't want to be friends ;-)

 

[Marty]

Approach #10

Approach #10: Indirect-Direct

Same day as Approach #9, perhaps only 15 minutes later actually. While running, a girl split off from her friend and said goodbye; noting this, I went off the path and hung around "resting" to let her pass, then approached from behind. Used the same lame "beer" opener as in #8, which did not go down well (hence I have since ditched it altogether), but then went direct; this was a recent graduate in very fine physical shape and it was easily to show genuine interest. She had little availability as she was planning to relocate, but agreed in principle to a date and gave me her number. This meant I had to memorize 2 numbers (and 2 names) all the way home! I texted a couple times but never heard back.

 

[Marty]

Approach #11

Approach #11: Indirect-Direct

Heading toward a street intersection during a business day lunch-hour, I followed close behind a stunning blonde and stepped the wrong way as she turned toward a crosswalk, causing her to apologize and make eye contact. Disgracefully, I used the tired "asking for directions" indirect opener (I promise this was the last time ever), but went direct pretty quick and she seemed rather flattered. Nothing doing, however, as she mentioned a boyfriend in the picture, but (incredibly) invested a little to continue the conversation afterward. It turned out she works for a major supplier of my organization. I wasn't sure how to proceed, so I closed out and wished her a lovely day.

 

[Marty]

Approach #12

Approach #12: Direct

At last! the courage to make my intentions obvious through body language and words. i guess I had shamed myself into this by witnessing the awkwardness of indirect openings.

Running in the park, I encountered a much younger woman, caught up with her and started a conversation without any lame excuses. She was fun and exciting to be with. Proposed a date, she said "I think my boyfriend wouldn't be too happy if I did that..." Now, my reply should have been: "Is he bigger than me?" However, I was slow off the mark and made do with: "I guess my wife wouldn't be too happy either" (which elicited a laugh) and persisted toward a date. She said okay and gave her number. Must have had second thoughts, as I never heard back.

 

[Marty]

Approach #13

Approach #13: Direct

This approach was easy, but due to my inexperience, I wasn't sure how to close out. I like to think I'd know now.

I was walking through a food court in an upscale office complex full of attorneys, architects, international organizations etc. I was trying not to scan and be too obvious about it, but one moderately attractive but rather simple-looking girl of perhaps 25 caught my eye and actually started looking me up and down. I walked past, but she continued to check me out.

I stopped and walked back. She opened very easily, there was nothing to it. We exchanged a few pleasantries and I asked if I might join her at her table, but she said she was just packing up. I should have gotten her number and made arrangements for later, but I made excuses and left... there was something not quite "right" about her vibe, I can't put my finger on it. Unusual situation.

 

[Marty]

Approach #14

Approach #14: Direct

I actually opened this lady crossing the street. I say "lady" because she had a sophisticated look to her, in stark contrast to the previous girl (approaches 13, 14, 15 and 16 all occurred on the same day). She was probably early 30s.

I complimented her strongly, she took it well, I suggested lunch immediately, she said she was married, I didn't press further. She left happy. At least she knew what I was about. It would be terrible if I gave off a vibe that I wanted to be friends. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to be a problem... on the contrary, I sometimes have the difficulty that women seem terrified of me.

 

[Marty]

Approach #15

Approach #15: Direct

This one didn't open well, and I'd learnt enough by this point to understand that this was not due to error on my part, this mid-20s woman just wasn't in the mood or wasn't into me at all. In a busy street, I complimented her hairstyle with genuine enthusiasm (dark brunette pulled into a tight bun, flight-attendant style... OMG that drives me wild!), she was okay with that, but still unimpressed, when I got to the date proposal, she said: "Sorry, I can't" rather brusquely and kept walking, implying she was attached. I wished her well and broke off.

 

[Marty]

Approach #16

Approach #16: Direct

This was the first time I approached a woman with real killer looks. She appeared about 22, golden blonde, amazing wavy hair, Barbie-proportioned body, superb dress sense, everything. Declaring "genuine interest" did not present any difficulty on the opener!!

She seemed pleased to be approached in the street and I pressed further, asking her to join me for coffee which she politely declined. She was terribly nice and kind-sounding! A great lesson in non-pedestalization... I persisted, suggesting that we meet up another time, and I remember her exact response: "I'm married, and I just don't think I can do that." Ironic. Anyway, I cordially conceded defeat and called it a day.

 

[Marty]

Approach #17

Approach #17: Situational

On vacation I was running on the beach before breakfast and caught up with two young women. Following Chase's principles, I picked one to concentrate on. We chatted about how running barefoot on the beach differed from city parks. They told me they were with a "church group", whatever that means... anyway, I suggested meeting for an ice-cream later and the one I liked declined, explaining that they were not allowed off the premises according to the church group rules. Beats me, how the freedom of adult women can be constrained like that by a religious organization, we were in the US, not Saudi Arabia. It was probably a brush-off, especially since they were on the beach at that time and not any "premises" that I was aware of!

 

[Marty]

Approach #18

Approach #18: Situational-Direct

This was my second attempt at approaching a really breathtaking woman. Still on vacation, I was browsing a tourist store in the late evening. However, souvenirs were the last thing on my mind I actually had the intention of approaching customers initially, until the very image of temptation caught my eye. She was dressed in a tight all-black staff uniform and wearing a two-way headset... clearly my opener would have to be reconsidered.

"Do you work here?" This said facing away to the side, nonchalant, but standing very close by and having clearly been there for a minute or two already. Receiving an affirmative response, I followed up with: "I don't want to buy anything." -stating the obvious. Game on!

She was quite chatty and pleasant. She had worked as a glamour model (I've checked her website, it's true, though that says she's 25 but she looked and behaved less mature, more like 21-22) and was back home helping out the family business during the tourist season; she planned to get back to modeling afterward. I got her number and we texted a little, but I was unable to get her out (in spite of gaining verbal agreement); she politely excused herself though, giving plausible reasons, rather than failing to reply.

 

[Marty]

Approach #19

Approach #19: Situational-Direct

Still on vacation, considering the fun I'd had with #18, I decided to try for a few "hired guns", intentionally this time.

I stopped at a tourist store in the late afternoon, entered and pretended to browse. She was impossible to miss... standing behind the checkout counter: blonde and obviously very sexual. I approached the checkout.

Girl: Can I help you find something?

Marty: No, I don't want to buy anything. I do want to talk to you though!

I introduced myself, went direct as soon as possible. We chatted a little. She was from a Central European country where I spent a lot of time growing up: I switched to her language for a bit and we chatted a while longer. Then I asked her out.

Girl: I'm afraid I'm already taken! (holding up her left hand to show me; very flirtatious eye contact)

Marty: Hmmmm.... I'm kind of attached too. (I didn't have mine on to show her... too risky losing it on the beach)

Girl: Oh, REALLY? On vacation, huh? (eyes lighting up)

I handled the rest of the interaction badly. I could have pulled this one off, I see now with hindsight and a bit more experience. I didn't really have great logistics so my heart wasn't in it, but it was a fun experience... and could have been even more educational if I'd pushed it to the limit.