Ethical questions about sleeping with a girl in a relationship

[Lowes]

Just to clarify, I'm not here to point fingers or judge anyone.

I'm starting to develop my own personal code for seduction, but I'm still undecided about this: Should I sleep with a committed girl or not?

Although I'm still mostly ambivalent, so far I've decided not to sleep with any married or engaged girls. If she truly loves him, I have just messed up their lives, and if she hates him, I want no part of that drama. So it's a win-win. Luckily, it's not a problem at my age.

With boyfriends, it's more grey. If a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, is it a test, or is she hinting that I should back off? If she wants to sleep with me, but still mentions her boyfriend, does that make me an asshole for sleeping with her after? And, mostly importantly, how do I efficiently screen girls about the whole boyfriend thing? (As in, see if she was ever in an abusive relationship, find out asap if she has a boyfriend without her lying to me, etc.)

And now for the main question of this topic: What are your personal beliefs/practices on sleeping with committed girls, and why?

 

[Drck]

How would you feel if you had a girlfriend or wife that you love, and some other guy would try to sleep with her? Don't do it, at least not if there are no clear signs of interest, e.g. she is actively seeking a distraction from her relationship...

 

[trashKENNUT]

Just use Chase 7 things article.

Chase honesty will do a lot of good.

Zac

 

[pks391]

Just to clarify, I'm not here to point fingers or judge anyone.

I'm starting to develop my own personal code for seduction, but I'm still undecided about this: Should I sleep with a committed girl or not?

Although I'm still mostly ambivalent, so far I've decided not to sleep with any married or engaged girls. If she truly loves him, I have just messed up their lives, and if she hates him, I want no part of that drama. So it's a win-win. Luckily, it's not a problem at my age.

With boyfriends, it's more grey. If a girl tells me she has a boyfriend, is it a test, or is she hinting that I should back off? If she wants to sleep with me, but still mentions her boyfriend, does that make me an asshole for sleeping with her after? And, mostly importantly, how do I efficiently screen girls about the whole boyfriend thing? (As in, see if she was ever in an abusive relationship, find out asap if she has a boyfriend without her lying to me, etc.)

And now for the main question of this topic: What are your personal beliefs/practices on sleeping with committed girls, and why?

I dont judge men who sleep with married/committed women but i personally would not do that for karmic reasons...... But then i might just be acting silly.

 

[trashKENNUT]

My last note,

I don't want to be an "asshole" if what most guys will term it, but i will let you know that people hypocrite themselves and betray their own beliefs.

I won't go further in case people get offended, that is only to them and according to their standard of being offended. In today's world, people think that getting "offended" because someone "violated" their rules. I want facts. I been lied enough. I want facts.

If you want life to give you facts, like is it "ethical" for you to sleep with married women, you will get facts but be prepared to get your world turned upside down. No joking here.

Zac

 

[Lowes]

Alright, it seems that the consensus so far is that you guys generally avoid girls in relationships.

But what if her relationship status isn't clear? For instance:

A girl shows me interest, I approach, we hit it off, then at some point (when we first meet or on the date or whatever) she says that she has a boyfriend. How would I respond? How do I know if she's just testing me or if she actually does have one?

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Lowes,

I will give you a different perspective. Is it morally right, not per our rules. I am the asshole and hypocrite that Zac is talking about. I have sleep with a married lady and I have/am pursuing others. Not that it gives me any forgiveness but the ladies are always openly interested in me before I pursue. Are there potential bad consequences, definitely. If we as a race are honest with ourselves having one lover and not having feelings for others is not realistic. Our sexually make up drives us to want to pursue sex on almost constantly. It is when we deny our humanness that we get in trouble. So how do we have a family unit and commitment to a spouse to procreate under these circumstances. Not very well. With a 50% divorce rate and many failed relationships we see we suck at monogamy. Does this justify having lovers outside the committed relationship? Will it help to maintain the committed relationship? We really don't know because our societal rules do not allow for this. I find it interesting that many things are acceptable to the members on GC but messing with a committed relationship is seen as taboo by most.

Why do I do it? I want to keep my committed relationship but I understand that I am addicted to beautiful women. The rush I get when I am with them is overwhelming and for me uncontrollable. I so need an outlet to get my fix. There is a lack of commitment expected from a married lady. She is looking for a sex partner who does not want a relationship beyond FB or FWB. Usually there is a lack of something in her current relationship that pushes her to want a lover. It can be sexual but it can also be a lack of attention from her husband/fiance. There are a lot of women like this in the world. For me being married and always wanting to bed differently ladies this gives me some discretion. I don't have to worry as much about her falling in love with me and trying to break up my marriage. I went down that road once and it literally almost killed me. I love my wife dearly but the high I get from interacting with beautiful women is 10 times stronger than any drug. I have found that a discrete relationship with a woman in a relationship is a controllable way for me to control my addiction. I admit that I am the asshole and the hypocrite. It is my demon.

BDSC

 

[GeneralFap]

I don't think it's ethical to sleep with women in relationships. But, then again, I once slept with a woman who was married and had a child. I guess I am a hypocrite. Just like I think that putting animals in farms to be slaughtered is unethical, but I still eat meat.

If she's clearly in love with the guy I suggest you don't do it. But if she's not, it's up to you. Just make sure you're careful because they could have a crazy, jealous boyfriend/husband who could cause problems.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Good stuff here..

At the end of the day, Chase's honesty will do a lot of good. Just read that 3 things to do ,7 things not to do if she has a boyfriend article.

Zac

 

[Lowes]

These are very interesting replies; it's intriguing to see how you guys approach this question differently. And Zac, thanks for recommending that article. I'll definitely give it a look.

 

[JimmyB]

I enjoy sleeping with girls in relationships. I consider it more of a challenge. But it's not like I go out of my way to break up a couple - it only works when a girl doesn't actually want to be with her boyfriend. Girls in happy relationships don't put themselves in the position where it's even possible, really. That's why I don't consider it morally wrong. Being "in a relationship" means very little . . . it's two people choosing to be exclusive. If a girl sleeps with me, well then she wasn't really into her "relationship". I've also never had a serious relationship with a girl for a long time, so I'm sure that plays into how I think about it.
Realize, a girl is never yours. Women are not property. They always have the choice of going and sleeping with some one else. It's on you to keep her attached enough to not go roving around town. Even if they're in a long-term committed relationship, they STILL might go and seek out a sexy lover-type guy, maybe a sexy artist (think Adam from House of Cards). You can choose to be Adam. He's not a bad person. He's actually doing her a favor by keeping her happy because her husband currently isn't. This is a realistic life scenario, and those lovers usually aren't bad people.
Monogamy is a scam that has never actually worked. Any couples that have stayed married 60+ years I'm sure have slept with multiple other people. They're just the ones who chose to work things out and stay together, which is required of a happy relationship. My two cents on that.

 

[trashKENNUT]

JimmyB,

But it's not like I go out of my way to break up a couple - it only works when a girl doesn't actually want to be with her boyfriend. Girls in happy relationships don't put themselves in the position where it's even possible,

People don't realize this. Whiteknights want to break more relationships compared to PUAs, facts!

Zac