Long-Term Evolution of a long distance relationship...

[Fuck This]

So this relationship started as a weekend with a stranger. Get laid, have a good time.
What transpired was we found so many similarities and enjoyed just being with each other (even out of the sack).
When I dropped her off at the airport. She said "I'm willing to make this work if you are" . My thought was out of town "girlfriend" was cheaper to travel than date every weekend at the bars and less complicated... Long story short, I'm getting divorced. No it is not final yet.

We met again for a day and a night a month later in my area. She met some clients of mine. Passionate, romantic 19 hours together. Inspired a song. Oneitis has commenced....

35 days later I traveled to see her for a long weekend. Still great conversation, enjoyed each other's company, even when she was uncomfortable...no complaints. Sex got better and better. Met the mother.....It is now known we are a couple in her circle.

45 days after that she traveled to my state and paid for the hotel while we traveled and we spent 4 days together and I met her sisters. She attended a show I did, met a couple of my neighbors, the sex got even better...Sisters give their approval.

40 days after that, I bought us each round trip tickets for a camping trip out of state. She rented the car while I covered hotel for the nights on either end. We split gear and grocery expenses while there. Sex every night. Claimed it was the most special experience of her life. I tell her I love her. She is in 100%

While on that trip she bought herself a celtic knot ring and now wears it on her left hand ring finger.

30 days later I bought her a ticket to come visit me. 3 days of sex and walking along the coast in a beach house that belongs to my relatives. Had dinner with a friend of mine and his girlfriend. Friend approves.

At this point our daily texting has become more frequent. Expanded to phone calls morning and night. Skype dates on Friday nights etc..

Serious talk about her moving to my area with timeline being next summer. I give her some leads on local job openings in her field.

And now to my issue.....


At this point she has some serious cash flow issues. I don't offer her any assistance as I'm coming into a cash flow crunch of my own. She had mentioned buying my ticket, but is not in a financial position to do so...

60 days later I travel to her state to be the guest of honor at a party with her circle of friends. I meet her tribe in person.
We stay at her house and have what she terms "Orgasm so strong, so hard, so long, it was like nothing I have felt before".
Seriously, she came multiple times for at least 5 minutes . She estimated to me that she had 40 orgasms that day. It was some of my best work.

So According to my Math...over 8 months we have spent over 450 hours together in 7 meetings from less than a day to 4 days together. Every one has been like a honeymoon.

We make plans for her to come to my state 40 days later. I'm planning on getting the beach house again for a 4 day weekend.

She is expressing concerns about cash flow, as she is still digging out of her shortfall from a month before. Money issues come up in our conversations. I'm beginning to worry she may not have the money to buy her ticket. Or more accurately do what she needs to in order to buy it. To her credit, she applied for, and got a part time job in retail sales to supplement her income. Not sure if it is enough...

I've noticed her gushing more about our time together in the sack and how she doesn't know how she can wait XX days to have sex with me again.
The Sexting ramps up. Nude pictures become more regular. Facetime and Skype more often. Multiple Daily phone calls.

My last relationship I ended 25% because of financial issues (the other 75% was her lack of affection, and a shitty attitude).

I think I have created an expectation I will cover the travel cost. Do I set a line in the sand, and say she gets herself here one way or another? She truly has some serious demands on her cash flow. The price of a round trip ticket at the holidays is about double the regular rate...Part of me says "Don't get Cheap now...."

We have created a pattern of passionate, exciting adventures together that would not be part of a typical in-town relationship...I really like that aspect of our time together. Enough that I'm willing to endure the 30 day breaks between. I truly care for this woman, and we have talked about a long term future together. How do I maintain a frame where I'm not falling into the provider role (yeah I know I'm already there...) maybe a ladder to get out....?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey TwoRocky,

I'm sorry to read this, on a developing relationship that otherwise looks good - but the expectation about money is only going to increase. Without a strict boundary clearly voiced out, she will keep trying again and again, and more frequently. You don't want to go that route.

From her point of view, it worked once, why wouldn't it work again. I would draw a clear line, not to be crossed, and put the relationship into the balance if needed. The problem in your case is that you already paid her a ticket once - so it will look like taking a step back: you put the meat in the lion's mouth then try to take it back. But if she really likes you, she's not going to withdraw from the relationship just for that - and if she does, then you avoided yourself a lot of troubles down the road. After you set the limit, you will still need to remain vigilant because her attempts will only become more covert, more subtle, and more plausibly deniable.

As an older man (if I'm not mistaken, you're like me above the average age on these boards) this sort of things is to be expected. I try to prevent getting into this situation by spotting the signs very early on. It usually starts by whining about some financial mishap and playing it emotional - it is key not getting into this game. And there are the gift demands as well - which is a strict no, gifts are my prerogative to decide what and when and if.

The girls have absolutely no qualms with their demands, I find it quite incredible. It is ingrained into their DNA. And it is the man's job to define and set the boundaries. From Drexel Scott:

Feminine energy is Chaos, Masculine energy is Order. She's the Hurricane, and you are the Oak that doesn't plow.

Ok best of luck, and keep us posted.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. And sorry to hear about your on-going divorce. But sometimes it's just the right thing to do... It's best to keep relationship in good standing with ex, it helps a lot later when it comes to seeing kids etc...