Ex-GF (now FwB) Wants More?

[Valesti]

Hiya Girlschase! Gonna run through this in quick, chronological bullet points, just so it's an easier read for you guys. Really hoping to gain some insight on this!

Attraction Re-Builds
-Ex-GF and I broke up in March
-In early June, I initiate and start hooking up with her again
-Made it beyond clear that we would just be friends, not dating again, and she agreed
-At this point, she is still very sexually reserved, as she was during our relationship.
-In the past few weeks and specifically days, I have been doing a great job of building attraction with her, and getting her super horny. She literally can’t keep her hands off me now.
-After this sexual liberation, she mentions she wants to me to be her BF again. I refuse and tell her it’s because I’m hooking up with other girls.
-2 nights ago we almost had sex, but didn’t simply due to time and location restraints.

Party Plans
-Last night I go to a party she is hosting.
-I bring my closest friends from school (High School Senior here)
-Again, she’s super horny and ready to do just about anything. She expects me to sweep her off her feet at this party and give her the sexual experience of a lifetime.

Problems Arise
-However, I just wanted to enjoy the party and didn’t want to really do anything. She would cling on to me and start kissing me, but bitch, I’m mingling over here, give me some space.
-She starts hitting on all my friends, trying to make me jealous. In a phone call tonight, she told me she did this on purpose, because she felt like I was ignoring her and not giving her what she wanted.
-She hits on one of my very close friends specifically, and in a phone call tonight mentions she likes him and wants to hook up with him.
-She mentions in our phone call that she was also very angry at me for not doing anything with her last night, so she hooked up with another guy at another party she went to.

Let’s be real here - I don’t give a shit that she hooked up with some other guy at a party - we’re casual Friends with Benefits; you’re not supposed to catch feelings. However, she told me that specifically wanting me to “get mad” about it (her words). Moreover, it’s annoying as fuck that she’s going after my closest friend. Again, I don’t care if she hooks up with other people, but your best friend is WAY too close to home to be viable territory. Even more ridiculous is that in our conversation tonight, she hinted that she wanted to hook up with him.

The Takeaway
-I told her outright that I can’t get mad if she hooks up with another guy - it’s not my place because we’re casual. I also said it’s kinda weird that she would be into my best friend, but I can’t control who she likes - plus, again, we’re casual.
-I may have done TOO good a job getting her sexually liberated, and now she’s literally yearning for more all the time - even going as far as hooking up with a random guy (which she never would have done before).
-She’s subtly hinting (and she asked before) that I should become exclusive with her again.
-This dick is a gift - hoes should be expecting me to bless them if I don't feel like it. To be fair though, I should have just banged the bitch to avoid the above problems.

Help?
With these things in mind, I’m wondering what I should do.
-Should I give in to her, and act mad and pretend like her hooking up with another guy makes me feel some type of way?
-Should I re-wife her up?
-A bit more convoluted: Should I hook up with another random girl, then tell her about it, but cede that it didn’t even matter to me because the only girl who I want is her?
-Should I maintain my frame, and simply reiterate that I don’t care if she hooks up with others, even if she wants me to care about it?

Also, what should I do about her liking my best friend? My friend has told me there’s no way he would hook up with her (bros before hoes)
-Is it just a ploy to get me jealous and appear to care more?
-If it isn’t a ploy, what should I do?


Thanks in advance for your replies!

 

[Franco]

Valesti,

First of all, I should mention that making your girlfriend a FWB when she obviously still has feelings for you is playing with fire whichever way you look at it. As long as you know that drama can come from it (and that you can deal with it), then it's not really an issue. But don't expect everything to be completely smooth when your ex-girlfriend who has feelings for you is regularly hooking up with you.

Now, with that being said:

With these things in mind, I’m wondering what I should do.
-Should I give in to her, and act mad and pretend like her hooking up with another guy makes me feel some type of way?
-Should I re-wife her up?
-A bit more convoluted: Should I hook up with another random girl, then tell her about it, but cede that it didn’t even matter to me because the only girl who I want is her?
-Should I maintain my frame, and simply reiterate that I don’t care if she hooks up with others, even if she wants me to care about it?

Option number 1 is playing right into her hands and exactly what you don't want to do. She wants to get reactions of out of you, so that's exactly what you don't want to give her. If she believes it's working, then she'll use it even MORE to try to get what she wants -- and I'm assuming that's not what YOU want.

Option number 2 sounds like a bad idea; I'm assuming you broke up with this girl because you don't want to be with her. If it didn't work out the first time, there was probably a reason for it, and you'll just be banging your head against the wall again when you start remembering half way through your "second" relationship why you broke up with her (even if the reason is solely because you want to bang new girls).

Option number 3 is just going to be pouring gasoline on a flame. You don't want to get into "jealousy" wars like this with women because all you're doing it just causing them to pull out all the stops and become enraged (and bitter) toward you. It's not something you want to bring upon yourself (or your reputation). You want to remain graceful as a man who respects women, and doing this won't garner you any respect.

Option number 4 is probably the closest one to the right track. I think you should make it clear to your girlfriend that you don't mind if she hooks up with other guys, but hooking up with your close friends is off limits. You should make it clear that if she hooks up with one of your close friends, then you will no longer speak to her (and I say this because it's obvious you don't want her doing this, and for good reason. I generally am pretty carefree when it comes to girls I've dated hooking up with other guys, but I draw the line at close friends that I see all the time -- at least for girls that I've had serious feelings for).

At the same time, you should also make it clear to your close friends that you don't want them hooking up with your ex. You can name off some other girls that you've hooked up with that are fine (just to make it seem like you aren't being controlling), but your ex is off limits for personal reasons. As bros, they should be understanding of this (and it sounds like they are, thankfully).

All in all, you might want to consider the circumstances you're in right now of hooking up with your ex and the drama it's causing around you. It may be best just to not continue a FWB with her if it's going to affect you and your ability to meet new women.

(NOTE: My above answers should answer your other questions as well)

- Franco

 

[Valesti]

Well, just to be clear - she broke up with me. And for reasons that she, nor I, are still unsure about. More or less, though, she just didn't care for me as much as I did for her.

So I imagined that if I just laid on the charm once again, we could keep it completely platonic - she didn't really love me before, so why should this be any different?

However, somewhere along the way the roles switched: she started caring more, and I kind of stopped caring. I appreciate her, and I love our passion - but I don't love her.

And that sort of seems like what she wants from me: she wants me to love her. With all of that in mind, I just want to thank you sincerely, Franco - your answer was concise and illuminating. I really do value the time I spend with this girl, but if I can't convince her of my frame and set some ground rules, as you suggested, I may just need to cut things off and move on. You're right - ex-GF territory is very complicated, and not really worth the drama.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Valesti,

Well, just to be clear - she broke up with me. And for reasons that she, nor I, are still unsure about. More or less, though, she just didn't care for me as much as I did for her.

So I imagined that if I just laid on the charm once again, we could keep it completely platonic - she didn't really love me before, so why should this be any different?

However, somewhere along the way the roles switched: she started caring more, and I kind of stopped caring. I appreciate her, and I love our passion - but I don't love her.

This is not to intertwine to with Franco's advice. This is my experience i just want to share.

My ex at that time suddenly just broke things up with me. I was with her after the relationship as FWB. This is not to say she didn't care about you. This has combined reasons.

1)She is finding herself (This can be more apparent when she's older. The "be a wife mode/i want to settle" starts kicking in)
2)The attraction has expired (there's one Girlschase article on she no longer loves you anymore. This do happen, and it's really the way it is.)
3)She doesn't feel she knows you. (Relate to you anymore)
4)You take her for granted.
5)You guys are too similar.

So, don't worry about her not caring. She did. That's the most important thing.

Zac