Examples of people trying to tool you and how you dealt with it?

dark hawk

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
28
Could you guys explain what being tooled means exactly, I read Chase's article on it but it is still unclear to me, also how did you deal with attempts to tool you?
 

Regal Tiger

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
444
A previous boss would constantly and 'accidentally' get in my way at work. Then say sorry, I didn't see you there. At first I didn't think anything of it but after a while I started noticing he would see me and pretend not to out of the corner of his eye and would literally only do it while other people were around.

So I took a page out of Lucio's (powermoves) playbook: instead of allowing him to take the frame of "I can get in your way and say sorry and not mean it which makes you seem below me" I took the frame of "I'm higher up and I can forgive you". The tonality is hard to explain but I kind of over-the-top said "It's okay man, I know you're in a hurry and I forgive you" making sure to pat him on the arm like a little child.

As I was walking away he just kind of got stunned and asked "you forgive me?" The look on his face still makes me chuckle.

As petty as it sounds, this literally never happened again further reinforcing that it was on purpose.


That's a personal example, but here's one of the classic examples of a guy trying to tool you so you don't get a girl:

Guy A: yeah, I dunno what it is about ole Dark Hawk but the guy just cannot get laid for the life of him. *turning to a girl you like* say, why is it that you think girls don't want to fuck him? [credit goes to Chase on this one, and I myself have used this a few times lol]


In a hypothetical like this the guy is tooling you while pretending to look out for you and see where your weaknesses are so you can improve. But what's actually happening under the surface is that he's making you out to look like a guy who girls don't like in front of a girl you like. He's putting you down in a subtle way.

Which really, is all tooling is, is a way to make someone else look better at your expense or vice versa.



Here's another obvious example from TV shows: catty women.

Oh honey, that makeup is just darling! My great grandmother used to love that same style!

Those shoes are so gorgeous! And they totally mask the size of your feet!


Shit like that.

EDIT: another way to think about it is like this: if someone is telling you that they're looking out for you or just being friendly or whatever, yet you feel like you're being put down, then 99% of the time someone's tooling you.
 
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James D

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Messages
157
Hey bro!

I'm all too familiar with these, having been bullied and publicly humiliated through high school. Even as I make my way to college I encounter those from time to time.

One key mindset to internalize is that everything is a battle of frames. Especially with guys who try to tool you. (There are legitimately cool guys out there who are not constantly trying to impose their frames. These guys almost never tool other guys though)

Once I understood that anything can be a power move, I begun forcing myself to be very aware. I would replay conversations in my head and anayse the exact moment a power move was imposed on me and what I did not do to counter it. Then I would tell myself that next time I'm not letting it slide.

Now, as to examples, there are SO many. Infinite I would say. Could be the way a guy grabs your shoulder in a supposedly friendly way but makes it seem like he's totally dominating you. Or it could be way more direct like an insult or a not-so-friendly joke. Could be someone trying to make you move from a spot. Anything, really. You'll know it when deep down you feel like you lost and a bit dominated.

How to counter them?

In a nutshell,

--> Don't move, react or extend any sort of effort when someone tries to make you move. Just stay still, flash them a Damon Salvatore smirk and shake your head no and get back to business
--> For direct attacks, you want to address them. As in, "Hey, what you just said came across as really rude", "I don't care if you did not mean it, it came across that way" Don't be afraid to look like you have a thin skin. You would be surprised how people will respect the shit of you when you let it known clearly that they offended you and that you don't like it.
--> Have a set of comebacks ready for direct and semi direct insults or mean jokes. Chase's article on comebacks covers it all :)
--> Keep meditating on frame control so that you see it coming as it comes. It will remove the element of surprise that a lot of frame control attacks have and will give you time to formulate an appropriate response.
--> Be friendly with as many people as you can so that, in case of a public confrontation, you have an army to back you up. If the crowd is on your side, the battle is already won.
 

DaVinciMatrixStyle

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 26, 2020
Messages
55
So I took a page out of Lucio's (powermoves) playbook: instead of allowing him to take the frame of "I can get in your way and say sorry and not mean it which makes you seem below me" I took the frame of "I'm higher up and I can forgive you". The tonality is hard to explain but I kind of over-the-top said "It's okay man, I know you're in a hurry and I forgive you" making sure to pat him on the arm like a little child.
Awesome
 
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