Expectations

[Raphael]

Hey guys,

I have one question thati would like your opinion on that.

I took advice and i had invited this girl on a date at the high point in conversation.

However i would like to give some details of my today´s afternoon so you guys could give me your opinion .

Today i had some coffee with the girl, from 5 pm to 9 pm.. However this was a curious afternoon, We talked, we laugh. I had invited her on a date Thurday ( i didnt tell her where we are going, so is not previsible) and she was excited because she would like to know what to wear and where we going. The date was set... after that she said " lets take a picture together" (selfie), we took a lot of picture.. my hand on her back.. we took some where she kissed my cheek, i took some kissing her cheek however in one of this photos i kinda though hat " my face is too close to hers, maybe with all the kisses in the cheek she wants a kiss and i need to take the oportunity. However when i go for the kiss she turn her face.. We continue taking photos, talking, etc.

She has no doubts that i am interested in her ( because of date invitation and kiss attempt) however i would like to get the opinion : Reading this what would be the advice for what to do in the date; is she interested and just playing hard to get; should i have waited to get the kiss on the actuall date?

Thanks and sorry for the big testament.

 

[Franco]

Raphael,

It sounds like you're moving too slow here, bud. She's sensing that she can draw things out, so that's exactly what she's doing. You said your first date was 4 hours (from 5 pm to 9 pm)... why so long? You don't want to spend much more than 2 hours with a girl before you try to invite her home (or isolate somewhere so you can escalate).

It's possible she's starting to boyfriend-zone you, which means she's going to be playing harder to get. It would be best if you can try to move things quickly here and get her over to your place so that you can physically escalate with her, although I get the feeling that she feels like she's in control already, which may mean it might not be possible at this point.

You can give it a few more attempts if you'd like, but if she keeps playing the same games, then I'd say this one is pretty lost and you should move on to the next girl.

Hope that helps!

- Franco

 

[Raphael]

Accepting my date invitation and turning her face away when i had gone for the kiss, could mean " i am interested , just not here" ?

 

[Franco]

Accepting my date invitation and turning her face away when i had gone for the kiss, could mean " i am interested , just not here" ?

It could be, but you can't know for sure. What it is more likely to mean is, "I'm in control of this interaction and *I* decide when you can kiss me." In other words, she feels like she "has" you more than you "have" her. This usually happens if you move too slowly with a girl while not getting enough investment from her (small or large).

- Franco

 

[Raphael]

Seeing that i have a date with this girl Thurday, what would be your advice on the matter? i dont like the sound of " she is in control"..

I have done my move ( trying the kiss), this mean that if i want to be in control she need to come to me now?


Thanks for your answer btw, appreciated

 

[Franco]

Raphael,

Seeing that i have a date with this girl Thurday, what would be your advice on the matter? i dont like the sound of " she is in control"..

I have done my move ( trying the kiss), this mean that if i want to be in control she need to come to me now?

Well, generally if you can capitalize by taking her to bed on the first date, it's hard for the girl to ever feel like she's in control. Once you've slept with her, you've basically taken the power in the relationship and can move it forward however you wish. You're firmly in control once you've slept with a girl.

However, if one date goes by... then two dates... and then even three dates, it's pretty obvious at that point that the woman is controlling the pace of the relationship because you're still willing to see her even when you aren't getting sex from her, so it's a lot more likely she'll continue to run the interaction this way to get more investment out of you (and hook you more) and keep the sex out of the equation so she can maintain that power over you. Some women will continue this way for a long time (and maybe even eventually give you sex, but maintain control), or they'll just get bored and suddenly stop wanting to see you.

As far as turning this one around, it's really just a matter of being persistent (yet keeping your cool) by inviting her back to your place and escalating. I imagine you're going to get a ton of resistance now that you're on your third date and you haven't even gotten her home yet. If you don't manage to make much happen here, the best way to handle is it indeed by making her come to you. This is done by just not asking her on any more dates and by not initiating contact with her. If she initiates contact with you, you just have be cool and not give her much of anything. You keep responding this way until she eventually asks to see you again (thus giving you some power back since she is chasing you).

These are pretty hard to turn around unless you're already pretty experienced, so be prepared to cut this one loose if it doesn't go as planned and start meeting new women. =)

- Franco

 

[Raphael]

Hey its me one more time

This is again my attempt to recognize what i can´t recognize by asking opinion one more time.

In our last conversation we talked about the date its was supposed to be set today, well exactly tonight.
Problem is , i had schedule for 8pm.. and well, story of my life. Never happened.

I asked her adress via sms, so i knew the way to pick her up by car.. well she text me that her uncles were home and she could only leave home when they leave because , aparently, control.

From 7pm, until well, now... her uncles never leave home, aparently. I can understand that family comes first But its now almost midnight, she can definitly see that would be no date and i dont get any " I am sorry" text message..And i dont want to get angry about this, and put it on the personal side. But i was very excited about dinner and a walk with this girl. And it get me sad to see she blew her only chance.. i mean.. if she was really into me she could had tried to come to the date..on the other hand i had read the post on girlschase about " when girls flake" and he says to not think " She flaked because of you."

Any advice , i should be more distant from her now at school? Should i wait and schedule other date ( i dont see this a good way, its shows weakness)

Thanks