External Identity Crisis Between a Player and Caring Guy

[Alchemist]

There isn't a very specific question here. I'd very much like to hear if anyone can relate to my situation:

So this is the second time a girl is texting me saying "She's not really looking for a relationship", after either a failed mating attempt or lack of escalation back at my bachelor pad. They also add that they're "not that romantically interested in me", which to me sounds like the rationalization that Chase talks about. Since I failed to take their pants off and it only went as far foreplay involving breasts and kissing, the best conclusion they come to next day is "I chose not to have sex with him because I'm not attracted to him". And if I get pissed off, act needy or anything negative I would only make them say "There it is! See I was right!" even though it's such a frustrating situation to deal with LMR for hours and have the situation play out as if her pussy is the prize rather than an experience that is joyful for both parties.

I get pretty turned off when a girl randomly starts talking about her ex boyfriends or the dates she's had, and naturally I assume it's not so charming to talk about my ex, dates or one night stands. So these days I talk to girls about their dreams, passions, childhood. I try to avoid their university major/job, focus on their creative interests. I role-play with them about me being an international fugitive and that we should run away to [insert country here] together, and I almost always get good results from these. However, more and more I feel like I'm still being "too nice" [in my conversations and connection] even though not the typical nice-guy I used to be. Let me explain:

I move fast with girls, I move them under 5 mins. Get dates withing 30 mins. Go on dates within 7 days. Kiss them with a couple of hours if we're outside or 10 mins if we're back at my place. Second date is always back at my place. I always escalate when they're here. I only text them about logistics. So I'm not their text/shop/cry buddy or anything but apparently many girls still see me a boyfriend candidate. To be fair I often don't think about using disqualifiers such as "I recently got out of a relationship, so I'm not looking for something" or "I'm graduating and moving to California soon". But I mostly thought that my presence, fundamentals, non-verbals and the fact that I cold approached girls would disqualify myself. I'm as smooth as the smoothest student in this city mostly filled with socially awkward engineers in the making. I've got hair pins, books on sexuality, wine glasses on the drying rack laying around to indicate subtle preselection, for example.

I tease girls about small silly things they do. But I guess I'm naturally very emotional and romantic so even the way I hold them, caress them or kiss them feels more like what a guy would do to his girlfriend rather than the emotionless guy making love to a girl in a primal way. I like deeply connecting with girls but they're mostly in 18 to 22 years old so they don't have too much to deep dive and even if they do, I'm probably the only guy that connected with them in this manner in such a short time frame.

It seems to me that I care more about the deep connections I make with girls than girls themselves and they put up their walls in order to shield themselves from my emotional connection because they (one way or another) realize I wouldn't make a good boyfriend and I'm too much of a player for that, but I'm not enough of a player or I haven't disqualified myself enough for girls to quickly have sex with me. As if I'm stuck in value limbo between a bad player and emotional lover.

But at the same time I feel like I'm being genuine and warm with the girls I interact with and that this often backfires on me and I have to bury myself in many GC articles for some time to not go the other extreme and become bitter with women.

Also, I realize I use very little sex talk in my conversations. One of the articles here mentioned that directly talking about sex or sexual stuff makes it sound clinical, sterile and makes the girl think logically about it, and I pretty much agree because I can quickly shoot myself in the foot as I like talking about stuff in technical terms and I have to make a conscious effort to be emotional with girls rather than logical. However I've also read articles about the importance and the usefulness of sexual conversations so I'm a bit puzzled. One time I remember turning on my neighbor when I asked her to talk about her lesbian experimental stage in high school, when she started to recall her memories, she started blushing and became visibly aroused. So I guess I've been thinking too much in terms of black and white, and almost completely ignoring to bring up sexual topics, even though I casually try to add to my conversations that I'm not judgmental and I know about societal slut shaming and how women aren't free to express their love of sex.

I'm open to any tips and suggestions for my stage of development, thanks!

 

[CookMasterChef]

Hey Alchemist,

I think that implementing sex talk into conversation is a must if you want the girl to think about hooking up with you prematurely. Its like planting a seed to which the interaction will grow and follow the path that you want most...sex. Another thing I suggest is when you notice a girl is not gonna sleep with you because she considers you boyfriend material I have read that you can simply tell her the line, "Lets be friends". Or that, "I really like talking and hanging out with you and since we are having such a good time keeping it casual lets just be friends". She should be ready to advance through LMR for you at this point.

Hope this helps,

Chef

P.S. how did you find a small enough pic for your avatar?

 

[Alchemist]

Hey Alchemist,

I think that implementing sex talk into conversation is a must if you want the girl to think about hooking up with you prematurely. Its like planting a seed to which the interaction will grow and follow the path that you want most...sex. Another thing I suggest is when you notice a girl is not gonna sleep with you because she considers you boyfriend material I have read that you can simply tell her the line, "Lets be friends". Or that, "I really like talking and hanging out with you and since we are having such a good time keeping it casual lets just be friends". She should be ready to advance through LMR for you at this point.

Hope this helps,

Chef

P.S. how did you find a small enough pic for your avatar?

I agree man, I think that I've been ignoring a good opportunity thinking that it was going to affect my game badly. I need to learn how to calibrate sex talk and make sure it's to my advantage, rather than coming off too logical and boring.

So I guess that's a bit like decreasing your attainability by telling her to just be friends, and prompting her to chase. Similar to using "Glad to have met you friend!" in text game. Thanks, I'll definitely try all of these and see what happens.

I made my avatar in photoshop, just resized it until it was below the pixel limit. You can use https://pixlr.com/editor/, if you don't have photoshop, just go to Image -> Image size and then edit it.

 

[Smith]

How to talk about sex without making her feel like a slut...use hypothetical scenario. Check out this Julien video. It has helped me a lot to make my interactions more man to woman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ban1-umBhMI

But ultimately, you have to be comfortable talking about sex like it's one of your hobbies and you're passionate about it. If the girl can tell you genuinely love sex and you're not ashamed of it, it allows her to open up as well. At the same time, you attract girls who also loves sex.

But at the same time I feel like I'm being genuine and warm with the girls I interact with and that this often backfires on me and I have to bury myself in many GC articles for some time to not go the other extreme and become bitter with women.

Embrace the rejection man. She has the right to say no. It's scary to put yourself out there if you're naturally a caring guy and you're not a "player" all the time. But ironically, you're also not a "nice guy". There are moments when it's natural to be caring, and moments when it's fun to tease the shit out of the girl. Do what feels right to the situation. I think you already know what to do, but you're just too scared to be an asshole sometime and you're too attached to getting laid.

I tease girls about small silly things they do. But I guess I'm naturally very emotional and romantic so even the way I hold them, caress them or kiss them feels more like what a guy would do to his girlfriend rather than the emotionless guy making love to a girl in a primal way. I like deeply connecting with girls but they're mostly in 18 to 22 years old so they don't have too much to deep dive and even if they do, I'm probably the only guy that connected with them in this manner in such a short time frame.

I used to say this to myself and then I realized it was an excuse. You can deeply connect with 18 to 22 year olds. Not all of them, but you definitely can. There's no set rules for gaming younger girls, but you want to keep in mind that the words you say don't matter. And it matters even less when you're talking to young girls (18-20). With younger girls, don't focus too much on what's being said. In fact, don't even pay attention to it. Sure you can know why she want to do this and that, but if she's bored talking to you....then it doesn't matter what she told you.

 

[Alchemist]

How to talk about sex without making her feel like a slut...use hypothetical scenario. Check out this Julien video. It has helped me a lot to make my interactions more man to woman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ban1-umBhMI

But ultimately, you have to be comfortable talking about sex like it's one of your hobbies and you're passionate about it. If the girl can tell you genuinely love sex and you're not ashamed of it, it allows her to open up as well. At the same time, you attract girls who also loves sex.

I'm sure I can easily do that man, I believe I've already cultivated that open mindset and I naturally love sex, it's just that so far I thought verbalizing it (in any shape or form) especially before the first lay would be detrimental. So I'm off to make new reference points.

Embrace the rejection man. She has the right to say no. It's scary to put yourself out there if you're naturally a caring guy and you're not a "player" all the time. But ironically, you're also not a "nice guy". There are moments when it's natural to be caring, and moments when it's fun to tease the shit out of the girl. Do what feels right to the situation. I think you already know what to do, but you're just too scared to be an asshole sometime and you're too attached to getting laid.

You've pretty much nailed it, yep. Embrace the rejection, don't get attached to one girl but believe in the process and that eventually I will conquer whatever I set out to do.

I used to say this to myself and then I realized it was an excuse. You can deeply connect with 18 to 22 year olds. Not all of them, but you definitely can. There's no set rules for gaming younger girls, but you want to keep in mind that the words you say don't matter. And it matters even less when you're talking to young girls (18-20). With younger girls, don't focus too much on what's being said. In fact, don't even pay attention to it. Sure you can know why she want to do this and that, but if she's bored talking to you....then it doesn't matter what she told you.

Now that I think of it, yes, it's highly dependent on the girl itself (and her mood) rather than her age.

In terms of words not mattering, I know exactly what you mean, sometimes I can do it so perfectly I only realize it after the fact. For example one time I used the drop the pretense opener on a girl walking alone, back to the bar street, then quickly turned the conversation to random playful banter/bullshit. I don't even remember what exactly I was saying but I was insisting that she was coming from a shoe shop and that we should fly off to some random country together. We both knew we were bullshitting around, but it was like our little improv game. What was important was the sub communication, our eyes were deeply locked and we were vibing together like crazy. I had put her hands around my head and kissed her as if was the most normal thing in the world. So yeah, I need to practice doing that more and 'letting go'.

Thanks for the advice!