Extreme Personality Change

[Henry]

Howzit all. I need some advice as to how to deal with friends and acquaintances. I have undergone a massive change in personality in a very short time span (a few months over lockdown). It's something I've been working on for a long time but to give some history, I've been cured from a disease I've had for 7 years, I've gone from religious to agnostic, I'm finally picking up muscle mass from lifting weights and my general life purpose/goals have changed drastically. My confidence is 10 times what it used to be. It's going extremely well with me.

In the past I used to be a loner and arrogant as well, I think because I was in such a bad spot. In short, I have alienated a lot of potential male friends on my relatively small campus and auto-rejected girls or been put in the friend zone by others on the same campus (where I live and spend 90% of my time). Is it worth it to try and mend broken relations with everyone, in terms of friendships and hooking up? How do I do it? Should I just start a new social life elsewhere?
I've been living with these people for 3 years now.

I'd appreciate any advice you all can give me!

 

[DarkKnight]

I got ya. I would build a new social circle.. because when people already have a strong impression about you it won't really change.. If you want to give yourself a new chance, then you have to meet new people. Think of it as I don't chase em I replace em. Those of your old contacts who are supposed to be with you will show themselves on their own. Build yourself up further and meet new people. It's about giving yourself a true new chance.

 

[Zoro]

I agree with DarkKnight.

You're in a good position to go out and meet new people, riding the wave of your new found confidence and attitude. Making new friends is a good skill to have anyway. In my experience, I've met my favorite people while on the path to self improvement and being engaged with my passions.

And as for these old acquaintances, you should be cool with them, as in warm and friendly and just "show, not tell" them how you've changed. Don't go out of your way to do this, but it might serve you well for people to see the new side of you.

Forge ahead, there are plently of cool people out there.

 

[Henry]

I got ya. I would build a new social circle.. because when people already have a strong impression about you it won't really change.. If you want to give yourself a new chance, then you have to meet new people. Think of it as I don't chase em I replace em. Those of your old contacts who are supposed to be with you will show themselves on their own. Build yourself up further and meet new people. It's about giving yourself a true new chance.

Any advice on how to expand my social circle? Besides the common "join a club or hobby" sort of thing. In terms of meeting chicks regular day/night game will work for me. I want to make some actual male friends as well though, and that's surprisingly more difficult for me than hooking up with a girl.

 

[Henry]

I agree with DarkKnight.

You're in a good position to go out and meet new people, riding the wave of your new found confidence and attitude. Making new friends is a good skill to have anyway. In my experience, I've met my favorite people while on the path to self improvement and being engaged with my passions.

And as for these old acquaintances, you should be cool with them, as in warm and friendly and just "show, not tell" them how you've changed. Don't go out of your way to do this, but it might serve you well for people to see the new side of you.

Forge ahead, there are plently of cool people out there.

Thanks mate. I'm dealing with a lot of haters since my transformation, so I think the show don't tell approach will work wrll for that. Do you have any advice on how to make new male friends? Besides joining a club or doing a hobby or something.

 

[DarkKnight]

Any advice on how to expand my social circle? Besides the common "join a club or hobby" sort of thing. In terms of meeting chicks regular day/night game will work for me. I want to make some actual male friends as well though, and that's surprisingly more difficult for me than hooking up with a girl.

Apparently you have a bit ressistance against chody "go to a chess club" advice.. I understand. Ironically this helped me a lot back in the day when i was discarding pieces of my old identity and becoming who I am supposed to be. The MMA gym I joined brought me a new social circle, some really great friends and a constant influx of people who would be good acquaintances...

 

[Zoro]

Do you have any advice on how to make new male friends

I’ll give you real examples of how I met my closest friends who I consider quality friends. They’re all cool and ambitious with interesting things going on.

2 I met through craigslist looking for people to jam with (I’m a musician). Side note: I met a bunch of people like this, and most were not cool. Ha.

Another guy I met online on some RSD group looking for a wingman in my city. He ended up being really cool and we just became friends.

Next guy, I saw approach a girl. I was working and I left my post to go tell him that was cool what he did and I value people that can go for what they want, and introduced myself. He wasn’t even a “day gamer” just a guy with confidence.

Last one, I met while traveling at a language exchange meet up. We asked each other why we were in the country, and we both realized it was for the same reasons (love of culture, languages, and babes). Now we have plans to travel more.

All these dudes I regularly stay in touch with and are genuine friends. I think it’s because the friendships started with a solid core of common interest and passion. Whether it was game, travel or music, we connected because we saw each other engaged and striving for goals related to those endeavors, and saw potential allies in each other.

To me, a friend is someone who brings value to the relationship. This goes both ways. They have to be able to inspire, motivate, uplift, collaborate or guide. Sometimes this is just passive from them doing cool shit and me thinking “damn I have to keep up”. Positive attitudes and goals. That makes good company.

 

[Henry]

Apparently you have a bit ressistance against chody "go to a chess club" advice.. I understand. Ironically this helped me a lot back in the day when i was discarding pieces of my old identity and becoming who I am supposed to be. The MMA gym I joined brought me a new social circle, some really great friends and a constant influx of people who would be good acquaintances...

Ha yeah you got that right. I actually do love working out, so something like an MMA gym sounds like my kinda place. I'd say my passions are entrepreneurship, weightlifting and chicks. I guess the best way to go about meeting your kind of people is to go out there and do the things you love.

 

[DarkKnight]

@J Wick I grew distant from a former good friend of mine but didn't really understand it until another friend of mine pointed out that our core values were diverging. We lost common interests as you point out (mine interest is about persevering and winning, this guy was more about giving up and taking the easy road). There was no collaboration or anything as you point out.

 

[Henry]

I’ll give you real examples of how I met my closest friends who I consider quality friends. They’re all cool and ambitious with interesting things going on.

2 I met through craigslist looking for people to jam with (I’m a musician). Side note: I met a bunch of people like this, and most were not cool. Ha.

Another guy I met online on some RSD group looking for a wingman in my city. He ended up being really cool and we just became friends.

Next guy, I saw approach a girl. I was working and I left my post to go tell him that was cool what he did and I value people that can go for what they want, and introduced myself. He wasn’t even a “day gamer” just a guy with confidence.

Last one, I met while traveling at a language exchange meet up. We asked each other why we were in the country, and we both realized it was for the same reasons (love of culture, languages, and babes). Now we have plans to travel more.

All these dudes I regularly stay in touch with and are genuine friends. I think it’s because the friendships started with a solid core of common interest and passion. Whether it was game, travel or music, we connected because we saw each other engaged and striving for goals related to those endeavors, and saw potential allies in each other.

To me, a friend is someone who brings value to the relationship. This goes both ways. They have to be able to inspire, motivate, uplift, collaborate or guide. Sometimes this is just passive from them doing cool shit and me thinking “damn I have to keep up”. Positive attitudes and goals. That makes good company.

That last line of yours I like. I think I should just get rid of some of the half-assed friendships I have and keep those one or two quality friendships. And then just go out and meet more high quality people.Thanks mate

 

[DarkKnight]

Ha yeah you got that right. I actually do love working out, so something like an MMA gym sounds like my kinda place. I'd say my passions are entrepreneurship, weightlifting and chicks. I guess the best way to go about meeting your kind of people is to go out there and do the things you love.

We are all in the same boat at skilled seducer concerning this.. your story is very familiair for a lot of members.

 

[jackgignac]

build a new tribe with the new authentic you and still enjoy the benefits of past relationships to the point that your new tribe will give u almost all the benefits the past one did. slowly phase out because the new tribe u resonate with will just be giving way more value. doing that right now actually. it's a never ending thing really. most people aren't ment to be on the journy with u for every block

 

[Fuck This]

Does your Gym have Training groups? Training Challenges? Group classes? There is where you build a new social circle.

Entreprenuer? Join Chambers of Commerce in towns and cities you service. Join Service Orginizations. Take a leadership role in professional org's. Pay the money and join a networking group.

Hobbies/Activities . All hobbies have groups. You could join a bowling/darts/archery/pistol/cornhole/golf/crosscountry ski/ slalom ski/ dogsledding, /speedskating/dragracing/carshow. road bike riding/mountainbike riding, SUP/ Kayak/ Ocean Canoe club......

I have a very close female friend who remembered the first time she met me. I went to her business for a group function and a group of us went to a restaurant later. Her employee introduced us 9 years ago and that was a solid foothold for an ENTIRELY new social circle. Befriend the friendly people who enjoy creating social connections...and soon you become one.

 

[Henry]

Yeah I'm potentially starting a business in January so I think that will open up a complete new avenue for meeting people. I'll have a look at organizations like the chambers of commerce

 

[Chase]

Some great tips in here.

Just to throw in one more: a sincere apology can go a long way toward changing people's expectations.

Over the years I have occasionally had guys who were douches in the past come up to me and say things like, "Hey man, I realize I was a bit of a douche in the past. Anyway, I always thought you were a cool guy, and I'm trying to mend fences over that. So I just wanted to apologize for having been that way." Then they just went about their days, probably going around and saying that same thing to other people.

And actually, a few times I had guys say this, I was like, "Whoa! That dude is pretty damn cool. Super self-aware. Wow. Maybe I had him wrong."

Although in the cases I can remember where I went up and talked to the guy after, typically he still behaved like a douche and I walked away thinking, "Well, that was a let down. Dude is still a douche!"

Presumably these were guys who read some or were going through some "Apologize to anyone you might ever have offended" gratitude program or something-Anonymous program or what have you. Just going through the motions without maybe really meaning it. Or throwing it out there to try to get people chasing after them.

But, it is a strategy you can use.

And if my reaction to it is any kind of example, it does seem to work.

Chase

 

[Henry]

Thanks for the response man. I guess I've got nothing to lose by apologizing to some people. It's something I've never considered, but yeah, maybe one should just drop the whole macho thing for a bit. I'll give it a try

 

[jackgignac]

Some great tips in here.

Just to throw in one more: a sincere apology can go a long way toward changing people's expectations.

Over the years I have occasionally had guys who were douches in the past come up to me and say things like, "Hey man, I realize I was a bit of a douche in the past. Anyway, I always thought you were a cool guy, and I'm trying to mend fences over that. So I just wanted to apologize for having been that way." Then they just went about their days, probably going around and saying that same thing to other people.

And actually, a few times I had guys say this, I was like, "Whoa! That dude is pretty damn cool. Super self-aware. Wow. Maybe I had him wrong."

Although in the cases I can remember where I went up and talked to the guy after, typically he still behaved like a douche and I walked away thinking, "Well, that was a let down. Dude is still a douche!"

Presumably these were guys who read some or were going through some "Apologize to anyone you might ever have offended" gratitude program or something-Anonymous program or what have you. Just going through the motions without maybe really meaning it. Or throwing it out there to try to get people chasing after them.

But, it is a strategy you can use.

And if my reaction to it is any kind of example, it does seem to work.

Chase

can work for sure but most guys are n00bs and probably oversimping here. most guys into pua were nice guys in the beggining they need probably more backbone. women are not kind to weakness at all. it can prolong the relationship a bit but it's still simping for the most part to apologize unless you did something you actually regret even then it might be better to just not apoligize to not lose frame and then just be nicer if possible that's the ideal. women more and more I learn about them they're in a constant state of anxiety so budging on strength they start looking for other options

i've been doing it too due to burn out but trying to fix bruised relationship is also a symptom of slacking on your pimpin'