eye contact problems

[Lando]

Hi there guys. Just call me Lando I have this problem with eye contact.
I have an eye condition called strabismus it is a condition where one of the eyes is turning inwards like being cross-eyed.
and so it gives me inferiority complex and cannot make eye contact with people especially with women,
and I know how important eye contact is in seduction so what are your opinions about this? please help me.

 

[Howell]

I'd just own it and not take it super seriously. It's only when you start taking this kind of thing seriously that it becomes a serious impediment to seducing women. It's like anything -- if you're cool with it, the girl will probably be too. And if she isn't, oh well. Who wants to be around such a trivial person anyway? If anything, it's a solid screening device. Just make eye contact like a boss -- it's way better than acting timid or trying to hide it and developing a complex, wouldn't you agree? The same logic applies here as to balding hair: it's better to be bald then to try and hide it with a comb-over.

But if it comes up in a negative light (i.e., the girl is testing to see if you're comfortable with yourself to see if she can be comfortable with you) you could just slide the conversation along cuz it's no big deal or make up a ridiculous story for how it happened. Like, the girl is staring at your eye and you can see she's thinking about it, just say something like: "Yeah, I got in a bar fight with Muhammad Ali and this side of my face has never been the same since...". Basically, if you communicate that it's no big deal and you've accepted it, it shouldn't be much of an issue.

I could see how it could be distracting for the other person at first, but there is nothing to be done about that so there's no value in worrying about it.

However, if it really is an impediment or you need a crutch some days while you transition into accepting it (and maybe even learning to use it to your advantage), you could just wear some stylish tinted glasses to make it less noticeable. If you can afford them, I'd personally recommend getting a pair of Oliver Peoples.

Hope that helps,

Howell

 

[ray_zorse]

Howell always gives good, grounded, solid advice.

I was just having a quick look at the Wikipedia page on strabismus and it looks like it is a pretty complex condition with many subtypes and treatment options, I assume you have looked into these? I went there because I was wondering if you could get glasses with a special lens to change the angle of your vision and as a side effect make it less noticeable?

Because I'm also impaired in one of my senses, I want to stress the importance of scouring the Internet for anything and everything that could give relief or a partial solution or cosmetic change. Recently I had an improvement in my management of my disability by doing this consistently over many months (reading scientific articles, thinking of creative searches, etc), even though I thought I knew everything available. So it's possible you can too.

But as Howell says, it's probably more about being comfortable in your own skin. This can be tackled in several ways, "fake it till you make it" --> act confident, make eye contact, and start getting results with women and you'll actually become confident as a result. Or, you can do things like assertiveness training, meditation, inner child work, etc... to try to tackle any feelings of shame / inadequacy.

cheers, Ray

 

[Lando]

That sounds great Howell, Actually that's what I do with women but the problems come when male competitors is in the picture.
They look for my weakness and it is the first thing that they see and they hit me on that, one upping me to lower my value and increase theirs.

Example:

Since I'm used to it I don't have problems with it personally the only thing that bothers me is about its effects on the girl I'm with.

Ignoring the attack makes me look afraid or weak and thus a loser.

Taking it seriously by confronting the attacker with deep truths like telling him "Doesn't anyone teach you about manners? " seems like too dramatic, too deep and overacting which violates the law of least effort plus it shows that I'm so much affected and can easily countered by just saying things like "I'm sorry baby boy, that's so insensitive of me".

And being playful while someone attacks you is a big mistake that shows people that it's okay to attack you and encourages future attacks.

Without proper treatment it is a weakness that is proven to be fatal to success, it kills attraction by showing the woman that you're incapable of protecting yourself.

I always believe that people with disability has only two options that is to let their disabilities defeat them or to defeat their disabilities and not only did I choose the latter but I also wants to turn it into my advantage but I can't do it alone.

Are there ways to make you a strong sexy man, seduce the woman you like and deal wit the people who challenge you when you have a handicap?

 

[Lando]

Ray_zorse you're right about Howell and thanks to your advice too, yes I tried to do research about it but they said that it is curable only when you're still young.
I also tried inner child work and it helps me a lot.

 

[Lotus]

Lando,

A male competitor looking for weakness and a girl inquiring/staring are in essence the same thing, a test. And really you can handle the test the same way with the male as you would with the female as Howell and Ray both suggested. You act as if it doesn't bother you even if it does.

No matter how you decide to response if you do it in a cool, savy, IDGAF way it will backfire on the attacker.

Example:

You ignore the attack(with a coy smile) and go right back to talking to the girl.
-It shows the girl and guy you are comfortable in your own skin and cannot be harassed.

Taking it seriously.
-If you can pull "Didn't anyone teach you manners?" in a jokingly manner you really just turned the attack back on the attacker.

Being playful or self deprecation.
-I respectfully disagree with you on this one. When someone attacks you in a situation like this they are after a reaction from you. When you don't react in the expected way it will knock him off balance. The same way you would brush off an objection from a girl. It will actually make him look foolish and make you look cool.

A little self deprecation is one of the most powerful tools you can use because you essential block the attack turn it around and use it for your own good. In a situation like that you can even build some rapport great rapport with the girl. You make him look like the fool he is, you make your self look like a strong man that cannot be flustered, and you can make the girl laugh. That is quite a lot you now have in your favor if done correctly.

side note: I have been reading this site for about month and preparing for my first post but I felt very strongly about this topic so I decided to jump in. I am historically someone who avoids confrontation of any sort( which I am working on fixing) so I have spent a lot of time trying to disarm attackers like that.

I don't know how old you are but I know at a certain age those kinds of direct attacks tend to die down and people grow up.

Hope this helps,
Brum

 

[Lando]

To: Brum
Thanks to you man..you've open my eyes to this one. Now I realized that I've been making mistakes with my delivery again.
I think its not dependent on age but on the maturity, value and social awareness of the people around you and sadly sometimes attacks like these doesn't die down but the attackers just improved their way to attack (by being more subtle) so it's best to be prepared to deal with them. I'm excited to see your post, and I very much appreciate your help.