- Joined
- Jan 13, 2014
- Messages
- 46
Hey everyone,
Last night, I went on a date with a girl I match on Tinder about a week ago. The date went rather well, we met at a casual restaurant, talked for about 30 mins where I deep dived her. I suggested rather quickly that we go get gelato at another place near where I lived and told her to follow me and I'll sneak her into my apartment's parking garage. She agreed and we got the gelato where I deep dived more and was definitely getting signals. We then walked around a park across the street of my apartment and I showed her a few spots where I've painted paintings. She admitted that she stalked me on Facebook and said she already loved my paintings. I teased her for stalking me and, knowing she was obviously into me, I invited her up to my apartment to see them. On the way up, she was holding onto me like her life depended on it.
Now here is where things start to slowly go downhill. In the apartment, I nonchalantly said I was going to pour myself a glass of wine and asked her if she wanted one. She said no, so I offered her water. In my apartment we kept flirting and she went into this joke about if she never saw me again that she would go through a lot of effort to make me take her back. Sensing another opportunity, I calmly laid my glass down and said "you know what's wrong with your story? What if I don't want to ghost you? What if I kissed you now?" (With a devilish grin on my face) Then I kissed and lead her into my bed and preceded to escalate.
I was kissing her for about a minute and then proceeded to slowly kiss her neck and start moving down her stomach (skipping her breast to create suspense and go for the pants instead). I attempted to take off her belt and she refused. So I slowly started moving up and kiss her again to take one step back before moving forward again. I think the resistance caused her to put more of a guard up.
I attempted a move I used to use on my ex girlfriend (which may be a bad idea since you can get away with more when you've already had sex with them) where I stopped kissing her about a cm away from her lips to tease her to kiss me back. This backfired as it turned into a contest of not kissing eachother (I think this technique could have worked if it was before the prior resistance). I caved after about a minute and started kissing her which demonstrated that she was more in control than I. We proceeded to kiss and roll around for a few minutes and at one point I won a "round" and she kissed me during that game and we were 1-1, but we really didn't get much further.
She eventually said she should go let her dog out or something similar (should have be an easy objection to thwart but I'm still rather inexperienced) I persisted a little longer but I eventually let her go. The air in the room sort of deflated after that and I walked her to her car where we kissed and I told her to have a good night.
She texted me when she got home and I texted that it was nice getting to know her better and that's where I left it at.
So I've read the failed escalation articles and have come to the conclusion that it's unlikely to go any further after the crash from the cresting emotions. I think I am (was) in a boyfriend zone and she is pumping the brakes so as not to risk that. I'd still be curious if you guys have anything I did wrong or that I could do differently for the future.
Also, I figure even with the low odds, it won't hurt to still try to make things happen (I really do think we hit it off!). Right now, I'm considering either not mentioning the issue and send a text like "Hey Name, had a great time together with you last night
what say we keep the ball rolling and meet again this weekend?" Attempting for something of a date compression strategy where we meet around her place, go to her place and have a sexual tension filled date where I don't actually escalate this time. Then shoot out a text to cook her something at my place, where after now checking her prerequisite boxes for what a courtship should be, I can now escalate to sex.
Another idea I had was to show I am a socially aware guy and not afraid to address where things didn't go well (but not complaining or apologizing for it). I would send a text like: "Hey Name, had a great time together with you last night let me know if I took things a little too fast for a first night, my hands don't control themselves when they're interested in a girl " I think is shows I'm not afraid to admit my faults but also pushing the blame more on me being too agressive. Most guys are not aggressive so this problem is more easily forgivable. Also by saying too fast it doesn't put the failed escalation on me personally (a problem she might be thinking if I don't address it), but the timing. As such, if I send this text and then proceed to try the compressed date idea like the other plan, it may have better success because I've addressed it and we can move past it if I adequately retrigger her emotions pre failed escalation, which I believe I can do.
Last night, I went on a date with a girl I match on Tinder about a week ago. The date went rather well, we met at a casual restaurant, talked for about 30 mins where I deep dived her. I suggested rather quickly that we go get gelato at another place near where I lived and told her to follow me and I'll sneak her into my apartment's parking garage. She agreed and we got the gelato where I deep dived more and was definitely getting signals. We then walked around a park across the street of my apartment and I showed her a few spots where I've painted paintings. She admitted that she stalked me on Facebook and said she already loved my paintings. I teased her for stalking me and, knowing she was obviously into me, I invited her up to my apartment to see them. On the way up, she was holding onto me like her life depended on it.
Now here is where things start to slowly go downhill. In the apartment, I nonchalantly said I was going to pour myself a glass of wine and asked her if she wanted one. She said no, so I offered her water. In my apartment we kept flirting and she went into this joke about if she never saw me again that she would go through a lot of effort to make me take her back. Sensing another opportunity, I calmly laid my glass down and said "you know what's wrong with your story? What if I don't want to ghost you? What if I kissed you now?" (With a devilish grin on my face) Then I kissed and lead her into my bed and preceded to escalate.
I was kissing her for about a minute and then proceeded to slowly kiss her neck and start moving down her stomach (skipping her breast to create suspense and go for the pants instead). I attempted to take off her belt and she refused. So I slowly started moving up and kiss her again to take one step back before moving forward again. I think the resistance caused her to put more of a guard up.
I attempted a move I used to use on my ex girlfriend (which may be a bad idea since you can get away with more when you've already had sex with them) where I stopped kissing her about a cm away from her lips to tease her to kiss me back. This backfired as it turned into a contest of not kissing eachother (I think this technique could have worked if it was before the prior resistance). I caved after about a minute and started kissing her which demonstrated that she was more in control than I. We proceeded to kiss and roll around for a few minutes and at one point I won a "round" and she kissed me during that game and we were 1-1, but we really didn't get much further.
She eventually said she should go let her dog out or something similar (should have be an easy objection to thwart but I'm still rather inexperienced) I persisted a little longer but I eventually let her go. The air in the room sort of deflated after that and I walked her to her car where we kissed and I told her to have a good night.
She texted me when she got home and I texted that it was nice getting to know her better and that's where I left it at.
So I've read the failed escalation articles and have come to the conclusion that it's unlikely to go any further after the crash from the cresting emotions. I think I am (was) in a boyfriend zone and she is pumping the brakes so as not to risk that. I'd still be curious if you guys have anything I did wrong or that I could do differently for the future.
Also, I figure even with the low odds, it won't hurt to still try to make things happen (I really do think we hit it off!). Right now, I'm considering either not mentioning the issue and send a text like "Hey Name, had a great time together with you last night
what say we keep the ball rolling and meet again this weekend?" Attempting for something of a date compression strategy where we meet around her place, go to her place and have a sexual tension filled date where I don't actually escalate this time. Then shoot out a text to cook her something at my place, where after now checking her prerequisite boxes for what a courtship should be, I can now escalate to sex.Another idea I had was to show I am a socially aware guy and not afraid to address where things didn't go well (but not complaining or apologizing for it). I would send a text like: "Hey Name, had a great time together with you last night
let me know if I took things a little too fast for a first night, my hands don't control themselves when they're interested in a girl " I think is shows I'm not afraid to admit my faults but also pushing the blame more on me being too agressive. Most guys are not aggressive so this problem is more easily forgivable. Also by saying too fast it doesn't put the failed escalation on me personally (a problem she might be thinking if I don't address it), but the timing. As such, if I send this text and then proceed to try the compressed date idea like the other plan, it may have better success because I've addressed it and we can move past it if I adequately retrigger her emotions pre failed escalation, which I believe I can do.