Failed mating attempt

[Dylweed]

Recently i invited a girl that i work with over to my place for our second date, our first date was just lunch for around 2 hrs.

When she arrived at my place, we went for a walk outside, i live by the lake. Then when we came back inside i had her take her flip flops off. I gave her a quick tour of my place, got her some water, and then put on netflix. We sat next to each other on the couch, arms touching. Eventually i went to kiss her. She kissed me back. We made out for about 20 seconds and i was rubbing my hand up and down her back and side of her body. Then I said "should we go to my room?" She said, "I don't know, should we?" I said, "yeah," and i stood up and was holding her by both hands while walking to my room. I closed the door and she went and layed down on my bed on her back. I crawled on top of her and continued making out. Was feeling her body. I started kissing her neck, then tried pulling her shirt down to get to her nipples but i couldn't so i pulled her shirt up from the bottom and got to them that way. When i tried to pull down her pants she stopped me. I went back to kissing her. Later i tried again but she stopped me again. When i went back to making out with her I tried putting pressure on her pussy with my body, kind of like dry humping.

I kept trying to get her pants off and she kept stopping me. I didn't ever get mad though. At one point she said, "my pants aren't that easy to take off". I said, "yeah i know, they're tight."
Eventually after failing a few more times I said, "should we go back and watch the office?"
She didn't say anything and she didn't look like she wanted to do that. I said "I knew it" and i went back to making out with her and caressing her and then tried to get her pants off a couple more times while getting stopped. Eventually i gave up and said, okay, lets go back outside, to the living room. The whole thing lasted probably an hour.

When we got back into the living room we watched another episode of the office. While on the couch together she grabbed my hand and we held hands the whole time. She kept rubbing her other hand on my arm, almost like petting me and eventually she leaned her head on my shoulder, i leaned my head back on to hers. When the episode ended i told her i should start getting ready to go to my moms for dinner. When she walked outside i stepped out and hugged her and held for a while. I didn't know if i should kiss her or not. It almost got awkward because it looked like for a second she wanted to kiss me.
We said goodbye and she said she'd see me friday, 2 days away, because we're all going to bars with people from work.

My question is, what should i do next? She's seemed very warm to me when i've seen her after this. I read chase's article on failed mating attempt and he said to invite her to a party with other girls where you're the center of attention. This isn't possible for me or even worth the effort for this girl. So i was thinking of inviting her back over and just trying basically almost the same thing again. I'm just afraid that the same thing will happen again, she won't let me get past her pants.

Any suggestions would be great. I'd really appreciate it. Also any advice on anything else would be good too. Thanks

 

[Estate]

While I advocate "moving fast", this sounds like you just plowed through.

A 20 second makeout then straight to your room?
A little kiss and then straight to her chest?
A kiss on the neck then you keep trying to get her pants off?

I mean... she stuck around... it sounds like she was into you but it sounds like you pushed WAY too fast here. If a woman is to sleep with a man, she must be turned on. There are a lot of ways to turn a woman on and enjoy things without ever getting to taking her pants off.
Going straight for that right away means she's not turned on and the whole thing sounds a bit "hit it and ditch it". Not really a fan.

I don't know man... the whole tone of your post sounds very mechanical and contrived... this isn't a video game. It's a real human with real emotions and thoughts. Even calling it a "failed mating attempt"... just sounds so... "eeeeww".

I think you need to relax man. Towards the end she needed some reassurance and you kinda kicked her out and didn't kiss her when she wanted... which again screams that you just wanted sex and for her to get out. I can see a lot more resistance to you next time, even a cold shoulder.

I terms of meeting her again, just act natural, like nothing was wrong. As the night moves on, interact with her more with the assumption she's going to talk to you.
It's hard to tell but I wouldn't be surprised if you get the cold shoulder once this has settled in for her. If she's not cold, you're good, she's into you, but relax a little, this sounds very intense.

 

[PinotNoir]

I think Estate got it with the "hit it and ditch it" part.

I don't think it was too fast though. I think you just didn't pre-game it enough. She sounds a little conservative about sex, and maybe you didn't pick up on that before bringing her back to your place. See some of Laowai's posts. You need to either frame it as sex is just a natural thing between humans, and that there is nothing wrong having a release, or you need to frame it as sex doesn't mean that you will "ditch it." You can either talk about a story relating to yourself or others and make comments in favor of your desired frame.

Examples:
"With my last girlfriend, we had a one-night stand the first time we ever met. Then we grew into a relationship that lasted for several years."
"<some story about a celebrity sexual encounter in the news/tabloids>. I can't believe that. I'd never do that; sex means more to me. It's just a way to create a closer bond, not a way to pump one out."

Really, I just suggest reading some of Laowai's LRs on this, some great examples.

Also, if you have the energy, you can persist more than 1 hour. Try different things. Rubbing up and down her body. Keeping her clothes on and trying to finger her. Just think of it as 3 hours of experience and fun Don't get upset if you're denied. I actually sometimes enjoy it because it makes it more challenging and like a cat-and-mouse game.

 

[Dylweed]

While I advocate "moving fast", this sounds like you just plowed through.

A 20 second makeout then straight to your room?
A little kiss and then straight to her chest?
A kiss on the neck then you keep trying to get her pants off?

I mean... she stuck around... it sounds like she was into you but it sounds like you pushed WAY too fast here. If a woman is to sleep with a man, she must be turned on. There are a lot of ways to turn a woman on and enjoy things without ever getting to taking her pants off.
Going straight for that right away means she's not turned on and the whole thing sounds a bit "hit it and ditch it". Not really a fan.

I don't know man... the whole tone of your post sounds very mechanical and contrived... this isn't a video game. It's a real human with real emotions and thoughts. Even calling it a "failed mating attempt"... just sounds so... "eeeeww".

I think you need to relax man. Towards the end she needed some reassurance and you kinda kicked her out and didn't kiss her when she wanted... which again screams that you just wanted sex and for her to get out. I can see a lot more resistance to you next time, even a cold shoulder.

I terms of meeting her again, just act natural, like nothing was wrong. As the night moves on, interact with her more with the assumption she's going to talk to you.
It's hard to tell but I wouldn't be surprised if you get the cold shoulder once this has settled in for her. If she's not cold, you're good, she's into you, but relax a little, this sounds very intense.

lol my bad dude. I think it's just how i worded it that you got that impression, maybe not though. I didn't want the post to get too long so i just kept to the important parts. There was a lot of just making out, and enjoying the moment that i didn't write about.
The reason I called it a failed mating attempt is because i've seen chase call it that in an article he wrote. And about it sounding mechanical and contrived, that would probably be because that is the way that i think about a lot of things. I like to break processes down. To me, the whole process of getting girls is a skill.

honestly i wouldn't want to hurt this girl, or any girls feelings. It's not the kind of person i am. I moved fast because i wanted to and i honestly thought that she wanted it too. I thought she was resisting me taking off her pants because of something that doesn't have to do with the present moment, like future consequences. I felt she was turned on in that moment.
I'm a caring person, thats what makes this whole pick up thing kind of hard for me, i need other human beings to interact with and make awkward situations with for me to learn. For example, i learned the skill of how to make beats and how to rap all on my own without having to bother anyone.

Im also extremely new to this. This was like the 3rd time i've ever made out with a girl and I'm still a virgin. And a little after i had been making out with her in my room and kissing her titties, i asked if it was awkward, she said no. I went back to kissing her and she stopped and asked if it was awkward for me?
I said, "no...im just inexperienced."
She laughed and said, "yeah right."
I just laughed and went back to kissing.
Thats when she stopped and asked, "that was a lie right?"
I said, "no, im not a liar."
She said, "I find that hard to believe (about me being inexperienced),"
I said, "I guess thats a good thing," and then she laughed.

About me kicking her out, in the middle of everything while we were in our bedroom, we talked about what we had to do later on that day and i let her know about my plans for dinner with my mom then. She knew about it and i wasn't lying.

I think Estate got it with the "hit it and ditch it" part.

I don't think it was too fast though. I think you just didn't pre-game it enough. She sounds a little conservative about sex, and maybe you didn't pick up on that before bringing her back to your place. See some of Laowai's posts. You need to either frame it as sex is just a natural thing between humans, and that there is nothing wrong having a release, or you need to frame it as sex doesn't mean that you will "ditch it." You can either talk about a story relating to yourself or others and make comments in favor of your desired frame.

Examples:
"With my last girlfriend, we had a one-night stand the first time we ever met. Then we grew into a relationship that lasted for several years."
"<some story about a celebrity sexual encounter in the news/tabloids>. I can't believe that. I'd never do that; sex means more to me. It's just a way to create a closer bond, not a way to pump one out."

Really, I just suggest reading some of Laowai's LRs on this, some great examples.

Also, if you have the energy, you can persist more than 1 hour. Try different things. Rubbing up and down her body. Keeping her clothes on and trying to finger her. Just think of it as 3 hours of experience and fun Don't get upset if you're denied. I actually sometimes enjoy it because it makes it more challenging and like a cat-and-mouse game.

yeah i didn't pre-game it very good at all. On our first date, we were talking about one of her friends who is our age who is married with kids already. Thats when i brought up that im not looking for a serious relationship at all right now. And that was the only frame that i had set before we started making out on the 2nd date. I'll read up on that for sure, thanks.

Thanks for the feedback guys. More would be appreciated.

Also, if somebody could suggest a date template idea for the next time we meet up thatd be awesome. I kind of have no idea what to do next. She said she's down to hang out again.

 

[Knight]

Haven't read the entire post but you went for her pants first right? She likes you man but she's probably telling herself not to be easy. Next time you see her, lead and escalate her but when it gets heated just pull out your wand and let it work magic. It sems strange I know but it works!