False Accusations

[Godsninja]

I was thinking about putting this into field reports, but it's a little more complicated than one incident, and isn't really much of a 'picking up' girls report as it is a 'dealing with bullshit' report. I should have posted this a while ago.

Before school was out last school term in April (about 8 months ago) I was basking in the glory of not having any more school work, and was walking around looking for some cute girls to meet. As I was walking in the hallways, I saw a girl through the glass wall, into the computer commons. She looked a little down, but she was really cute, and I wanted to meet her. I sat next to the computer she was working on and started talking to her. I got her number and a few days later followed up with our date plan.

I don't believe I got a text back from her, but I did get a text from another number claiming to be her fiance. Keep in mind this was several months ago, so I don't remember how the text conversation went, but I remember I was very assertive, and after a few texts back and forth (finding out her fiance is a she), we stopped texting. I stopped texting cuz there wasn't really a point.

It wasn't anything serious, kind of awkward, but funny. It started out a little serious but I think I remember suggesting we all have a date together bahah.

I almost forgot about her, then I saw her again in September (3 months ago) in the hallway. It was a Friday. I finished up all my work early so I could relax and meet some cute girls, and saw her, but didn't remember from where I knew her. She was walking in the same direction so I slowed down, and her locker was around the corner. I finally remember, and laughed at the funny and slightly awkward text conversion we (or her supposed fiance and I) had that I couldn't really remember. So I said farewell and walked away.

I was sitting in my car a few hours later and got a text message from an unknown number (her supposed fiance) telling me that I'm an idiot, a stalker, and that she is "gun a go tell/call the cops", so I told her to go fuck herself because she doesn't know shit about me, and to come out to the parking lot to 'talk'. She then reminded me that she was a girl, and I told her she would probably end up kicking my ass anyway. I told her I was really sweaty, and that I'm a good kisser, but I won't tell anybody. She never replied so I sent a last text telling her not to text me anymore.

After the weekend I got an email telling me I had to attend a non-optional meeting with the Manager of Student Rights and Responsibility. I was reported for intimidation and sexual harassment.

So, I went, not before counter-reporting the 2 girls myself.

At the meeting, she (the Manager of Student Rights and Responsibility) wanted to talk about policies and rules. She has to look into any reported incident of such behavior. I get it. But she was lecturing me, specifically on my counter-complaint against these 2 girls, and what I really didn't get was why I had to go, and these 2 girls didn't. The rules state that you can't just file a false counter complaint (and I would assume the same goes for a first timer complaint), but that's just what I believe these 2 girls did. What I saw was that girls can commit actions that go against the campus rules and policies, but I, a man, must submit to these false accusations.

[I really didn't like this, and a few days later had to go see a councilor because I just couldn't focus in class. I felt like it was completely unfair and sexist.]

Anyway, back to the meeting..

I finally ended up being able to tell her what happened, by saying the same thing as I said here, but I also had all the original texts (not the ones from April), showing that this girl texted me first. She laughed at the text where I told the supposed fiance that I was a good kisser, but I understood I probably shouldn't have said that.

In the end she concluded that it was all a miscommunication. Great, that's exactly what it was... but then she also says she'll note it as a "warning".

If anyone can explain to me how a miscommunication can also be considered a warning, I'd be delighted to know.

To summarized, I feel like women have more rights to do what they want, than men do. As a man, it's up to us to make due of what life gives us, and to take actions into our own damn hands. It's up to us to be the ones who take action, and any reinforcement telling us we just have to be nice guys and wait for "fate" is nonsense. It is up to us to ACT, and if a woman wants to be immature and try to stop a man from facing his hears of social phobia, or to stop him from being his best and fullest self, than so be it, but this behavior should not be reinforced by authorities.

I've been really trying to make sense of all this without coming to that same conclusion that I've been wronged, and that I am a victim, you know, something that makes sense, but I can't. A warning is a warning, which means you did something wrong. Perhaps I should have replied to this text differently, or maybe not even replied at all. But this girl texted ME, so how can I be the aggressor here? How could I even have been accused of anything like this at all!?

I don't know, what do you guys think? Did I do something wrong, and if so, what could I have done differently, or not at all?

 

[Lotus]

Hey Godsninja,

I am sorry to hear you got stuck in a situation such as this.

Beacuse of all the shit swirling around in the media about rape cases at colleges. I am sure the school is trying to "protect" these girls by proventative action---- your warning.

I know you didn't really do anything but think about it from the perspective of the school. Two girls come in and complain about a "creeper, stalker" and the school does nothing. Then something happens to the girls, the school is now in deep deep shit. It would blow up in the media. Them giving you a warning is an attempt to protect their own ass IMO. School politics are rediculous.

I almost forgot about her, then I saw her again in September (3 months ago) in the hallway. It was a Friday. I finished up all my work early so I could relax and meet some cute girls, and saw her, but didn't remember from where I knew her. She was walking in the same direction so I slowed down, and her locker was around the corner. I finally remember, and laughed at the funny and slightly awkward text conversion we (or her supposed fiance and I) had that I couldn't really remember. So I said farewell and walked away.

---Did you say anything in this interaction that she could have reported?

I wouldn't say you did anything wrong specifically wrong, but if you add interactions together you could build a case for the school.

You, a random guy, sits and talks to her-- yes you had a nice conversation and she gave you her number. She could easily have said he was really creepy and I gave him my number to get him away. Then you text her "fiance" and like you said you were assertive, which could easily be interpreted as agressive.
Without you having record of that, the girl could easily claim whatever she wants and you can't disprove it with anything but your word. Later in the series of interactions you said you were a good kisser-- which again can be misconstrued as creepy or stalkerish.

telling me that I'm an idiot, a stalker, and that she is "gun a go tell/call the cops", so I told her to go fuck herself because she doesn't know shit about me, and to come out to the parking lot to 'talk'

---- If she has record of these text that would probably be enough to get a warning by itself to be honest. She called you a stalker and you responded by saying fuck yourself, come meet me at the parking lot.

My point is that you could easily make a case for a warning by leaving details out of the interaction--- like the girls probably did. Telling a girl to fuck her self and then to come meet you are conveying two completely oposite emtions and you can be portrayed as unstable.

In this day and age I would never say something like that where there is record of it

When I was a freshman 6 years ago... before all this current rape mumbo jumbo. I had a friend kicked out of school for leaving a girl a voice mail that said "Im going to stick my dick so far up your as it will come out of your mouth." ---Yes that is exteme, but it is just an example.

My former college soccer coach just was forced to resign over a text to a female student who was babysitting his kids. He was a legend at the school and won all sorts of accolades.

You have to be very careful these days if you say something that is recorded somewhere, especially with the assertive fundamentals taught here. I believe chase has an article on this.

--I'm not saying I agree with this just that I understand how it can be brought to the schools attention in a way that if they don't act they will get in a lot of trouble

 

[Godsninja]

When I met her for the second time in the hallway, I did not say anything wrong. For the most part I was trying to remember her, and after I did I felt like not talking to her anymore - she was taken, and I wasn't looking for any hard games to play. I just said I've never had anything like that text conversation happen to me.

When I said go fuck yourself, come meet me, I thought I was talking (texting) to a guy. I also wouldn't want to say something like that to a girl. Your right though, anything on record should be more civil.

Her fiancee started the text conversation, both times.

 

[ray_zorse]

Mate I have been the subject of false accusations too and all I can say is fight them with everything you got My counter claim was also laughed at and dismissed. Partly because I an a guy and partly because judge was angry that I successfully appeaked her decision to send me to compulsory family violence counselling, to a higher court, and had it overturned. The appeal I represented myself but for the rest of it I had lawyers, would have spent over $20k easy but eventually took it to a Final Hearing (after consenting to many humiliating Orders in attempts to satisfy her and resolve issues by negotiation, she responded with further false accusations and I became annoyed enough to fight it with everything I had, which is what I should have done in the first place). I won! Take that, you bitch!! Didn't get costs, though.

I suggest you write to the Dean of your faculty. Explain everything that happened and that a formal warning has been entered which you feel is unreasonable. Ask to appear before a disciplinary committee in order to clear your name and have this warning erased from the record. Give the text conversations and explain you thought you were talking to an aggressive make whom you felt could place you in physical danger if the tension were not defused. Or perhaps that you wanted him to identify himself so that you could make a report of harassment against him. Maybe go to student advice centre, they will have someone who assists with academic disputes, etc, with the university.

It will be a lot easier to deal with this now that it's only a warning, than after you get cited for cold approaching on campus and they use the warning as evidence of previous incidents.

cheers, Ray

 

[Chase]

GN-

Not a fun scenario.

I did a full analysis on what was going on here for a post on the main site: How to Handle Confrontational Women and Scenarios.

Basically, this just looks to me like someone who was itching for a fight, and was good enough at pushing your buttons that s/he was able to suck you right into it. You have to be really wary of people who are trying to do this to you, and be able to sidestep and walk away when they do - just keep meeting more women and don't worry about the ones that have aggressive gatekeepers working overtime to keep men away (it might seem like these girls must be extra special, but usually they're just broken or miserable waif-type women).

Also, on the remarks about whether society values women more than men - absolutely yes it does. This is another reason why you NEVER want to go around picking fights with women... if some girl's trying to pick a fight with you, just move on.

If she's your girlfriend and you're sleeping with her - okay, that's fine then; if there's a problem, escalate the fight and bring it to resolution.

Some random chick? You've GOT to be the bigger man, or else society will glom together and crush you.

It's not really something to be bitter about though, and once you understand the 'why's of it you can just sort of shrug it off and keep moving, and ignore the horrible/bitter people while focusing on bringing the cool ones into your life.

Roy Baumeister really goes into detail about why society places a privilege on women here: Is There Anything Good About Men? If you haven't read it through yet, I'd suggest giving it a look; it's exceptionally well-balanced and quite insightful.

Anyway - forget this chick and her crazy fiancé (girlfriend?). They're time wasters and the more of your focus you dump into dealing with them, the farther down into their quicksand you'll get sunk. Focus on meeting cool, attractive, sexy women, and don't worry about this morose girl from the computer lab and her violent guardian - they're just a couple of people looking for people they can take out their misery on, and the more time you spend in their sphere trying to fight with them over it, the heavier a dose of that misery you'll receive.

Chase

 

[Godsninja]

Thanks for the reply's guys, it's good to have two apposing but constructive ideas on what I should do.

I suggest you write to the Dean of your faculty. Explain everything that happened and that a formal warning has been entered which you feel is unreasonable. Ask to appear before a disciplinary committee in order to clear your name and have this warning erased from the record.

I'm not sure if it was the safety coordinator, or the counsellor, or both, by it was said that it's not like it's that big a deal.. or if it's even on my student record. I should have written to the dean about this issue a while ago, but it's a little far out of time to do that now. As for using this as proof of something I'm doing wrong in case of another cold approach goes wrong, I would take that opportunity to do exactly what you say. I'm a little more calibrated now in terms of dealing with this kind of BS, as well as with deciding when to cold approach, who, and how.

Anyway - forget this chick and her crazy fiancé (girlfriend?). They're time wasters and the more of your focus you dump into dealing with them, the farther down into their quicksand you'll get sunk. Focus on meeting cool, attractive, sexy women, and don't worry about this morose girl from the computer lab and her violent guardian - they're just a couple of people looking for people they can take out their misery on, and the more time you spend in their sphere trying to fight with them over it, the heavier a dose of that misery you'll receive.

I was thinking the same thing, but I also had a contradicting idea that if I just forget about it, I let them win. I'm glad I'm not alone in some of my thoughts, so it makes sense that these girls just made a terribly immature mistake. Maybe they even realize this. Thanks for the encouragement to move past BS.

Thanks again for all the replies. If something like this ever happens to anyone, make sure you don't smoke a joint before you speak to the authorities, no matter how ridiculous the case is, it makes you more agreeable and docile than you should be.

 

[ILoveElla]

Was this a college or school though? How old is it you are? I think the authorities in a college would have a lot a harder a time justify getting you to come in over something like this, than in comparison to a school!!

 

[Godsninja]

college, 22

 

[ILoveElla]

college, 22

Jesus!