kalyan said:
I usually don't have a problem with conversations, but im experiencing that a lot lately.
And im not talking about girls: conversations with female friends, male acquaintances, even some closer friends: it's like when i'm in a social situation where i have to interact, i go "oh no, not again" and i feel self conscious.. Far cry from my goal of smooth talker who genuinely enjoy talking to people.
This is coming from a guy who focuses mostly on teasing (and that works when you're in a very good mood, otherwise it won't come naturally) or making the other person talk (not a pro at that)
Any insight?
Kalyan,
The main thing that can make you into a very good conversationalist is GENUINE INTEREST IN OTHERS. You should have an innate curiosity about human beings. Viz. What are their motivations, dreams etc. What keeps them running, their passions, not just limited to small talk.
So asking questions is a good way to keep a conversation going.....this coupled with genuine interest in what the person is saying is a good way to start becoming a decent conversationalist.
As you go through different groups in life, you will notice that all groups tend to hover around conversing a single topic over and over and over again in detail. A good knowledge of this can help you converse with them.
Eg:
The gamer group who always talk about Dota 2/COD
The guy group that always discusses bikes
The book/geek group that always discuss movies/T V Series/ Books
and so on........
If you feel self conscious, there is no need to always talk out of necessity. You could try using active listening, which involves you listening with INTENT and providing useful FEEDBACK to the person who is talking to you. People love listeners more than talkers I have experienced and heard. You could let them do the talking without interrupting them and then offer some feedback. The Listening to speaking ratio according to me should be 80:20 or 70:30.
Sample Conversation:
Friend: So i visited X place last week....i had a 100 km bike ride to get there.
You: Really, sounds awesome.....must've had a blast right? (Question)
Friend: Damn right.....it was amazing.....
You: So what did you get to see? (Question)
Friend: (Goes on and on about all the places he saw while you listen intently....) (Active listening)
You: (At the end) Wow, that was amazing, you're turning into quite the traveller aren't you? (Feedback)
Friend: Haha, not really....
You: You seem to be developing a thing for travelling..... (More Feedback)
Friend: Yeah, you could say that.....
You: Next time maybe ill join you......
(Relating)
Friend: Absolutely.....
You: i love the open road and the wind that blows on you as you ride at high speeds....the feeling is amazing.... (Deeper Relating)
Friend: Rightly said.....
You could also ask more questions on whether they met someone, what did they eat, ask about the photos they took,,,,,etc.....
You could also read up Chase's articles on deep diving and more conversation techniques on thread cutting and magnifying etc.
www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-gett ... -deep-dive
www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist
