Feeling like the only guy in my city doing this. How do I combat loneliness?

[kristian]

Hey folks, and thanks a lot for the tips I've been getting so far. Although I haven't got laid from daygame yet, I feel like the numbers are getting better.
I can consistently get a number or two for every 6-7 strong approaches I make, and the last three weeks I have been on two dates with different girls, something I never thought could be possible when I started applying daygame in everyday situations over a month ago.

However, after around 80 approaches, my approach anxiety is still there. Nervousness is still a feeling that I have to ignore when I open somebody.
And its still quite exhausting; I mean, its not just the cold approach, but the whole drill with getting my state up, warm up sets, seeing an opportunity, taking it, learning from it as well as trying to figure out my weak points and correcting my mistakes is a very hard thing to do.

But the hardest feeling I am trying to get over is the emotion of loneliness.

I am the only guy I know, at least from my social circles, that is 100% committed to this. I meet some cool guys from time to time that say they are serious about this and want to exchange knowledge based on experiences with women. However all the guys I've met so far are either;

• *Not willing to put the effort it takes to become good with women, or

• *Are into this just to become boyfriend with the first girl they hook up with and then dissapear

I have come to realize that most guys, even the ones that spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on dating programs, seminars and boot camps, don't want to do the actual work. Many of them are still crappy with women months later and don't understand that actual experience is the only way of learning seduction.

I have asked many guys I thought where serious about this. A lot of them talk about this, but I don't see any of them be willing to put the hard work to get good at this. It makes me crazy and I feel like I am the only guy out there doing this.

So my question for you is. How do you deal being the only guy in your social circle doing all this work?

And why do so many guys just chicken out when it comes to learning the art of meeting, attracting and seducing women?

I am very lucky to have this board though. Cos living in Norway - Norwegians are known for being extremely shy, and introverted - and doing all this work makes me feel like an alien. How do I accept that most of the time, I might be the only guy doing this?

 

[Ree]

Your story is excatly the same as my story......
The approach anxiety will go....i remeber sometimes heading out and not being even able to do one approach....or getting a rejection that just makes u feel like crap for the whole day.....then reaching where ur at.....where u can actually approach.....then getting extremely high number closing rates....and no anxiety..this is a very dynamic interelated process......as u approach more...u intuitively get better at target selection...and so u get less blowouts...more numbers...and so u get more confident...and so u get less anxiety.....and so u make more approaches....and the loop starts again.......
I live in kenya,and for a long time no one i knew knew about game....u try to introduce it to people..they get excited at first,but like u Said..they dont wanna do the work....had a freind we used to game with....he got rejections...got bitter...ejected.....i dont know for sure....because i no longer keep a journal as daygame gives me to many numbers....but i had really gone thru tons of approachs,rejections,dates,pulls and l.m.r...before i got my first lay.....and even now...im not consistent.......just hang in there freind..all ur trials....a complete stranger..halfway across the world....undestands

 

[Mr.Rob]

So my question for you is. How do you deal being the only guy in your social circle doing all this work?

And why do so many guys just chicken out when it comes to learning the art of meeting, attracting and seducing women?

How do I accept that most of the time, I might be the only guy doing this?

Look around, most people are very content with their mediocre lives. No body wants to go through the pain of failing over and over again to achieve a result that might change their life. Most people simply do not want to deal with the pain associated with becoming great.

If you're going to be successful their is a price to pay. It must be paid in advance and paid fully before you reap the fruit of success. Most people do not want it bad enough to go do that.

Unfortunately the road of success is oftentimes a lonely one. Their are definitely people out their who are dedicated to achieving results same as you but their hard to find and even when you do befriend them your still both separately on your lonely path, except you have someone to talk to on the way.

Maybe others have different views on this but I personally don't have much of an issue with being on a lonely path. I know the only person that I can truly count on is me and even though I seek the help and camaraderie of others I know at the end of the day I'm going be by myself.

The book "Relentless" by Tim Grover talks about this factor of loneliness in high achievers quite a bit. It would be a good read for you especially if you're committed to getting your seduction skills handled.

To add a personal anecdote I cut all my friends off close to 3 years ago and started focusing solely on learning seduction from scratch by myself. I've had a few friends in the interim and guys I can call on to go out and wing with but to this day I still go out alone a lot of times.

Good luck.

 

[Lotus]

But the hardest feeling I am trying to get over is the emotion of loneliness.

Okay the cool thing about emotions is they teach you about yourself. Once you can recognize what they are trying to tell you, dealing with them is much easier. But you don't need to "get over them" you need to accept them. for what they are.

Once you learn to accept emotions for what they are they lose their power over you. This is something Eckhart Tolle taught me.

You need to ask yourself why do I feel lonely? What do I fear about being alone that bothers me so much?

Somewhere you have a fear that has manifested itself and you have not accepted it....yet.

Rob has accepted his lonely path so it does not bother him. He is not afraid of being alone. It's pretty dam cool once you can see emotions this way.

I hope this helps

Lotus

 

[Zoro]

Lotus's post is spot on.

Embrace the loneliness.

Imagine you're on an island and you want to see the world. The only way off the island is to swim. And you are terrified of water.

Either you stay on the island or you act despite the emotion. Doesn't mean you have to stay in the water (the emotion) because once you're comfortable in the water you can go anywhere.

 

[lao che]

good thread here. good responses. glad i'm not the only loner around!!

there's no shame in being a lone-wolf, man. a sigma, an outlier. embrace it fully. life is a long journey and friends will always come and go. in the end you will only have yourself. i had friends when i was 20 i thought i would never be apart from. now i hardly remember their names. be good to everyone, but follow your own path.

i've been thinking lately how game will become mainstream, and everyone will know what's up and yadda yadda yadda, and i think about, well, one friend in particular, how can he be so clueless? how can any dude not know at least the basics, in this day and age with all the resources available? resources i didn't have as a young man. but as we can see from just this thread, most guys don't have it in them.

 

[lao che]

However, after around 80 approaches, my approach anxiety is still there. Nervousness is still a feeling that I have to ignore when I open somebody.
And its still quite exhausting; I mean, its not just the cold approach, but the whole drill with getting my state up, warm up sets, seeing an opportunity, taking it, learning from it as well as trying to figure out my weak points and correcting my mistakes is a very hard thing to do.

80 isn't bad but it's not a LOT. it will never fully go away but as you get more experience you will begin to tell which girls are receptive to you. spot subtle IOIs or just somehow KNOW. however, 80 is probably more than i've done in my entire life, so good work, fella. anyway it's not something i'm qualified to talk about but i'll put in my point of view.

my AA now comes from coming up with something to say quick enough, before i actually talk to her. i don't wanna go in with an unloaded gun and i always try to think of something relevant, rather than hey i just saw you bla bla bla although there's nothing wrong with that saying anything is better than saying nothing. ! i'm an old dude so i like to at least have something interesting to say as i can't rely on my youthful good looks

sometimes i have to let a girl go because nothing springs to mind. other times the entire interaction is clear in my mind before i even open my mouth.

sometimes i'm just fucking full on direct and get shocking results.

all the stuff about gettin in state is overrated, in my opinion. also i think chase wrote an article about it.
it sounds like you're thinking very carefully about each step of the way, so that's gonna be tiring. it'll get easier, try to be "in the moment" which is easier said than done, and maintain playfullness. something i've been doing recently is, when i make eye contact with a girl, i stick out my tongue, like you would with a child. it's almost like a pre-opener, it get some good results. i've also given girls the middle finger. surprising what you can get away with. haha if she laughs or reacts positively i just beckon her over to wher i am.


keep on keepin on man

 

[kristian]

Thank you guys. I really appreciate your answers. I am starting to realize that I might be one in a handful of guys that are doing this, and I've only seen a guy approach a girl directly just once in my 18 years living in Oslo, Norway.

I have also asked some of my former female friends (don't have as many now that I am only looking for lovers) and they have the same take on this; they would love if someone approached them like I do now, but never experience it. I guess I am a different guy for doing this.

 

[LearningMan]

Hey man, I completely relate(except approaching, which I haven't done much). Kudos for that!!!
Fairly certain that in my area either very few guys or none at all are doing this.
Hanging out with a new group of friends has helped combat my feelings of loneliness.

 

[Ree]

good thread here. good responses. glad i'm not the only loner around!!


i've been thinking lately how game will become mainstream, and everyone will know what's up and yadda yadda yadda, and i think about, well, one friend in particular, how can he be so clueless? how can any dude not know at least the basics, in this day and age with all the resources available? resources i didn't have as a young man. but as we can see from just this thread, most guys don't have it in them.

lol yeah...im always wondring how can people be so blind as not to even know the basics.....i recently told said in the office how lmr had defeated me...imagine no on even knew what lmr was....heheheheh