Socializing Female friend annoyed, how to respond?

[Fluxcapacitor]

Dudes! I have a female friend, there is nothing more than this I have friend zoned her. Over the past year she's been sick and needed treatment. She planned for all her friends to go out to celebrate which she cancelled due to not being well enough.

Before I knew she cancelled, I text her asking what time she was going out for she then told me she had to cancel. I meant to text her back hoping she was better soon but was busy and didn't get chance. She messaged me that night annoyed and frustrated that I haven't checked on her and saying it shows how much I care.

I knew this was emotional and a kind of shit test, I was out round a girl's place and didn't get back to her. It's been a few days but I know I haven't been very considerate or caring to her which is kind of shit really.

How would you respond to this? Thanks dudes!

 

[Derek da man]

Best response would be based how good a friend she is?

If she's a close friend who you rely on or value then you need to buck your ideas up and appologies and make it up to her. Quality girls will value your time and company most, other girls may value a gift, or a card, or whatever . . . you know how her . . . use this info to decide.

If, however, she's just a friend in the looser sense of the word, which I think is probably more the case as you said you fiend zoned her. You need to be a little more careful here though as a "time" based appology may be seen as leading somewhere.

Before deciding how to make ammends it's probably worth calming the waters with her first. Her message trying to illicit a response may just be a shit test but it may also show a much deepre unhappieness or depression underneath. I don't know her, you do, but it's likely she's hurting deep down. The party may have been been an excuse to gains some social contact oe excitement that she's missing, and then it got cancelled. So now she's not just missng things but pissed off about it as well.

I can suggest plenty of responses to fix things if she's a valued friend, but I will struggle to come up with something that she couldn't see as leading somewhere.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Derek da man she's actually a valued friend. She was interested in me when we first met but I made it clear I didn't see her like that. She's since got engaged and I get on really well with her fiance. I value her and was putting myself out to celebrate with her this weekend.

She would value my time over a gift, that's how we've always been. I just feel the apology would seem incredibly insincere. "I'm sorry, I do care" well why have I not acted like it? Basically I've been a dick, and I know that but since she's moved further away we don't see each other as much and texting conversation becomes tedious.

I would appreciate some response fix examples, thanks dude!

 

[Derek da man]

Souns like you're being honest with yourself so why not with her. Admitting you messed up to her and appologising will go along way with her. I wouldn't say "I do care" or similar as it can sound like you're telling her what you want her to think.

Give the appology and ask her how you can make it up to her. Make a couple of suggestions, take her our for a quite meal, if she's not feeling up to it offer to make her a meal at hers and do the washing up. The quality of meal of restaurant is best kept at the mid market level, it's about you giving her your time, your charm and carisma. Ask her, let her choose, and make it ok of she needs to cancel if she's not feeling that well.

The important bit is to ask open questions, allow her time to reply and enjoy listening (or look like it at least). Let the conversation fall quiet from time to time but smile while looking at her face to create a safe space for her. Try and find out how she's really feeling and don't just accept that she's "FINE". She may be, but there may things behind it.

At the end of the day you need to start off eating humble pie and then just be paitient and climb step by step back up the ladder and out of the hole you've got yourself in. Don't think I'm judging, I've been there too.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Derek da man dude, I'll be honest with her and avoid the cliche I do care shit. I don't like the meal thing, sounds too much like a stereotypical date you see on TV and to try hard. Not really me so possibly wouldn't come across as genuine but eating some humble pie I can do!