female friends?

[mike james]

I dont have a lot of ways to meet girls except nightclubs, daygame and sometimes one of my friends introduces me to his female friends.

My friends, throughout my whole life, had similar results with girls, (or should I say lack of results), no relationships, 0 lays, but more importantly no female exposure ( all male schools, sports, and no female friends). I have spent my whole life around guys and men...

I never really wanted to have female friends, instead, I wanted girlfriends and lays...

Sometimes, I have no patience for the shit females do and possibly in the last few months, but maybe even from childhood, I have a slight antagonistic and intolerant attitude towards women. As I grew older, researched, studied, analyzed and experienced, I learned a lot of thing about women nature and I didnt like quite a few things about it. I noticed that my father actually have a similar feeling(of course I think that he is not fully aware of it), but he is a very nice guy and I think that we are just bitter due to negative experiences and lack of understanding/skill.

I wasnt always bitter about this, and I think that when I was at my highest spiritual level, I was completely emphatic and understanding of everything, so I let that bitterness go and it was peaceful.

Last year I stopped meditating and I think this is the biggest reason for this toxic feeling came back.

The thing that I want to ask is what do you think about having female friends, and leveraging them to meet more and more (hotter) girls.

Ive heard this in the past, but to me, it was always a little bit of slick to try to be friends with a girl just for the sake of it. It was dishonest, and one of my biggest life principles is honesty.

Now, I see how many great chances having a lot of female friends can get you, but I feel like I would have to change my personality a bit, to have them.

I feel like, if my goal is to friendzone girls, I would have to try to make them like me, which is a terrible place to be in, and Im not going to do that.

Am I overthinking?

Am I too judgemental?

Am I missing out?

Should I try to make female friends, even this month?

Again, I want to stack chips in my favor, and if making female friends is gonna do that I am going for it.

 

[Tryst]

Great post man.

Sometimes, I have no patience for the shit females do and possibly in the last few months, but maybe even from childhood, I have a slight antagonistic and intolerant attitude towards women. As I grew older, researched, studied, analyzed and experienced, I learned a lot of thing about women nature and I didnt like quite a few things about it. I noticed that my father actually have a similar feeling(of course I think that he is not fully aware of it), but he is a very nice guy and I think that we are just bitter due to negative experiences and lack of understanding/skill.

This is very self-aware of you to say. This whole attitude is a symptom of what I call the Loser Mindset. I have a very long post about it coming in soon, because I think it's hyper important. Your reading of the situation is completely correct: I would suggest that you have certain frames of which you are unaware which force you to assimilate the new knowledge of how women really are in a way that makes you like them less. These frames themselves are the root of the Loser Mindset.

This particular expression of bitterness is super harmful to your game. Girls can smell this stuff, and they do not like it. At all.

The thing that I want to ask is what do you think about having female friends, and leveraging them to meet more and more (hotter) girls.

This is how people Actually Get Laid in the Real World (another hyper important topic which I am also writing a lengthy essay about). But notice already the language you use: leveraging. It again reveals the negative frames which have rooted themselves in your psyche - can you really not imagine being friends with a girl... just because you like her and get along?

Do you have to be friends with a girl "just for the sake of it?"

Is this how cool guys who get laid really talk?

Cool guys, in the real world, have lots of girls as friends. And so they meet their friends, they reap the social proof and preselection, they reap the comfort benefits of having mutual friends, and they just... get laid. It just happens. They don't sit on forums and write about how they calculated making friends just to get laid... it's not in their reality.

Think about making some more friends, not to get laid, but just to have friends. This will probably require some inner work. The rewards is not the sex (which I promise will come), but the life of someone who is cool and has friends and has fun with people and socialises and goes out and all of his friends cause him to meet more people. This sort of person gets laid, just because of who he is.

But, right now, do you think if you had that social circle, you'd be getting laid from it? Would you come across as a cool, fun, laid back person? Or would you slowly lose ground in the group and be invited less and less; would the girls feel happy and good around you?

When you're the sort of person who can like and get along with people just for who they are, then you will make more friends. And you'll get laid too. Not just because your friends are introducing you to more people, and you're meeting girls at houseparties, but because of who you are.

Again, I want to stack chips in my favor, and if making female friends is gonna do that I am going for it.

What I'm trying to say is that, yes, this will stack the chips in your favour. But if you go for it and try, you'll see that it's not about the sex. The friends, the attitude, the lifestyle is its own reward - and the sex will come to you not as a result of some machination or master plan, but as a natural consequence of who you are, the life you live.

- Tryst

Who fain would sow the fallow field,
And see the growing corn,
Must first remove the useless weeds,
The bramble and the thorn.

After ill savour, honey's taste
Is to the mouth more sweet;
After the storm, the twinkling stars
The eyes more cheerly greet.

When night hath past, the bright dawn comes
In car of rosy hue;
So drive the false bliss from thy mind,
And thou shall see the true.

- Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, Book III, Metrum I

 

[mike james]

This particular expression of bitterness is super harmful to your game. Girls can smell this stuff, and they do not like it. At all.

Yeah Ive figured. Maybe that has been fucking me up along with couple other things.

This is how people Actually Get Laid in the Real World (another hyper important topic which I am also writing a lengthy essay about). But notice already the language you use: leveraging. It again reveals the negative frames which have rooted themselves in your psyche - can you really not imagine being friends with a girl... just because you like her and get along?

Again, I am aware of this wording, but to answer your question, Im not completely sure if I can...

I really expect a lot from my friends because I do the same for myself, and I just cant remember a girl that was bringing me something valuable to my life trough our friendship... I know I can have way more fun and meaningful relationships with my dudes than a girl that I consider a friend (i.e. not fuckable girl), but maybe Im just wrong and I need to be proven different.

Maybe I just need to lower my expectations for people (friends and potential ones) and try to have more fun with them

Cool guys, in the real world, have lots of girls as friends. And so they meet their friends, they reap the social proof and preselection, they reap the comfort benefits of having mutual friends, and they just... get laid. It just happens. They don't sit on forums and write about how they calculated making friends just to get laid... it's not in their reality.

I agree, I think that when you are confident, happy, successful and positive, when you feel good about yourself and your life you become that cool guy, but again I have a rebellious feeling when I read something like this. What is the actuall steps you have to do to be this cool guy . Like, fuck cool guys, I fucking hate that you have to be a man whore for women to like you, but thats the rules of the game that we play, so, adjust and dominate.

Think about making some more friends, not to get laid, but just to have friends. This will probably require some inner work. The rewards is not the sex (which I promise will come), but the life of someone who is cool and has friends and has fun with people and socialises and goes out and all of his friends cause him to meet more people. This sort of person gets laid, just because of who he is.

Ive had this exact mindset in one period of my past, and it felt right and healthy for my mind, but again, Ive noticed that I came back to that passive, nonchalant and maybe even condescending attitude towards strangers and acquaintances...

Lately, Ive been feeling like Im just bored and disinterested in the usual things, topics, and people, and I have a strong feeling where I dont care about anything no more, I just wanna fuck.

But, right now, do you think if you had that social circle, you'd be getting laid from it? Would you come across as a cool, fun, laid back person?

Maybe not quite but pretty close to it. I feel like I have a lot of great thing to offer.

would the girls feel happy and good around you?

Happy is a strong word I guess.

When you're the sort of person who can like and get along with people just for who they are, then you will make more friends. And you'll get laid too. Not just because your friends are introducing you to more people, and you're meeting girls at houseparties, but because of who you are.

I feel like I am like this inside of true self. It looks like I allowed my negative thoughts, lack of peace and mindfulness (which I get from meditation, and being positive) to cause this mental, emotional and maybe even physical state...

What I'm trying to say is that, yes, this will stack the chips in your favour. But if you go for it and try, you'll see that it's not about the sex. The friends, the attitude, the lifestyle is its own reward - and the sex will come to you not as a result of some machination or master plan, but as a natural consequence of who you are, the life you live.

In the ideal world yes, but I cant help but feel a little bit of skeptical when it comes to real life.


In conclusion, I have to get back to meditating, stop being negative, and carefully observe my thoughts and beliefs, treat people like you want to be treated, like you love them, spread good vibes, never underestimate and belittle women, give love and fun to myself and others (especially women), and believe that if I do and think good, it will come back to me !

Thanks for your advice and helping me get a better understanding of my situation, do you have anything you want to add to this conclusion or to the words above?

peace

 

[Tryst]

Again, I am aware of this wording, but to answer your question, Im not completely sure if I can...

I really expect a lot from my friends because I do the same for myself, and I just cant remember a girl that was bringing me something valuable to my life trough our friendship... I know I can have way more fun and meaningful relationships with my dudes than a girl that I consider a friend (i.e. not fuckable girl), but maybe Im just wrong and I need to be proven different.

I'm friends with a lot of girls. I've gotten a lot of benefit from my close friendships with girls. Right now, I wouldn't say I'm close friends with any particular girl, but historically I've had girls as my best friends.

The thing is, girls and guys are different. They give you different things. You're never gonna kick it back with your girls like you do with your guy friends, you might not be debating and discussing the same topics you discuss with your guy friends, you might not have that sense of camaraderie and fucking-aboutness as with your guy friends. But you have your guy friends for that stuff.

Women offer something different in terms of friendship, and I would suggest that if you've never experienced it, you don't know what you're missing. You say you "know" that you can have way more fun and meaningful friendships with guys, but you write as if you've never had a close friendship with a girl. You've written it off without even trying. Maybe - I'm not saying this as a fact - but maybe, there is some deep down autorejection going inside you: you feel as if you can't have it, so you write it off as worthless as a defense mechanism (part of the loser mindset again.) Like the caretaker who says "fuck money, who wants to be rich anyway?" Maybe that guy genuinely believes that he's better off poor, but he has to believe that, otherwise there is painful cognitive dissonance - his unconscious frames necessitate certain conscious beliefs. These frames are frames of bitterness and rejection, and make his life worse.

This is actually related to another thing I see a lot with guys who complain about women - they complain, in effect, about women not being men. They are expecting the wrong things from women. Instead of complaining about women for what they can't offer, they should be enjoying them for what they can. Don't expect girls to be like your guys, or like your mother, or like your older sister. Appreciate them for what they actually are.

In the ideal world yes, but I cant help but feel a little bit of skeptical when it comes to real life.

What are you sceptical of?

In conclusion, I have to get back to meditating, stop being negative, and carefully observe my thoughts and beliefs, treat people like you want to be treated, like you love them, spread good vibes, never underestimate and belittle women, give love and fun to myself and others (especially women), and believe that if I do and think good, it will come back to me !

The Winner Mindset.

I would only add that the solution is not just in meditation and introspection alone. The solution is in the field, in real life, in conversation with Real People and Real You. You need to be improving your game and meeting people and having fulfilling relationships with people. The more you have relationships with real people (and especially real women - not just bodies who are only good for fucking) the better your game will get.

- Tryst

P.S: The PUA is not some vampire introvert who only emerges from the shadows to snag one girl before retreating back to his lair. He must be social, he must be surrounded with fun people and thrilling atmosphere. Be a cool guy, it's way easier than being a cold approach expert. (Not that I have anything against pure approach - I do it and I love it. But you need to do both to really learn the social skills. It's not about just being some empty cold approach technician, but a socially well rounded guy - which will improve your CA, and give you tons of way easier warm approach/social circle lays.)

 

[Chase]

Good posts from @Tryst.

@mike james, the big hurdle for you for where you're at is getting past the idealism to a place of acceptance with women.

Bitterness comes from "I want women to be X way, but instead they're Y way."

Acceptance is "women are Y way, and that's cool with me."

Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.

I sat there in a café by myself, staring blankly at a couple of abandoned plates of food. "I won't let this make me bitter," I whispered under my breath. I'd spent the night talking and moving from club to club with a girl I liked a lot and had been pursuing for months. She was smart, funny...

www.girlschase.com

The real journey from bitterness --> acceptance is not "becoming selfless" (which I think guys struggling with bitterness tend to assume when you tell them "you have to stop being bitter"). No one is selfless. Instead it is about figuring out how to have WHAT YOU WANT from women the way women actually are. Partly that is skill/experience, partly that is understanding.

Case in point:

1. Clueless guy: "I can have a fairy tale romance with a girl because girls are pure and chaste and loyal and will never think about a man or sex at all until I meet my girl and inspire those emotions in her!"
   
   
2. Bitter guy: "I will never have that fairy tale romance I want because it turns out women are just regular humans and they have urges and drives and have experimented and tried stuff and their loyalty is conditional and if they don't get what theyw ant they leave."
   
   
3. Enlightened guy: "I know exactly what women want and can wrap them around my little finger for as long as I want. My women are 1,000,000x more attached to me than any clueless guy's girl is to him, and even if I know shit happens and nothing is guaranteed I am able to get girls, replace girls, substitute girls, and in any event girls just go nuts for me."

Female friends will help you get from #2 --> #3 to the extent that they familiarize you more with women and put you more at ease around them, so you aren't treating them like some alien "other" that you just dislike because that other has something you want but won't provide it to you. As you hang around female friends, they become more normal, you get used to girls, have empathy for them... and then at that point it gets easier and easier to sleep with women and have relationships with them because they can tell you are chill, and not one of those bristling, prickly bitter dudes who doesn't actually like them but just wants to get what he wants from them.

I have a guide to female friend finding formation here:

How to Make Female Friends (as a Guy)

In "Guy Talk: Here's How to Kick Butt at Talking to Other Men," JFav (a commenter singlehandedly responsible for perhaps 20% of the "a reader writes in" type articles I've written here) writes in asking about how to make female friends: “Hey Chase, Was reading through this article again and it's...

www.girlschase.com

That said, bitterness will make making female friends a bit harder too.

I would suggest trying to push yourself to adopt a healthy mindset toward women:

Girls: Silly and Cute

Don’t forward this post to any feminists. There’s a lot of animosity among men in the West toward women these days, and a lot of it, I’m quite sure, ties back to the efforts women have made to change their image. Fifty years ago in America, if you watch old television shows, women are quite...

www.girlschase.com

^ you'll probably experience cognitive dissonance reading that, then experience it again at first every time you try to make yourself view women that way.

But the more you do it, the more it will 'stick'... then one day you will wake up and realize you really do see women that way the vast majority of the time.

And much of the bitterness will be gone...

Chase