Female needing advice

[poppy27]

I posted here a few months ago regarding a guy I was interested in (we met in a business setting) who was 10 years younger. To make a long story short - he expressed attraction. I saw that he viewed my profile on linkedin. He probably saw my age and that killed it for him because he didn't even request to connect with me. I asked him to connect on LinkedIn and he accepted. After our companies had finished doing business with each other and we were no longer doing business together I found an excuse to ask him to meet up with me and although he responded enthusiastically at first, he strung me along and then we never ended up meeting up - he never respond to my last email trying to secure a day and time. I moved on and didn't contact him again. I felt like it was inconsiderate of him to not respond back so I actually took the step of removing him as a LinkedIn contact.

The reason why I pursued him as much as I did is that I am very rarely attracted to anyone and I felt the attraction was strong - actually for both of us. I wanted to at least try to meet with him to see if it might be a good match. I didn't want to believe that a 10 year age gap could be that big of a factor.

Fast forward 8 months later to now. I haven't met anyone else who I've been as attracted to but life goes on and I more or less forgot about the whole thing. I thought of him one day though and I decided to view his profile on LinkedIn to see if he was up to anything new. I knew that he would be able to see that I viewed his profile but I didn't care. Five days later I saw that he viewed my profile back. I can't help up wonder if this was a calculated move on his part because he seems like a very cautious, deliberate person. He knew that I would be able to see that he viewed my profile.

Am I reading too much into this? Should I contact him or does this basically mean nothing and I should probably just move forward as I've been doing.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey poppy,

Forget about this guy - he's not interested. My advice would be to get some good pictures taken (make sure your hair, makeup, and fashion are on point) and then hit up Tinder or Plenty of Fish. With good pictures, you'll have more sexual options than you'll know what to do with - many of whom will be more attractive than the guy you've been crushing on. Even if you don't feel comfortable meeting up with strangers from online, you will receive plenty of attention/validation from attractive men that will give you peace of mind and help you forget about his guy.

 

[Drck]

I would contact him. There was a girl I was interested in, haven't seen her for about 4 years, just sharing couple mutual likes here and there on FB postings. One day she sent me a message out of nowhere, simply asking how am I doing. It was really a nice surprise, didn't expect that. So I wrote back n 3-4 sentences what I have been doing with my life in the past 4 years, not really expecting anything out of it. The next message she sent was if I want to meet her. Another quite surprising thing, so I said sure, and gave her some schedule. She then flaked for whatever reason, I didn't follow up, but if it was up to me I wouldn't hesitate to meet her... You never know until you try...

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I have a question for you as a female, if you don't mind. I guess it is sort of a classical scenario, but when the guy is aloof and not so interested, the girl he really likes shows high interest in him, she is investing, opening up, getting more comfortable, vibes are good, she is getting comfortable talking sex... But as soon as the guy shows some move she totally blocks him, even drops the communication as if it was some sort of punishment... He may then sort of pull back again, show disinterest and be aloof again... Just to find out many times that her interest is increasing again, and perhaps she is coming back...

It's so frustrating, it happened to me already several times, and I'm currently experiencing the same. I can't find the balance between not doing anything vs doing too much. She was quite anxious around me but I managed to calm her down. She then started to open up nicely, giving me hints that we can do something after work, so I decided to act. I expected her to be at work but because of different schedule she didn't show up (at work). I was sort of planning to see her that weekend, so I sent her a simple friendly FB message, saying that I was hoping to see her...

No response, cold, the day after when I was supposed to see her at work on regular schedule she called in sick. I know she wasn't sick, she called in so she doesn't have to see me...

It's so frustrating, one of the coworkers (I know they talk) hinted me that I screwed up... What the heck? How? One simple message? I just can't wrap my mind around it... Now I got to be aloof again and play cool and disinterested, hoping that she will come back - while all I really want to do is to jump out of my skin...

I'm thinking that she probably met somebody else, but that's the thing, from my previous experience the girl comes back and show an interest again after couple of days, if not right away... What the heck? Does it make any sense? Is it some sort of awkward test?

 

[poppy27]

Thank you both for your responses.

I can understand just forgetting about him. I can also see giving it another shot since I don't really have anything to lose.

In response to Drk:

I don't know the full situation but I'll try to respond as best as I can. What kind of relationship did you have with this girl - were you friends or were you dating? You said that you made a move and then she "blocked" you. What kind of move did you make? What is your intention with this girl - to have a serious relationship or just a fling?

I don't think you screwed it up sending the message. However, if you like someone, it's not a good idea to act aloof and disinterested. It's good to show your interest but just don't go overboard with it and keep some distance in the beginning. The key is to show that you are interested and attracted but your life doesn't revolve around her. Women are attracted to men who are involved in interesting endeavors that they are genuinely excited about and who lead a full life. Then she will appreciate any time that you do carve out for her and will feel special that you are making an effort to fit her into your life. If you're not busy and don't have a lot of interesting things going on at the moment then you need to at least pretend that you do for the time being by not making yourself too available! Then it's a game of investing - you invest a little and then see if she invests too. If you are both investing equally then that is a good situation.

My guess is that you went from the extreme of pretending to be really busy and not having any time for her to suddenly becoming too available. She may have called your bluff. It's natural to be consumed by someone you really like - especially in the beginning. It's important to ramp up showing your interest slowly and playing that investing game. Show some interest - she if she returns the interest back, show a little more interest and see if she returns the interest and keep going.

Or, it could be that she's immature and putting out mixed signals. If you communicate with her again be positive and proceed by doing as I mentioned above. If she doesn't come around then move on. It'll be her loss!

 

[Drck]

Thanks for the reply, you definitely know what you are talking about. It's amazing, what take a guy to learn in years the hard way is just natural to most girls/women... I'm still amazed how quickly and intuitively even young girls pick up on clues and hints, whereas most guys are generally clueless...

If I were you I would contact him, IMO just kept it brief and very short. If he likes you he will go see you, if not - like you said, you have nothing to lose...

I've been thinking about my current situation for the past 3 days or so, you are probably right, it's no big deal. I'm also thinking that I missed window to invite her out, she was probably expecting that (as I suggested that to her before), so she gave me a cold shower... Anyway, we'll see...

 

[Kaelos]

After our companies had finished doing business with each other and we were no longer doing business together I found an excuse to ask him to meet up with me and although he responded enthusiastically at first, he strung me along and then we never ended up meeting up - he never respond to my last email trying to secure a day and time.

What was your exact excuse to ask him to meet up with you?

I'm curious to see how you worded it to him.

Perhaps he thought you were going to sell him something if you guys got in person. Maybe he thought, "Oh I thought she was interested in me as well but seems like she just wants to sell me her product/service."

 

[Fuck This]

After our companies had finished doing business with each other and we were no longer doing business together I found an excuse to ask him to meet up with me and although he responded enthusiastically at first, he strung me along and then we never ended up meeting up - he never respond to my last email trying to secure a day and time.

What was your exact excuse to ask him to meet up with you?

I'm curious to see how you worded it to him.

Perhaps he thought you were going to sell him something if you guys got in person. Maybe he thought, "Oh I thought she was interested in me as well but seems like she just wants to sell me her product/service."

I had this happen with a woman I hooked up with but never sealed the deal. Later some folks here remarked it was to give her a "plausible deniability". If you are going to go that route, at least hint at some sort of time in an intimate setting like dinner or a drink.