Female non-receptiveness is the male non-approach

[foggy]

Mike Mehlman, a PUA from Japan, wrote a thought-provoking article that suggests that the default setting of girls is to be non-receptive, just as the default setting of guys is to not approach.

Think about your first time approaching a girl. You felt hesitation (approach anxiety), right? He says that women feel a form of hesitation when they get approached as well, so you shouldn't sweat it when a girl is unreceptive right off the bat.

You'll enhance her unreceptiveness if you don't approach her as soon as you see her. For guys, the longer you wait to approach, the more you overthink it and the harder it gets to approach. Same for girls - If you're waiting around to approach, you let her subconsciously process the idea of what it would mean to get approached in that situation, and that will only make her less, not more, receptive when you finally do approach her.

The other point he makes is around the emotions following a failure to approach. When a guy considers approaching, but the approach window closes, he feels regret. However, he will feel relief if he sees the same girl again and the approach window reopens. He says that a similar situation happens for women. When a woman gets approached, but is non-receptive (because it is her default state), they end up feeling regret as well after the guy leaves.

Then he goes on to detail two approaches. In both interactions, the girls were non-receptive. However, he ran into them again later. He said they looked relieved and they were receptive:

I once approached a girl on the sidewalk of a busy road. Because we were going same direction, after I said hi, I walked and talked with her for 20 seconds. We made small chat, but she wasn’t receptive, and she turned to go down another shopping street. I wasn’t there to entertain her, so I just let her walk off without following her. Bye bye! Probably about two hours later, I randomly ran into her again, this time face-to-face in a corridor of an enclosed café-mall area.

As soon as she saw me, her face got red in an unusual way, almost as though she was relieved to see me. She stopped for me and we exchanged contacts instantly, and then I told her I had to go.

I was at the University of Queensland library one night and saw an exceptionally beautiful blonde Aussie girl studying by herself. I approached her and said, “Hi, I’m Michael. I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi.” She said thank you. The very next thing out of my mouth was, “let’s take a 5-minute break,” signaling that we could talk outside of the quiet study area. She politely declined. I then very calmly said, “ok, see you later,” and walked off.

I went up to the next floor and started studying by myself in an enclosed glass study room. The staircase I had walked up was across the floor, but I had an unobstructed view of it from where I was. Maybe about five minutes after I started studying, I randomly looked up and saw her near the staircase searching for something.

I could tell she was looking around for me. She then went back down the staircase.

I packed up my shit, ran across the floor, and flew down the staircase. She was leaving the library. I caught her out in front and said, “were you looking for me?” And in a relieved voice she said, “yes, I thought you deserved a chance.” We walked around campus for probably ten minutes talking and getting to know each other.

Watcha guys think?

 

[trashKENNUT]

sfg,

Great study.

I know that if you go into 'logic mode' after girls notice you like her and you know she knows that you like her, they get super pissed off. Also, they want to see how you handle rejection.

An analogy i have: 'The sperm that never die. (Basically means, to handle rejection well, and persuade her consistently. PErsuade her consistently means to actually like her and then also try to make something happen, with your fundamentals, game.....and this is more so important when you cold approach.

Zac

 

[Marty]

Good one.

 

[Franco]

sbf,

This is actually very true, and it's a good find. I always tell guys that women don't just "know" everything and are often learning about seduction passively too (except the female side of things). Sometimes they rebuff you very strongly because maybe in the past they were too "nice" and ended up with something they didn't want. But when they accidentally "reject" a guy they didn't want to reject because they thought their rebuff would help them in some way, they may "regret" the decision and become much softer if you happen to run into them again.

Good stuff!

- Franco

 

[Big Daddy]

Awesome find man, great perspective.

 

[Average]

Very true!

 

[Alcman]

But when they accidentally "reject" a guy they didn't want to reject because they thought their rebuff would help them in some way, they may "regret" the decision and become much softer if you happen to run into them again.

That thought is truly interesting, yes, the fact that there can be accidental rejection. I feel it could be useful to go over some of my memories of rejections and their contexts...

 

[trashKENNUT]

i thought i note. IT HAppen to me so many times when i was transitioning from beta.

It's more of you handling her rejection, too.

Zac

 

[Chase]

Fog-

Oh man, what an excellent perspective from Mike Mehlman.

I've seen it so many times but never had a good explanation for why it happens. I've always tended to describe it as "once you leave, she stops to think about you, and realizes you weren't so bad and she might've messed up by letting you go." Which is... yeah, it's accurate, but not as concise. And doesn't get to the root of it the way Mehlman's framing of it does.

Really excellent perspective on this behavior from girls. Thanks for posting it.

Chase

 

[Científico]

Thank you for this post!

 

[DarkKnight]

Great post indeed. I encounter this a lot too and I think most girls are not used to being approached, so while we are in gaming mode, they are not. I also think there is a huge element of attainability which can disrupt things, some girls are not familiar with your type so when you approach them it's too small a window for them to make a decision. I have learned not to take the first rejection personally. I just pull back a little and use time to make her regret her decision. I think they just need more information/processing time. Meanwhile I just game other girls. Also lots of girls are more used to nice guy under the radar game , so you cannot blame them for being startled when you come up to them rather obvious in intent haha