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Fighting over the "will let you know" ball

ThePhoenix

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
346
Ok, so as we know, the person who has said "I will let you know" holds the power. So when a girl says that, it's best to just retract the proposal. But what happens when both parties I guess seem to know that they need to be the one who has the ball in their court? In the extreme worst case, it would become a cycle:
her: I will let you know.
him: No, I will let you know.
her: No, I will let you know.
him: No, I will let you know.
her: No, I will let you know.
...
It seems silly, but I seem to have just had something like that happen!
______________________________

I met a new girl in a big box store on Saturday evening. A bit below my usual standards. Beautiful natural 4B afro hair and dark skin, but her facial features are unremarkable - not one of those faces that instantly attracts me, - and she wears glasses, which is a big turn-off to me. But I'd been in the mall several hours and hadn't done one approach, so fuck it, I didn't want to go home with zip, so I went in, and she was fairly compliant. Might post a full FR later.

Anyway, I text her the usual memory ping about an hour later and her response seems invested enough that I, unusually, felt I had to reply:
10:21pm  me:  Hey hey Shanice, it's Phoenix.. save my #

10:32pm  her:  Hey Phoenix , okays will do.      How are yu ? :)

10:41pm  me:  I'm good!  About to grab a bite

10:45pm  her:  Okays good good :)
I leave it at that, and then the next evening (Sunday) decide to try to set something up fast:
7:34pm  me:  Hey Shanice.  Let's grab that coffee soon!  What's your schedule like?  I should have some time Tuesday or possibly tomorrow.

8:11pm  her:  Hey Phoenix. Okays sure , sounds good :). Hmm mondays class until 220 & tuesdays until 5 & thursdays until 1135 . Hmm alot of assignments so im not sure if ill hv time tmrw or tuesday but ill keep yu posted for sure .
8:11pm  her:  I believe i work all weekend n friday but ill let yu know for sure :). How are yu ?

8:30pm  me:  Am good, relaxing a bit.  It's ok, if ur not too sure if u can make it, let's leave it for now & I'll let you know when I have other days

8:32pm  her:  Awes okays . Ill let yu know for sure if im free tho.
8:32pm  her:  Thts good glad yur good.

Really, she doesn't seem testy. If anything she comes across as super friendly, but I'm also aware that "I'll keep you posted" is a trap. So I try to get out of it at 8:30pm and take the power by being the one who will let her know. (Maybe I should've just left it at "let's leave it for now", but I didn't want to be totally negative when she was being so outwardly friendly.) But then she takes it back with her 8:32pm reply.

I didn't know how to reply to that because it looked like a classic chess stalemate, where the game ends with no winner because the same evasive moves just keep being repeated back and forth on both sides. So I just left it.

Could this have been avoided? Can it be fixed?

I could just stay silent - although she has the ball because I didn't snatch it back the second time, - see if she writes back in the meantime, and re-engage in a week or so if not.

Or, noting that she said nothing about classes Wednesday, I could try to jump on that Tuesday night. On one hand I don't like that because it seems over-eager, but on the other hand, I've often had bad outcomes letting things drag on a long time without a meet.

And was Sunday's exchange actually a power struggle? Or her not being fully sold? Or was this just genuine schedule uncertainty?
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Seems genuine. Girl seems busy with work and school and still warm with responses.

Sometimes you just get a girl like this that never seems to have time to meet up. She pretty much just said she probably won't be meeting up with you this week (unless she does hit you up)... I would put her on the back burner and ping her early next week and move on to other girls. My tolerance is low for this stuff so that's just my opinion... just send a warm response to her next week and then see how she replies then propose another date.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take
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