Firendzoned despite doing everything right. Is this possible?

[kristian]

Hi fellas. I hope some of you can help me cast a light on this. Cos this is the first time I encountered such a challenge.

I met this girl through one of my social circles. At the moment I met her (about 2 months ago), she was in a relationship with someone from the same group. We had a couple of amazing talks and after they broke up I saw this as an opportunity to ask her out. So I did. She said yes, and we went out for a couple of drinks.

We had an amazing time and connected even more. Afraid if becoming "just a friend" and missing escalation windows, I moved fast. We did not know each other well before this, but after two hours of chatting and having a good time I made my move. We made out, but because of logistics we decided to part ways. Later that evening she invited me to visit her place the following week (she lives out of town). I was exited and looking forward to close the deal with this girl. After all; me moving fast did not scare her away. What do I have to loose?

To make a long story short. We had fun talking and smoked some weed. I tried to move things forward (as Chase tell us to do). We kissed, but when I tried to take her clothes off she resisted and asked "what do you want?" I replied "I want to make love to you" and tried to force ahead. She stopped it all. Told me she recently came out from a relationship and did not want to get "confuse" herself by having sex with someone. I told her it was only sex, and that I am not looking for something serious. We slept at different beds that night. And in the morning - after having the LJBF-talk - I decided to go to my place.

I have been going through the motions of this interaction and cant see how I went wrong. I did take the lead. I applied the Law of Least Effort, I Deep Dived and even made a couple of tension building moves. Got her to comply a lot. I went for the kiss. Made out with her. And told her I was (in a covert way of course) that I am not a boyfriend type. Still, after all this she still sees me like a friend. Is this possible after all this? Did I miss something in my interaction? Or is this girl simply not into me?

 

[Lotus]

At the moment I met her (about 2 months ago), she was in a relationship with someone from the same group. We had a couple of amazing talks and after they broke up I saw this as an opportunity to ask her out

2 months doesn't really count as moving fast and a "a couple amazing talks" implies you hung out multiple times without making a move. Good job for pushing things forward on the dates.

After all; me moving fast did not scare her away. What do I have to loose?

null, you didn't move fast enough.

Is this possible after all this? Did I miss something in my interaction? Or is this girl simply not into me?

You courted her like a GF so when you were about to escalate to sex she thought twice about it. Does she want to get right back into a relationship with a relationship via social circle, looks not. You tried to combat her LMR with logic, which never works. Trying to seed yourself as a "short term" guy is good but your timing was all wrong.

If you had moved fast and seduced her quickly after the break up you may have been able to keep it low key and on the side, but since that didn't happen her friends likely know and jumping back into a relationship so quickly would her hurt reputation.

Most of the little techniques you mention doing(which is good), don't matter if you are already in the friend/provider zone. Also you spent the night in different beds?!? why? holy friendzone!

She was into you enough to go on a date and invited you over to her place. You dropped the ball.

Lotus

 

[ray_zorse]

Excellent reply, just noticed this bit also "because of logistics we decided to part ways" --> this could also have been your main fuckup, a high value dude would get out his problem solving skills here and his hard push. In fact the problem would never have occurred in the first place since he'd have a logistical plan and several backups as he entered the date. Also he would know this was his first and only chance to seal the deal so he wouldn't let her go without a fight, this implies weakness and her attraction cools considerably (in fact she goes from warm and excited about you, to angry and bitter and feeling like a slut, though she won't say this --> missed escalation window behaviour). I know this from bitter experience with many that got away Don't worry it's all part of the learning curve, you did great and grabbed some valuable reference points. BTW it may have been unfair to say 2mths was moving slowly if she was in r/ship, also the amazing talks may have occurred in that time, but anyway MOVE FASTER.
Ray

 

[Bboy100]

What Ray said. If you initiate a make out sesh of any kind and you don't seal the deal on that night, there's a 90% chance you're not getting a second date. Either don't escalate on a first date and hope for a second, or better yet...close on the first. I've learned this from personal experience and from what other people are writing on the boards. Even if you have a perfectly good reason why you couldn't close that night (i.e. logistics), the primitive & emotional parts of the female brain doesn't register that. So as far as "the way she feels" about you is concerned, you're no longer a mating prospect.

As a side note: Telling her "I wanna make love to you" or something direct like that can be very polarizing, and can work great in a cold approach setting, or on dates which you got via cold approach. By no means am I saying you shouldn't do it. And props to you for having the balls to say that. Having said that, since she's a part of your social circle, she has a lot more reputational ties to manage. She'll be a lot more hesitant about moving things forward you when you say this. In social circle, communicating that you're subtle and discreet is an absolute MUST.